Wednesday, December 24

What does Dog the Bounty Hunter want for Christmas?

So it’s Christmas Eve. Holy Balls. When did that happen? I’m home form work relaxing before the family frenzy that is Christmas Eve. My mother puts on a sweater that I could wear to a party, my dad busts out his “nice polo” and I maybe put on deodorant as we canvas Houston making the Christmas Eve Party rounds. And no matter what, we always manage to be the first ones at the party. Even at the last stop. Hmm… Strange. But before all that happens and while my mother is doing penance for her sins at the local Catholic church, I’ve been watching the marathon of Dog The Bounty Hunter on A&E (the BEST CHANNEL EVER) and it got me thinking. What would Dog the Bounty Hunter want for Christmas? I know what I want for Christmas. You know, the usual: Some money, an iPhone, my rights, peace on earth, the banishment of Hasselbitch from daytime TV. But what about Dog? Being the Christian man that he is (he prays every time he and his team go in for the fugitive with more “motherfuckers” than drill sergeant) I’m sure his desires consist something of the following: Leland’s hair to be longer and oilier, Beth’s breasts to be larger, the Hawaiian meth addicts to make more labs, the prostitutes to not show up in court more often, for his son’s girlfriend to not be black. Again, the usual. I sure hope he gets what he wants. Let’s get Centro Santa on the job.

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