WTF Happened To... EDUCATION!?

This also doubles as a Tuesday... COMICS! feature. Thanks Entertainment, etc. for coming up with the idea so that I can steal it and revamp it for my own political agenda. (P.S. Ronfire99's blog moved from a blogspot host to a wordpress host. So if you've started following him because we talk about him all the time, the link above is the new URL.)

I'm a big fan of politcal comics. HUGE. Some of them have changed the way America thinks. It's amazing what a little bit of humor can do. Well, since I'm highly caffeinated and at my boring-ass campus job where I answer a phone that doesn't ring and pretend to half-listen to my boss (who is a lovely lady that sends me cat videos via email) I've been reading Salon.com. Tom Tomorrow does a comic that's posted there called "This Modern World." I love it so much that some of his comics have made the facebook profile picture cut for my real-life profile. Not my internet-life Chatty Kathy facebook profile. (Which exists!) Today there is one posted called "You Can't Make This Stuff Up." It makes fun of the Texas Board of Education and Glenn Beck (ALWAYS FUNNY) and how they've changed the Texas social studies curriculum to remove Thomas Jefferson from the list of world thinkers who inspired 18th and 19th century revolutions. So says a New York Times article “Why Is Texas Afraid of Thomas Jefferson?” the History News Network asked, referring to the board’s recommendation that Jefferson, who coined the expression “separation of church and state,” be struck from the list of world thinkers who inspired 18th- and 19th-century revolutions."

So Texas OBVIOUSLY has it's shit together and is OBVIOUSLY the BEST STATE IN THE UNION and I am SO PROUD to be a Native Texan and carry around the state's driver's license so that when I drown myself in alcohol people know half the reason just by checking my ID. Which, the local corner grocery does not do anymore because they know me and I buy beer from them too often.

But that's a different blog post. On to the comic!

When read with a Texas accent, which is hard not to do, this comic gets about one billion times better. It's also no wonder people are shocked when they learn I hail from this state.

Also, Obama is coming to talk about Health Care at the University of Iowa on Thursday and there are helicopters and suits EVERYWHERE. It's rather terrifying. Big Brother is watching.

WTF Happened to... PROM!?

After yesterday's Viral Video Vendsday hingeing on the content of The Huffington Post, I began reading again. I was perusing today at work and found this article headline: "Mississippi Prom Canceled After Lesbian Date Request." Ok. So. That still happens. Ok. Alright. Reality Check.



Apparently, Constance McMillen, an 18 year old student at Itawamba County Agricultural Highschool in Fulton, MS (p.s. that sounds like the most terrifying place ever.) requested from school officials for the ability to bring her girlfriend to their prom, who is also a student at the school, and wear a tuxedo. She did this just before the school issued guidelines for prom attendance and dress code. One of those guidelines was that dates must be of the opposite sex. The ACLU is involved and students seem to be rather apathetic about the issue, according to this HuffPost article. One student is quoted as saying "I am a little bummed out about it. I guess it's a decision that had to be made. Either way someone was going to get disappointed-- either Constance was or we were... I don't agree with homosexuality, but I can't change what another person thinks or does." Honestly, this sounds like someone who just wants a damn prom. Now, all of the students at ICAHS are banned from an American rite of passage. Prom is a milestone. Why? I don't really know. Big gay homo over here didn't have a date and wore tennis shoes under my dress. But I looked fabulous. But for some people, senior prom is a culmination of 4 years of social climbing. Or, the culmination of 4 years of social subversion. Talk to John Hughes (RIP RIP) and I think he'd be able to fill you in.

First off, isn't what Constance requested a basic right of humanity? Not a privilege or special treatment to bring the person you are in a relationship with to an event? I have a general problem with authority, it brings out the bully in me and my stubborn side and my subversive opinions and a major attitude problem (wait... that's always...). But this is really unfortunate. My knee-jerk reaction was to use the word "obscene" but when I really think about it, it's not obscene for a collective of people to rally for something they believe in, but let's be real, when the administration of a school's main goal is to have the best educational interests of it's students in mind, canceling prom is not one of them. The administration is quoted as saying "We feel that it is in the best interest of the Itawamba County School District, after taking into consideration the education, safety and well being of students" for the reasons why they canceled prom after reviewing Constance's request.

They could have dealt with this problem in a much more understanding, level-headed, LAW ABIDING manner than flat out canceling the prom. For example, they could have just let Ms. Constance McMillen wear the damn tuxedo and take her girlfriend to prom. Because, honestly, what other education on self-identity are those kids going to actually get?

In conclusion, Dorothy Anne the Dyxieland Cowgirl, will you go to prom with me?

ALFIE UPDATE. FINAL!

ALFIE PATTEN IS NOT THE FATHER OF MAISIE.

CHANTELLE IS A WHORE.

GET THAT KID SOME CONDOMS.

AND CALL MAURY. Or MONTEL. Get RICKI LAKE out of retirement. Get SALLY JESSE RAPHAEL to put her big red glasses back on.

WTF happened to dignity!??!

I tried to find the UK magazine's article that stated this, but all I could find was Perez Hilton's. I found one article about how a judge ruled that the DNA results could not be made public... So I think the tabloids did and then got reprimanded and took the articles down. If that is even possible. Which I don't think it is. My googling skills could just be out of practice.


[props to my friend M.A. Ziems for tipping me off on this. As I was literally typing in "Alfie Paten + DNA" she sends me the Perez Hilton link on my FB wall. Mad props yo.] [And don't judge that I kind of stole Perez's jokes. He already took the good ones.]

WTF Happened To... Childhood!??!

Holy Balls a 13 year old kid is a dad. Yep. You heard right. He must really have some pretty holy balls if he managed that. (bad joke, I know. But I couldn't resist.) Alfie Patten, 13, of Britain and his girlfriend, Chantelle Steadman, 15, are the proud, underage parents of 7lbs, 3 oz, Maisie Roxanne, born Monday night in Eastbourne Hospital in East Sussex, Britain.




WHAT THE FUCK.


I mean, it is ridiculously commendable that the couple (…of kids) went through with this. But I mean. Really? Alfie, when asked what he is going to do financially, responds with “What’s financially?” in that cute little British accent of his.

First off, how did this happen? He looks like his balls haven’t even dropped yet. He looks like he is coddling his new born baby sister. Nope. He’s the dad. Awesome.

Second off, how is this going to pan out? I might have to subscribe to the British tabloids to follow this story…

So I asked myself, "Self, should you add in a little political message?" And my self answered, "Why the hell not?”

So, here’s my message: In a country where abortion is legal, a couple chooses not to go through with it, when I feel that in the back of everyone’s mind is the sentiment that maybe, they should have, you know, at least thought about it…? So, why all the fuss in America about it? I get it, it’s not exactly moral, but why does the government get to have all the fun in controlling a woman’s body? I’m pretty sure I would never get an abortion, because, let’s face it, I am birth control… but it’d be nice to have the option.

Kdone. I could go on, but I’m over it.

I think this might be one case where British is NOT sexy.



Cute jacket, Alfie.

WTF Happened To...

SANTA!??!?!?!?!

Don’t turn into Ellen and feel the pressure or be sick and not tell anyone…why are you so thin? Why are you such a cocky bastard? Why are you no longer jolly? Why are you hitting on MILFs? All because of a phone?!? REALLY??? What does this phone have that good old fashioned Christmas cheer does not? Video and picture messaging? A QWERTY keyboard? Email capabilities? Wireless sync option? Instant Facebook Access? Are those truly your priorities? I don't see a phone creating Peace on Earth. Or good will to all. If anything it must make Rudolf (or is he now Rudolfo, your wingman?) fly faster. Something, anything to that effect? And what's with this new, hip name? Claus? I'll give you a clause...my STFU clause.



If not, this is one thing I am not ok with technology changing. I want the good old fashion Coca-Cola Santa back. The one with an inviting smile and smells like what I would imagine to be cloves and cinnamon, not one that sounds like Owen Wilson and DJ’s like Samantha Ronson. This does not bring cheer to my Christmas. And sometimes I get a little Scroogy around Christmas time. So I need an extra dose of cheer. Especially this year. Because I’m pretty sure the only thing that is economically viable anymore is pure sex. The get what you pay for kind. So excuse me while I go sell my body on the street for gas money.

WTF Happened To...

Cookie Monster? Oh Yeah, he’s been changed to Veggie Monster. Well, not really, but the rumors on the interwebs are out of control. (At least they were a while ago before I was so plugged in, but thanks to AJ for the hat tip on this one!) But Cookie does make a valid claim when interviewed by Matt Lauer on the today show.

Cookie Monster: Me like fruit.

Matt Lauer: And there you have it. Cookie Monster likes fruit, and not cookies.

Monster: No! You members of the media blow story way out of proportion! Me still like cookies!

Lauer: Then why fruit?

Monster: Why not fruit? It delicious! And healthy. Me still eat cookies, like me world famous for doing, but now me eat other things, too.


And what else has the media blown out of proportion? A few things pop into my head:

Hurricane Rita. Conveniently a month after Hurricane Katrina, the media warned everyone to take every precaution necessary, little did they know, the panic they started caused an 8 hour traffic jam. See that sign? Mason Road? A block from house. We stayed. My mother is from New Orleans and my Dad moved the ax from the garage to the living room and I packed my books in zip-lock bags. We weren't that worried.

Star Jones’ weight loss. No one really cares about Star. Not like we care about Oprah. And just own it, you’ve had gastric bypass.

Janet Jackson’s Wardrobe Malfunction. I saw this happen live. Once was good enough for me, but little did I know that I’d be seeing it again and again and again and again…


And just because ‘C’ will always be for Cookie.





That’s good enough for me.

WTF Happened To...

Boner from Growing Pains?

Now, I watch a lot of great TV, and for a long time Growing Pains was a regular part of my after-school lineup. This was partly because Titanic had just come out and Leo was a member of the cast for a while - but that's beside the point. So I know what happened to Kirk Cameron (he became a crazy ass Christian) Carol Seaver (she was anorexic for a while because of all the fat jokes), and of course Leo (he's in some movies and shit) and I don't really care what happened to the rest of the main characters - but what about the show's unsung hero, Richard "Boner" Stabone?

Well, Boner (real name: Andrew Koenig) was in a couple movies no one heard of (IMDB it if you care) and then started doing what he was obviously destined to do: be hot (he claims to be a "comedian") on YouTube and Myspace, under the inexplicable name MonkeyGoLucky. ? Whatever. He did a couple vaguely amusing videos which I watched slack-jawed, but actually the coolest thing I found on his sites is that he's kind of an activist, which is always sexy. He even had this video of himself getting arrested in China for protesting their treatment of Burma. (I've had a soft spot in my heart for Burma for years because of The King and I.) Naturally I subscribed to his YouTube, and so should you.



Skip to :45 for evil demon monkey action.