Friday, January 30

Fuck You McKay Hatch!

What the fuck kind of a name is that? And who the HELL do you think you are, McKay Fucking Hatch? Starting the damn “No cussing club.” This shitty video tells us all about this cunt of a kid who decided to start this club because of the fucking “bullies” at his school trying to get him to cuss. First, sometimes there just aren’t any god damned words strong enough to emphasize your fucking point besides curse words. I mean, holy fucking balls, how else am I supposed to articulate the massive amount of frustration I have with the world. Fucking prop H8, the damn economy, Jessica Simpson’s shitty weight gain, now this little shit of a kid says it’s better I don’t curse. God created four letter words for a fucking reason. If you are that fucking curious you can go to the fucking website to learn more. There’s even a damn book! And a rubber bracelet a-la Lance "I have one ball" Armstrong. What the FUCK?!?! Hulk Hogan even supports them. What the hell, brother? And they boast 20,000 members worldwide. I said GOD DAMN. (name that movie you fuckers. Name. That. Movie.) How did we let this happen?? let's send him some more damn pizza.

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Wednesday, January 28

Downgrade: Jessica Simpson

Ya’ll. Jessica Simpson got fat. Well, fat according to Hollywood standards and healthy looking according to what the lay population should be thinking but can’t due to the way Hollywood controls ALL. I mean, H-wood is owned by the Jews and the Jews secretly control everything else. So clearly, that makes sense.

Anyway. Jessica McFatpants. So she’s dating this Tony Romo character (at least I still think she is...) and he apparently cheated on her and she like ate her feelings or some shit. Whatever. I’m just glad this has supplied fodder for my blog, since her most recent gig is the 99.9 KISS Country Chili Cookoff in Florida.

…Should have stayed with Nick.


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Tuesday, January 27

Aw! Public Displays of Gay Affection!

I love that gay couples are popping up on things like commercials and game shows! Commercials are supposed to tell us what's "normal" (which is why I get so annoyed that every ad for a cleaning product stars a woman. Hello, men wash dishes too.) and if we never see gay couples, it's kind of a subliminal "that's not ok." Game shows don't exactly tell us what's normal, but they are on during the day time, and lots of old people (like the ones who voted Yes on Prop 8 in California - blacks didn't kill gay marriage, old people did, don't believe the hype.) watch game shows. My point? It's becoming less taboo to be queer. Which means that marriage equality is coming, folks. Above is Wheel of Fortune with some engaged dudes, below is a commercial catering to 1/10 of the world's population.

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Straight Outta Compton (Retirement Center)

Gospel choirs are known for their spirit, lively music, and really awesome voices. Ghetto gospel choirs, I would assume, would be known for all of the above, but maybe with a tie to more modern music than spirituals. Elderly ghetto gospel choirs are known by me for their thrilling rendition of Ridin Dirty. I'm really excited for when they come out with their version of Single Ladies!

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Sunday, January 25

Tool Academy: Television Perfection

If you haven't yet watched Tool Academy, start now. We're three episodes in, and I'm addicted. The premise of the show is this: a bunch of guys who are bad boyfriends and generally idiotic (Tools, if you will) come onto the show thinking they are competing for the prize of "Mr. Awesome" - America's most macho man. If this by itself doesn't convince you of their toolitude, don't worry, because they will soon. Once they arrive at the house, they are confronted by their disgruntled girlfriends, and told that actually their behavior has earned them a place in the Tool Academy. They are given coats and ties and placed in group therapy sessions with their peers, their girlfriends, and an extremely unhelpful psychologist. They also have to go through tests with their girlfriends to try to improve themselves, like building a bed or learning to tango - and, by the way, they're competing for $100,000. It's a sick, weird, hilarious social experiment, and it's fucking addictive. Unlike "Rock of Love" or "Flavor of Love," it's not a bunch of people competing for one person's affection - it's a bunch of failing relationships fighting to save themselves. The men are obvious jerks and the women have obviously got their own problems for staying with such tools for so long - and clearly there's something wrong with me for loving it, but I do. Oh, I do.

Low point so far: When Ashley, Joey (the Cold-Hearted Tool's) girlfriend, stayed with him, even after he was kicked out of the Academy. Very sad, because he's emotionally abusive.

High point so far: When "Celebrity" (real name: Clarence - the Party Tool) got kicked out and his girlfriend, Cameron, cut him off from sweet-talking her into leaving with him. She went home on her own, and he looked like an idiot asking for the other girls' numbers and doing acrobatics on the fail stage.

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Saturday, January 24

Obsessive Much? The Ting Tings.

I cannot stop listening the The Ting Tings. Their catchy beats coupled with a slight hint of a British Accent makes them irresistible. When me and my friends are getting ready to go out we just put on “That’s Not My Name” and go to town. It’s kind of like Kate Nash’s voice with a little attitude of Garbage and if the Eurhythmics were happy. So all in all a good mix of the evolution of British pop music. And with lyrics like "Fed up with your indigestion./Swallow words one by one./Your folks got high a quarter to five./Don’t you feel your growing up undone." it actually has some substance to it and interesting phrasing. Coupled with catchy hooks The Tings Tings are a cocktail of hipster fabulosity.

I first heard about them when P!nk (who I'm convinced is a gay lady no matter what anyone says) was doing promo’s on MTV, where music has become a commercial break instead of the whole point of the channel. She fleetingly mentioned the The Ting Tings as what she listens to. So I decided to investigate. I made a good life choice listening to P!nk. Maybe I’ll start fight as well.

Too bad embedding their videos is disabled... so here are some links...

That's Not My Name.

Great DJ.

Shut Up And Let Me Go. <<< The video for this is really freaking cool. It has slow motion martial arts sequences. How can I say no?

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Cash Cab: If they win, do they still have to pay the cab fare?

So The Discovery Channel has this game show where unsuspecting New Yorkers (isn’t that an oxymoron?) get in a cab and then the roof lights up and I am shocked some people don’t have an epileptic fit. It's called Cash Cab. I mean, what would Ben Bailey do if his cash cab gave someone a conniption fit. And who the hell is this Ben Bailey?

I want his job. I want to drive around and ask people questions and turn on flashy lights in the ceiling of a New York cab. Who doesn’t want to do that? And then, if these Unsuspecting New Yorkers win at cash cab, do they still have to pay the cab fare??? If I were Ben Bailey I would still charge them and keep the money. Think of it as a government tax. Or a tip for trying to be funny and failing.

Ya’ll, there’s also a Cash Cab podcast.

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Friday, January 23

See? Taylor Lautner WAS a Good Call

So you might be getting sick of posts about New Moon, but I don't care, because I just saw this video of Taylor Lautner showing off the effects of his bulking up to play werewolf-Jacob in the next Twilight flick, and I needed to share it with you. As has been previously stated, in my opinion Jacob > Edward, so as a fan of the films I'm happy that the actor has taken his role seriously. Also, OHMYGOD.

Oh AND apparently Dakota Fanning is in talks to play the little mind-torturer-vampire Jane. This would be really great for me, because then I would be within 6 degrees of all the cast members.
1. I know a girl
2. the girl's mom (who she obviously knows)
3. knows Dakota Fanning's aunt.
4. Dakota Fanning's aunt knows Dakota Fanning.
5. Dakota Fanning will know Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, AND Kristen Stewart!
Which obviously means that I could befriend and then marry any guy on set. Good talk.

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Wednesday, January 21

Working Already?

Christ, I think the day after the Inauguration was nappy- and possibly golf- time for Dubya. Apparently Obama is vampire-like and has no need for sleep - he's already gettin shit done. Last week couple of my friends who are more liberal than me (it's possible) were complaining about how much he'd gone back on his promises already. My opinion was, hey, let's wait til he gets in office to be disappointed by him, ok? Well turns out, this promise he's keeping. Obama's spoken out against the detention center at Guantanamo Bay for a long time, and he's using his new power to do something about it. He's circled a draft executive order that calls for a Gitmo shutdown within a year, and he's halting war crimes trials in the meantime. I know people don't like waiting and a year seems like a long time, but 1. It's a hell of a lot shorter than "indefinitely," which was the Bush plan, and 2. Shit takes time. They have to figure out where to put all these people, some of whom may in fact have committed crimes. According to the draft order, there are approximately 245 current detainees, some of whom have been held there as long as six years. That's a long-ass time to live without a speedy trial or the rights afforded to war criminals by the Geneva Convention. Here's to getting shit done! Now let's fix the economy/environment/human rights inequalities/educational system!

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I know, I know, shut up about the Inauguration...

I'm sorry this is all we've been talking about, but the media coverage of this shit is to die for. I don't even need to be a CommStudies major to see that...

I'm not sure the White House is ready for this, but, damn, it looks like a good time!

So, to quote a friend: "Great Dancer = Great Leader."

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Tuesday, January 20

Perfect Perfect Perfect

The Inauguration was pretty sweet, if a bit repetitive when it came to the balls. I'm just happy that the U.S. is being represented by someone with a brain and with a cute family (Kennedy-esque, not that I'm trying to jinx them) who can be a good role model to American citizens - and hey, other people too. Here's more pictures to remember it by.

Barack and Michelle decided to walk part of the way, much to the support of their... um... is fans the appropriate word? Constituents? Whatever, he's a rock star. Their fans.

GOODBYE. Stop waving and get in the freaking chopper.

Looking solemn and determined, our new representatives to the world... all of whom are fairly attractive, actually. I'll take it.

I love this picture because it's SO how kids are. They absolutely do not get wrapped up in events outside their personal scope about 98% of the time. "Ok Daddy, I'm bored and my legs hurt. Can we go in yet?"

Let me just note once and for all that both these ladies look faaaaabulous, and also that Michelle is an Amazon and Jill is a pocket person (in the best way possible, of course). Though the balls (at least the first one) were run like the MTV Music Awards at times (who the hell picked out the announcer? He honestly sounded like he was about to tell us to give it up for Paris Hilton, who would be announcing the award for Sexiest Extra in a Rap Video. And several people said "Yo yo" etc. and so on before speaking. Who started that? Why can't you just go into what you're saying without holla'in at your homies? Especially at an INAUGURATION?), let's face it, they were a lot more interesting than McCain's would've been. Who would've been his guests? Speidi and Billy Baldwin? Elisabeth Hasslebeck?

I know it's supposed to be a love song, but the tune Barack and Michelle kept dancing to makes me think of a different thing I've been wanting to come along: the end of an error, a fresh new beginning. Hope, even if it's misguided (it's better than nothing). Barack has finally taken Bush's place the White House. The rest of the world is looking to us with a bit of respect for the first time in 8 years. At last...

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A Different View of Inauguration Day

Today, friends of the interwebs, we made history. A man by the name of Barack Hussein Obama (Ever heard of him?) was inaugurated as the 44th president of the United States of America. This is the first time in my conscious, active life that I feel proud to be an American. He is the poster child of what America has become; a people bonded by their diversity and the ability to celebrate what makes us different.

Obama’s inauguration broke attendance records. Now, we all saw the crowd on Capitol Hill on every television station known to man, but just to get the actual scope of the attendance, here are some before and after shots:

Guess which is which…

Now, I have a soft spot for triumph over adversity, so I’m that chick who cries at every cheesy inspirational sports movie (I can only watch Miracle once a year, I’m way too drained after) and every episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, even with cracked out Ty Pennington screaming into a megaphone. So today I got a little misty not because a black man, who has gone through so much adversity, triumphed in the face of those persecuting him throughout history. No. That’s silly. I mean, Obama’s not THAT cool to have a one way ticket on the persecution express… I’m a gay, let me tell you about persecution… I teared up for a nation overcoming a stereotype, an era of all around bad vibes. This is just the beginning people. A very long journey lays ahead of us, put your support where you think it’s needed most. Personally, I support the people of America and their decisions. Obviously, it’s what we all wanted and what we all need.

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Monday, January 19

WTF Happened To... iPODS!??!?!?!

So this might make some of my readers uncomfortable, but holy balls, what a discovery it is.

An Ohmibod is a vibrator you plug into your iPod and it works it’s magic to the speed of the BPMs of the track you are listening to. I know. I had that reaction as well. A music powered vibrator. So you can plug in and…umm… plug in. They are kind of expensive and there are different styles and shapes. There’s even a model that can plug into your Motorola RAZR so you can get off on the move.


I’m not sure how I feel about that, especially the logistics. Don’t even pretend that you have methods to reason with this madness. NO ONE can pull off acting normal with a fucking vibrator between your legs. NO ONE. But with taglines like “feel the music” and “a whole new way to plug and play” how can you say no?

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Our blog vs. other blogs

Hey ya’ll! I’m back in chilly Iowa City (nice rhyme, I know) and that means school and more things to procrastinate, hence hopefully more blogging.

Speaking of blogging, Clea Duvall is doing a guest blog spot over at

It’s pretty good. But I mean, not Dyxieland quality or anything… She gives sage advice, talks about actually being from LA, backhand compliments. Hit that up. I think she’s actually wrapping up her stint on the interwebs, but it’s still worth taking a look at.

Oh, and here’s some eye candy.

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Saturday, January 17

I Hate Santana

I have for a while, but it's been bothering me more recently because he ruined my favorite Citizen Cope song. Here it is without his contribution:

and here it is after he defiled it:

I don't understand the appeal of the wailing guitar. I have friends who form bands, but they don't have lyricists, so it's just a group of them "jamming" without a real purpose. I mean, I'm sure they have talent or whatever, but personally, listening to them practice or play without a vocalist is somewhat akin to listening to the buzz of a TV with the volume off - just this humming noise that I try to ignore, but can't. I'm very much a lyrics/vocals sort of listener, so I guess I'm exactly the opposite of Santana's fan base. To sum up, Santana ruins songs.

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Thursday, January 15

Kate Winslet Is Perfect

So I've been seeing a lot of previews for Revolutionary Road, aka Titanic II, and I'm pumped about it, though I probably won't see it in theaters because my friends and I never manage to see anything in theaters. But I will rent the hell out of that movie, because it stars Kate Winslet (not to mention Leo!). The woman is flawless - and she's British! Which makes everyone better. Every time I see that Lancome commercial (below) I idiotically stammer something like, "Wow, oh my God you guys wow, she's such a great actress, wow," even if I'm by myself when I see it. AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN SPEAK. She's THAT impressive. So here it is for you to marvel at and enjoy. Oh, and RR is out Friday, so for the people who do manage to make it to movies occasionally, go see it. It's supposed to be awesome, and really, how could it not be?

Update: I just saw Revolutionary Road, and though the acting was good (obviously) it was, as my friend described it, "the exact opposite of happy." But, it did make me happy as I was leaving, because no matter how upset I may get, hey - at least I'm not a miserable housewife in the 60's. What can I say, it would take an awful lot to make me a pessimist.

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Tuesday, January 13

Meredith Grey'd Better Hide the Wire Hangers

Hey there Grey's Anatomy fans, guess what? Faye Dunaway is coming to play! Hopefully as Joan Crawford's ghost in need of eyebrow transplants or something. (Actually, she's supposed to be playing a doctor. Bummer.) In case you didn't know because it was almost 30 years ago, Faye famously scared the crap out of hanger owners everywhere as Christina Crawford's abusive Hollywood mother in Mommie Dearest. This movie creeped me the fuck out because the kid who plays Christina looks just like one of my cousins, and it was very disturbing to see her beaten by someone with the face and temperament of Cruella Deville. Faye has also been in about a billion other movies, none of which I have seen. All I know is that I hope she wears that hat instead of a scrub cap.

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Monday, January 12

Reason Number 809,766,672 why I love WEEDS.

U-Turn: "Did you apologize? Listen, Nancy. Thug means never having to say you're sorry."

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Oh Em Gee Twilight News

Well, I apparently was lie-telling earlier when I said that Taylor Lautner, Shark boy of my dreams, would not be appearing in New Moon! (Director) Chris Weitz posted something on (writer; I use the term loosely) Stephenie Meyer's site about how everybody involved in New Moon and their fug brother is thrilled to have him back, probably because it was already announced that he was gonna be replaced and they needed to back-pedal.

Good. I was annoyed that they would be so risky with the casting of the book's hottest and most important character (HE IS) and try to rush to find someone who looked more werewolfy but who wasn't as good an actor. Taylor made me like him with his, like, 4 lines in Twilight, and if he's that charismatic I'm sure he'll carry the bigger part, no problem.

Also, the guy they were supposed to be considering to take the role, Michael Copon, really pissed me off for a couple reasons. 1. He and Taylor don't particularly look alike, and that would annoy me 2. He did a really obnoxious interview with J-14 (which, by the way, I had no idea was still in publication. I think I bought one copy once, and I'm pretty sure NSync was on the cover) where he said, " I see so much in Jacob Black that I feel like wasn’t brought to the first film that if I had the opportunity, I would totally create an amazing character." This seems douchey to me because, like I said, Jacob in the first movie is only on screen for like 5 minutes, and Taylor did a good job with that anyway. What more was he supposed to bring? 3. He made fun of Taylor for being 140 pounds and 5'6". He's like 10 years younger than you, buddy, I HOPE you've got a couple pounds on him! And do you expect him to control his height? Fuck off. Ok, so I'm overprotective. Whatever. Jacob Black isn't supposed to be a douchebag, so the guy playing him shouldn't be either.

Anyway, they'll use movie magic to make Taylor seem bigger than he is, Taylor will win the hearts of women and gay men everywhere, and maybe they'll get the plot line correct, as it should be, and in the movie he'll sweep Bella off her feet and they'll end up together. I see no way this could not happen.

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Saturday, January 10

Spring Awakening: The Angstiest, Dirtiest Musical Ever.

I saw Spring Awakening on Thursday night with a friend from high school slash work. We are both English majors and post-play we did nothing but analyze the shit out of it. She made the remark that if she had seen this at 14, her brain would have exploded. Or something to that effect, as this play tackled just about every issue a teen faces. Sexuality, masturbation, defying authority, self worth/failing, domestic abuse/sexual abuse, abortion, suicide. The only thing not addressed was body image, but I think that might be a slightly more modern issue than the characters living in 1891 could probably handle, since, you know, the Girls Next Door weren't gallivanting on screen in front of them.

I’m about to go all English major on your ass, so if you don’t like analytical theories and only read this for our scathing, often rude humor, stop reading, or keep going to enlighten yourself. It's up to you. And there might be some SPOILERS so if you’re the plot loving theatre-goer, stop reading as well.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

A little background: Spring Awakening was first written in 1891 by Frank Wedekind and was banned by German Authorities. Wedekind is credited as a founder of modernism, the movement that gave us playwrights such as Beckett and Brecht and Pirandello. As an avid participant in Banned Books Week, I love banned things, so when I read that in my souvenir program, my blood started to boil with a little more excitement than it already was. Then, in 1974, the British National theatre staged the first uncensored English language production of Spring Awakening. And then Duncan Sheik reincarnated himself from 90’s pop hell and took over… And thus, Spring Awakening as we know it was born.

With it’s German roots this play was very Brechtian, and explained why all the names were so jankity: Melchior, Wendla, Moritz, etc. and can definitely be categorized as Epic Theater, or Dialectical Theatre, as Brecht preferred. For his goal with his theatre was to present ideas to people for them to judge and think about, all while constantly distancing the audience and reminding them this is fiction, but forcing them to face the issues going on around them, making the theatre more than just a form of entertainment. As a play of magically appearing microphones, Spring Awakening distances the audience with the sudden incorporation of mics-- be it from a coat pocket or passed out by a fellow cast member or through a strategically placed mic stand-- and an interesting technical aspect of having audience members on stage, mixed with chorus members who pop up to sing during some of the songs. This brings the music into the audience, breaking the fourth wall and the bubble environment most plays exist in. The minimal set also allowed for the audience to focus on the issues at hand, not the amazing feats of design and lighting. Even though both design and lighting are impossible to ignore, as that is what creates the scene in this play’s case, not the moving sets carted on and off stage, as that does not occur. If they are under a tree, the lighting changes, if it is night, exposed light bulbs come down from the ceiling and act as stars, the back light turns amber as the characters lose track of time in their talking, all amidst the duration of one song.

Now, my first impression of what this was going to be like was SEX EVERYWHERE!!! Even though there is nudity and a pretty explicit sex scene, I was proven wrong. Parents be warned, there is a website for you to use as resource in learning how to talk to your kids about the issues Spring Awakening tackles, because it is very explicit and I can see why people are made uncomfortable by the play. Seeing it in Houston, TX the audience was small, because I don’t think Houston is ready for what Spring Awakening does. People are scared of it. It makes people uncomfortable. Especially when an actor masturbates for a whole song. Yep. On stage. A whole song. Awkward much?

My one beef was during the reprise of “Word of Your Body” (the sex song), the gays of the show tackle the issue of their sexuality. One boy doesn’t know it but everyone else does, and one boy knows he’s a Big Gay Homo. Yes, that is a technical term. Well, it may have been the way the Clueless Gay played the scene—as a very feminine man, with all the right punches in all the right places to get the laughs—but the audience found something humorous in the fact that, just as heterosexuals do, homosexuals were discovering their desires. It may have just been the Houston audience, but what makes gay discovery funny? Where is the humor in someone discovering their sexuality? Who said it was ok that that can be used as fuel for humor? I do understand that sometimes the only way to deal with coming to terms with your sexuality is humor. I do it all the time. I mean, do you read the blog? Please. Humor of the self deprecating variety abounds. I get it. It’s necessary. But it is unfortunate that it has become a necessity to cope. That homosexuality is treated different than the discovery of a heterosexual’s own desires. So I guess the dialectical theater worked for me, as that scene made me want to go out and make a change and not just have my reaction exist within the scope of the play, but put into action in a very real way.

So you might be asking? Did the lesbian like the play, or not? I definitely enjoyed it. I recommend it as something everyone should see at least once. The opening number is THE SHIT. The actress who played Marta in this touring company was stomping like there was no tomorrow. Often compared to RENT (with that logo, how can it not be?), Spring Awakening does not do what RENT did in a political sense, because RENT is very relevant within it’s contextual time frame. Spring Awakening is more universal, with social issues and issues of personal discovery, and no one cornily comes back to life in the end, thank the baby Jesus. So I did enjoy it, the music was unlike anything I've heard in my limited-but-probably-more-extensive-than-the-average-person-exposure to musical theatre. But I definitely enjoyed the discussion it spawned and the analysis it provided more than the play itself.

Dialectical theatre Score.

And the fact that my neuroses can now entertain you people.

Here is an example of the GESTUS used in the play: Wendla's self-fondling is an action that flows throughout the acting in the play. Then, you get to see the girl's rock out. But it's a little less awesome, as there is no way TV can bring to you that special echo the stage brings. All the jumping and stomping adds to the music and it just pumps you up. I got chills down my right side during all of the numbers this Tony performance highlights. They started in my scalp and ended in the ink of the tattoo on my right calf. Oh, and ignore Zach Braff's lame attempt at comedy. Stick to Scrubs, man. Stick. To. Scrubs. And Lea Michele (The original Wendla who you see singing here) is the most gorgeous Jewess I have ever seen in my entire life. I only wish I got to see her boob on stage in the original production...

I also noticed that the adults in the play were played by one man and one woman, giving the Authority Figures, the bad guys, the opposition only one blanket face and allowing the variety of teens to stand out with their uninhibited actions and crazy hair.

Did anyone else notice the 6th member of New Kids on The Block?

And since I don't know where to put this: This is the tour promo video of the cast we saw in Houston. Marta (the chick in the stripes) was totally my favorite. And this is a bit more rocking than the Tony performance with the original cast, since they are all censored and shit.

Side Note: Did I mention everyone in the cast looks like they are about 12?



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Wednesday, January 7


I found this a while ago and was instantly interested because, of course, it's cute, but also because I'd like to have a large feline friend of my own. A tiger would be my preference because they're pretty and I always had a thing for Rajah in Aladdin, but this lion friend is good enough. Anyway, the reason I'd like a large feline friend is that when they're little, they're just like kitties, but when they get big you can ride them around and impress your friends! Not to mention terrify your enemies. I'd like to think that if I raised little Tyler the Tiger from infancy that in his grown up stage he would 1. not buck me off and 2. give me hugs if I released him to the jungle and then went to find him again. And maybe introduce me to his tiger wife (or husband if that's his thing)! (Talking about animals having spouses always makes me think of my environmental science teacher, who mocked us when we talked about our subjects of study being husband and wife. She seemed to think it was a little childish for us to assume that animals entered into matrimony. She also told me that we share 97% of our genes with bananas. While this may be true, let's just say she doesn't have quite the same whimsy with which I look at the world.) Anyway, watch Christian the lion and his human pals and have hope. Obama should play this at the inauguration. Oh and by the way PLEASE enjoy the soundtrack!

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Tuesday, January 6

Nine People I'd Like To Go Away in 2009

Everybody makes lists about their favorite or least favorite people/movies/paint swatches of any given year. Here's my contribution, in no particular order, because I would like them ALL to disappear into oblivion.

Spencer Pratt

AKA Tooleslav Doucheski, Tsar of Fleshbeardsburg. Why is he famous? He was on that reality show about rich kids who talk about nothing but their annoying love lives and fashion/fame "ambitions," right? Why does anyone care? In addition to just being useless, I'm also told that he's borderline abusive to his horseface, Heidi, and generally a dick. Plus his beard looks stupid. I wish he'd just stayed in Mexico.

Rachel Zoe

It would be fucking bananas if Rachel Zoe would go away, and then eat a sandwich. I've unfortunately seen a few episodes of her show, and I don't understand the appeal. Every person on the show has the same accent/voice: Valley girl. Even the guys. Her poor husband needs to run screaming out of their overstuffed closet and she needs to remember how to chew real food. Plus her job - dressing celebrities? - yeah, it's dumb.

Bill O'Reilly

He's loud, he's annoying, he's a dick, he's a Republican. Why he has like four outlets for his ranting, I don't know. Keith Olbermann, love of my life, has an ongoing war against Billo the Clown (his pet name for him) and I find myself a soldier in his army. The dude cuts off his guests when they're talking and takes everything as a personal insult. And he's one of those delusional people who thinks this is a Christian nation. Check your history asshole, we were founded on the separation of church and state. I'd love for him to have a meth scandal or something so that he could go rant himself blue in rehab, where no one will be listening. Oh, and here's Lil Bill O.

Sean Hannity

The Manatee. He's loud, he's annoying, he's a dick, he's a Republican. He loved Sarah Palin - 'nuff said. Manatee is another Republican living in a delusional world in which what people do to their bodies or in their bedrooms or at their places of worship is EVERYBODY'S business, and can be governed by others. Here's a clip of him going on and on about the 2008 Boogieman William Ayers, then getting his ass kicked by Robert Gibbs and that funny thing liberals like to use sometimes - logic. By the way I love the poll going on at the bottom of the screen saying that McCain has 86 percent of voters on his side. Oh Faux News, you kill me!


She's divorcing, she's roiding, she's A-Rodding. She's uninteresting is what she is. I'm bored with her antics and lists and Kabbalah and yoga. She pissed me off a few years ago when she ruined the song "American Pie" and she's not crawled back into my good graces yet. I'm tired of hearing about you, lady. Retire.

The Girls Next Door

Three cheers for self esteem! I know this is actually a group of people and not a single entity, but they might as well be. If I were to define them as the Slutty One, the Annoying One, and the Stupid One, which one would be which? I don't really know either. They're each a triple threat. One of my roommates Tivos this show, and I can't understand why. They're gross, and they're double gross for boinking Hugh Hefner. I hear he dumped all of them, so yeah, these girls may be going away, but it's the spirit of the Idiotic Bunny that I'd REALLY like to be done away with.

Sarah Palin

The only things good about Sarah Palin's bid for VP: 1. The Tina Fey impression, 2. My roommate's impression of the Tina Fey impression, 3. The documentary, Who's Nailin' Palin?. Otherwise, she often brought out the worst in the people who supported her, took about 23 steps back for women's rights, and generally made herself a laughingstock to other countries/intelligent people of the world. Here's a lovely video to remind you of the kind of America we COULD have been stuck with, just in case you still weren't sure if Obama was the better choice.

Ashlee/Jessica Simpson

I feel almost bad for those two, because they have to deal with Papa Joe and his ogling ways. But not bad enough to want to hear about them constantly in the news. Pete Wentz and Tony Romo are tainted (more than before) for associating with these skanks. Jessica is desperate and gross; Ashlee is clearly damaged (plastic surgery much? At 24?)and named her child BRONX MOWGLI. Go back to Texas with Bush!

And the obvious...

George W. Bush

Look, he's waving goodbye! Yes, it's finally that time, folks. After 8 long, long years, he will have to move his ten gallon hat out of the White House and back to his lone star estate. Sadly, we won't all have the chance to throw our shoes at him before he shuffles away. Well, we can on the internet, at least.

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I love bunnies. Except for when they bite me and I have to get a tetanus shot at the age of 8 when I couldn’t even say tetanus shot because I had a slight stutter issue.

But bunnies with a sense of humor? I don’t think it can get any better than that. A co-worker of mine showed me a fabulous website that I can’t stop visiting, especially while at work in between messing up the cash register and pretending to know which book is appropriate for a gifted fourth grader. (War and Peace, anyone, anyone?) Angry Alien Productions have a website full of movies condensed into 30 seconds told by bunnies. The Pulp Fiction short is pretty hilarious as well. They are shown on Starz, the infamous free weekend preview channel where they show all the good movies to get you to buy it and then as soon as the preview is over it shows the same Mad Max movie enough times to make me want to return to my own private Thunderdome.

Anyway, Bunnies. My favorite is still the Brokeback Mountain short. Unfortunately, I couldn't embed the video here, but please click HERE and you will be swiftly swept across the interwebs. I've watched it so many times, I wish I knew how to quit it.

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Sunday, January 4

Socialism is Comic.

I was watching a podcast of my girl Rachel Maddow’s show and learned this: America has the largest economy in the world. So we control ALL. Except for the Japanese comic book market… With the second largest economy in the world, Japan has also entered a recession, its second in 7 years. Interestingly enough, a manga version of Marx's Das Kapital went on release last month and has been flying off the shelf. Also, in the classic style of the discreet socialists, a version big enough to slip into a Coach bag, no matter the size, or into your boss’s briefcase. But please, be careful of those suicide calls…

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