You Know We're in a Recession When...

You know we're in a recession when Megan Mullally, ahem, Karen Walker, is singing and dancing in the aisles of a grocery store selling butter, ahem, not butter. Not only can Karen not afford her Prozac, her Vicodin, or her dirty martinis any longer, she can't even afford to buy butter. She has to settle for the cheap shit, that spreads too easily and that the bread soaks up too well for it to be anything but not-butter.


What is even more interesting about this is that these videos are choreographed by Tyce DiOrio. Yeah. The choreographer on SYTYCD, which officially has the strangest looking acronym on the planet, who could possibly be a meth addict he's so hyper all the time and let's not even mention the beard... The 30 second TV spots lead up to a full scale music video choreographed by DiOrio, starring Karen, to be debuted on the SYTYCD Finale. I'm sorry what? CAN NO ONE GET A JOB ANYMORE?!?! Tyce is choreographing meh-inducing performances on SYTYCD (i'm sorry, I'm assuming you know what that is: So You Think You Can Dance) and bad not-butter commercials. If Karen Walker is reduced to working, you know we have a problem. I just wonder what kind of intro Cat Deeley will come up with to introduce this work of art.

Bless God, and Bless the Gays

This kind of stuff makes me purr with pleasure a little bit internally. The above video is Lady Gaga (of WTF outfit and sexually ambiguous video fame) speechin' at a Gay People Rally in Washington D.C. Though Ms. Butterface Crazy Pants usually gets nothing but mockery from me, today I would like to golf clap in her direction. This is because, one, she actually gave a pretty good speech, two, I love seeing her stand up for the gays over and over again, and three, I LOVED her promise to stand up against misogyny and homophobia in the pop industry! Fucking finally! SOMEONE has to! No more rap videos with "vixens" writing in the background unless the rappers are just as hot, naked, and oiled up. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

This second video is of Cynthia Nixon, who was always my favorite of the Sex and the City crew (I think we all knew she was a little dyke-ish. I mean, come on, she wore suits with skinny ties) and who solidified her place in my heart today. She does an even better speech, which really gets to the core of the entire issue of gay marriage: it's not about whether or not gays can get married. It's about the fact that treating people as if they deserve less than others sends the message that they are WORTH less than others. Taking away rights dehumanizes people. It makes it ok to hate or hurt them, because they're not as good as you, anyway. If they were, they'd have the same rights as you do, wouldn't they? But they don't. And until we're all equal, our government is supporting the alienation and endangerment of a huge part of our population. This rally is fucking awesome. Bless the fucking gays. Watch the video.

OMG HUGE NEWS

Brace yourselves: Miley Cyrus has deleted her Twitter. Noooooo! What? Where the hell will I get my news now? I have to know the important decisions of her life. Chinese food or Indian? HOW WILL I KNOW WHAT TO ORDER IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT MILEY IS ORDERING?

She said her goodbyes and explanations in a rap on YouTube (below). While this is a vain way of announcing something like this, the fact is that Miley's every move is followed by the media to a ridiculous degree so she needed to say something or people would've froke the fuck out. I mean, even with the explanation - which, by the way, was really well-thought-out, and which I, as a Twitter hater (it is completely masturbatory. I don't give a fuck about your pithy life comments, sorry. Yes, I know I have one, but that's because I'm a whore for readership on the blog), completely agree with - people are still making a huge deal about it. Apparently even her DAD is asking her to bring it back (but we all know he cares only about her well-being and didn't just like the constant publicity her Tweets brought in). Anyway, I may be the only one, but I APPLAUD YOU MILEY. I applaud any celebrity whose stance on their own fame is "Why the fuck do you guys care about everything that I do? Stop it."



Oh and by the way, since this is my first post on Milers and I'm using it as an excuse, below is the video for "Fly on the Wall." Why should you care? You shouldn't, the song is mediocre and the video is no work of genius. BUT the guy in the beginning and end scenes is Jarron Vosburg, who was one of my friends in my neighborhood when I was growing up. He's doing the Hollywood thing, and I wish him well and I get excited when I see stuff that he's doing. And being in a music video of the biggest teen pop star of the moment? That's a pretty big deal. Congrats Jarron!

Headline Reads: Obamas are Black. Nation STILL in Shock.

So, in case you didn't know the Obamas are black. *GASP* But what I find most frustrating is this New York Times article that traces Michelle Obama's roots back to her great-great-great grandmother. The inane headline reads: In First Lady's Roots, A Complex Path From Slavery.

I'm sorry, what? Does that even mean anything? I'm not sure. This article read like swine flu in America. It didn't become important until something that our media considers more important than anyone else becomes the subject of old news. People die from the flu all. The. Time. People have slave owning ancestors all. The. Time. People have ancestors who were slaves all. The. Time. It just doesn't begin to matter until people die from the flu in America, instead of Croatia. Or someone of prominence has a sordid slave ancestry.

The story goes like this: Michelle's great-great-great grandmother was a young slave girl who's owner, at the age of 15, impregnated her. That is most definitely scandalous. But it's not the first time. Then, at the end of the article, they turned to their readership asking them to "help fill in the Obama Family tree!" and encouraging people to send in their pictures if they think they are connected to the interactive family tree on the NYT website. I'd really like to be the intern who has to sort through all that mail. And let's be real here. It's ridiculous how much the NYT likes their interactive media. But besides that, way to appeal to the people's pathos. the need to be a part of something bigger than themselves, when what we are made of is already huge. The facets of American society that people don't even realize they touch is uncanny. Ok. Enough American Studies major talk for you.

And now the NYT is running a follow up article with the headline: One Family's Roots, A Nation's History.

Again.

I'm sorry, what? Does that even mean anything? This article is a compilation of perspectives on the issue. They have everyone from a cultural analyst to a Harvard professor (Who you can always trust, the little lambs) to a real live author.

So, I guess my point is this: Does this even matter? Where is the conundrum of race here? Isn't race already a conundrum because a) it in no way reflects one's ability and b) American society has somehow made it a defining factor of a person's identity. What makes this family any different when the whole point of America's First Family is to present an image of an every-day family. All American. Wholesome. Just like you. Why is this issue still a stigma? I'm over it.

Fuck Roman Polanski

As far as I'm concerned, the answer to this whole controversy couldn't be simpler. He committed a crime - the rape of a thirteen year old girl. He ran from that crime, and lived for like 3 decades as a free man (continuing in his chosen profession and even winning some fucking Oscars, by the way). Now, he should go to fucking prison. The end.

I honestly don't get what Hollywood is trying to play at with this whole "Free Roman Polanski" thing. I mean, did they hear what he did? The victim's statement from 1977 has been released, and that shit is disturbing! He convinced her that he was taking her picture for French Vogue, and so got her to take off her shirt, then all of her clothes. He gave her glass after glass of champagne. He gave her a Quaalude, which made her even more susceptible to him. He ignored her when she told him to stop, to go away, to take her home. Then he went down on her (which, in a sad, almost-funny-until-you-realize-that-it-is-tragic turn, she called "cuddliness," meaning "cunnilingus" because she was fucking THIRTEEN and did not know what the real term was), then raped her vaginally, and, upon finding out that she was not on birth control, sodomized her.

She was raped - yes, Whoopi Goldberg, RAPE raped - and the man who raped her went free. It's not just a "she wanted it but was a little too young" thing, because 1. She is way more than a little too young, and 2. SHE SAID NO. If someone says no, the other person stops, OR IT IS RAPE. Who the fuck thinks that he should not serve time for this shit? This is not hard. He belongs in jail. Done.

I Find Ray Mabus Strangely Attractive

For those of us who don't know things about high ranking government officials (me included), Ray Mabus is the Secretary of the Navy. Of the U.S. He is also in charge of the Marines and he used to be the Governor of Mississippi, and he was on Jon Stewart yesterday and he was all charming and kind of talked like Clinton, who is one of J Bear's older crushes. And he is HOT. Here he is on The Daily Show:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Ray Mabus
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

Pretty fucking charming, right? I like his attitude of like "Oh, the Navy and the Marines will do whatever they're ordered to do. And we'll get it fucking done. Hoo Rah." I think I may gravitate towards him because I like smart men and I don't mind a bit of a drawl. Because I know you're fascinated, here are some other older guys I think are hot but, you know, am weirded out by that fact:

Keith Olbermann

He's a crazy liberal. A little more crazy than I, but much better read. Plus he can do a rant or a speech like the best of 'em, like this one on Proposition 8 (may it be despised forever).



I teared up the first time I saw it, then watched it a dozen more times like the obsessive person I am. Next:

Bill Maher


God, he looks so Jewish. Maybe that's the attraction. He's an even crazier liberal. This guy is so liberal that he hates all packaged food and thinks the things you get in the grocery store are just as bad as McDonalds, plus he's an incredibly vocal Athiest. You gotta love that, right? New Rules below.



Jon Stewart


Oh now this one's too easy but come on, give me a break. Who DOESN'T love him? This is where I get my damn news most of the time. (Hey, Keith is an hour long, I don't have that kind of time. I have old Scrubs episodes to watch. And we don't get HBO.) Here's another clip of him talking about how the fucking Democrats in Congress can't get their shit together and make things happen and are flailing on environmental cleanup, and mocking John Kerry a little bit (NOT HOT):

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Carbon Copout
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

Then there's the Silver Fox, A Coop, who sadly (for me, but happy for him) is pretty much a big ol' gay. What's with me and the news casters of sorts? Plus there are the typical choices - Denzel, George, both of the Mc-eamy's. What's the obsession? I dunno, but I'm sure this list will be a comfort to whoever I end up marrying because he won't have to worry about going gray. Just losing his hair.

Glee post coming soon, I promise. Love stories take time.

GLEE

OKOKOK. I'm sorry I've been MIA. Turning 21 really puts one behind in responsibilities. But, the one constant during all the shenanigans that tend to be life at The Girl's House (The nickname given by our group of friends to mine, Katie D, et al's abode) has been a little show that you may or may not have heard about. I mean, it's not really that popular, and it's hasn't had that much hype surrounding it at all. So, in case you didn't know, besides Julia Nunes, the new love of my life is GLEE. It comes on every Wednesday at 9/8c on FOX.

Now besides the singing, besides the dancing, besides Lea Michele, besides Jane Lynch as the devious coach of the Cheer-ios Sue Sylvester, we need to talk about newcomer Chris Colfer who plays Kurt Hummel. (K...U...R...T...KURT!) Kurt is fabulous. Simply fabulous. Katie D and I text eachother Kurt quotes. I sent this one just now: "My name is Kurt Hummel and I'll be auditioning for the role of kicker." And Colfer's voice is out of control. The first time we met Kurt in the pilot back in May, he held a note long enough to throw in his signiture part-fix to the hair. His delightfully bitchy confidence and fashion sense makes every episode a joy to watch.

Now, before I fall too quickly into the tone of a Good Housekeeping book reviewer, let's talk about the story line began in episode 2: "Acafellas." Mercedes is under the impression that her and Kurt are an item. However, everyone else knows what Mercedes is ignoring and Kurt hasn't admitted to himself or anyone else. Kurt is gay. Here is where the show not only differs from anything on television because there is singing and choreography fit to a plot, not to mention a plot; but, GLEE deals with real issues kids face in Highschool. And the most important one to me is Kurt's coming out.

Being out in Highschool is a completely different experience than coming out later in life. Especially college. In college you are allowed to be crazy (Ahem, birthdays make good excuses...) and you are allowed to experiement and break the mold. That's what it's all about. But in highscool, if you are different, if you break a mold, you are putting yoruself at risk. Why is that? Who fucking knows. And it fucking blows. But if it weren't for shows (ok enough...) like GLEE, these things wouldn't be talked about. I was never out in highschool. My best friends in the whole entire world, my never look back, love you no matter what, support you even if you are wrong until you are 50 and living with 2 cats and a ferret best friends knew. And if anyone else knew, thanks for not telling me sooner so that I could have gotten on with everything already.

But alas, I digress. My point is Kurt's story is one happenning everyday. But GLEE is treating it with respect, with reality, with humility, with class, with humor. And that's why GLEE is the new love of my life and Kurt's Single Ladies number makes me want to spank my ass. And yes, he does do the finger point sneak attack.

Sidenote: GLEE is also a social-networking site for the LGBT community. Who knew? Click the picture to check it out.

Kanyegate Continues

Well this is wildly inappropriate and fucking hilarious. I don't know what it says about Hitler being in support of Taylor Swift (with her lovely blond hair and all) but this hissy fit and the accompanying captions are genius. I found it on a new site called "I'mma Let You Finish" (good God that shit got put up quickly) which has a series of lolcat type things (technical term: internet meme. Look, you learned something), all featuring or about Kanye's idiocy. Some of them are pretty funny; some of my personal favorites are below.




And I particularly like this one because, well, I tend to like any joke uses other pop culture to poke fun at pop culture:

I LOVE THE AGE OF MEDIA

And there's why. Everybody and their father flipped a shit about Kanye West going insane and stealing the mic from Taylor Swift (who I actually like a lot) as she was receiving an award the other night. I know my three roommates and I (CK included) all stuttered a collective "What the fffuck?" at the time. But anyway, point is, even Obama thinks he's an idiot! And we've got the audio to prove it! What I love about this clip has nothing to do with Kanye or Taylor Swift or even Obama's opinion about the incident, but more the fact that he caught himself calling Kanye a "jackass" (which, to be fair, is one of the nicer things I've heard said about him in the past couple days) and then realized that it would be all over the damn internet like "the fly thing." And then someone told him, hey, the fly thing was good for you - you're a ninja! Which is a fair point. But I love that with all the damn media outlets there are today, not only do we get the President's well planned out speeches, we get these little things too. I know it's not important, but I feel like I sort of know him better, and he's more humanized, and that makes it easier for me to trust him and relate to him. Plus it just makes him seem fucking cool. For more proof of that, I give you "the fly thing," below.

Eric Bana's Blank Stares are Scary.

So I went and saw The Time Traveler's Wife on opening day with my mom. Who did not make for stimulating post-movie conversation. But besides that, I really enjoyed seeing Clare and Henry's life and home and clothing come to life. Those were the things that stuck out to me when reading. That and the blatant roller coaster of emotion of having your loved one torn away from you to maybe come back, maybe not, without control. That's awesome. But I feel like if you haven't read the book you are going to be COMPLETELY LOST. And Eric Bana's inability to show emotion doesn't help root the story line either. Bana's sad face and happy face and liar face is basically all the same thing.













Liar Face vs. Happy Face vs. Sad Face


All somewhat similar. But hey, I'm no Ronfire99 so my cinematic opinion might be slightly less than reliable.

In order to really experience the story of The Time Traveler's Wife you should READ IT. What a concept, reading a book, huh? Here's the link to IndieBound, which has a database of independent booksellers. Find an independent bookstore, get off your computer, out of the house, and go buy it from a store that actually cares about you. Not the internet and not from Barnes & Noble. Because you don't even know who Barnes is, much less Noble.

ABDC: Beyonce Challenge

So coming up on Sunday is another ABDC, but before that happens let's talk about last Sunday's Beyonce Challenge.

Some Highlights:

AFROBORIKE WAS HOT.



Even that dude with the dreads that look like too-thick spaghetti pieces had it going on. All about it.

VOGUE EVOLUTION: Who knew that you don't need the proper parts to be incredibly feminine. Femininity is not linked to a body's physicality. It is also very difficult to spell.




However, I do not approve that this:


Beat this:




AMERICA PHONE VOTING FAIL.


I'm not even sure that We Are Heroes even danced on that stage. Like yeah I get that their task was to do some intense ticking or whatever. (I do not have the proper jargon to speak about this successfully) But that chain trick was INSANE. Pure insanity. And that got sent home? I think it's all because of the weird judging/voting system that ABDC uses. After 4 seasons, I'm still not even sure that how it works. So even if I wanted to, it's not even clear enough for me to do the damn thing. That's a problem. And the obvious cause that the more talented, better looking, all-female dance crew is gone. Now we're left with strange-looking Asians who may or may not have epilepsy. Awesome.

But at least we got to see this heart-felt goodbye from Artistry in Motion:



Sorry the quality is so jankity. Oh, and the new Wilco album is out of control.

Let's get excited for some martial arts moves on Sunday... I think I might get take out for the occasion.

Obsessive Much? ABDC!

I know that's not the proper order of the alphabet. That's cuz it's not! It's time for a new season of Randy Jackson presents (yet never actually appears on) America's Best Dance Crew! Get excited for JC's pretentious critiques, Shane Spark's inarticulate awe, and Lil Mama's ghetto fabulous 'tude and lip gloss use. Oh, and Mario Lopez in all his glory sans rhythm or wit... Who knew that such an unrelated group of people could bring to us such an amazing experience known as ABDC!?



You can watch the whole first episode straight from MTV.com by clicking HERE. But, I'm recapping and doing introductions all around below... so if you can bear to watch without Mario, then just keep reading. I've got your back.

This season seems to bring dance crews from all over, with more obvious styles. So basically, they aren't all AZN.

And the one explicitly AZN dance crew is trying really hard not to be THAT crew. Even though they so obviously are. Fr3sh:




There's the rumba-ing, salsa-ing, throw your hips around like no one cares Afroborike.




There's Artistry in Motion. One of the girl groups. 2 Good Things: NOT SLUTTY NOT ANOREXIC. Their whole thing is that they don't look like the stereotypical dancer, but that DON'T MEAN SHIT. And they are all about giving back to the community. They all teach dance to young girls.




Second girl group: We Are Heroes. Their name kind of reminds me of a Will Smith movie.




The Reason This Show is Now Worthy For Dyxieland Coverage: VOGUE EVOLUTION. This is a crew that bring vogueing mainstream. If Shane can love it, you can love it. They not only have a tubby queen, they have a MTF Transgender crew member. And they're black. So basically every minority statisitc that anyone ever wants to talk about (MTF Transgender maybe possible being a small exception...) and these people are FEARLESS. They own it. They work it. I'm just worried they aren't dynamic enough. But I can't wait to keep watching and find out.




STUPIDEST IDEA EVER: Southern Movement. They're lame. This is not how you represent the Durrrty South. I've seen better. Now this is just tacky.




Rhythm City is our Rags to Riches crew. They represent the Bronx, NY and have an immediate ally in Lil Mama. Clean, classy, but not very creative. I hope for some innovation.




Classic B-Boy Crew: Massive Monkees. Entertaining to watch, but we've seen it. Especially on ABDC. Jabawockeez? Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?




Fabulous in Hats: Beat Ya Feet Kings. They do this whole feet beating thing that is apparently the Shit in Washington, DC. Don't worry, I have field correspondents out doing research...





So that's all of the crews. Unfortunately Fr3sh was the first to "walk it out" last Sunday. Vehement denial of being the AZN crew obviously did not pay off.

UPDATE: Sorry the videos are all cut off. If you don't like it you can go and embed all that code again yourself. Thanks!