Wednesday, February 16

Grannies for Gays

So on the last Feminine Friday post, Chatty Kathy included the video of Zack Walls speaking (eloquently and bravely and oh-my-God-date-me-ly) about preserving our new marriage equality laws here in Iowa. He speaks about his mothers and their ability to parent, and judging from the way he speaks and carries himself and the obvious respect he has for them, I'd say (and he says) they did a pretty damn good job. It's been just about everywhere on the internet - good job Zack! (date me date me) - and it's been inspiring people to respond.

One such responder is this lovely lady, Jean Argus. Jean is also an Iowa native, and she was so moved by Zack's speech that she shared her own story about her gay son and his family. She acknowledges that it was a struggle to accept him, but in the end, he's still her son, and the fact that he's gay doesn't make him a bad person or her a bad mother. If I were gay, this is what I would want my mother to say on my behalf.

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Friday, February 4

Feminine Friday: Black Ladies

Hey you gays. Yes, it's been a while. We all know this. I have zero good excuses. Just like there are ZERO degrees to be found anywhere in Iowa City. They weren't lying about that monster blizzard. I'm just thrilled I got my first experience with snowblowing.

Today, boys and girls and everything in between, we are going to discuss a very important group of people. Black Ladies. I've been discovering them via Def Jam poetry YouTube Videos. Let's meet some of them.

1. Floetry- Fantasize.

Floetry is a duo who got their start on the spoken word circuit. I discovered them one late night avoiding my homework and watching said Def Jam videos. Marsha Ambrosius is the Songstress and Natalie Stewart is the Floacist. They released 3 studio albums (Floetic, Floacism, Flo'Ology) before breaking up tragically in 2007. Ambrosius is releasing a solo album this March. In conclusion, Marsha Ambrosius's voice kills me every time Katie Dee and I watch this. Which has been a lot recently since we've gotten rid of cable.

2. Michelle Obama. No explanation needed. I just like to objectify The First Lady.On a sidenote, we recently had a discussion about what the husband of our first female president will be called. The First Gentleman? The First Sir? We couldn't decide, then hoped it wouldn't stay Mr. President because that's just like the 80cents to the dollar plight women suffer from now. But instead of coinage as currency, it's titles. What would the husband of the first lady president be called? Assuming she's married, which she doesn't have to be. Also assuming she's straight, which she doesn't have to be. Can of worms...

3. Queen Latifah.
Cover Girl, just come out already. You and your live-in personal trainer aren't fooling anyone. Neither are your board shorts. I wish I could come up with some new material for Queen Latifah, but Perez took all the good shit. She's beginning to be the Ricky Martin of Lesbians. It'd be more effective for everyone if you came out sooner rather than later. Oh, and please don't write a memoir post-coming out that's some tired publicity, grrrl.

4. Nikki Giovanni

This is a poem called "Ego Tripping." I'm going to let it speak for itself. Black ladies, ya'll. Black Ladies.

5. Jennifer Holiday

Holy Crap. Unbelievable. Townie Bear has a thing for black ladies who belt (something we have in common) and he showed us this during a marathon YouTube sesh. Look past the over-exaggerated theater face she's got going on. It's the Tony's televised. Stage face is not going to translate into TV face just like that.

6. Jill Scott

Ok, so as you can see I may or may not be on a spokenwordlovepoem binge. J-Bear showed us this upon her return from India. ( To check out her time there, hit up her blog Curry Me Away). My favorite part of this is Jill's bit where it becomes staccato around 2:45. I just can't resist a piece where th wrods imitate the very sounds that they are trying to express. This is the remix with Mos Def from Jill's "Collaborations" Album. I also really love Family Reunion from her Beautifully Human: Words & Sounds Volume 2.

Boom. Black Ladies.

On a completely unrelated SIDE NOTE: Zach Wahls is a fellow student at the University of Iowa who gave a great speech about family. Marriage Equality is, of course, under fire here in Iowa but I'm not really worried about it because Country Homo has made the point that the only way the Iowa constitution is amended is if the vote goes through two consecutive senate sessions via a super majority-- not just the regular kind of majority-- and this session is almost over, then elections will happen, then it starts all over again. So we're safe for at least 2 more years. This is the reason Iowa is the shit and is the reason Iowa has the least amended constitution in the nation. This video was circulating around facebook and the Iowa City community, making it's way on to Pretty cool shit, Zach. Thanks.

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Monday, November 8

The Internet Offers You Two Gifts

Good morning. A couple things that should be brought to everyone's attention:

1. Dancing Boyd

So if you haven't heard Willow Smith (that would be Will Smith's daughter) singing her song about whipping her hair back and forth, I don't know where you've been for the past month. It's very irritating but sort of catchy, and it has spawned some pretty great videos - this is one of them. I like when he gets his wings into it.

2. This is funny, Alot

It may not be surprising, since I'm an English kid and I love to be right, that I am very easily irritated by idiots who make stupid grammatical mistakes on the internet. This website is trying to help me lower my blood pressure by giving me psychological coping mechanisms to deal with idiocy. And I have to tell you, I like it. I like it, Alot. Read it, cheer up, it's almost Thanksgiving! (AND THEN THAT MEANS IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS!)

P.S. I think my favorite is the Alot of Mist. Or the Alot of Fire.

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Wednesday, October 6

Viral Video Wednesday!

Today's viral videos cover a whole plethora of subjects, these subjects being: gay marriage, masturbation, and Betty White. I know, it sounds like the topics normally covered over breakfast for me and CK. I promise, I have my reasons for choosing each.

1. Gay Marriage

Cynthia Nixon - sometimes known as Miranda from Sex in the City (let's face it, always known as that) - is actually a pretty great advocate for LGBT rights. We've posted a video of her speaking at a rally before, and I thought she was just as eloquent in this clip. I was only upset to not have access to the entire thing, because I would have loved to see that douchebag's rebuttal.

(If that video doesn't work, click on the "Watch FULL Program" at the bottom right of the little screen.)

2. Masturbation

Christine O'Donnell, if you haven't heard of her, is running for the Senate seat in Delaware. She's one of those tea-party people, and she's making me think less of the group of them (difficult) with every new video clip I see of her. Now, I'm not bothered by religious people in general, but I am bothered by people who, to quote one of my friends from high school, "think their beliefs should be legislated." She is one of those, and unfortunately she's also a complete twit. This woman has had videos floating around the internet about how she dabbled in witchcraft in college (?), how lying is so wrong that even if she were hiding Anne Frank in the attic and the Nazis came knocking she would not lie to them to save her (???), and now there's this lovely video floating around that she made for MTV in the 90's (note the hair). My favorite things about the video: the face she makes when she says "you can't masturbate without lust!"; the gothic chick with huge hair who tells us about being pure of heart; how great John Travolta looks with that goatee.

3. Betty White

All I can say about this video is if you thought I wasn't serious about stealing kids before... well, I still wouldn't because that's a felony but this kid is fucking cute. He had me at "Beggy Wide." And then when he started SINGING? From THE SOUND OF MUSIC? I think I popped an ovary.

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Sunday, September 5

Sunday Funday

So I'm busy in Peoria, IL, with the only friend I made in London, Emster (don't feel sad for me, she's really great and everyone else was really not), working really hard on my homework and then also fixing the world's problems via the phone with Obama. While working hard, a demon took over my body and forced me to go on the internet to find fun things and then share them with you kind people. The first is a blog everyone should read, the second and third are great videos. Here they are.

1. New Blog - The Man Repeller
Emster led me to this, and I am eternally grateful. The girl who writes it whose name I can't immediately remember defines "Man Repeller" thusly:

"man·re·pell·er  [mahn-ree-peller]

outfitting oneself in a sartorially offensive way that will result in repelling members of the opposite sex. Such garments include but are not limited to harem pants, boyfriend jeans, overalls (see: human repelling), shoulder pads, full length jumpsuits, jewelry that resembles violent weaponry and clogs.

–verb (used without object),-pell·ing, -pell·ed.
to commit the act of repelling men:
Girl 1: What are you wearing tonight?
Girl 2: My sweet lime green drop crotch utility pants
Girl 1: Oh, so we're man repelling tonight?

*DISCLAIMER: the above conversation took place in this room 5 minutes ago.

2009-10; < repellius (ptp. of repellia to eliminate male attention), equiv. to L repel- (s. of repellix) unattractive, celibate, paris fashion week, M.C. Hammer + -repel -ler1

—Related forms
man·re·pell·ant, noun"

So it's pretty clear, I think, why I like her. Basically, she's funny as shit and clever to boot. Plus, she's creative with her language. She sometimes refers to herself as a "fancy flamingo" and her readers as "mangoes," and in one of her posts she used the phrase "whoopsie Daisy Dukes." I REST MY CASE. I feel like we could be good friends, despite the fact that we have exactly the opposite fashion sense. This is not to say that I don't sometimes repel men with my outfits - for instance, right now I am wearing gray sweatpants, some really sweet foam-type sandals, a high necked t-shirt (this is the least comfortable part of my outfit as I hate collars and often just cut them out of my t-shirts entirely) and a zip-up hoodie that is plaid in blue and the-same-gray-as-my-sweatpants, so it matches and makes the outfit like the work-out-clothes answer to the suit - but I'm not a big fan of spending lots of money on clothes or wearing things that aren't extremely comfortable. Yes, I do own hot stilettos, but on average I wear them 2 times per year. Still, though, I can look at her clothing choices and think to myself, boy, if I had limitless funds and no nerve endings I would absolutely wear that. Or sometimes I can think that she looks absolutely ridiculous. Either way, she's fucking funny.

2. Hilarious video - Clitter
So this video is just adding on to the new trend of decorating vaginas (why is spell check flagging this word? Oh, apparently the real way to pluralize "vagina" is "vaginae." That sounds stupid.) that was brought to the attention of the public by Jennifer Love Hewitt, the loony tune who glued Swarovski crystals to her vagina as a pick-me-up, but on a smaller-budgeted level. It's called Clitter, and it means what you think it means. Don't watch this video if you find vagina-decorating offensive. Do watch it if you find vagina-decorating stupid.

3. Hilarious video: Marcel the Shell with Shoes On
This video is adding to no trends other than the trend of funny videos on the internet. It is a work of genius and art. Again, thanks to Emster for posting it on my wall.

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

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Tuesday, August 24

The Generation Gap Part II

It's still the first week of classes: they don't start actually repeating until tomorrow, when your Wednesday schedule matches your Monday schedule and if you're smart don't have a Friday schedule. But since people actually do read Dyxieland, I was tipped off by The Country Homo to this really great article from Beloit College in Wisconsin called "The Beloit College Mindset List." They publish a list each year of the things that are inherently true to the incoming freshmen class, "providing a look at the cultural touchstones that shapes the lives of students entering college this fall."

Cool, right? Answer: NO. It is merely another tool to make Chatty Kathy feel like old balls. Rude.

I read the class of 2014 list and then the class of 2011 (GO HAWKS.) to compare and contrast the differences and honestly, with the ones that were listed for 2011, I didn't have a shocking connection with them. Because they've always been true for me. The shock came from reading the 2014 list because when it's pointed out to you what is different for them, it is insane. I then read the first list available from 2002 and had even less of a reaction to anything they were saying. They're right I don't care who J.R is, but I do know who shot him. This guy:


Anyway, here are the links to the lists: 2014, 2011, 2002.

What are the ones that shock you most from those lists, or from your incoming freshman class? Don't worry, no ageists here, date yourself away.

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Monday, August 23

The Generation Gap and it's Astounding Ability to Make Itself Known Even in Your (really) Early 20's

The Generation Gap, as defined by, doesn't actually exist yet, but these definitions are similar: The MTV Generation, hide the wingtip, CUCAMONGA. If that doesn't clue you in to what I'm talking about then you're obviously an idiot.

But no, really. I'm just sitting here at my really engaging job thinking about things. Thinking thoughts. Big thoughts. I took a bathroom break during the middle of this really great sit-and-think-about-things session and encountered the first batch of babies trying to find room 318 in McBride Hall at the University of Iowa. Freshmen. Put down the iPhone. It will not help you read the map. Actually read the map. Look at it and read it. Put the smartphone away. While witnessing this complete dependence on technology, I realized that the longer I'm in this world, the older I get. I know, I know, stop me now, this is really uncovering something huge. HUGE. Sarcasm aside, I did realize something during my pee break: that even though these kids (heh, "these kids," GET OFF MY LAWN.) are only 18 and I a mere near 22, I feel so much older, so much more experienced than they. Which I guess with time is true, as it is with everything. But still. They have no idea what they just got themselves into. No clue. Not ready at all. Why is this not a section of some kind of prep thing? Why is the fact that you have no fucking clue what you are doing a topic tested on the SAT?

What I'm saying may be obvious. But have you ever had that moment when you realize it's real? Like really real? Like this is fucking it? Like taking one more step is you actually taking one more step and your Achilles tendon pops in a strange way but you keep taking that one more step because it'll be ok it's only your Achilles tendon?

Nope? Just me?

Well today is the beginning of a very busy semester filled with applying for The Next Step, making a documentary which you will undoubtedly hear more about in the upcoming year, working at the lit mag, being Madame du 508, trying my damnedest to stick to the blog schedule, many more opportunities to get the last word, but the idea of This Is It smacked me just as hard as the overwhelming feeling that unfortunately there isn't an app for that.

As this sappy post comes to an end, I am overwhelmingly aware of the fact that this, right now, this right here, right there, is the best time of my life.

So live well interwebz. Live well and prosper.

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Wednesday, August 4

Elisa Kreisinger is a Smart Lady and I Hope She Wears Glasses

I found this link on good ole this morning while sitting at my really engaging job that does really important things for the world and has only one requirement: to answer the phone that doesn't ring.

And what I want to say to you people is this: SEE! SEE! I'm not the only one who queers everything! Look Mom! I'm not alone!

According to her website, Elisa Kreisinger
is "a video remix artist subverting the carefully constructed world of corporate content to work off [her] massive consumption of pop-culture and reverse the psycho-social toll it takes on [her] sense of self." So, basically, she's my soul mate. What I discovered on the ever-faithful Salon website was an article highlighting her most recent work, where she queers Sex and the City. Thank God. It's called the QueerCarrie Project.
Maybe it's because I never really understood the allure of Sex and the City, much like I don't understand how to make a decent "that's what she said" joke, in that the overt heterosexual gaze alienated my queer ass from relating to any of the content-- even the gay men on Sex and the City were acting according to the rules of an explicitly heterosexual society-- but I never really liked the show. I never watched it like I watched The L Word. (OMG The L Word.) That is, until now. I'm only sad that seasons 3-6 are all compacted together. And props to Elisa for most likely having to watch the whole series to construct the narrative she creates in the 3 video series.

Here's the Trailer:

Kreisinger has also created several other video remix projects, including one that queers The Real Housewives of New York City: "The Queer Housewives of New York City." It follows Bethenny through a queer storyline since she's obviously the most likable (?) and entertaining (?) of the housewives.

The work Kreisinger does, this includes several other political video remix projects that you can check out on the projects page of her website, toys with the audience's perception. Viewing and experiencing her work involves similar habits we exhibit while watching TV or YouTube videos. As these habits transfer to viewing her work, Kreisinger inverts the viewing gaze by using such familiar images. We've all seen Sex and The City and we all know how shrill Bethenny can be, whether we want to admit it or not. So, by taking these images and re-appropriating their meaning by creating these Political Remix Videos (PRV), Kreisinger makes the unfamiliar familiar. The viewer almost can't grasp that what they are looking at is a subversion of original content because it reads as original content itself, completely normalizing the queer positive imagery. Pretty fucking cool if you ask me.

It's a shame the guerrilla team of video remixers that Kreisinger highlights in her project "Remixed/Removed" have to tackle the legal teams of media corporations who remove their art from host sites like YouTube because it infringes copyright laws. This is the new digital graffiti.

Also, I would like all of you to know that Eva Mendes has a sex tape and Wyclef Jean is running for President of Haiti. A Fugee. Running a country. Why am I even in school?

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Saturday, July 24

Saturday Morning Porcupine

So it's Saturday and I'm hungover; don't worry, I've already had wings and watched an episode of Dexter (SO GOOD) so we're on the way to recovery. Here's a porcupine who thinks he's a puppy.

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Wednesday, July 14


If Michael Bay did the Arrested Development movie. For JBear and Ronfire.

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