Sunday, January 31

Rambling Katie D. Takes on the Grammy's

Written while I watched. Like live-blogging, but less technologically savvy and also not in real time because I Tivoed it and watched it without commercials. Enjoy my brilliant observations.

1. Lady Gaga continues to prove to me that she is perfect in every way. I loved the hands on the piano, I loved that Sir Elton John joined her, I loved that she had soot on her face, I loved it all. She is fucking amazing, her performance (like the concert, which we will write about eventually) was flawless, and I'm not sure how she didn't fall down in those shoes.
2. Stephen Colbert's opening speech was uncomfortable. I did like him telling his daughter to stay away from Katy Perry though. Who BY THE WAY is engaged to Russell Brand. WHAT? I mean, ok, when I think about it they're kind of perfect for each other. But it's still SO WEIRD.
4. Why did JLo almost cry when she introduced Green Day?
5. Also, on the Green Day thing: I'm not sure what I think about American Idiot being made into a musical. When that album came out my punk-rock friends liked it for long enough to gush about it to me and have me listen to it on repeat (YES LIBERTY SPIKE AND ARGUMENTATIVE GUY, THIS DID HAPPEN), but soon they got too punk for that shit and started listening to monsters and stuff and denied ever having liked the album and furthermore have now renounced Green Day's old stuff as well (I will never stop loving "Welcome to Paradise" or "Long View"). I, on the other hand, still think it had some pretty decent songs, though I want to kill myself every time I hear "Boulevard of Broken Dreams." Anyway, I don't know what to think about this musical. On the one hand, I love musical theater. On the other hand, Green Day seems to be going further and further away from their roots. On the other hand, I'm not sure that I care if they go away from their roots. On the other hand, I'm not sure that I care enough to form an opinion about this at all.
6. I cannot wait until that "When In Rome" movie is out of theaters so that I will STOP SEEING KRISTIN BELL AND MR. FERGIE PROMOTING IT. Also, was he high or something? He was not doing well with that teleprompter.
7. Taylor Swift's acceptance was super cute. I'm glad she won and accepted that "impossible dream." That was touching as fuck, and she looked fabulous.
8. Who knew Simon Baker was Australian? That makes him SO MUCH HOTTER.
9. Beyonce is fabulous and I will never stop loving her. I loved when she grabbed her crotch at "better man", her Alanis cover was great, it's fantastic that she has a girl drummer, and the bitch has great legs. Plus, that song gets me every time; it's one I listen to on repeat when I'm feeling soulful. It happens from time to time. Also LOVE that she's married to Jay Z. He was so cute when he clapped for her performance.
10. When did Pink decide to do every performance in the air? I mean, it was pretty and everything. And fucking impressive. It's just a very odd gimmick. Plus it's BOLD that she does it basically naked. I'm liking how strong women in music are right now - I mean, even Katy Perry and Taylor Swift, totally poppy as they are, are in control of themselves in a way that I don't think people like Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson ever were. So many strong ass bitches in popular music right now, and I LOVE IT.
11. I sort of like Miley Cyrus now. It really started when she dropped her Twitter, and continued when I heard about an interview she did where they asked her about "Party in the U.S.A." (which, for the record, I hate) and they asked what song she was thinking about when she wrote the line "The Jay Z song was on" and she basically said, "Dude, I didn't write that fucking song, I don't listen to pop music or Jay Z, I have no idea what that was about." Obviously this is not an exact quote, but the attitude I get from it is kind of the same as I got from the erasing Twitter move - she's not thrilled with being the pop star anymore, and she's starting to do things her own way when she can. I like it, Milers.
12. I really like that "I'ma Be" song and I LOVE Fergie, but I think Will.I.Am takes himself waaaaay too seriously (if you don't believe me, take a look at his NAME) and I'm confused as to what the other two members of the Black Eyed Peas actually do. As far as I can tell, the terrifying American Indian looking guy is there to look scary (it's the ridiculous cheek bones) and I kind of forget the other one is there. Fergie luv 4evr. (More strong women…)
13. I like middle Jonas' haircut and glasses.
14. Who is this Lady Antebellum band and why did nobody tell me about them before? I liked that performance.
15.That man who introduced the Best Comedy Album with Kayley Cuoko has a hot accent. Also Kathy Griffin should've won that shit.
16. I FUCKING LOVE RINGO. I like Norah Jones too but I LOVE RINGO. ("I hated the Philippines.")
17. I think that Kings of Leon guy was the first person to thank God tonight.
18. Robert Downey Junior is cool as shit.
19. Wait, that "Blame It on the Alcohol" song is Jamie Foxx? I had no idea Ray Charles sang that song. I sorta like his outfit though.
20. Oh hey Doug E. Fresh! Also I didn't know what T Payne looked like. I think I sort of assumed he looked exactly like T.I. Probably because they have the same first name.
21. SLASH?
22. Ke$ha looks like a prostitute and Justin Beber is a pocket person.
23. Why is McVet at the Grammy's?
24. LOVE YOU TAY. She's not awesome live, though. I feel like she is always super tone-deaf live. Still, she could not be cuter.
25. Lionel Ritchie has won 4 Grammy's? The 80's must've been weird.
26. Why on earth do they assume that people just have 3D glasses at their house? This Michael Jackson performance is pissing me off. Also Jennifer Hudson needs to re-think those bangs.
27. THE JACKSON KIDS ARE ONSTAGE. THIS IS SO WEIRD. WHICH ONE IS BLANKET? THIS IS SO WEIRD. WHICH ONE WAS DANGLED OVER A BALCONY?? THIS IS SO WEIRD!!! Oh God, those poor kids. Those cannot be his bio kids. That's so weird. Those children have been covered in blankets up until a couple months ago, no wonder they can't speak in public. SO WEIRD.
28. I don't care about Bon Jovi. Why are they pushing this vote on the song thing? Fast forward, TiVo.
29. Mos Def should enunciate.
30. Mm I LOVE the version of "Ego" with Kanye. But I like Rihanna and Jay Z too. And that kid they brought to the microphone is CUTE. He should announce all the rest of the awards!
31. Fast forward through Mary J. Blige, fast forward through old white guy talking, definitely watching Adam Sandler. Definitely watching Dave Matthews Band. Fantastic performance. Also, I loved him on that one episode of "House."
32. Ricky Martin and Lea Michele together? Gay man's wet dream like fuck. SHE'S GORGEOUS.
33. Beyonce's dress is made of beer tabs. That child sitting next to Jay Z is a STAR.
34. I love that his name legitimately stands for "Ladies Love" Cool J. We do, we do.
35. Fast forward fast forward fast forward - Quentin Tarantino? Popped collar? What is going on in front of me?
36. Hahaha Travis Barker is playing with Eminem and Lil Wayne? And they were intro'd by Quentin Tarantino? Whoever planned this is a GENIUS. Also I kind of like this song. And I like the shameless self-promotion that's happening on Lil Wayne's shirt. "Listen to Lil Wayne." Subtle!
37. Why do I love Eminem so much? I feel like this goes back to like 7th grade. But I do. I DO.
38. God these guys love grabbing their crotches. I don't know who Drake is. But I like that Jamie Foxx is singing in the audience.
40. Beyonce is the prom queen of the music world. In the best way possible.
41. Why did Taylor Swift win Album of the Year? I love the girl, I think she's talented, but 1. I preferred her first album (it was much less poppy) and 2. She was up against LADY GAGA. And Dave Matthews. And Beyonce. And even the Black Eyed Peas! Come on. Still super sweet and super cute, and adorably grateful, but I don't know that I agree that she should've won.

And that's the end of the night, my friends. I liked most of the performances, and definitely all the ones I watched all the way through (I got tired at the end. Sorry.) and I guess I agree with most of the winners. Now I'm going to go have pleasant dreams about the middle Jonas' new haircut and that one guy with the Spanish accent. I hope you do, too.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Tuesday, January 26

Our Mission to See Lady Gaga In Concert

... continues tonight. Stay tuned.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Sunday, January 24

Feminine Friday Farewell

For today's Feminine Friday we have a sad little note. Jean Simmons (not the Kiss guy) passed away at the age of 80 to lung cancer in her home Friday. She was one of those actresses who was in classic movie after classic movie, but to me she'll always be kissing Sky Masterson (Marlon Brando) in Guys and Dolls. I watched that movie I don't know how many times in 8th grade and it's still one of my favorite musicals, and still the only Brando movie I've ever seen. Farewell, Sarah Brown, I'm sure you'll continue to be a ringing bell in Heaven.

Below is a clip of Sky and Sarah serenading each other - and under that a bonus clip of Nathan (Frank Fucking Sinatra) and Adelaide (Viviane Blaine)! I love this movie. Go rent it, in Jean's honor.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

I'm Attracted, and That Makes Me Uncomfortable

So good Masculine Monday morning to everyone. The above picture is the reason for my being turned on and simultaneously creeped out. So I'm a big, big fan of Christopher Walken, because he is an incredible actor and, furthermore, he's fuckin nuts. I have not, however, ever had a crush on him because, well, it's Christopher Walken - he's, you know, a little on the creepy side. But then Joogly Bear pointed me to this really... (write it!) hot picture of him from DListed. We're basically in agreement: he was definitely very very attractive, but that also makes us very very uncomfortable because while he looks very different he also looks EXACTLY THE SAME.

And to show you why I am not attracted to him as he is now but why I still love him with all my heart, here he is doing a dramatic reading of Lady Gaga's "Pokerface."

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Thursday, January 21

Viral Video Vendsday.

So Massachusetts just elected some new senator that's a Republican. Now the Democrats don't have the SUPER majority. Still a majority, just not the super kind. I acknowledge all the hard work Ted Kennedy did during his time in senate. But just because the Democrats don't have the Super Majority doesn't mean healthcare still can't change. Do I want it to change? On principle, yes, nationalized healthcare is a good thing. But in reality, I can see why it is so difficult. But it doesn't help when idiots like this are allowed to voice their opinion. We only need free speech if your speech is the same is my speech, ya dig?

Also, let's talk about the new Republican senator Scott Brown's centerfold spread in Cosmo magazine in 1982. He apparently won the title of "America's Sexiest Man." Gross. But my point is, WHAT A HUGE FUCKING DOUBLE STANDARD. If this were a female coyly hiding her balls behind a limp wrist, people would be calling her a slut and shaming her name all over the media. But all Senator Brown gets are blushing cheeks and praise for how confident he is. This article on Jezebel really spells it out. (Thanks for the tip MM.)

Rachel Maddow also talks about the lack of women politicos in the state of Massachusetts and different stereotypes the supposedly "liberal" state defied this week.

Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Monday, January 18

Garfield Was Right About Mondays

So it's Masculine Monday and to be quite frank I'm not in the greatest mood today. No, I don't want to talk about it. But I realize that everyone gets in these funks and so for this MM I want to pay homage to two men (in a manner of speaking) who always make my day better in one way or another. One is an old friend, one is a new friend.


I know what you're thinking. "You only like him because he's Jewish!" No, that is only about 56% of why I like him. The other reasons I like him are because of LOST, one of my favorite TV shows ever which I am currently and obsessively re-watching in our attic while doing a Santa puzzle (SUPER NORMAL) and because of the new Star Trek movie, which I also have also been watching on repeat since I got it for Christmas (THANKS MOM!). I love that movie so much I watched the director's commentary - that's right, I did, and it was fucking fascinating. It was a whole bunch of tech guys talking about shaking the camera and what was on green screen and what was animated and I was RIVETED. Anyway, J.J.'s "writerly obsessions" (as my writing teacher Jenny Bagel referred to them), as far as I can tell from these pieces of fucking art, are 1. Sci-fi, particularly Time Travel (I went with obvious first) and 2. Outcasts, people who feel alone; people who are looking for a reason to matter. Well I like Sci-Fi and I like interesting characters, so J.J.'s ok with me.


I am currently reading the entire Qwantz archives. It's a great project. I always like finding comics that prove that some people out there have just as fucking weird a sense of humor as I do. This T-Rex is hilarious. The comics are always in the same format - like, the same pictures every day, but with different words - and the T-Rex's expressions are always hilarious. It always seems like he's yelling the final panel, and I'm a generally loud person so I find that yelling something can make it even funnier than speaking something does. Also, when you mouse over the comic itself, a little box of text pops up that makes the comic even MORE amusing because it's just the author saying something self-referential and his self-reference is usually pretty spot-on. I'm currently on comic 153 and only have about a bajillion left to get through. If you follow us on Facebook, I'm sure you'll see some of them in our album in the near future.

Anyway, if you're having a bad day, take part in one of our two MM's work, it'll make you feel better. If you're having a good day, go fuck yourself. "I'M HOSTILE TODAY" yelled the Katiesaurus Rex.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Friday, January 15

Hey Females. Take Care of Yourself!

So this was supposed to be an AMAZING POST-GAGA Feminine Friday. Yes, you read correctly. Katie Dee and myself, along with J Bear and our other friend Lil Sof Sof, bought tickets on eBay to go see The Monster Ball at Purdue University. I was ready to share my religious experience, to express how I was a changed woman, and to praise the brilliance that is The Lady.

Well, the bitch canceled on us. We drove 5 1/2 hours, got lost about 5,000 times, had Google Maps drop us off in the middle of a corn field to find our spirit guide to lead us the rest of the way, saw Jason DeRulo, and at 7:30 (showtime) to a packed house, a man comes out on stage with this HUGE cop and "regrets to inform us that the paramedics have advised Lady GaGa not to perform tonight." Like any respectable Big 10 college audience should do, we started the "BULL SHIT" chant. We kept telling ourselves this has got to be the prelude to the most amazing opening ever. This is part of the show. He kept regretfully informing us of things and that all of our tickets would be valid for a rescheduling of the show on Tuesday, January 26th.

I was numb with shock. Sometime in the near future I'm sure this is going to be a good story. For instance, that I've seen Lady GaGa twice. But for now, it just really fucking sucks.

Everyone is talking about how great she was on Oprah. I didn't see it. Because I was busy speeding down I-74 in a disappointed rage. She cancelled her last Chicago show due to exhaustion. Bitch needs to take care of herself. I hope she's ok, but I mean, if her heart didn't stop for at least 4 seconds, I'm blackballing this "exhaustion."

I think TFLN put it best: "(812) Even Lady GaGa hates Purdue."

An example of the map we were following:
Where it lead us:
Side Note: Stay tuned for more GaGa, however. We're going to try and make it back to Indiana (the ugliest state in America) on the 26th to see this show.

Update: Ok. So I just went and checked Lady GaGa's twitter page... I feel bad for the girl. I want her to get better and do amazing things. She's changing pop music. She's such an outspoken member of the queer community. I just. I'm so disappointed. I can't believe this happened. I just. I can't. UGH. Read the tweets below.

"I've been crying for hours, I feel like I let my fans down 2nite. An hour before the show, I was feeling dizzy and having trouble breathing"

"Paramedics came to take care of me, and told me my heart-rate was irregular-- a result of exhaustion and dehydration."

"can't apologize enough for how sorry I am. I could hear my fans cheering from my dressing room, I begged everyone to let me go onstage."

"My stage has complicated mechanical elements,everyone was concerned I'd be in danger during the 2hr show, since I had passed out earlier."

"I am so devastated. I have performed with the flu, a cold, strep throat: I would never cancel a show just based on discomfort."

"I hope you can forgive me. I love my little monsters more than anything, you are everything to me. I will make-up the performance on Jan 26."

SECOND UPDATE: I HAVE SUCH MIXED FEELINGS!!! Chicago-Sun Times Headline reads: Lady GaGa ok for Oprah, but not for Indiana.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Wednesday, January 13

Survivor of Splinching, Hermione Granger Takes Teaching Position at Inner-City School

This Wednesday's video is thanks to my roommate J Bear, who obviously knows me extremely well, and who showed me this preview for the should-be-made movie, Dangerous Wands. It stars a whole bunch of people who are not in Harry Potter. I cannot stress enough how badly I want this to be a real movie. Please, if anyone has the power, make it happen.

Rap it with me: Wingardium - Leviosa - Wingardium - Leviosa!

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Tuesday, January 12

But it Does...

Alright ladies and that other gender I refuse to acknowledge on the internet, the webseries Anyone But Me that I blogged about in August is back for season 2! Now, today they aired streamed premiered episode 3 and it's taken me this long to blog about the premiere because I was unfortunately underwhelmed by the first 2 episodes. I'm sorry ladies, but I didn't want to badmouth you since we're linked to your press page (we're famous). I mean, the first episodes were a little sketchy. ENOUGH with crazy lesbian fantasies. JENNY SCHECTER IS DEAD. We still don't know by whose hand, mind you, but she's dead. I'm over it. Next thing you know there will be an Anyone But Me reality show.

But episode 3, "Identity Crisis," redeemed everything for me and made me excited for the rest of the season. On to the positives, people!

1. Acting: Upgrade.
2. Production quality: Upgrade.
3. Streaming Free on Upgrade.
4. Storylines: Upgrade.

Watch the episode via point 3 and you can just see for yourself points 1 and 2. Now to address point 4. The storyline in "Identity Crisis" revolves around Vivian and her childhood friend, Sophie, who just found out she was gay. I won't give away how, because I want you to watch the series. What was so great about this particular episode and what reinvigorated my faith in the series is that it did what it does best and took a very real, often overlooked aspect of teen life and chose to tell that story instead of the omg gay characters! omg black kids in suburbia! omg at some point not even the hot cheerleader fits in! bullshit story lines that I am so tired of seeing told over and over again. It viewed Vivian's coming out through the eyes of Sophie. I've never even thought about coming out in terms of a straight peer. Of it being awkward for them. As an out lesbian, I come out over and over again to different people almost on a daily basis. Believe me, it gets old. Vivian makes that clear and then tells Sophie that it "doesn't change who I am." Sophie brilliantly retorts with "but it does." And I guess it does.

Shame on me for not thinking about the act of coming out this way, but good on you for pointing it out? I'm going to answer my own poorly structured question and say yes. Because I guess it does, in fact, change who you are. I mean all of a sudden just because a person comes out as gay if they before hadn't really enjoyed mustard but then all of a sudden they love it isn't really what I'm talking about. But I think coming out to a peer, or a person of the post-9/11 generation that this web series focuses on, isn't about telling them "hey, I'm what the society major views as a sexual deviant." We're over that. But it's implying a different world view that requires a different set of rules in order to exist and navigate. Viewing the world through queer eyes versus straight eyes is a completely different experience. I get shit all the time for queering everything; however, for me, it's never a stretch. It's my first go-to facet of my argument and is what I naturally see, and how I naturally feel and it is always really difficult for me to understand how other people don't see how incredibly gay the whole entire world is. This is what I think happens when Sophie suggests Vivian put up Twilight (ick) posters in her room and then Aster suggests putting up P!nk posters (yay). Interests are different, the appeal of certain things are different, explanations are different. Sophie says she doesn't have a problem with Vivian's homosexuality and I honestly believe her. I think Sophie is just experiencing gay culture clash. And it's this culture clash that I've never really taken into account when I have to come out to a straight peer. I never realized that, even for a fleeting second, they ask themselves "What is ok or not ok for me to talk about now?"

The acting in this episode really gets my point across much clearer and it's this improvement in the acting that I love so much. Season 1 was great because there were teen lesbians being portrayed as people and not as suicidal depressives. And my goodness that Nicole Pacent (Aster) is one attractive girl. Also, Rachael Hip-Flores (Vivian) and I are real friends. And by real friends I mean twitter friends who I often get @ replies from that support me listening to Ani Difranco over and over again. What else do I need in a friendship? NOTHING.

It'd be really great if this show took the Exes and Oh's fast track from it's original form as a short film to a commercial length cable television series. I wouldn't mind watching the whole ABM story unfold over again during a 30 minute period with regular commercial breaks just to get more of these characters.

Also, I'd like to thank Tina Cesa Ward and Susan Miller for keeping this series free. Since the end of The L Word, lesbian media is nowhere to be found, unless you want them in scrubs. I used to watch We Have to Stop Now, starring Cathy Debuono, Jill Bennett, and Suzanne Westenhoffer. Those are some big names in the lesbian entertainment world. They also apparently like to make money. The series now requires a $25 subscription to watch. I'm sorry. I have to pay rent.

In conclusion, I like this webseries.

Sidenote: I also really like how all of the characters are good at something. Archibald draws, Elisabeth wants to act, Sophie (and Vivian) are into journalism, Jonathan is an athlete, and Aster is just so comfortable in her own skin I don't even know if she has a talent besides her confidence.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Monday, January 11

Still Monday on the West Coast. Barely.

I was already planning to do the Taylor Lautner post, but earlier today I reminded myself of my love for this other M Squared. So I returned from Christmas break yesterday and today one of my first orders of business was to go to my favorite falafel restaurant. Upon receiving my falafel, I responded with a satisfied growl that, when I heard it come out of my mouth, reminded me of one of my sitcom favorites: Tim the Tool Man Taylor. Et voila, I decided Tim Allen would be my second macho macho man who I would pay tribute to.

Tim Allen is most famous (according to me) for three roles: Tim the Tool Man Taylor, Buzz Lightyear, and Santa Claus (ONLY THE FIRST MOVIE. IT IS A CLASSIC.). They are pictured beneath. In his honor, please do an impression of one of these characters now. My love for him goes to infinity… and beyond!

Stumble Upon Toolbar

It's Still Monday in California

My first Masculine Monday post is dedicated to my sister, and will double as my way-after-the-fact review of New Moon.

Our first M Squared is Taylor Lautner, who recently broke up with Taylor Swift and who (sources say) will in the next few years become my brother-in-law. Welcome to the family, Tay. And here are a few reasons why he's welcome to the family:
1. Arms

2. Smile

3. General boyish charm

4. Seriously, just look at him

5. No really, look at how he's holding that football

6. He knows Robert Pattinson and presumably can introduce me

7. Same for Kellan Lutz (also I find this picture oddly hot. But then I'm strange.)

I mean, does Taylor look a little cheesy in some of these pics? Yeah, sure. Am I doubting his taste in women after he dated Selena Gomez? Of course, but I still love Zefron even though he's dating the disgusting V Hudge. Is he the greatest actor? I'm honestly not sure, because there's a lot about the movies that can be blamed on bad writing, but I mean, sure, he's fine. I thought the SNL skit where he was a Team Edward fan was semi-amusing, and I was very impressed with his ninja moves where he decapitated Kanye in the intro/monologue thing. So really I guess my stance on his "skill" level is that we'll have to wait until he does real movies to see how the acting progresses.

And that's my seamless way of moving into talking about New Moon: it was exactly what I expected. My opinion is generally the same as it was for the first one - the protagonists are very nice to look at, the movie is better than the book because the book is poorly written, and I still like stories about vampires because they remind me of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (three cheers for Joss Whedon). If you like fairly predictable stories with a couple interesting ideas, or particularly if you like hot guys running around shirtless, you should probably see this movie. Personally this isn't something I'd ever drag a guy to, but hey, I'm fucking nice.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Saturday, January 9

The Very First Feminine-Friday-On-Saturday-Sorry-Can't-Even-Keep-Up-With-Our-Own-Schedule Post

Greetings Earthlings. (That has no context in this post, I just wanted to great you for what you are.)

Also, forgive me readers, for I have sinned. I did not stick to our New Year's resolution schedule and slacked major hard on Feminine Friday. But alas, here it is.

Let's view the subject under discussion:Now, I know I've said I don't care about The Gosselins as a family and I still don't. But Kate Gosselin's hair is a completely different Situation. Let's be real. She's quoted in this People Magazine article that: "It’s good to have hair again, I never thought I’d have short hair for as long as I did. I feel like this is a fresh start, a fresh me, a fresh life … I’ve got it. I am now Kate Clean Slate." DID THIS BITCH ALREADY RE-MARRY SOME OTHER AWKWARDLY MIXED RACE PERSON? Who is this "Clean Slate" character? Is it some code name for her body guard?

I find this Tabula Rasa Kate insanely annoying because not only am I over their failed, broken marriage TV show, the way she takes on this transformation is by changing her fucking hair. Since Kate Gosselin's hair is already a publicity stunt, it's unfortunate that "A New Woman" version of Kate is one with just an extreme reverse version of her previous haircut. YAWN. It's oddly short in the front, compared to the insanely long back, reverse of the signature Gosselin. Don't even get me started on those cheap ass extensions. Not original and still not cute. This will last for about a week. It's not like she pulled off a B-spears and really Tabula Rasa'd that shit up and went bald.

And just for old time's sake: Jon and Kate Plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show)!

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Thursday, January 7

Hogwarts Student in Tragic Accident

Burbery caught a tragedy on film recently. Hermione Granger was apparently late for a modeling job and, while Apparating into the photo shoot, she fucking splinched herself real fucking badly. It wasn't just half an eyebrow like Ron in book 6; no, she actually lost most of her right leg from the thigh down. She was rushed to St. Mungo's, and the missing part of her limb is being tracked down as we speak. She is pictured above, clearly choking back tears, holding on for balance to the boy in the shoot, who is the brother of someone named "Emma Watson," though I'm not entirely sure who that is. The Weasley family and Harry Potter have all visited her in the hospital, and reports are that Ron and Harry are refusing to leave her side. Her Muggle parents have not yet been informed of the accident, because they're just dentists and they would freak the fuck out.

Well done, Burbery Photoshop guys. Gotta trim the fat off those legs. Bipedalism is so 2009.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Wednesday, January 6

Drunken Reversing Box-Headed Cat.

It's still Wednesday so...

The fake pity in this man's voice and the subsequent blame on the cat makes this video so worth watching the whole thing. We all know that that giggling woman behind the camera is responsible for this humiliation. A cat would never get itself into such a stupid situation.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Viral Video Wednesday!

Here's to our first of what we hope to be regular posts on Viral Video Wednesday!

I found this video on a best-of list and not only is it really fun, they actually did some good with it. Oh, the powers of Youtube. The wedding procession of Kevin and Jill danced down the aisle to Chris Brown's "Forever," and in light of his recent heinous transgressions, they asked that people make donations to the Sheila Wellstone Institute. If you're still interested, you can visit their website.

Sidenote: This wedding party is HUGE. I mean, I think the first two guys were ushers. but MY GOD, have more people in your wedding.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Tuesday, January 5

Dyxieland's Plan for a New Year

In order to have the blog be updated at a more regular pace, we've come up with a sort of schedule. We're posting it here to make ourselves more accountable. When Katie D sees this, she'll probably edit it with her ideas as well. So let's start the new year off right together.

1. We've created Masculine Monday. This is sort of Katie D's day to talk about men. Sexy men, annoying men, smart men, cool men, gay men, straight men. And if I have any ideas I can write about those things too, but this is more her day.

2. My day is Feminine Friday. This is where I can talk about the same things. Sexy women, annoying women, smart women, cool women, gay women, straight women, feminism. That sort of thing. And again, if Katie D has any ideas, she can write about those things on this day as well.

3. Viral Video Wednesday. We're going to start posting videos that we like off the internet (because that's where we live) every Wednesday. Maybe even some Vlogging might occur. Who knows? The possibilities are endless because if you shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars. (Side note from Katie D.: I have always thought this was a stupid phrase. There are no stars between earth and the moon. Therefore, you will not land among the stars. You'll probably just end up orbiting the earth. This is nothing against CK, of course, because she didn't make it up, but I just wanted to express my incredible frustration at whoever the fuck came up with this saying.)(Side Note from CK: Did the sarcasm not translate well? I'm still trying to perfect that. My blubbering, spacey, can't connect step 1 and step 5 mind sometimes doesn't realize we don't share a brain. I almost typed "brian.")(Side note from Katie D.: Oh, I knew you were being sarcastic. I just wanted to state my vehement loathing for that phrase.)

4. We're going to continue with our "Obsessive Much" and "WTF Happened to...?" threads. Obviously. Because those are awesome.

Now, on to things we've failed to cover. Frankly, I stopped writing about Jon and Kate plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show) because I don't give a damn. Those poor kids. All 8 of them. Even Maddy. They are no longer protected by anything. Everything is raw. The transparency of that family is insane. It wasn't presented with any buffer, just as reality. When that happens, your perception of your actual reality and the producer's perception of the reality they've created for good television blurs and nothing is real anymore. Balloon Boy and his fucked up parents and family fall under the same category. Also, Tiger Woods is a douche bag. How did he hide 14 women? Why did he choose washed up reality stars? Is this why he hasn't been playing golf lately? Again, I don't care.

Katie D? Anything else we need to atone for?

Katie D. - I'm gonna go ahead and agree on the "I don't care about Tiger Woods, Balloon Boy, or the Gosselins" line of thinking. Other things I don't care about: anyone who has ever been on The Hills/those other shows that are associated with The Hills; any other sports player who does something scandalous; the Obama party crashers; 90210 or Gossip Girl; Brangelina (I think even Jennifer Aniston is over it. Why won't the rest of the world move on?); the Kardashians, Girls Next Door, or those Gotti people (still not sure who they are) - generally, any show on E! that is not The Soup or Chelsea Lately; and pretty much everything on MTV (EXCEPT JERSEY SHORE, THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO TELEVISION). So I atone for none of that. BUT if I'm going to atone for something it would be generally not posting much, especially about stuff I'm actually interested in - Health Care, the new Twilight movie (yes, I still have strong opinions about that stuff), John Mayer and his new CD - so I'm planning to post a whole lot in the next couple weeks, covering the stuff I just talked about as well as other things, to make up for not writing much. So to start things off well, here's something I really, really care about: the Geico Pothole Commercial.

I particularly like that it has a southern accent; makes me think of home. It always amazes me just how much stuff people actually take the time to put on YouTube - I mean, who found that video and uploaded it? - but I am so, so glad that they did.

I am also officially looking forward to our gendered days of the week, because I love nothing more than talking about people who I find interesting. This doesn't mean anyone else will find them interesting (this is your warning) BUT you will definitely, definitely learn.

Also, I know we missed our anniversary, but we're a little more than a year old now (Happy Birthday, Dorothy Anne the Dyxieland Cowgirl!) and I just want to say thanks very much to our readers. This is clearly not a particularly serious blog, but that doesn't mean we don't care about it, and we appreciate you coming back to read our stuff, ridiculous though it often is.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Monday, January 4

Chatty Kathy's Most Listened to Songs of 2009

So I had this fabulous idea for an end-of-the-year-countdown-post. I made a smart playlist in my iTunes to quickly sort my top listened to songs of 2009. I was hoping to get some that were released in 2009 and ones that you hadn't heard of so that I could show you how much cooler I am than you. Well, it backfired. Because the majority of the songs that Chatty Kathy listened to are embarrassing as fuck. So, for you, and at the urging of Katie D's conniving, vindictive, wicked words, here are Chatty Kathy's top 20 most listened to songs of 2009. I did 20 because this is the only "best of"-esque list we have. Double your pleasure, double your fun, ya know?

1. Somebody to Love-- Glee Cast. Play Count? 249. Reason? We left my iPod on overnight after we had some people over for a calm gathering that did not involve alcohol or the inevitable making of grilled cheese sandwiches (with tomato) or ordering of pizza. Without this incident, the play count would probably be around 200.

2. Walking on Broken Glass-- Annie Lennox. Play Count? 172. Reason? ANNIE FUCKING LENNOX.

I Put up a live version because I hate playing "Spot Doctor House" in the terribly drab actual music video.

3. Umbrella-- Rihanna. Play Count? 111. Reason? Ella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh.

4. Don't Stop the Music-- Rhianna. Play Count? 111. Reason? Nobody knows she sampled Michael Jackson for this song.

5. Distrubia-- Rihanna. Play Count? 107. Reason? BOM BOM BEDOM BOM BOM BEDOM DOM

6. Paper Planes-- M.I.A. Play Count? 46. Reason? Did you see this pregnant bitch perform at the Grammy's wit dem thugz?

7. Just Dance-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 44. Reason? This was when I was still closeted about my love for The Lady.

8. Starch & Carbohydrates-- Rosa. Play Count? 44. Reason? OMG! A band you probably haven't heard of? My indie-kid street cred is still intact!! This is a small band from Houston, TX (Da 281. Da place I'm from.) they put out one record in 2003 (I, Mississippi, You) and then broke up. It's a little country, punk, acoustic, folk tune. There's only one website that mentions them, and other than that it's a fan myspace. Hit them up on iTunes.

9. I Kissed a Girl-- Katy Perry. Play Count? 44. Reason? Trashy, exploitive, mainstream lesbianism that encourages more straight girls to drunkenly make-out with other straight girls that may give me a chance to maybe get in on the action? YES PLEASE.

My thoughts, exactly, Ellen.

10. Those Anarcho Punks are Mysterious...-- Against Me! Play Count? 38. Reason? Reminds me of a friend.

11. Lovegame-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 38. Reason? I don't have one.

12. Eh Eh (Nothing Else I can Say)-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 38. Reason? Cherry Cherry Boom Boom...

13. Beatiful Dirty Rich-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 37. Reason? ...

14. Poker Face-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 37. Reason? How do you wake Lady GaGa up? You Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pokerface.

15.Boys Boys Boys-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 37. Reason? I pretend I'm a drag queen.

16. Everybody-- Ingrid Michaelson. Play Count? 36. Reason? Finally, some legitimacy to this list. This is from Michaelson's new Album that she independently released (as always) called, well, "Everybody." It's got a studio version of "The Chain." I wish that song had made this list.

17. The Fame-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 36. Reason? We're doing it for the Fame (Fame) I want to LIVE FOREVER!!!!

18. Cavelier Eternal-- Against Me! Play Count? 35. Reason? Reminds me of that same friend.

19. Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger-- Daft Punk. Play Count? 35. Reason? Kanye never upgrades anything.

20. Fell in Love with a Boy--Joss Stone. Play Count? 35. Reason? This song puts me right into the French Quarter in New Orleans where I am magically really thin and really hot and really genderqueer with this really raspy voice and this guy backing me on drums. I don't even know if he plays drums, but I want to play the guitar and match my voice to those bends in the chorus. Don't judge me.

So there it is. The most embarassing, most listened to list of 2009. It's really just embarassing because it reveals how many times I listened to Lady GaGa's The Fame Album and that I'm really quite obsessive.

Here's something slowly making it's way into my most played. It's started my 2010 off right, that's for sure.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Obsessive Much? Shrink Talk and Love on Wheelz

Ok so more than a few of you may have heard of Tucker Max, well known (and self-proclaimed) asshole, rich kid, and writer. Actually, I personally find him pretty funny, or at least I like his writing. (The movie, not so much, but that's not the point of this post.) Anyway, so he has his site and along with that his company, Rudius Media, owned/sponsored several other blogs by various interesting people, most of which I checked out at one point or another and two of which I actually love very much - Shrink Talk and Love on Wheelz. Then Rudius Media died. These two really solid blogs, though, survived on their own, but now have much much less automatic readership than they used to because they're not listed under Tucker's list of friends on his site, which I'm sure has a shit ton (technical term) of visitors every day. Well I'm selfish and I don't want these blogs to go under, so if any of Chatty Kathy's and my readers want to check out some really interesting stuff on both their blogs, I would appreciate it (and so would they). I've read every post both of these guys has ever done, and I plan to continue to do the same (I told you I have obsessive tendencies - but only with good stuff.) Here's what they're all about.

Love on Wheelz - Raul is a kid (and by "kid" I mean "my age") who has Muscular Dystrophy, which makes it so that he has to use a wheel chair to get around and he also has a lot of other medical issues, so he needs a nurse a lot of the time and generally doesn't live the same type of life that most of us take for granted. Not that he asks for pity; in fact, he'd probably be really pissed off if you pitied him. He's funny, he's a good writer, and he has a really interesting perspective. Honestly I just like the guy and I like reading what he has to say. He's really honest and seems to have a really great grasp on his feelings and his goals, all of which I find refreshing. Definitely worth a read.

Shrink Talk - This is probably my new favorite blog. It's written by Dr. Rob Dobrenski, who is brilliant. And here's what's brilliant about him: he's flawed, he doesn't always have the answers to his own problems, and he is really hard on himself - but all this is inserted into his posts which are consistently educational and… buoying. In other words, he's saying really great stuff, giving really good advice, and not ruining it by pretending to be flawless and omniscient. His main point, I think, is that we're all "flawed and neurotic," (INCLUDING SHRINKS) and that's ok, and once we can accept that about ourselves and about others we can start moving towards being psychologically healthy. I don't have a shrink, and I don't know if I ever could now because I'm afraid they wouldn't live up to my standards, as set by Dr. Rob. I read the site religiously. It never fails to make me feel better, and to make me re-evaluate things, in a positive way. He's got a book coming out, and I want him to have as much success as possible if it means that I get to read more of his advice. Please check out the site.

Seriously, they're both excellent, and they deserve all the publicity they can get, even from our dumbass little blog. Obviously I've got links to both of them, but I also linked them on the side in case you come back in months and are like "what was that psychology thing she talked about in that one post?" (I'm thinking wishfully). Now go learn.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Glee Rant

This is your warning: if you are a die-hard Glee fan, you may be pissed at this post. Happy New Year.

Ok so here's the thing about Glee - I loved it. When the pilot came out in May, I thought it was the most incredibly unique, brilliant, talent packed show of the season - I watched the pilot itself five times. When it came back on in the fall, we (of course) Tivo'd every episode, all of which I watched more than once (and the musical scenes even more). I even made a list, tentatively to go on the blog, about the "Top 11 Reasons I Am In Love with Glee," which I've posted here:


11. The background music. I know it's a small thing, but it sets the mood for the show so much.
10. Vocal Adrenaline. Yes, I realize that they're the competition for the glorious New Directions Glee Club, but the two numbers we've seen from them have been impeccably choreographed and danced and had really interesting vocal arrangements. Don't tell me you don't love the partner work, because you know you fucking love the partner work.
9. Puck. YOWZA.
8. Any time Will Schuster sings. Or raps. Or dances.
7. Finn's awkwardness, and his short jeans (because he's poor! Such attention to detail!)
6. Emma. She is so cute, and so obsessive compulsive, and is the voice of reason on the show. She always talks Will into doing the right thing, but she's really messed up herself emotionally. For instance, she is a total germophobe, and is in love with a married man (I mean who can blame her? Schu is hot and his wife is craaaazy! But still, bad choice.) Plus, she is a hilarious guidance counselor. When talking to Rachel about bulemia: Rachel: "I guess I just don't have a gag reflex." Emma: "One day, when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift." How true. Then, later, "Rachel, bulemia is a very messy, serious disease," "messy" being the more important aspect of the disease. Hilarious.
5. Mercedes and her big girl voice, especially when she busted the fuckin windows out of Kurt's car (no, CK, I don't care if you don't like this song). She starts the season with an assertion of her Beyonce-ness ("I AIN'T no Kelly Rowland") and then proves it. She doesn't get too many solos, the first being in Showmance when she is the soul to Schuster's rap in "Gold Digger," but when she does she BRINGS IT.
4. Any time Sue Sylvester speaks. Jane Lynch deserves an Oscar. Yes, I know the Oscars are for movies.
3. Kurt Hummel and the football team dancing to Single Ladies.
2. Rachel Berry and the joy she clearly has every time she sings. Every time I replay "Don't Stop Believin'," I watch for the moment when she turns to Finn, absolute, pure happiness spread across her face, and sings to him about how "everybody wants a thrill." That's not acting, that's just Lea Michele being absolutely in love with what she's doing, and that's beautiful.
1. Every song they sing in practice, performance, tryouts, or as expressions of their teenage angst."

Ok, so I still believe everything in that list, but here's the thing - the show's gotten stagnant. It has. And that makes me very, very angry. Look, the show has all the potential in the world - it's an interesting idea, it's got a great cast, and it's got a bunch of good, solid characters who could potentially be taken in interesting directions. But the writers don't rely on what they have. They don't rely on their characters being interesting enough to drive the show; instead they use stupid, over-done, over-dramatic bullshit plot points that make people go "OHMYGAWD I NEED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!" rather than just letting the show move organically from one conflict to the next.

Example: Schuster was in a shitty marriage; Terry was already a fucking nut. And she was a nut who was actually pretty fun to watch. Then they had to go and make her pretend to be pregnant. Why? Who does that? Nobody - it's unrealistic, it doesn't give Schuster enough credit as a character, and frankly it's condescending to the audience. Why is it condescending to the audience? Because it says, "You, audience member, are not clever enough to watch Schuster go through some sort of realistic realization that he has fallen out of love with his wife, so we have to push it in your face that the marriage is doomed. Not only that, but we also know that you're not going to pay attention to the show unless things are exploding around you every four seconds, so we have to make the characters do something RiDiCuLoUss to make sure you keep watching. Oh, and we've set it up so that Emma and Schu will end up together at the end of the season, and because you are a stupid television viewer, you're not going to be satisfied if, like in real life, things don't end up with the guy you want with the girl you want, so we're going to cater to what we think you want and make them kiss at the end of the last episode of the season. Now sit quietly while we shock and amaze you."

Same thing for Quinn being pregnant. Same thing for Puck being the father. Same thing for Emma getting engaged to Ken, and him leaving her at the alter! This shit didn't need to happen! You know what? People are interesting. That's why we watch shows about them and read books about them and gossip about them all the time. The writers set up great characters, then didn't let them grow and learn - they forced them to stay one-dimensional. Don't agree? Then why, WHY do they keep learning the same lessons over, and over, and over again? Yes, in real life, sometimes we need to hear things more than once to make a real change. But they learn packaged, 7th Heaven, neatly wrapped up lessons in one episode, then learn them AGAIN the next episode and AGAIN the episode after that. Finn decided at the end of the PILOT that he was going to do football and Glee, because they both made him happy. What a fucking cool thing for him to do, and what an interesting way for that character to define himself. Except, oh wait, every other episode he decides AGAIN whether or not doing Glee is worth losing his reputation. Also, I don't believe that there is a single high school in the United States that is full of enough unimaginative dicks that there are consistently going to be groups of the same people (THE JOCKS) making other groups of people (THE GLEE KIDS) miserable over and over again without getting fucking tired of it. How many times can they have the same conversations about how the Jocks hate them, and how many times can the Jocks throw slushies in peoples' faces? Get a new bit. And how many times can Schu suspect Sue of something, and how many times can she plot against Glee club? And, by the way, how many times can people tell Rachel how much they hate her and only like her because of her voice? HAVEN'T WE GOTTEN OVER THAT YET? Treat your characters with respect, Glee writers. Don't make them repeat themselves ad nauseam, actions or words.

Ok. So all that being said, there are a few things that I found truly lovely in this season of Glee. For one thing, as CK wrote about before, the episode where Kurt comes out - particularly in that beautiful moment with Mercedes - was really well done. Similarly poignant, Sue's scene with her developmentally challenged sister was really great. I also liked the interaction between Artie and Tina. These little things make the show for me so much more than the over-blown dramatic twists, because they're grounded, and they allow the characters to be more than paper dolls strapped into one character trait. But even though these lovely moments do happen, they're 1. overshadowed by the drama, and 2. pretty much forgotten about as soon as the episode is over. It's like a different writer does every episode - no character learns any lessons that stick, and things that should be consistent episode to episode - lingering feelings from one character to another, stuff like that - are often ignored once they're brought up. Nothing builds from one episode to another.

But again, some of the quirks in the show - like (in the pilot) when Finn is walking and there is timpani music playing in the background, and then he walks in front of the timpani players? That's interesting and cool - really do make it worth watching. And while we're being complementary, the singing is great; "Don't Rain on My Parade" was just superb. Lea Michele deserves every bit of praise she gets. And I can never say enough good things about Jane Lynch.

Yes, I know TV isn't supposed to be realistic. I love TV, and I support it not being exactly like real life. But honestly, give me smart TV - don't just give me shit that you think will thrill and titillate me. Bring Glee back to where it was in the beginning, and build off what was, originally, a really solid foundation.

Oh and here are some of my favorite musical clips. I had to.

Yeah Mercedes, you bust those windows.


Will is HOT. Emma and Rachel's reactions are totally understandable.

Just remarkable. Personally I stop watching after "Don't Rain on My Parade" because, I mean, you can't beat it.

Stumble Upon Toolbar