Hey you gays. Yes, it's been a while. We all know this. I have zero good excuses. Just like there are ZERO degrees to be found anywhere in Iowa City. They weren't lying about that monster blizzard. I'm just thrilled I got my first experience with snowblowing.
Today, boys and girls and everything in between, we are going to discuss a very important group of people. Black Ladies. I've been discovering them via Def Jam poetry YouTube Videos. Let's meet some of them.
1. Floetry- Fantasize.
Floetry is a duo who got their start on the spoken word circuit. I discovered them one late night avoiding my homework and watching said Def Jam videos. Marsha Ambrosius is the Songstress and Natalie Stewart is the Floacist. They released 3 studio albums (Floetic, Floacism, Flo'Ology) before breaking up tragically in 2007. Ambrosius is releasing a solo album this March. In conclusion, Marsha Ambrosius's voice kills me every time Katie Dee and I watch this. Which has been a lot recently since we've gotten rid of cable.
2. Michelle Obama. No explanation needed. I just like to objectify The First Lady.On a sidenote, we recently had a discussion about what the husband of our first female president will be called. The First Gentleman? The First Sir? We couldn't decide, then hoped it wouldn't stay Mr. President because that's just like the 80cents to the dollar plight women suffer from now. But instead of coinage as currency, it's titles. What would the husband of the first lady president be called? Assuming she's married, which she doesn't have to be. Also assuming she's straight, which she doesn't have to be. Can of worms...
3. Queen Latifah. Cover Girl, just come out already. You and your live-in personal trainer aren't fooling anyone. Neither are your board shorts. I wish I could come up with some new material for Queen Latifah, but Perez took all the good shit. She's beginning to be the Ricky Martin of Lesbians. It'd be more effective for everyone if you came out sooner rather than later. Oh, and please don't write a memoir post-coming out that's some tired publicity, grrrl.
4. Nikki Giovanni
This is a poem called "Ego Tripping." I'm going to let it speak for itself. Black ladies, ya'll. Black Ladies.
5. Jennifer Holiday
Holy Crap. Unbelievable. Townie Bear has a thing for black ladies who belt (something we have in common) and he showed us this during a marathon YouTube sesh. Look past the over-exaggerated theater face she's got going on. It's the Tony's televised. Stage face is not going to translate into TV face just like that.
6. Jill Scott
Ok, so as you can see I may or may not be on a spokenwordlovepoem binge. J-Bear showed us this upon her return from India. ( To check out her time there, hit up her blog Curry Me Away). My favorite part of this is Jill's bit where it becomes staccato around 2:45. I just can't resist a piece where th wrods imitate the very sounds that they are trying to express. This is the remix with Mos Def from Jill's "Collaborations" Album. I also really love Family Reunion from her Beautifully Human: Words & Sounds Volume 2.
Boom. Black Ladies.
On a completely unrelated SIDE NOTE: Zach Wahls is a fellow student at the University of Iowa who gave a great speech about family. Marriage Equality is, of course, under fire here in Iowa but I'm not really worried about it because Country Homo has made the point that the only way the Iowa constitution is amended is if the vote goes through two consecutive senate sessions via a super majority-- not just the regular kind of majority-- and this session is almost over, then elections will happen, then it starts all over again. So we're safe for at least 2 more years. This is the reason Iowa is the shit and is the reason Iowa has the least amendedconstitution in the nation. This video was circulating around facebook and the Iowa City community, making it's way on to salon.com. Pretty cool shit, Zach. Thanks.
So Bristol Palin is out with a new ad for the Candie's Foundation talking about how if she weren't so rich and popular, her life would really suck because she was a pregnant teenager. I'm not sure what pisses me off most about this ad - the fact that she's now going against her former (and let's be frank, more honest) statements about how abstinence-only education is "not realistic," or the fact that she is essentially flaunting her luck of being born into a prominent family and simultaneously judging other people who aren't fortunate enough to have the money and fame that she has - who, you know, if they made poor decisions and got pregnant at 17, might actually have to face those poor decisions and figure out what to do with their lives.
"Oh you rubes, living in states that don't pay you to stay there, without famous mothers who campaign for the world's worst causes - your lives are going to be so awful, now that you're forced to take responsibility for your actions! You other poor people, you'd better not act out - only we privileged, lucky people get to make bad choices (which are then taken care of for us). Better not have sex, because there's nothing worse than being poor and having a baby - not that I would know, because I'm rich." Plus Bristol Palin telling people not to have sex is totally going to work. Oh, unless they're teenagers who have heard "abstinence only" their entire lives, but who decide to make their own choices. But that's totally not likely, right? Because God wants us to wait until marriage. Unless we're rich enough to pay for a nanny, in which case we can fuck whoever we want. Here's the ad, I hope the condescension doesn't burn.
Sidenote from CK: There's also some weird subliminal shit happening here that really makes Sarah Palin look like a really great human being. Honestly, with her 5 kids (and I'm convinced that that down-syndrome baby was never actually in her womb) she's just one step above the octomom. Good thing I'm rich because having sex with women is really dangerous. I'm so glad I paid to be gay so that I didn't become a teenage mom or be able to marry someone in order to have sex. I'm so rich an abstinence only lifestyle is written in fine print in the contract for my Trust Fund.
Re-Side Note by Katie Dee: Upon watching it again, though, I can't help but point out that THAT is a really cute baby. YES I KNOW THIS IS A WEIRD THING TO NOTICE. I CAN'T HELP IT, I LOVE CHILDREN.
So since the video that CK and I were talking about posting on VVW was taken off the internet (hate crime?) - CK found it (or possibly J Bear?) and it was of a fabulous, glittery gay dancing and doing sign language to Lady Gaga songs - we were sort of at a loss for what to do on Wednesday. But I saw this video on Countdown, and I thought you all should see it as well. Don't ever tell your sons they aren't Single Ladies.
Sidenote from CK: I wanted to post this yesterday when I found it and before it went viral on HuffPost, but alas, my MAJOR HUGE LACK OF MOTIVIATION OF ANY KIND hindered me from doing so. But everytime I watch this my heart breaks. EVERYONE CAN BE A SINGLE LADY. KAtie Dee said something about how I should at least be happy that the dad is ok with allowing his son to create his own gender boundaries. Harrumph. I mean, when you see the kid's face drop how can you not give in to allowing him to be a single lady? I am no where near over how attached I feel to this small asian child.
I'm a writer. I write for Dyxieland. I write my own stories/poems/essays. I'm in workshops. I'm majoring in creative writing. I take classes. I plan on going to grad school for this. I read. A lot.
And yet James Franco thinks he can just do everything creative. He has a short story published in Esquire Magazine. I feel like James Franco is stomping on my life with this. Because if you read it, and I couldn't even make it through the whole thing, it reads like some stoner High School senior's creative writing final paper, or some left wing liberal arts college freshman's Intro to Creative Writing thesis. And he has a short story collection called Palo Alto (SO WEST COAST) coming out in October. Thanks, Scribner for bringing this to us. It's something I really want to read. I feel like I'm going to read it and just hear that weird James Franco voice where he focuses a lot of his syllables' stresses on the back molars and doesn't use his tongue enough when he talks so the result is this weird throaty gravely lispy thing. He also won't open his mouth enough.
No, I'm not bitter. Thanks for asking. The one thing that makes this all better is that the University of Iowa's Writers Workshop (THE Graduate Program for Creative Writing) rejected his poetry application so he settled for General Hospital. SUCK ON THAT FRANCO!
Side Note from Katie Dee, because my stupid computer won't let me just make a comment: It's so "Jewel's book of poetry" from the 90's.
From CK: IT IS SO JEWEL'S BOOK OF POETRY. Which I may or may not own... she talks about her boobs a lot...
For the record, I am totally not tipsy-blogging. TOTALLY NOT. And anyway, whatever the fuck if I am - it's my birthday.
Anyway, as someone who has had many, many gay friends in her life (more than admitted so at the time, for sure), I can appreciate the influence and love a "sassy gay friend" can bring to an otherwise dull and meaningless existence. My very own sassy gay friend, Chatty Kathy, shared with me a great video on my wall (KATIE DEE HAS A FACEBOOK, YOU SHOULD BE HER FRIEND) and I will now share it, as well as a video I found through its link (THANKS YOUTUBE), with all of you. You're welcoooome. The videos are a postulation of what would have happened in various literary classics if the heroines had had a "sassy gay friend" to talk them through some of their tougher moments. First, we have the video CK shared with me (of the SGF talking to Hamlet's Ophelia):
And as if that weren't great enough ("Ophelia, he stabbed your dad through a curtain.") we have the SGF talking to Juliet. I love this, because I have always thought Juliet was an idiot (and it's not just her - Romeo's a fickle asshole), and this is everything I ever wanted to say to her.
"I think you're 14, and an idiot. You took a roofie from a priest." SPEAK THE FUCKING TRUTH, SGF!
And on this holiest of days, I wish that all of you have SGF's to help you through all of life's turbulent moments.
In parting, I leave you with a spontaneous song, inspired by my birthday BECAUSE I'M TWENTY FUCKING ONE YEARS OLD:
Happy birthday to me, I know that I'm great, I haven't felt this good Since I turned the big one eight; Happy birthday to me, I'm awesome, I know And now I can buy alcohol Anywhere the fuck I go!
On this, the national holiday of my birth (and, all credit for this knowledge to a tip a friend gave me, the anniversary of the death of Queen Elizabeth I - RIP RIP), I bid you all a good night, and I wish you would all have a drink in my (and the Queen's!) honor. PIP. PIP.
Side Note From CK: And I was linked to this video by The Stranger in Acadiana! THANKS TSIA!!!
The title and contents of this post are taken from my friend, Argumentative Guy, in what was a Facebook Status but what he changed (THANKS TO ME, IT WAS MY IDEA, HE MENTIONS ME) to a Facebook note. You'll see where he gets his nickname in a minute, but you'll also see a well-thought-out and well-researched, if foul-mouthed, argument for why people should NOT just assume that the government will fix all their problems immediately OR just assume that the government will ruin their lives - that maybe people should just sit their asses down for a bit and wait for change, which can be a slow process, to come about. This is not to say that action is never necessary - for instance, when it comes to voting - but it is to say that not everything takes one of two properties of a Big Mac: either apocalyptically bad for you on the one hand, or ready in five minutes on the other. SOMETIMES THE CHOICE IS NOT A BIG MAC AT ALL, IT'S A SALAD. Below is his post.
"This began as a status update, but I was advised to turn it into a note for better future reference so I am:
I am sure I must be out of my fucking mind given some of the crackpot arguments about "socialism" and "liberty" I have heard today. Guess what? John Locke said health was an inalienable natural right alongside liberty and property, and that a person's liberty to accumulate wealth was limited to only that which does not harm others or leave others with insufficient ability to prosper themselves. So to all you "conservatives" who think that the Constitution gives you the right to become rich off the backs of the poor and then refuse to pay your fair share can go choke on your own privilege while masturbating to Ayn Rand.
You will only have credibility to talk to me about personal and community responsibility for the poor and uninsured only when you can show me that you and your community/church/etc. actually have taken care of all of their members, and sorry assholes, even the churches and groups who spend the most on charitable works have still left 45 million people in this country uninsured [1]. Furthermore, for people who identify themselves as Christians to say that we should leave a situation which allows 45,000 people to DIE every year from LACK OF MONEY [2] up to charity is diametrically opposed to everything I was taught about Christ. Jesus engaged in and advocated charity because government was abusing the poor and leaving them to die in the streets, he was not against government helping them.
And finally, to those of you with confused notions about history and economics... first, last night's bill has absolutely nothing to do with socialism. We should be so lucky. Second, please read a book or two not authored by Rush Limbaugh or Glen Beck before you talk about "central economic planning" or "Communism" or (especially) "numbers." Government run, single-payer, not-for-profit healthcare has not led to the decline of Canada, France, the UK, Switzerland, nor any of the 36 countries that have better healthcare than we do [3].
And since this is facebook and no fun without some good ol' invective...seriously you racist [4] teabagging fuck-sticks, I have spent a lot of time delving the depths of the internet for some of the most vile and offensive people and their creations and I have still not found anything which offends me as much as your ignorant [5] hate-filled rants. We liked you better when you were wearing your white hoods.
Sources: 1) CBSNews.com 2) Harvard Journal of Medicine 3) Photius.com 4) Washingtonindependent.com 5) Forbes"
Sidenote from CK: My personal favorite line in this whole thing is "go choke on your own privilege while masturbating to Ayn Rand." I knew I always liked Argumentative Guy.
So I don't usually watch the Real World but for some reason this season I'm hooked. I think I can place some blame on CK for this one, because she enables me by watching it with me and then talking about it like it's the most fascinating thing that was ever created (let's face it, we enable each other). Anyway most of the people on it are forgettable (there's the musician chick who I hate the more she speaks, the one brunette who's kind of stupid and the one brunette who's super abrasive, the blonde one, the douchebag dude, the douchebag black dude, and Panda) but my favorite by far and the focus of today's Msquared is Mike, the bi/possibly gay guy from Colorado. He is super cute in an Abercrombie sort of way (I think he looks like Matt Damon) and he works with HRC (Human Rights Campaign for the non-gay) and he LOVES his boyfriend Connor (I believe this is his name. I don't pay enough attention. It's not like it's Jersey Shore. AKA something REALLY IMPORTANT). Anyway Mike's been grappling with his sexuality for a few years now and, in my opinion, seems to be pretty together on the show, though his roommates are constantly bugging him about how he's GAY and not BI and they can't deal with him being bi - but he sticks up for himself, and I think is fairly confident in his sexuality. Personally, I don't give a fuck if he's gay or bi, and I don't see why they're pushing it so hard. Just let him be. If he likes boys, cool. If he likes girls, cool. If he wants to make out with me, so be it.
Anyway, the reason I love him particularly today is because CK and I just watched the new episode, in which his family comes to visit and he really comes out to them in a new way - particularly his mom. Apparently his parents had been kind of encouraging Mike to keep quiet about his sexuality, which obviously made him feel like they didn't approve of/understand/accept it. So he brings his mom to meet his boss at HRC and they have lunch and talk about all the issues in the LGBT community (she didn't even know what this meant, which to me was just amusing and shocking because I can't even conceive of not knowing what LGBT means. Again for the non-gay: LGBT = Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender) including marriage and adoption, among other things. It was so sweet how hard she was trying to understand him and his new world-view, especially when they were talking about adoption. He said something about how it was illegal in many states for gay people to adopt, and her response was, "Well I still want grandchildren, so we'd better change some laws." CK and I exploded.
Mike just seems grounded, sure of himself, sweet, thoughtful, and not a character-type like many of his RW peers. PLUS he still is religious, which is not exactly my thing, but you know, he's standing up for what he believes in and isn't sacrificing his sexuality or religion one for the other. Good on you, Mike. I encourage you to make out with as many dudes as will make you (and Jesus) happy. I will watch.
Sidenote: CK- Mike's BF's name is Tanner. I know this because unlike Jersey Shore, this is important.
What's the deal with Celebrity Doppleganger (I'm pissed I can't get the umlaut to work on this computer) week on Facebook? I don't really get it. I think it's a sign that people are just getting bored with everything that facebook is. People are finding who they look like via websites and friends' opinions through status comments. It's like the institution that is facebook is stimulating discussion becuase we can't do that for ourselves anymore. How sad is that? People take facebook incredibly way too seriously. Plus, I already know who I look like, so I changed my profile picture, obviously, to my Doppleganger: Bald John Travolta.
So this was supposed to be an AMAZING POST-GAGA Feminine Friday. Yes, you read correctly. Katie Dee and myself, along with J Bear and our other friend Lil Sof Sof, bought tickets on eBay to go see The Monster Ball at Purdue University. I was ready to share my religious experience, to express how I was a changed woman, and to praise the brilliance that is The Lady.
Well, the bitch canceled on us. We drove 5 1/2 hours, got lost about 5,000 times, had Google Maps drop us off in the middle of a corn field to find our spirit guide to lead us the rest of the way, saw Jason DeRulo, and at 7:30 (showtime) to a packed house, a man comes out on stage with this HUGE cop and "regrets to inform us that the paramedics have advised Lady GaGa not to perform tonight." Like any respectable Big 10 college audience should do, we started the "BULL SHIT" chant. We kept telling ourselves this has got to be the prelude to the most amazing opening ever. This is part of the show. He kept regretfully informing us of things and that all of our tickets would be valid for a rescheduling of the show on Tuesday, January 26th.
I was numb with shock. Sometime in the near future I'm sure this is going to be a good story. For instance, that I've seen Lady GaGa twice. But for now, it just really fucking sucks.
Everyone is talking about how great she was on Oprah. I didn't see it. Because I was busy speeding down I-74 in a disappointed rage. She cancelled her last Chicago show due to exhaustion. Bitch needs to take care of herself. I hope she's ok, but I mean, if her heart didn't stop for at least 4 seconds, I'm blackballing this "exhaustion."
I think TFLN put it best: "(812) Even Lady GaGa hates Purdue."
An example of the map we were following:
Where it lead us:
Side Note: Stay tuned for more GaGa, however. We're going to try and make it back to Indiana (the ugliest state in America) on the 26th to see this show.
Update: Ok. So I just went and checked Lady GaGa's twitter page... I feel bad for the girl. I want her to get better and do amazing things. She's changing pop music. She's such an outspoken member of the queer community. I just. I'm so disappointed. I can't believe this happened. I just. I can't. UGH. Read the tweets below.
"I've been crying for hours, I feel like I let my fans down 2nite. An hour before the show, I was feeling dizzy and having trouble breathing"
"Paramedics came to take care of me, and told me my heart-rate was irregular-- a result of exhaustion and dehydration."
"can't apologize enough for how sorry I am. I could hear my fans cheering from my dressing room, I begged everyone to let me go onstage."
"My stage has complicated mechanical elements,everyone was concerned I'd be in danger during the 2hr show, since I had passed out earlier."
"I am so devastated. I have performed with the flu, a cold, strep throat: I would never cancel a show just based on discomfort."
"I hope you can forgive me. I love my little monsters more than anything, you are everything to me. I will make-up the performance on Jan 26."
SECOND UPDATE: I HAVE SUCH MIXED FEELINGS!!! Chicago-Sun Times Headline reads: Lady GaGa ok for Oprah, but not for Indiana.
Alright ladies and that other gender I refuse to acknowledge on the internet, the webseries Anyone But Me that I blogged about in August is back for season 2! Now, today they airedstreamed premiered episode 3 and it's taken me this long to blog about the premiere because I was unfortunately underwhelmed by the first 2 episodes. I'm sorry ladies, but I didn't want to badmouth you since we're linked to your press page (we're famous). I mean, the first episodes were a little sketchy. ENOUGH with crazy lesbian fantasies. JENNY SCHECTER IS DEAD. We still don't know by whose hand, mind you, but she's dead. I'm over it. Next thing you know there will be an Anyone But Me reality show.
But episode 3, "Identity Crisis," redeemed everything for me and made me excited for the rest of the season. On to the positives, people!
1. Acting: Upgrade. 2. Production quality: Upgrade. 3. Streaming Free on Hulu.com: Upgrade. 4. Storylines: Upgrade.
Watch the episode via point 3 and you can just see for yourself points 1 and 2. Now to address point 4. The storyline in "Identity Crisis" revolves around Vivian and her childhood friend, Sophie, who just found out she was gay. I won't give away how, because I want you to watch the series. What was so great about this particular episode and what reinvigorated my faith in the series is that it did what it does best and took a very real, often overlooked aspect of teen life and chose to tell that story instead of the omg gay characters! omg black kids in suburbia! omg at some point not even the hot cheerleader fits in! bullshit story lines that I am so tired of seeing told over and over again. It viewed Vivian's coming out through the eyes of Sophie. I've never even thought about coming out in terms of a straight peer. Of it being awkward for them. As an out lesbian, I come out over and over again to different people almost on a daily basis. Believe me, it gets old. Vivian makes that clear and then tells Sophie that it "doesn't change who I am." Sophie brilliantly retorts with "but it does." And I guess it does.
Shame on me for not thinking about the act of coming out this way, but good on you for pointing it out? I'm going to answer my own poorly structured question and say yes. Because I guess it does, in fact, change who you are. I mean all of a sudden just because a person comes out as gay if they before hadn't really enjoyed mustard but then all of a sudden they love it isn't really what I'm talking about. But I think coming out to a peer, or a person of the post-9/11 generation that this web series focuses on, isn't about telling them "hey, I'm what the society major views as a sexual deviant." We're over that. But it's implying a different world view that requires a different set of rules in order to exist and navigate. Viewing the world through queer eyes versus straight eyes is a completely different experience. I get shit all the time for queering everything; however, for me, it's never a stretch. It's my first go-to facet of my argument and is what I naturally see, and how I naturally feel and it is always really difficult for me to understand how other people don't see how incredibly gay the whole entire world is. This is what I think happens when Sophie suggests Vivian put up Twilight (ick) posters in her room and then Aster suggests putting up P!nk posters (yay). Interests are different, the appeal of certain things are different, explanations are different. Sophie says she doesn't have a problem with Vivian's homosexuality and I honestly believe her. I think Sophie is just experiencing gay culture clash. And it's this culture clash that I've never really taken into account when I have to come out to a straight peer. I never realized that, even for a fleeting second, they ask themselves "What is ok or not ok for me to talk about now?"
The acting in this episode really gets my point across much clearer and it's this improvement in the acting that I love so much. Season 1 was great because there were teen lesbians being portrayed as people and not as suicidal depressives. And my goodness that Nicole Pacent (Aster) is one attractive girl. Also, Rachael Hip-Flores (Vivian) and I are real friends. And by real friends I mean twitter friends who I often get @ replies from that support me listening to Ani Difranco over and over again. What else do I need in a friendship? NOTHING.
It'd be really great if this show took the Exes and Oh's fast track from it's original form as a short film to a commercial length cable television series. I wouldn't mind watching the whole ABM story unfold over again during a 30 minute period with regular commercial breaks just to get more of these characters.
Also, I'd like to thank Tina Cesa Ward and Susan Miller for keeping this series free. Since the end of The L Word, lesbian media is nowhere to be found, unless you want them in scrubs. I used to watch We Have to Stop Now, starring Cathy Debuono, Jill Bennett, and Suzanne Westenhoffer. Those are some big names in the lesbian entertainment world. They also apparently like to make money. The series now requires a $25 subscription to watch. I'm sorry. I have to pay rent.
In conclusion, I like this webseries.
Sidenote: I also really like how all of the characters are good at something. Archibald draws, Elisabeth wants to act, Sophie (and Vivian) are into journalism, Jonathan is an athlete, and Aster is just so comfortable in her own skin I don't even know if she has a talent besides her confidence.
Here's to our first of what we hope to be regular posts on Viral Video Wednesday!
I found this video on a best-of list and not only is it really fun, they actually did some good with it. Oh, the powers of Youtube. The wedding procession of Kevin and Jill danced down the aisle to Chris Brown's "Forever," and in light of his recent heinous transgressions, they asked that people make donations to the Sheila Wellstone Institute. If you're still interested, you can visit their website.
Sidenote: This wedding party is HUGE. I mean, I think the first two guys were ushers. but MY GOD, have more people in your wedding.
In order to have the blog be updated at a more regular pace, we've come up with a sort of schedule. We're posting it here to make ourselves more accountable. When Katie D sees this, she'll probably edit it with her ideas as well. So let's start the new year off right together.
1. We've created Masculine Monday. This is sort of Katie D's day to talk about men. Sexy men, annoying men, smart men, cool men, gay men, straight men. And if I have any ideas I can write about those things too, but this is more her day.
2. My day is Feminine Friday. This is where I can talk about the same things. Sexy women, annoying women, smart women, cool women, gay women, straight women, feminism. That sort of thing. And again, if Katie D has any ideas, she can write about those things on this day as well.
3. Viral Video Wednesday. We're going to start posting videos that we like off the internet (because that's where we live) every Wednesday. Maybe even some Vlogging might occur. Who knows? The possibilities are endless because if you shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars. (Side note from Katie D.: I have always thought this was a stupid phrase. There are no stars between earth and the moon. Therefore, you will not land among the stars. You'll probably just end up orbiting the earth. This is nothing against CK, of course, because she didn't make it up, but I just wanted to express my incredible frustration at whoever the fuck came up with this saying.)(Side Note from CK: Did the sarcasm not translate well? I'm still trying to perfect that. My blubbering, spacey, can't connect step 1 and step 5 mind sometimes doesn't realize we don't share a brain. I almost typed "brian.")(Side note from Katie D.: Oh, I knew you were being sarcastic. I just wanted to state my vehement loathing for that phrase.)
4. We're going to continue with our "Obsessive Much" and "WTF Happened to...?" threads. Obviously. Because those are awesome.
Now, on to things we've failed to cover. Frankly, I stopped writing about Jon and Kate plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show) because I don't give a damn. Those poor kids. All 8 of them. Even Maddy. They are no longer protected by anything. Everything is raw. The transparency of that family is insane. It wasn't presented with any buffer, just as reality. When that happens, your perception of your actual reality and the producer's perception of the reality they've created for good television blurs and nothing is real anymore. Balloon Boy and his fucked up parents and family fall under the same category. Also, Tiger Woods is a douche bag. How did he hide 14 women? Why did he choose washed up reality stars? Is this why he hasn't been playing golf lately? Again, I don't care.
Katie D? Anything else we need to atone for?
Katie D. - I'm gonna go ahead and agree on the "I don't care about Tiger Woods, Balloon Boy, or the Gosselins" line of thinking. Other things I don't care about: anyone who has ever been on The Hills/those other shows that are associated with The Hills; any other sports player who does something scandalous; the Obama party crashers; 90210 or Gossip Girl; Brangelina (I think even Jennifer Aniston is over it. Why won't the rest of the world move on?); the Kardashians, Girls Next Door, or those Gotti people (still not sure who they are) - generally, any show on E! that is not The Soup or Chelsea Lately; and pretty much everything on MTV (EXCEPT JERSEY SHORE, THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO TELEVISION). So I atone for none of that. BUT if I'm going to atone for something it would be generally not posting much, especially about stuff I'm actually interested in - Health Care, the new Twilight movie (yes, I still have strong opinions about that stuff), John Mayer and his new CD - so I'm planning to post a whole lot in the next couple weeks, covering the stuff I just talked about as well as other things, to make up for not writing much. So to start things off well, here's something I really, really care about: the Geico Pothole Commercial.
I particularly like that it has a southern accent; makes me think of home. It always amazes me just how much stuff people actually take the time to put on YouTube - I mean, who found that video and uploaded it? - but I am so, so glad that they did.
I am also officially looking forward to our gendered days of the week, because I love nothing more than talking about people who I find interesting. This doesn't mean anyone else will find them interesting (this is your warning) BUT you will definitely, definitely learn.
Also, I know we missed our anniversary, but we're a little more than a year old now (Happy Birthday, Dorothy Anne the Dyxieland Cowgirl!) and I just want to say thanks very much to our readers. This is clearly not a particularly serious blog, but that doesn't mean we don't care about it, and we appreciate you coming back to read our stuff, ridiculous though it often is.
OKOKOK. I'm sorry I've been MIA. Turning 21 really puts one behind in responsibilities. But, the one constant during all the shenanigans that tend to be life at The Girl's House (The nickname given by our group of friends to mine, Katie D, et al's abode) has been a little show that you may or may not have heard about. I mean, it's not really that popular, and it's hasn't had that much hype surrounding it at all. So, in case you didn't know, besides Julia Nunes, the new love of my life is GLEE. It comes on every Wednesday at 9/8c on FOX.
Now besides the singing, besides the dancing, besides Lea Michele, besides Jane Lynch as the devious coach of the Cheer-ios Sue Sylvester, we need to talk about newcomer Chris Colfer who plays Kurt Hummel. (K...U...R...T...KURT!) Kurt is fabulous. Simply fabulous. Katie D and I text eachother Kurt quotes. I sent this one just now: "My name is Kurt Hummel and I'll be auditioning for the role of kicker." And Colfer's voice is out of control. The first time we met Kurt in the pilot back in May, he held a note long enough to throw in his signiture part-fix to the hair. His delightfully bitchy confidence and fashion sense makes every episode a joy to watch.
Now, before I fall too quickly into the tone of a Good Housekeepingbook reviewer, let's talk about the story line began in episode 2: "Acafellas." Mercedes is under the impression that her and Kurt are an item. However, everyone else knows what Mercedes is ignoring and Kurt hasn't admitted to himself or anyone else. Kurt is gay. Here is where the show not only differs from anything on television because there is singing and choreography fit to a plot, not to mention a plot; but, GLEE deals with real issues kids face in Highschool. And the most important one to me is Kurt's coming out.
Being out in Highschool is a completely different experience than coming out later in life. Especially college. In college you are allowed to be crazy (Ahem, birthdays make good excuses...) and you are allowed to experiement and break the mold. That's what it's all about. But in highscool, if you are different, if you break a mold, you are putting yoruself at risk. Why is that? Who fucking knows. And it fucking blows. But if it weren't for shows (ok enough...) like GLEE, these things wouldn't be talked about. I was never out in highschool. My best friends in the whole entire world, my never look back, love you no matter what, support you even if you are wrong until you are 50 and living with 2 cats and a ferret best friends knew. And if anyone else knew, thanks for not telling me sooner so that I could have gotten on with everything already.
But alas, I digress. My point is Kurt's story is one happenning everyday. But GLEE is treating it with respect, with reality, with humility, with class, with humor. And that's why GLEE is the new love of my life and Kurt's Single Ladies number makes me want to spank my ass. And yes, he does do the finger point sneak attack.
Sidenote: GLEE is also a social-networking site for the LGBT community. Who knew? Click the picture to check it out.
Riddle me this gays. Is Lady GaGa a Big Gay Homo or not? Or is it just a publicity tease?
The following three reasons confirm her Lesbian Tendancies:
1. She makes out with a lady cop.
2. She has sexually ambiguous lyrics and has been quoted as saying:
"I love men, I love women and I love sex, but I’m actually pretty introverted right now because I’m so enveloped in my work, and it’s hard to let anybody near that. People f--- with your energy, and it’s very hard to find people that are supportive of your art and don’t want to take time away from it. A lot of times, boyfriends and girlfriends get jealous and want all your attention, and I really don’t have time for that." From HX Magazine, August 2008
And I googled her (not like that...) and came up with this article, where she says "I love a girl in her underwear." No, I did not take that out of context.
3. These photos are up. [Thanks to Chelsea for the tip!]This is just a taste of what the paparazzi caught her doing with this chick who is apparently named Lady Starlight. Who the fuck is that you ask? I dunno. But click here to see the rest... My reasons why I think it’s just a tease:
1. Sex sells.
2. How many times does a club superstar ever actually have a succesfull second album? Get it while you can. Get it. While. You can.
3. The gays know how to dance, and if your videos appeal to that action you will have so many gay men with ultra low rise jeans and bleached hair waiting in line to buy your cd, you won’t be able to tell the difference from the smell of hairspray or the smell of plastic being ripped off of cd packages that are too tightly sealed to begin with. Shyeah. It’s that intense.
4. Sex sells motherfucker.
But for right now, I think the most important reason we even care about this issue is that that beat is SICK. Even though the issue of her sexuality only keeps her on perezhilton.com, her music keeps her in the club. Which is a fun place to be after 3 beers and a Long Island Iced Tea. Or two. So I vote she just keeps singing. And if she kisses a girl , let it be me.
And she performed at theDinah. Along with Katy Perry. Really Club Skirts? Katy Perry? She’s fun and has a thing for fruit themed clothing, which is cool and all, but still. Katy “I ripped off Jill Sobule’s hit from the 90’s” Perry? Please…
So The Advocate did a special online feature (Thanks to Ms. Snarker's tweet for the heads up) on our favorite flip-flopper Clementine Ford, where she set the record straight, yet again.
But not really, because in the article she affirms that she is in fact a big gay homo.
Here’s the quote from the article where Ford explains herself: The Advocate: Let’s clear the air on the interview that ran recently with Diva magazine, in which the cover said, “Clementine Ford Comes Out.” In the piece, it sort of intimated you came out and that you had an affair with your costar of The L Word, Kate Moennig. Then you did an interview with TV Guide magazine where you attempted to clarify. It sort of has given you some pushback from fans. Can you tell us what happened?
FORD:It’s funny. I was having kind of rough day. My best friend sent me a text saying, “You have to see this.” So, I went online to see this link and I read the comments and I go, “They hate me!” When I did the TV Guide interview I was angry because there is the whole perception now that I came out and I went back in. And what upset me was I felt that because I did not "come out" in that interview, I felt it was unfair to fans that bought the magazine expecting to get a tearful story that says, “I’m gay.” I thought it was misleading, and now because I was upset by that cover, I am apparently back in the closet and people hate me.
TA: But, can you understand how some people may have been confused when in a magazine piece you are quoted like that?
FORD:There are people who get it, and get what my original meaning was. Just as I was talking about storylines being a nonissue on The L Word; it should just be these people are gay and it’s part of life. I think with that article, and what came across as ambiguity, was actually my attempt at making it a nonissue. Look, I am gay, and I just wanted there not to be this big emphasis on it.
The rest of the article is just about her role as Mackenzie “Mac” Browning on The Young & The Restless. Please. I don’t care about that. I just want to know who she’s banging.
The article leaves us with an interesting little tidbit:
TA:What about the reported “fling”?
FORD: I would never!
TA: Any of your L Word costars weigh in on your new soap role?
FORD: I talk to Kate Moennig all the time, and she was the first person I told. She told me congratulations.
So, what you’re telling me that’s there’s a chance those two are actually together, right? I mean I’m obviously not projecting anything here.
So welcome officially Clem, to the Ladies-Who-Love-Ladies Club. It’s a great place to be.
Sidenote: Props to PicNik on having a rainbow heart under the Romance category of their sticker tab. Props to you.
So, in typical Maury fashion, Alfie is taking a DNA test to prove that he is the father…
2 other boys came forward claiming they were the father, Chantelle says no Alfie is the father because she loves him and that he has to be because she loves him and that she loves him so he just has to. Fuck Love. WHAT ABOUT WHO YOU BANGED?!
A 16 year old says slept with Chantelle a number of times and the other a 14 year old who slept with her about 9 months ago.
The 14 year old:
The 16 year old:
Age upgrade!
But Chantelle’s mother Peggy says it’s all rubbish. Chantelle clearly lost her virginity to Alfie. Well good. Then this is all just one big mistake.
This is now causing arguments from the conservative leaders of Britain (Tory) that this is proof of a “Broken Britain.” I think this is just some family using their kids to make tabloid money off of them. Alfie’s dad is considering having the test opened on TV. WTF!?
I saw Spring Awakening on Thursday night with a friend from high school slash work. We are both English majors and post-play we did nothing but analyze the shit out of it. She made the remark that if she had seen this at 14, her brain would have exploded. Or something to that effect, as this play tackled just about every issue a teen faces. Sexuality, masturbation, defyingauthority, self worth/failing, domestic abuse/sexual abuse, abortion, suicide. The only thing not addressed was body image, but I think that might be a slightly more modern issue than the characters living in 1891 could probably handle, since, you know, the Girls Next Door weren't gallivanting on screen in front of them.
I’m about to go all English major on your ass, so if you don’t like analytical theories and only read this for our scathing, often rude humor, stop reading, or keep going to enlighten yourself. It's up to you. And there might be some SPOILERS so if you’re the plot loving theatre-goer, stop reading as well.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
A little background: Spring Awakening was first written in 1891 by Frank Wedekind and was banned by German Authorities. Wedekind is credited as a founder of modernism, the movement that gave us playwrights such as Beckett and Brecht and Pirandello. As an avid participant in Banned Books Week, I love banned things, so when I read that in my souvenir program, my blood started to boil with a little more excitement than it already was. Then, in 1974, the British National theatre staged the first uncensored English language production of Spring Awakening. And then Duncan Sheik reincarnated himself from 90’s pop hell and took over… And thus, Spring Awakening as we know it was born.
With it’s German roots this play was very Brechtian, and explained why all the names were so jankity: Melchior, Wendla, Moritz, etc. and can definitely be categorized as Epic Theater, or Dialectical Theatre, as Brecht preferred. For his goal with his theatre was to present ideas to people for them to judge and think about, all while constantly distancing the audience and reminding them this is fiction, but forcing them to face the issues going on around them, making the theatre more than just a form of entertainment. As a play of magically appearing microphones, Spring Awakening distances the audience with the sudden incorporation of mics-- be it from a coat pocket or passed out by a fellow cast member or through a strategically placed mic stand-- and an interesting technical aspect of having audience members on stage, mixed with chorus members who pop up to sing during some of the songs. This brings the music into the audience, breaking the fourth wall and the bubble environment most plays exist in. The minimal set also allowed for the audience to focus on the issues at hand, not the amazing feats of design and lighting. Even though both design and lighting are impossible to ignore, as that is what creates the scene in this play’s case, not the moving sets carted on and off stage, as that does not occur. If they are under a tree, the lighting changes, if it is night, exposed light bulbs come down from the ceiling and act as stars, the back light turns amber as the characters lose track of time in their talking, all amidst the duration of one song.
Now, my first impression of what this was going to be like was SEX EVERYWHERE!!! Even though there is nudity and a pretty explicit sex scene, I was proven wrong. Parents be warned, there is a website for you to use as resource in learning how to talk to your kids about the issues Spring Awakening tackles, because it is very explicit and I can see why people are made uncomfortable by the play. Seeing it in Houston, TX the audience was small, because I don’t think Houston is ready for what Spring Awakening does. People are scared of it. It makes people uncomfortable. Especially when an actor masturbates for a whole song. Yep. On stage. A whole song. Awkward much?
My one beef was during the reprise of “Word of Your Body” (the sex song), the gays of the show tackle the issue of their sexuality. One boy doesn’t know it but everyone else does, and one boy knows he’s a Big Gay Homo. Yes, that is a technical term. Well, it may have been the way the Clueless Gay played the scene—as a very feminine man, with all the right punches in all the right places to get the laughs—but the audience found something humorous in the fact that, just as heterosexuals do, homosexuals were discovering their desires. It may have just been the Houston audience, but what makes gay discovery funny? Where is the humor in someone discovering their sexuality? Who said it was ok that that can be used as fuel for humor? I do understand that sometimes the only way to deal with coming to terms with your sexuality is humor. I do it all the time. I mean, do you read the blog? Please. Humor of the self deprecating variety abounds. I get it. It’s necessary. But it is unfortunate that it has become a necessity to cope. That homosexuality is treated different than the discovery of a heterosexual’s own desires. So I guess the dialectical theater worked for me, as that scene made me want to go out and make a change and not just have my reaction exist within the scope of the play, but put into action in a very real way.
So you might be asking? Did the lesbian like the play, or not? I definitely enjoyed it. I recommend it as something everyone should see at least once. The opening number is THE SHIT. The actress who played Marta in this touring company was stomping like there was no tomorrow. Often compared to RENT (with that logo, how can it not be?), Spring Awakening does not do what RENT did in a political sense, because RENT is very relevant within it’s contextual time frame. Spring Awakening is more universal, with social issues and issues of personal discovery, and no one cornily comes back to life in the end, thank the baby Jesus. So I did enjoy it, the music was unlike anything I've heard in my limited-but-probably-more-extensive-than-the-average-person-exposure to musical theatre. But I definitely enjoyed the discussion it spawned and the analysis it provided more than the play itself.
Dialectical theatre Score.
And the fact that my neuroses can now entertain you people.
Here is an example of the GESTUS used in the play: Wendla's self-fondling is an action that flows throughout the acting in the play. Then, you get to see the girl's rock out. But it's a little less awesome, as there is no way TV can bring to you that special echo the stage brings. All the jumping and stomping adds to the music and it just pumps you up. I got chills down my right side during all of the numbers this Tony performance highlights. They started in my scalp and ended in the ink of the tattoo on my right calf. Oh, and ignore Zach Braff's lame attempt at comedy. Stick to Scrubs, man. Stick. To. Scrubs. And Lea Michele (The original Wendla who you see singing here) is the most gorgeous Jewess I have ever seen in my entire life. I only wish I got to see her boob on stage in the original production...
I also noticed that the adults in the play were played by one man and one woman, giving the Authority Figures, the bad guys, the opposition only one blanket face and allowing the variety of teens to stand out with their uninhibited actions and crazy hair.
Did anyone else notice the 6th member of New Kids on The Block?
And since I don't know where to put this: This is the tour promo video of the cast we saw in Houston. Marta (the chick in the stripes) was totally my favorite. And this is a bit more rocking than the Tony performance with the original cast, since they are all censored and shit.
Side Note: Did I mention everyone in the cast looks like they are about 12?
In the battle of the century, Melissa Etheridge and Elisabeth Hasslebitch tackle Prop H8. Since we all know Etheridge is the shit, we all saw the defeat of Hasslebitch coming. But it was just great to watch her squirm under the condescending eye of Etheridge, who was “disappointed” in Hasselbitch. DISAPPOINTED?!?! That’s all you are?!?! Come on Melissa. At this point with Hasselbitch, I’m beyond being politically correct. Even though I’m so over being politically correct in general.
Let’s just address The View and all the trouble those ladies stir up. I mean, when you get a group of “diverse” women together, there’s bound to be disagreements and little cat fights. Even though the underlying agreement is that they’re all Jewish liberals, because in order to get a ticket on the Hollywood train they check for traces of Manischewitz in your blood stream, since those people directly inject that shit into their veins. So this diversity is all just an act. I personally don’t watch The View, I just wait to read about whoever disagreed with Hasslebitch and lived to tell the tale the next day. These batty old broads are worse than my grandmother and her card playing ladies. I’m surprised they don’t also talk about the upkeep of their bodies and which doctor they have to go see today, all while wearing their arch-supporting SAS old people shoes in a variety of colors; black or beige.
But, leave it to Etheridge to be able to intelligently talk about the issues of the gay community. Because (SHOCKER) this woman is a lesbian, one of those politically correct, activist lesbians who carry around a guitar and a message who make me feel lazy because when the Prop H8 rally in November happened in Iowa City, I was too hung over to get up and go. But with the passage of Prop H8, her family is at risk, her way of life is in jeopardy. She brings up a good point that it’s about the children. Isn’t it always about the children, Melissa? If you tell anyone that, there is no way they can argue with you, since clearly, if it’s not about the children you are a cold, heartless, shell of a human being. Dementor threshold reached. Here’s the video and Etheridge performs with her 12-string Ovation.
Did anyone else notice Obama's campaign logo on Etheridge's guitar strap? Yeah, she’s that much of a badass.
But with this whole gay marriage thing such an issue right now, I think we need to work on changing the culture before we tackle the laws. For example, TLC is only perpetuating the stereotype of what everyone thinks is a successful family with shows like Jon and Kate Plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show). Why not have a non-traditional family that is successful and loving and using up the kids we already have instead of making more that all look the same (damn Gosselin kids)? I mean, I can’t say no to the Holiday marathons of Jon and Kate plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show) but the intelligent, analytical part of me wants to see something different, something new, something borrowed, something blue so that everyone can see that a family means love. Like Stitch said, Mahalo means family and family means no one gets left behind. Instead, I have to rent some edgy documentary about a gay couple going through the adoption process to even see what a non-traditional family looks like.
This is getting preachy, so I’ll end on the O’Donnell/Hasselbitch epic battle of ’07.
Side Note: I love how Joy turns into political moderator. Who died and turned her into Gwen Ifill? I also LOVE the split screen action around 3:26.
This speaks for itself. At least for me, a girl who thinks shoes are just fabulous.
Katie D., please take over this one...
Can do Kathy. Hilarious. My favorite things about this: 1. Not in this clip, but in an article about the incident I got off cnn.com, was this gem: "Hurling shoes at someone... is considered an insult among Muslims." Really? Because in Unitarian circles, that's our way of showing affection. I love learning about the little quirks of other cultures! 2. Bush's quip on the shoe size. It's very important that we know it's a size 10 shoe. Is there a penis joke hidden there somewhere? 3. How fucking long did it take for Bush's security team to get this bitch down? Honestly, he not only launched one, but BOTH of his shoes at the most powerful(ish) man in the world - and nobody got to him for a good three or four seconds. The first guys to try to stop him weren't even Secret Service, they were other journalists. And Bush was standing up there without a guard for even longer than it took to take the dude down. What? How does that happen? I mean, I'm no Bush fan, but I'd like to have a little more confidence that they've got his bases covered, security-wise. This does not help that image!
This dude's career is done. The journalist, I mean, though I know how that could be confusing. But at least he offered us a little comic relief - and maybe some vindication? I mean, Bush ducked the shoe. Reflexes like a cat, that man. He plans to dodge all blame for the global recession and the fucked up war in the same manner.
Side Note From Chatty Kathy: being from the South, in fact, the same great state as President DumbFuck(I knew there was a reason I left...), I too am intrigued by the diversity of cultures the world has to offer. So, if I were in DumbFuck's shoes, or those being thrown at him, I think my face would look the same. And this isn't the only note on which I can relate to this other Texan. I cringe when people poke fun at his slight mispronunciation of the word "nuclear," as it is only a dialectic thing. Because I say "nucular" as well. Clearly the correct way to pronounce the word.
Response to Chatty Kathy's Side Note: Nucular? Really? I'm from the South as well, you know. That's no excuse! My town enriched the uranium for the atom bomb; it's a particular sensitivity of mine that he can't pronounce that word. Clearly the correct way to pronounce the word is nuclear - like how it's spelled! Should we rumble?
Acceptance of Katie D's rumble invitation: Belts or Knives?
Joni & Susanna chronicles the relationship between a gay girl and a straight girl. So basically Katie D. and Chatty Kathy fictionalized. So this might be us, my blogging partner and I. I first read this on AfterEllen and wanted to share it here, because no matter how many times I drunkenly come on to Katie D., we both know it isn't going to happen. Which, as I always say, is unfortunate. The humor is very much like The Office which is just fabulous. The more times you watch, the more theWB will notice, the more likely we are to see more media with real lesbians on it. Get Excited.
Side Note: My Favorite Line:"When I'm drunk I don't see gender anymore. Making out is just...fun. Did you know I'm a virgin?"
Posts
On a sidenote, we recently had a discussion about what the husband of our first female president will be called. The First Gentleman? The First Sir? We couldn't decide, then hoped it wouldn't stay Mr. President because that's just like the 80cents to the dollar plight women suffer from now. But instead of coinage as currency, it's titles. What would the husband of the first lady president be called? Assuming she's married, which she doesn't have to be. Also assuming she's straight, which she doesn't have to be. Can of worms...
Where it lead us:
![[4]](http://washingtonindependent.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/teapartypic.jpg){kind=link}
