This made Hasselbitch bearable! She’s a person! A real one! Who can talk sanely to other real people!
Clearly real people rule.
Rachel Maddow is a real person.
And she made The View bearable.
They talked about her coming out and meeting her partner, which she described as a “gay Desperate Housewives.”
And then Bawbra Wahtlahs says something about Whoopi coming out, to which the most ambiguous one replies “please, that door’s been open for years.” I’m sorry, it has? What? Are you saying Whoopi is a Big Gay Homo? I totally didn't see that one coming. I might have to go reevaluate my belief system.
If you missed the most bearable episode of The View ever, you can watch Maddow's clip here. It’s worth it. Because besides all of the talk about Maddow’s coming out and how they make her wear makeup and what not, they actually talk about the economy and they do it without yelling. Hasslebitch kind of actually bows down. I think it’s because our hero Maddow referenced how freeze spending caused the first depression to be “Great.” She’s so clever. I see what she did there.
And then to top it all off is the shoulder tap Maddow gives Hasselbitch at the end. The Shoulder Tap That Launched 1,000 speculation.
So it’s Christmas Eve. Holy Balls. When did that happen? I’m home form work relaxing before the family frenzy that is Christmas Eve. My mother puts on a sweater that I could wear to a party, my dad busts out his “nice polo” and I maybe put on deodorant as we canvas Houston making the Christmas Eve Party rounds. And no matter what, we always manage to be the first ones at the party. Even at the last stop. Hmm… Strange. But before all that happens and while my mother is doing penance for her sins at the local Catholic church, I’ve been watching the marathon of Dog The Bounty Hunter on A&E (the BEST CHANNEL EVER) and it got me thinking. What would Dog the Bounty Hunter want for Christmas? I know what I want for Christmas. You know, the usual: Some money, an iPhone, my rights, peace on earth, the banishment of Hasselbitch from daytime TV. But what about Dog? Being the Christian man that he is (he prays every time he and his team go in for the fugitive with more “motherfuckers” than drill sergeant) I’m sure his desires consist something of the following: Leland’s hair to be longer and oilier, Beth’s breasts to be larger, the Hawaiian meth addicts to make more labs, the prostitutes to not show up in court more often, for his son’s girlfriend to not be black. Again, the usual. I sure hope he gets what he wants. Let’s get Centro Santa on the job.
In the battle of the century, Melissa Etheridge and Elisabeth Hasslebitch tackle Prop H8. Since we all know Etheridge is the shit, we all saw the defeat of Hasslebitch coming. But it was just great to watch her squirm under the condescending eye of Etheridge, who was “disappointed” in Hasselbitch. DISAPPOINTED?!?! That’s all you are?!?! Come on Melissa. At this point with Hasselbitch, I’m beyond being politically correct. Even though I’m so over being politically correct in general.
Let’s just address The View and all the trouble those ladies stir up. I mean, when you get a group of “diverse” women together, there’s bound to be disagreements and little cat fights. Even though the underlying agreement is that they’re all Jewish liberals, because in order to get a ticket on the Hollywood train they check for traces of Manischewitz in your blood stream, since those people directly inject that shit into their veins. So this diversity is all just an act. I personally don’t watch The View, I just wait to read about whoever disagreed with Hasslebitch and lived to tell the tale the next day. These batty old broads are worse than my grandmother and her card playing ladies. I’m surprised they don’t also talk about the upkeep of their bodies and which doctor they have to go see today, all while wearing their arch-supporting SAS old people shoes in a variety of colors; black or beige.
But, leave it to Etheridge to be able to intelligently talk about the issues of the gay community. Because (SHOCKER) this woman is a lesbian, one of those politically correct, activist lesbians who carry around a guitar and a message who make me feel lazy because when the Prop H8 rally in November happened in Iowa City, I was too hung over to get up and go. But with the passage of Prop H8, her family is at risk, her way of life is in jeopardy. She brings up a good point that it’s about the children. Isn’t it always about the children, Melissa? If you tell anyone that, there is no way they can argue with you, since clearly, if it’s not about the children you are a cold, heartless, shell of a human being. Dementor threshold reached. Here’s the video and Etheridge performs with her 12-string Ovation.
Did anyone else notice Obama's campaign logo on Etheridge's guitar strap? Yeah, she’s that much of a badass.
But with this whole gay marriage thing such an issue right now, I think we need to work on changing the culture before we tackle the laws. For example, TLC is only perpetuating the stereotype of what everyone thinks is a successful family with shows like Jon and Kate Plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show). Why not have a non-traditional family that is successful and loving and using up the kids we already have instead of making more that all look the same (damn Gosselin kids)? I mean, I can’t say no to the Holiday marathons of Jon and Kate plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show) but the intelligent, analytical part of me wants to see something different, something new, something borrowed, something blue so that everyone can see that a family means love. Like Stitch said, Mahalo means family and family means no one gets left behind. Instead, I have to rent some edgy documentary about a gay couple going through the adoption process to even see what a non-traditional family looks like.
This is getting preachy, so I’ll end on the O’Donnell/Hasselbitch epic battle of ’07.
Side Note: I love how Joy turns into political moderator. Who died and turned her into Gwen Ifill? I also LOVE the split screen action around 3:26.
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