It's Still Monday in California

My first Masculine Monday post is dedicated to my sister, and will double as my way-after-the-fact review of New Moon.

Our first M Squared is Taylor Lautner, who recently broke up with Taylor Swift and who (sources say) will in the next few years become my brother-in-law. Welcome to the family, Tay. And here are a few reasons why he's welcome to the family:
1. Arms


2. Smile


3. General boyish charm


4. Seriously, just look at him


5. No really, look at how he's holding that football


6. He knows Robert Pattinson and presumably can introduce me


7. Same for Kellan Lutz (also I find this picture oddly hot. But then I'm strange.)


I mean, does Taylor look a little cheesy in some of these pics? Yeah, sure. Am I doubting his taste in women after he dated Selena Gomez? Of course, but I still love Zefron even though he's dating the disgusting V Hudge. Is he the greatest actor? I'm honestly not sure, because there's a lot about the movies that can be blamed on bad writing, but I mean, sure, he's fine. I thought the SNL skit where he was a Team Edward fan was semi-amusing, and I was very impressed with his ninja moves where he decapitated Kanye in the intro/monologue thing. So really I guess my stance on his "skill" level is that we'll have to wait until he does real movies to see how the acting progresses.

And that's my seamless way of moving into talking about New Moon: it was exactly what I expected. My opinion is generally the same as it was for the first one - the protagonists are very nice to look at, the movie is better than the book because the book is poorly written, and I still like stories about vampires because they remind me of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (three cheers for Joss Whedon). If you like fairly predictable stories with a couple interesting ideas, or particularly if you like hot guys running around shirtless, you should probably see this movie. Personally this isn't something I'd ever drag a guy to, but hey, I'm fucking nice.

Holy Abs Emmet/ Leave Robert Alooooone

Kellan Lutz, better known as Emmet from Twilight, was apparently tired of being the overlooked guy on the set. Hey, he's a vampire too, and he's supposed to be the big bulky sexy one - so what's the deal with Edward and Jacob getting all the attention? Is he not, he asks, just as hot as them? Um, yeah, apparently he is. These are some just glorious pictures of him from a photo shoot with Flaunt magazine, to which I apparently need a subscription. I now have a new background for my laptop and a new appreciation of headgear.

In other Twilight news, the bitches at LifeStyle magazine are claiming that R Pattz is being a jealous little bugger because Taylor Lautner is getting all the attention in the new movie. They say his star is dwindling and he's ever-so-concerned, and also he's jealous because his sweetheart Kristen Stewart is hanging more with Taylor than with him.



Not to question the undeniably astute minds behind LifeStyle, but do these bitches think? 1. Why would Robert suddenly be surprised about Taylor having the lead role? Dude has read the books, and Edward is pretty much gone for the whole thing. It would be a non-issue, especially because 2. They are pretty much GUARANTEED to make the next 2 movies, both of which star Edward more than Jacob (to my everlasting chagrin). So I'm doubting that Robert is worrying his pretty little head over anything. Oh, and by the way, 3. Kristen Stewart has a boyfriend, and it is neither Taylor nor Robert but some lucky dude named Michael. And I'm doubting that either Taylor or Robert, who has been linked to several pretty girls on his own, has any trouble getting women.

The only thing Robert might have the sads about is that there have been rumors going around that he hates showering and always smells like ass on the set - which again doesn't make any sense, because he hasn't even started filming yet. So yeah, he is upset about that, and he's one of those sensitive artsy types who is super insecure anyway, but come on - let's not make drama where there is none. I know this is a blog where we talk about celebrity dirt a lot of the time, but let's treat them like people, shall we? I mean, everybody talks about people behind their backs, whether it's friends or celebrities, but to just make up shit about them is uncalled for. And if it bugs me, someone with no tangible ties to these people (other than the love in my heart), imagine how it must suck for them. Yeah, some of them wanted to be famous, but for a lot of these kids, they just wanted to do cool movies and see themselves onscreen - not have their private lives splattered throughout the tabloids. They're not even in their mid-20s, for Chrissakes - Taylor and Kristen are younger than me, and I'm practically an infant. I'm with Chris Crocker on this one.

Anyway, I'm off my soap box. Enjoy some more Kellan Lutz pictures! Click to enlarge... you know you wanna!

See? Taylor Lautner WAS a Good Call

So you might be getting sick of posts about New Moon, but I don't care, because I just saw this video of Taylor Lautner showing off the effects of his bulking up to play werewolf-Jacob in the next Twilight flick, and I needed to share it with you. As has been previously stated, in my opinion Jacob > Edward, so as a fan of the films I'm happy that the actor has taken his role seriously. Also, OHMYGOD.



Oh AND apparently Dakota Fanning is in talks to play the little mind-torturer-vampire Jane. This would be really great for me, because then I would be within 6 degrees of all the cast members.
1. I know a girl
2. the girl's mom (who she obviously knows)
3. knows Dakota Fanning's aunt.
4. Dakota Fanning's aunt knows Dakota Fanning.
5. Dakota Fanning will know Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, AND Kristen Stewart!
Which obviously means that I could befriend and then marry any guy on set. Good talk.

Oh Em Gee Twilight News

Well, I apparently was lie-telling earlier when I said that Taylor Lautner, Shark boy of my dreams, would not be appearing in New Moon! (Director) Chris Weitz posted something on (writer; I use the term loosely) Stephenie Meyer's site about how everybody involved in New Moon and their fug brother is thrilled to have him back, probably because it was already announced that he was gonna be replaced and they needed to back-pedal.

Good. I was annoyed that they would be so risky with the casting of the book's hottest and most important character (HE IS) and try to rush to find someone who looked more werewolfy but who wasn't as good an actor. Taylor made me like him with his, like, 4 lines in Twilight, and if he's that charismatic I'm sure he'll carry the bigger part, no problem.

Also, the guy they were supposed to be considering to take the role, Michael Copon, really pissed me off for a couple reasons. 1. He and Taylor don't particularly look alike, and that would annoy me 2. He did a really obnoxious interview with J-14 (which, by the way, I had no idea was still in publication. I think I bought one copy once, and I'm pretty sure NSync was on the cover) where he said, " I see so much in Jacob Black that I feel like wasn’t brought to the first film that if I had the opportunity, I would totally create an amazing character." This seems douchey to me because, like I said, Jacob in the first movie is only on screen for like 5 minutes, and Taylor did a good job with that anyway. What more was he supposed to bring? 3. He made fun of Taylor for being 140 pounds and 5'6". He's like 10 years younger than you, buddy, I HOPE you've got a couple pounds on him! And do you expect him to control his height? Fuck off. Ok, so I'm overprotective. Whatever. Jacob Black isn't supposed to be a douchebag, so the guy playing him shouldn't be either.

Anyway, they'll use movie magic to make Taylor seem bigger than he is, Taylor will win the hearts of women and gay men everywhere, and maybe they'll get the plot line correct, as it should be, and in the movie he'll sweep Bella off her feet and they'll end up together. I see no way this could not happen.

Hear That Noise?

It's the sound of millions of fangirls screaming the name "Edward." Why? Well, because the date for the release of "New Moon" has been set, of course! Next November 20th insane people everywhere will be swarming the theaters at 12:01 so they can all scream at a fictional character on a screen together. And not in a "Rocky Horror" kind of way. And yeah, this is coming from someone who liked the Twilight movie, but I'll be seeing New Moon at least a week after its release (the 12 year olds will be on their fourth or fifth viewing by that time, and much less prone to screaming) and I will be quietly evaluating it/checking if they got the new Jacob right. Mmhmm, I'm pretty much the only female in the world who wishes Bella had done the fucking smart thing and hooked up with the sexy werewolf kid rather than the overprotective vamp. They're not bringing back the same guy (Taylor Lautner) to play Jacob because he looks too young - which is true, but a shame because I liked him - and they'd better not fuck Jacob up or I'll be pissed.

Shit, I just found out that Taylor Lautner was the little (shark)boy in the movie that taught me to imagine, The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl! (Yeah, I was 16 when I saw it, but it's never too late to reunite with the kid in you.) I dragged my boyfriend to see that (he said he wanted to) and loved every minute of that shit. He and his dad later mocked me. Fuck them, it was sweet.



Anyway. They're also getting rid of the director, Catherine Hardwicke. This is kind of a shame, because you almost never hear about female directors, but she didn't want to work with such a short schedule. (Plus that scene in the woods where the camera swirled around Edward and Bella made me a little pukey.) Instead they're bringing in the guy who did "The Golden Compass" (Chris Weitz) with Ice Face Kidman.

For those of you counting at home, Nov 20th is only 364 days after the release of this year's movie. I understand that the vampires aren't supposed to age or anything, but that's gonna be a tough schedule to keep. Especially since they still have to find a Jacob who is up to my (very high) standards. Good fucking luck, Weitz.

Just So We're Covering All The Bases...

I despise Twilight. I’ve only read the first one and haven’t seen the movie. But, it is my strict belief that if the book can’t win me over, there is no way the movie will. But that could just be my literary snobbery coming through. However, I know a good thing when I see it and in this case that good thing is Kristen Stewart. Remember her in Panic Room with my girl Jodi?

Here’s some cool news about K Stew. She has been cast to play the most rocking of rocker chicks Joan Jett in “The Runaways,” the biopic of the all-girl rock-n-roll band of the 1970’s. Do you think this:
can rock hard enough to play this:
The Runaways will start filming sometime in 2009, depending on K Stew’s schedule with the next two Twilight movies (yes, there will be more… save us.) And she will be starring in K-11 as a man. Yep. A man. With her on screen (in drag) will be none other than Twilight’s Rosalie (Nikki Reed). The movie takes place in the sector of the Los Angeles County Jail that houses gay inmates, with K-11 being the official classification. Now, with all the Lockup: RAW I watch on MSNBC when I can’t sleep at night, I can only imagine what this movie is going to be like. I’m not much of a movie person and don’t go out of my way to find them, but I think I will be keeping tabs on this one because if there are three things I can’t resist it’s anything to do with prison, drugs, and gays. I know that doesn’t present a pleasant connotation for the latter, but I’m a gay, so I can make the jokes around here.