So on the last Feminine Friday post, Chatty Kathy included the video of Zack Walls speaking (eloquently and bravely and oh-my-God-date-me-ly) about preserving our new marriage equality laws here in Iowa. He speaks about his mothers and their ability to parent, and judging from the way he speaks and carries himself and the obvious respect he has for them, I'd say (and he says) they did a pretty damn good job. It's been just about everywhere on the internet - good job Zack! (date medate me) - and it's been inspiring people to respond.
One such responder is this lovely lady, Jean Argus. Jean is also an Iowa native, and she was so moved by Zack's speech that she shared her own story about her gay son and his family. She acknowledges that it was a struggle to accept him, but in the end, he's still her son, and the fact that he's gay doesn't make him a bad person or her a bad mother. If I were gay, this is what I would want my mother to say on my behalf.
Good morning. A couple things that should be brought to everyone's attention:
1. Dancing Boyd
So if you haven't heard Willow Smith (that would be Will Smith's daughter) singing her song about whipping her hair back and forth, I don't know where you've been for the past month. It's very irritating but sort of catchy, and it has spawned some pretty great videos - this is one of them. I like when he gets his wings into it.
2. This is funny, Alot
It may not be surprising, since I'm an English kid and I love to be right, that I am very easily irritated by idiots who make stupid grammatical mistakes on the internet. This website is trying to help me lower my blood pressure by giving me psychological coping mechanisms to deal with idiocy. And I have to tell you, I like it. I like it, Alot. Read it, cheer up, it's almost Thanksgiving! (AND THEN THAT MEANS IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS!)
P.S. I think my favorite is the Alot of Mist. Or the Alot of Fire.
Today's viral videos cover a whole plethora of subjects, these subjects being: gay marriage, masturbation, and Betty White. I know, it sounds like the topics normally covered over breakfast for me and CK. I promise, I have my reasons for choosing each.
1. Gay Marriage
Cynthia Nixon - sometimes known as Miranda from Sex in the City (let's face it, always known as that) - is actually a pretty great advocate for LGBT rights. We've posted a video of her speaking at a rally before, and I thought she was just as eloquent in this clip. I was only upset to not have access to the entire thing, because I would have loved to see that douchebag's rebuttal.
(If that video doesn't work, click on the "Watch FULL Program" at the bottom right of the little screen.)
2. Masturbation
Christine O'Donnell, if you haven't heard of her, is running for the Senate seat in Delaware. She's one of those tea-party people, and she's making me think less of the group of them (difficult) with every new video clip I see of her. Now, I'm not bothered by religious people in general, but I am bothered by people who, to quote one of my friends from high school, "think their beliefs should be legislated." She is one of those, and unfortunately she's also a complete twit. This woman has had videos floating around the internet about how she dabbled in witchcraft in college (?), how lying is so wrong that even if she were hiding Anne Frank in the attic and the Nazis came knocking she would not lie to them to save her (???), and now there's this lovely video floating around that she made for MTV in the 90's (note the hair). My favorite things about the video: the face she makes when she says "you can't masturbate without lust!"; the gothic chick with huge hair who tells us about being pure of heart; how great John Travolta looks with that goatee.
3. Betty White
All I can say about this video is if you thought I wasn't serious about stealing kids before... well, I still wouldn't because that's a felony but this kid is fucking cute. He had me at "Beggy Wide." And then when he started SINGING? From THE SOUND OF MUSIC? I think I popped an ovary.
So it's Saturday and I'm hungover; don't worry, I've already had wings and watched an episode of Dexter (SO GOOD) so we're on the way to recovery. Here's a porcupine who thinks he's a puppy.
... Fuck yeah. Happy 4th of July, from us at Dyxieland and the Founding Fathers. Please remind yourself of how awesome they were with this clip from a documentary on George Washington.
By the way: 1. This is not really from a documentary. 2. This clip was by the same guy who did Wizard People, Dear Readers: Brad Neely! Good job Brad.
So BetseyBetsey showed me this interesting queer performer, Ivan Coyote, yesterday and I was too busy doing really important things at my really engaging job to give her feedback, so here it is, complete with a nickname.
Ivan Coyote is a Canadian storyteller. So what happens on stage isn't exactly spoken word, but stories told aloud to an audience. I'm not sure if Ivan Coyote identifies as transgender or as a butch lesbian, so out of respect I'm going to use gender-neutral pronouns. Look at how progressive I am.
Ivan writes about childhood in the Yukon territory and ideas circulating in the queer community. The stories don't really address the politics of being queer, but what it means to be butch and femme and queer: ideas of self-representation. JBear and GayBear and I were having an interesting conversation about what genre of the opposite gender we would be. Apparently, I'd be a beard-sporting, plaid-wearing, bio-diesel van driving, Birkenstock aficionado. So, basically me with a beard. Anyway I watched a bunch of performances of Ivan on YouTube and there's two great pieces, one thanking femmes and the other on "what it means to be butch." It's basically a "what I did last summer" for masculine women. Both videos are great. So great, I've posted them below.
First off, what a cutie little Canadian accent. I love that the definition of a femme enables the definition of a butch. And that being a feminine lesbian is, at times, harder than being a butch(ish) lesbian. It's playfully serious. Because when you decide to come out, you are going to have to learn how to laugh. Shit gets funny.
Now, let's compare and contrast. What basically sums this whole story up for me is when Ivan says "be the man you wish you'd slept with in high school." That makes a lot of sense to me. If you're going to be a butch, masculine lesbian don't be a man's man; Be a lesbian's man.
These two performances, and Ivan's ideology, are a testament that gender is socially constructed and that words can be what you choose to call yourself, or what you let people call you.
One of Ivan's short stories has been turned into a short film. It also is an exploration as to what gender is. Check it out, it's called "No Bikini."
This makes me want to parent my hypothetical children in the most unabashed new-age, montessori style. She wasn't trying to be a boy, it's just that no one asked and it didn't really make a difference.
So since Lady Gaga became the world's new obsession (and won Dyxie hearts), everyone on YouTube has done their best to channel her, or at least to do videos in her honor. For instance, you may have seen the video posted by our soldiers in Afghanistan:
... which is just, you know, beyond words great.
But as fun as that is, there's a new kid in town named Greyson Michael Chance, and he is RIDICULOUS. He is 12 and there is a video of him singing Paparazzi and accompanying himself on the piano at his 6th grade talent show, causing the girls sitting behind him to gape at him in awe. He's also quickly becoming the sixth grader I'm most jealous of in the world because he is GOING ON ELLEN TOMORROW. Greyson Michael, say hi for me. Anyway, here's the video which has been burning holes in the internet and converting Justin Bieber fans everywhere:
Can you fucking imagine if this were to happen at your middle school talent show? What 12 year old can do this? Oh, and in case you thought this was just a fluke, here are the two songs he posted on YouTube which he WROTE HIMSELF. If your jaw doesn't drop automatically, may I just remind you that he's 12? I've been around my fair share of 12 year olds and let me tell you, many of them can barely form a coherent sentence. When I was twelve I was too busy battling my hormones and terrorizing everyone to think about anything as productive as writing music. But apparently Greyson is above all that shit! Go ahead and be stunned by the videos below.
Oh hey! So today, for a change of pace, I thought I'd blog. I know, it's unexpected, but we're wacky here at Dyxieland.
So I was scouring Facebook, as many college students do, when I'm sure I should've been doing something else, when I came across this terrifying/hilarious video on Argumentative Guy's wall. In it, a terrifying/hilarious preacher shares his terrifying/hilarious views on why women shouldn't wear pants and why neither gender should wear medium-length hair. Please enjoy/be sad about the state of our world.
To accompany this video, I'd like to share some thoughts. 1. I'm thrilled I'm not married to that man. 2. Some chicks can work short hair! 3. If I'm not supposed to wear pants, does that mean I can't wear sleep pants or sweat pants? Because there goes half my leg-wardrobe. Oh, and if we take out jeans, there goes another 49.5% of my leg-wardrobe. 4. I wonder what his thoughts are on kilts? Because as of recently, my thoughts on kilts are: they're hot. 5. Please stop saying "queer" like that, it makes me gasp every time. 6. I was absolutely not meant to be meek. I think he's right about how women want men who are strong, but I would change his idea of "Godly women want strong men" to "strong women want strong men (or other strong women, if that's their thing)." I would also argue that strong men want strong women (although again, they could also want a strong dude) because I think that people who are capable and confident search for these personality traits in others. I think that the only people who like weak people are also weak, if not physically then in some mental capacity. For instance, I'd say that this man considers himself to be strong, but from everything he's expressing - fear of "confusion," only wanting a "meek" woman, mocking people who are different from him, even the way he hides in the Bible - I see no strength. He probably does want a meek woman, because he couldn't handle anything else. Welcome to the 21st century, dude. Women are no longer valued for their silence, and we need people around us who can handle us having a voice - as Lorelai Gilmore once said, the meek shall not inherit the earth!
So one of my friends here in England told me about a beautiful website, tvshack.net, where I could watch American TV in my spare time when I'm not exploring London or doing homework or having the batteries changed on my door (about to be the fourth time in almost as many weeks!). You see, even though in the U.S. you can watch network shows on the internet, evil evil television corporations make it so that the licensing whatchamacallits (by the way, that word was not flagged by my spell-check, which gets mad at me when I don't capitalize the word "TV") don't allow people who are abroad access to their online archives (FOR SHAME television people! How am I supposed to survive if I don't know that Jin and Sun live happily ever after?), so this tvshack thing is really, really wonderful.
She told me about this site so I could start my relationship with It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, about which I've heard only good things, but unfortunately I don't have enough time to devote to a new TV show right now - maybe next month. Anyway, I did use this miraculous God-send of a website to catch up on one of the shows I really loved in the U.S., but which I haven't been able to watch for a while: Community. This show is fucking funny - I think the characters are well-written and the casting of Chevy Chase was absolutely brilliant - but I'd be lying if I said that I started watching the show for any reason other than Joel McHale, who is, of course, today's Masculine Monday.
I've had major hots for Joel, who is a tree-like six feet four inches tall, since freshman year when I first discovered The Soup, the show he hosts on the E! Network, and when he started promoting his new sitcom I had to jump on board. And if you don't typically trust my taste in TV (although I'm not sure why you wouldn't; I have excellent taste), guess what? Ronfire likes it too! There's something for everybody! You all should watch it! Anyway, Joel is wonderful, and here are some clips of him.
This first clip was watched by me and JBear pretty much every day for about a month when we were freshmen.
This next one is Joel fighting a bully on Community, played by Anthony Michael Hall, continuing their string of John Hughes references. (He was the geek in The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, and Weird Science, but then a couple years later he bulked up and came back to play the bully in Edward Scissorhands (which of course was Tim Burton, not John Hughes, but my point is that he's the bully). Again, clever casting.)
And these next two are mostly because I really love Troy and Abed (Donald Glover and Danny Pudi).
There is this great British comedian named Eddie Izzard who does a lot of weird-ass stand-up comedy, which I find very hilarious. Once YouTube brought his stand-up to the masses, one guy took it in a direction that I don't think Eddie expected, but which actually works very well: he made legos act out Eddie's sketches. In stop-motion. And put them on YouTube. Here are some of my favorites, and I'm sorry for being so cranky about Bristol Palin a minute ago but hopefully this will lift all of our spirits. Enjoy.
Death Star Canteen:
Do You Have a Flag?
Cake or Death?
And here's him just doing stand-up. You will especially appreciate this if you understand French.
So since the video that CK and I were talking about posting on VVW was taken off the internet (hate crime?) - CK found it (or possibly J Bear?) and it was of a fabulous, glittery gay dancing and doing sign language to Lady Gaga songs - we were sort of at a loss for what to do on Wednesday. But I saw this video on Countdown, and I thought you all should see it as well. Don't ever tell your sons they aren't Single Ladies.
Sidenote from CK: I wanted to post this yesterday when I found it and before it went viral on HuffPost, but alas, my MAJOR HUGE LACK OF MOTIVIATION OF ANY KIND hindered me from doing so. But everytime I watch this my heart breaks. EVERYONE CAN BE A SINGLE LADY. KAtie Dee said something about how I should at least be happy that the dad is ok with allowing his son to create his own gender boundaries. Harrumph. I mean, when you see the kid's face drop how can you not give in to allowing him to be a single lady? I am no where near over how attached I feel to this small asian child.
For the record, I am totally not tipsy-blogging. TOTALLY NOT. And anyway, whatever the fuck if I am - it's my birthday.
Anyway, as someone who has had many, many gay friends in her life (more than admitted so at the time, for sure), I can appreciate the influence and love a "sassy gay friend" can bring to an otherwise dull and meaningless existence. My very own sassy gay friend, Chatty Kathy, shared with me a great video on my wall (KATIE DEE HAS A FACEBOOK, YOU SHOULD BE HER FRIEND) and I will now share it, as well as a video I found through its link (THANKS YOUTUBE), with all of you. You're welcoooome. The videos are a postulation of what would have happened in various literary classics if the heroines had had a "sassy gay friend" to talk them through some of their tougher moments. First, we have the video CK shared with me (of the SGF talking to Hamlet's Ophelia):
And as if that weren't great enough ("Ophelia, he stabbed your dad through a curtain.") we have the SGF talking to Juliet. I love this, because I have always thought Juliet was an idiot (and it's not just her - Romeo's a fickle asshole), and this is everything I ever wanted to say to her.
"I think you're 14, and an idiot. You took a roofie from a priest." SPEAK THE FUCKING TRUTH, SGF!
And on this holiest of days, I wish that all of you have SGF's to help you through all of life's turbulent moments.
In parting, I leave you with a spontaneous song, inspired by my birthday BECAUSE I'M TWENTY FUCKING ONE YEARS OLD:
Happy birthday to me, I know that I'm great, I haven't felt this good Since I turned the big one eight; Happy birthday to me, I'm awesome, I know And now I can buy alcohol Anywhere the fuck I go!
On this, the national holiday of my birth (and, all credit for this knowledge to a tip a friend gave me, the anniversary of the death of Queen Elizabeth I - RIP RIP), I bid you all a good night, and I wish you would all have a drink in my (and the Queen's!) honor. PIP. PIP.
Side Note From CK: And I was linked to this video by The Stranger in Acadiana! THANKS TSIA!!!
So I thought that gayed out version of "You Belong With Me" from last VVW was pretty great. I'm sure Tay (Taylor Swift to her not-as-close friends) would love that video as well. I feel like when YouTube videos are done in fun and with a fair amount of respect to the original, the artist would probably appreciate the people doing the re-make, rather than being pissed about it. This is, I'm sure, how Ke$ha feels about the video I'm about to share with you.
I have a love/hate relationship with Tik Tok, the virus of a song that Ke$ha released into the unsuspecting world. On the one hand, it has a catchy chorus. On the other hand, I hate every other part of the song, and I get it stuck in my head all the time. But this video rethinking is a work of pure genius.
This child is a badass; Sleeping Kitty Productions 4 lyfe.
So at my job our supervisors have to give motivational pep talks to keep us working hard. These talks are sometimes extremely related to our task at hand, and sometimes extremely not. This is the video they showed us last Saturday, the message being that we should be "sneaky" in our jobs to succeed. The message I wish to convey to you is, "Hey, at least our alcoholism is something we came by honestly." Brought to you by the folks at the Big British Channel.
I apologize in advance for not having actual videos on the site; you'll have to toddle over to YouTube to really see what I'm talking about. But I do have links!
So it's not really a secret that I enjoy things of a, shall we say, "Harry Potter" nature. This includes but is not limited to Harry Potter books, Harry Potter movies (some of them), Harry Potter jokes, Harry Potter adventures, Harry Potter discussions, Harry Potter trivia, and Harry Potter spin-offs. The videos I am about to share with you take two of my passions - Harry Potter and weird shit - and combine them. So Brad Neely decided to take the ENTIRE first HP movie and narrate it, as a "book on tape," which he called "Wizard People, Dear Reader." The idea is to watch the movie on mute and play Neely's narration over it, for a new take on the story (FUCKIN META). The result is hilarity. Obviously, some people put it up on YouTube, and thank God for them. It takes a little bit to get into it, but once I got to Chapter Three I was hooked and had to watch the whole thing. The nicknames are one of my favorite aspects of the videos - "Ronnie the Bear" - "Catface Meowmers" - "Snake" (who is a woman) - "Hardcastle McCormick" - but what really makes it funny is this guy's voice. He must be insane. But in the BEST way. I can't get the video to work (embedding has been disabled and my computer knowledge is less than extensive) so PLEASE use the links below to travel to your friendly neighborhood YouTube and watch Wizard People, Dear Reader!
Here's to our first of what we hope to be regular posts on Viral Video Wednesday!
I found this video on a best-of list and not only is it really fun, they actually did some good with it. Oh, the powers of Youtube. The wedding procession of Kevin and Jill danced down the aisle to Chris Brown's "Forever," and in light of his recent heinous transgressions, they asked that people make donations to the Sheila Wellstone Institute. If you're still interested, you can visit their website.
Sidenote: This wedding party is HUGE. I mean, I think the first two guys were ushers. but MY GOD, have more people in your wedding.
In order to have the blog be updated at a more regular pace, we've come up with a sort of schedule. We're posting it here to make ourselves more accountable. When Katie D sees this, she'll probably edit it with her ideas as well. So let's start the new year off right together.
1. We've created Masculine Monday. This is sort of Katie D's day to talk about men. Sexy men, annoying men, smart men, cool men, gay men, straight men. And if I have any ideas I can write about those things too, but this is more her day.
2. My day is Feminine Friday. This is where I can talk about the same things. Sexy women, annoying women, smart women, cool women, gay women, straight women, feminism. That sort of thing. And again, if Katie D has any ideas, she can write about those things on this day as well.
3. Viral Video Wednesday. We're going to start posting videos that we like off the internet (because that's where we live) every Wednesday. Maybe even some Vlogging might occur. Who knows? The possibilities are endless because if you shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars. (Side note from Katie D.: I have always thought this was a stupid phrase. There are no stars between earth and the moon. Therefore, you will not land among the stars. You'll probably just end up orbiting the earth. This is nothing against CK, of course, because she didn't make it up, but I just wanted to express my incredible frustration at whoever the fuck came up with this saying.)(Side Note from CK: Did the sarcasm not translate well? I'm still trying to perfect that. My blubbering, spacey, can't connect step 1 and step 5 mind sometimes doesn't realize we don't share a brain. I almost typed "brian.")(Side note from Katie D.: Oh, I knew you were being sarcastic. I just wanted to state my vehement loathing for that phrase.)
4. We're going to continue with our "Obsessive Much" and "WTF Happened to...?" threads. Obviously. Because those are awesome.
Now, on to things we've failed to cover. Frankly, I stopped writing about Jon and Kate plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show) because I don't give a damn. Those poor kids. All 8 of them. Even Maddy. They are no longer protected by anything. Everything is raw. The transparency of that family is insane. It wasn't presented with any buffer, just as reality. When that happens, your perception of your actual reality and the producer's perception of the reality they've created for good television blurs and nothing is real anymore. Balloon Boy and his fucked up parents and family fall under the same category. Also, Tiger Woods is a douche bag. How did he hide 14 women? Why did he choose washed up reality stars? Is this why he hasn't been playing golf lately? Again, I don't care.
Katie D? Anything else we need to atone for?
Katie D. - I'm gonna go ahead and agree on the "I don't care about Tiger Woods, Balloon Boy, or the Gosselins" line of thinking. Other things I don't care about: anyone who has ever been on The Hills/those other shows that are associated with The Hills; any other sports player who does something scandalous; the Obama party crashers; 90210 or Gossip Girl; Brangelina (I think even Jennifer Aniston is over it. Why won't the rest of the world move on?); the Kardashians, Girls Next Door, or those Gotti people (still not sure who they are) - generally, any show on E! that is not The Soup or Chelsea Lately; and pretty much everything on MTV (EXCEPT JERSEY SHORE, THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO TELEVISION). So I atone for none of that. BUT if I'm going to atone for something it would be generally not posting much, especially about stuff I'm actually interested in - Health Care, the new Twilight movie (yes, I still have strong opinions about that stuff), John Mayer and his new CD - so I'm planning to post a whole lot in the next couple weeks, covering the stuff I just talked about as well as other things, to make up for not writing much. So to start things off well, here's something I really, really care about: the Geico Pothole Commercial.
I particularly like that it has a southern accent; makes me think of home. It always amazes me just how much stuff people actually take the time to put on YouTube - I mean, who found that video and uploaded it? - but I am so, so glad that they did.
I am also officially looking forward to our gendered days of the week, because I love nothing more than talking about people who I find interesting. This doesn't mean anyone else will find them interesting (this is your warning) BUT you will definitely, definitely learn.
Also, I know we missed our anniversary, but we're a little more than a year old now (Happy Birthday, Dorothy Anne the Dyxieland Cowgirl!) and I just want to say thanks very much to our readers. This is clearly not a particularly serious blog, but that doesn't mean we don't care about it, and we appreciate you coming back to read our stuff, ridiculous though it often is.
Why do I find this so fucking catchy? This video has been featured on a couple of my favorite corners of the internet recently and I am annoyed by it but it gets stuck in my head really, really easily. I'm not sure if they're serious; now, obviously, to most normals, the entire idea of this "rap" is ridiculous. But sometimes extreme Christians are not exactly normal - watch Saved. It's pretty accurate. Anyway, now that it's stuck in my head for eternity, I bequeath it to all of you. Don't thank me.
Also, because I'm crazy and have a lot of time on my hands, I watched all the rest of their YouTube videos, which were just a series of parodies of The Office featuring some mediocre characters but also a guy who does a really excellent Michael Scott impression. If anyone feels the need to waste as much time as I do, you can find the videos by clicking on the video above and going to their username's videos. Probably not. Anyway, again, I think this may be a Christian group that's actually for real, because 1. I found a group related to their YouTube name on Facebook (TFH = The Father's House. I research my shit) AND their one other video seems to be rules for some sort of church youth group. Why do I find this fascinating? Not sure but more google searches of TFH and Genlife led me to this really terrifying blog, which I will now share with y'all because it made me question the state of people today. It's called "The New Sexual Revolution," and it claims to be a Christian perspective on sex in today's craaaazy society. I only read one article; it was enough to piss me off. Emphasis mine.
"You’re Teaching My Kid What? Exposing the Sex-Ed Biz
November 10, 2009
This commentary contains material that may not be suitable for children.
Dr. Miriam Grossman was lecturing at a Philadelphia college about sexual health. The students had invited her to talk about something they’d never encountered in all their years of sex education—the dangers of non-marital sex.
Grossman will never forget the girl who told her that everything she’d said about sexually transmitted diseases was correct. “I always used condoms, but I got HPV anyway, and it’s one of the high-risk types,” the girl said. If the infection did not go away, she had a 40 percent chance of developing cervical cancer.
In her new book, You’re Teaching My Child What?, Grossman says she felt “a wave of sorrow” at the girl’s words—but she was hardly surprised. The girl was yet another victim of a destructive philosophy that has been forced on America’s youth under the guise of “sex education.”
The sex-ed lobby has always claimed it was all about health—teaching kids how to stay safe. But in reality, their goal was not preventing disease, pregnancy, and emotional distress. It’s about indoctrinating them into a radical ideology—sexual freedom. Kids are urged to consult websites that urge them to begin “exploring” their sexuality at a young age, insist that sex at any age is a right, and encourage them to engage in bizarre and dangerous activities.
The findings of science are not allowed to interfere with these radical teachings. If new research proves the dangers of the behaviors they advocate, the so-called “sexperts” simply ignore it.
For instance, sex educators urge kids to avoid pregnancy by engaging in oral sex. But two years ago, cancer specialists found that oral cancers were on the rise among young adults, who used to be at very low risk if they did not smoke or drink.
If kids interact with five or more partners, they increase their risk “a whopping 250 percent.” And yet sex educators, Grossman writes, portray this activity as safe and normal.
What’s the result of this teaching? One in four American girls now has a sexually transmitted disease.
What do the sex educators say about this? They shrug it off, telling kids that “most” people contract an STD in their lifetime—as if such a thing were normal and unavoidable.
This ought to make us really angry. The “comprehensive” sex educators have done enormous harm to our kids. They keep right on teaching kids that life is a sexual-free-for-all with no consequences as long as they use so-called “protection.”
Read Dr. Miriam Grossman’s book, You’re Teaching My Child What? You can get a copy at BreakPoint.org. And then, share it with the teens in your life. They need to know the truth—that while STDs, cervical cancer, and heartbreak may be increasingly common, they are no more “normal” than swine flu.
Once again, science is backing up the truth of the Judeo-Christian worldview. That is, sex ought to occur exclusively within the context of marriage. And anybody who tells us otherwise is sacrificing truth, science, and the health of our children."
Personally, I think this kind of article is fucking dangerous. Maybe I'm alone in this because, granted, I have a weird Sex Ed background (public school in the south coupled with Unitarian Univeralist church) but this is NOT the kind of education I got. We weren't encouraged to have sex at any age or taught that oral sex was something that could be done with no risks - we were told 1. Abstinence, 2. Protection, and 3. Oral sex is just as risky, for transferring disease, as vaginal or anal sex! This was pointed out and repeated so that we would get it through our skulls, which is a good thing. Bad mouthing Sex Ed as a field is probably the worst thing that could be done for the sexual health of school-aged kids. Sex Ed is about educating the kids who don't get any information at home from their super conservative/shy/uncomfortable/overwhelmed/uneducated parents (any or all of the above can be true, and aren't any sort of indictment on parents - my point is, teaching your kids about sex is hard, so having a place for them to learn about it in a safe environment is CRUCIAL) so they need somewhere else to go (that isn't the internet).
But even if the above weren't true - even if my Sex Ed and OWL teachers (OWL = Our Whole Lives. It's a sexuality and relationship education program that is taught at UU churches for teenagers in a youth group to bond and learn together about what makes a good friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, what's ok, what's not ok, what's normal, what's safe, etc. It's a great class; I've taken it three times and personally I think every teenager should take it. It covers everything from lessons in communication to what constitutes date rape - seriously, it is a great program) had been irresponsible and hadn't taught me about the dangers of oral sex in the form of STI's, I still would have a problem with this blog post because of the part that I've bolded. Basically, they claim that mouth cancer is more likely in girls who participate in oral sex. There is no citation for this, no evidence to back up this huge claim - just this blanket statement. Where the fuck do they get this? In all the classes I've taken, which is quite a few, I've NEVER heard this. And furthermore, it doesn't make sense. Do pregnant women get cancer along with their baby when a dude ejaculates inside them? Or do guys just naturally develop testicular cancer because their balls hold semen? Not to my knowledge, and do you know why? Because it's SEMEN; it's not fucking radioactive, it's not a fucking carcinogen, it's a natural body fluid that half of the people on the planet have. If semen causes cancer, we're fucked. But this is what they're saying is the truth. What good does this do? What good does fear-mongering do? Seriously, they're trying to scare kids into not blowing each other by threatening them with cancer? Is hellfire not enough?
This stupid Christian side-hug thing is just another way of expressing this same idea - that teaching kids anything other than to just avoid intimacy of any kind until marriage will put them in danger. God dammit, teen pregnancies are highest in countries where girls are uneducated. Education is the solution to problems that arise from ignorance. If you want your kid to wait until marriage to have sex, you can raise them believing in romance and God and whatever you want, but ultimately it's their decision and if you don't give them any sort of education about the dangers that can arise from sexual relationships then you are crippling them and putting them in danger. But for the love of God, don't just make up extra shit to scare them as well. What sort of complexes are you raising your daughters to have? And honestly, if a guy's waited his whole life to have sex, how's he going to react when his wife says she won't go down on him because she doesn't want to have to breathe through a hole in her neck?
Stop lying to kids. Maybe if Bristol Palin had learned to use a condom, nobody would ever have heard of Levi Johnston. This is a lesson for us all.
Brace yourselves: Miley Cyrus has deleted her Twitter. Noooooo! What? Where the hell will I get my news now? I have to know the important decisions of her life. Chinese food or Indian? HOW WILL I KNOW WHAT TO ORDER IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT MILEY IS ORDERING?
She said her goodbyes and explanations in a rap on YouTube (below). While this is a vain way of announcing something like this, the fact is that Miley's every move is followed by the media to a ridiculous degree so she needed to say something or people would've froke the fuck out. I mean, even with the explanation - which, by the way, was really well-thought-out, and which I, as a Twitter hater (it is completely masturbatory. I don't give a fuck about your pithy life comments, sorry. Yes, I know I have one, but that's because I'm a whore for readership on the blog), completely agree with - people are still making a huge deal about it. Apparently even her DAD is asking her to bring it back (but we all know he cares only about her well-being and didn't just like the constant publicity her Tweets brought in). Anyway, I may be the only one, but I APPLAUD YOU MILEY. I applaud any celebrity whose stance on their own fame is "Why the fuck do you guys care about everything that I do? Stop it."
Oh and by the way, since this is my first post on Milers and I'm using it as an excuse, below is the video for "Fly on the Wall." Why should you care? You shouldn't, the song is mediocre and the video is no work of genius. BUT the guy in the beginning and end scenes is Jarron Vosburg, who was one of my friends in my neighborhood when I was growing up. He's doing the Hollywood thing, and I wish him well and I get excited when I see stuff that he's doing. And being in a music video of the biggest teen pop star of the moment? That's a pretty big deal. Congrats Jarron!
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