Tuesday, March 31


So The Advocate did a special online feature (Thanks to Ms. Snarker's tweet for the heads up) on our favorite flip-flopper Clementine Ford, where she set the record straight, yet again.

But not really, because in the article she affirms that she is in fact a big gay homo.

Get excited PART II!!!

Here’s the quote from the article where Ford explains herself:
The Advocate: Let’s clear the air on the interview that ran recently with Diva magazine, in which the cover said, “Clementine Ford Comes Out.” In the piece, it sort of intimated you came out and that you had an affair with your costar of The L Word, Kate Moennig. Then you did an interview with TV Guide magazine where you attempted to clarify. It sort of has given you some pushback from fans. Can you tell us what happened?

:It’s funny. I
was having kind of rough day. My best friend sent me a text saying, “You have to see this.” So, I went online to see this link and I read the comments and I go, “They hate me!” When I did the TV Guide interview I was angry because there is the whole perception now that I came out and I went back in. And what upset me was I felt that because I did not "come out" in that interview, I felt it was unfair to fans that bought the magazine expecting to get a tearful story that says, “I’m gay.” I thought it was misleading, and now because I was upset by that cover, I am apparently back in the closet and people hate me.

: But, can you understand how some people may have been confused when in a magazine piece you are quoted like that?

:There are people who get it, and get what my original meaning was. Just as I was talking about storylines being a nonissue on The L Word; it should just be these people are gay and it’s part of life. I think with that article, and what came across as ambiguity, was actually my attempt at making it a nonissue. Look, I am gay, and I just wanted there not to be this big emphasis on it.

The rest of the article is just about her role as Mackenzie “Mac” Browning on The Young & The Restless. Please. I don’t care about that. I just want to know who she’s banging.

The article leaves us with an interesting little tidbit:

TA:What about the reported “fling”?

: I would never!

: Any of your L Word costars weigh in on your new soap role?

: I talk to Kate Moennig all the time, and she was the first person I told. She told me congratulations.

So, what you’re telling me that’s there’s a chance those two are actually together, right? I mean I’m obviously not projecting anything here.

So welcome officially Clem, to the Ladies-Who-Love-Ladies Club. It’s a great place to be.

Sidenote: Props to PicNik on having a rainbow heart under the Romance category of their sticker tab. Props to you.

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Surprise Bambi!

My family has always had pets, but it wasn't until a few years ago that we broke down and had a cat door put in because we had 5 cats at that point and we were sick of getting up every few minutes to let them out. This led to some long issues with missing kitties and various varmints getting into our garage and scaring the shit out of us, but it was better than the alternative. Of course, we never had this happen.

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Monday, March 30

Real World: AIDS

Next Wednesday (April 1st) MTV is airing Pedro.

If you are a proud, card carrying member of The Real World generation, you’ll know what this means.

If you aren’t, here’s a wake-up call. Pedro Zamora was a cast member on the very first season of MTV’s ground-breaking reality show, The Real World: San Francisco. It is responsible for all the annoyingly fabulous reality television spamming our airwaves these days. Pedro also happened to be gay. He also happened to be out. He also happened to be HIV positive.

In 1994, this was unheard of. There was no one proclaiming “I’M A BIG GAY HOMO WHO HAS AIDS. LOOK AT ME. I’M ALSO A PERSON.” Pedro did that, and this movie tells his story: How he decided to audition to be on The Real World, what happened after, and his life of activism.

I’m really excited for this to come on the air. I’m probably going to need Katie D. to TiVo it. Tune in on Wednesday, April 1st at 8pm EST on MTV to watch. His story needs to be told and you need to hear it.

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Friday, March 27

Vince Slap (Chopped) a Hooker

The Smoking Gun has a tragic story about the downfall of one of the heroes of our time: Vince, the ShamWow guy. Apparently after a night at a club boozing with some prostitute, they went back to his snazzy-ass hotel ($750 bucks a night, TSG wants us to know) to... you know... watch a movie. Which he said he'd pay her $1000 for. Anyway, while they were watching a movie, somehow Vince's tongue found its way down her throat and she, well, didn't want it to get out again. Bitch bit down on his tongue and would not release. He had to punch her repeatedly in the face, resulting in several lacerations and fractures, to force her to let go, at which point he ran his poor bleeding ass down to the lobby to call the cops. They were both arrested for felony aggravated battery. He looks pissed, but she looks fucking proud of herself, doesn't she?

God dammit. I loved Vince, I really did. Now I find out that he not only has a pretty bad case of Meth Face, but he has to go to hookers to get his rocks off. Doesn't he know that almost any lady on the street would make sweet, tender love to him and then wipe his sweaty brow with a ShamWow? And if he had the microphone on, he'd get a Slap-Chop prepared meal along with the deal! By the way, if you were wondering (and for some reason this surprised me): Vince is 44. I know, through the skin that looks like it's been eaten by corrosive acid, he hardly looks a day over 30.

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YA author John Greene ees smart.


Read his books. I've read them all. Except Paper Towns. Which is sad. Send me a copy.

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Thursday, March 26





AND CALL MAURY. Or MONTEL. Get RICKI LAKE out of retirement. Get SALLY JESSE RAPHAEL to put her big red glasses back on.

WTF happened to dignity!??!

I tried to find the UK magazine's article that stated this, but all I could find was Perez Hilton's. I found one article about how a judge ruled that the DNA results could not be made public... So I think the tabloids did and then got reprimanded and took the articles down. If that is even possible. Which I don't think it is. My googling skills could just be out of practice.

[props to my friend M.A. Ziems for tipping me off on this. As I was literally typing in "Alfie Paten + DNA" she sends me the Perez Hilton link on my FB wall. Mad props yo.] [And don't judge that I kind of stole Perez's jokes. He already took the good ones.]

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The Game of Life.

You gays.

Get excited. Hasbro's online version of The Game of Life now gives it's players the option to play as a same-sex family. Woohoo!

I realize it's only a board game. And at my age, only one I play when slightly (or heavily) intoxicated. And little kids play it. Will they be able to understand what it means? NO! And that's the best part. Because same-sex families aren't being labeled as something foreign. Cartoons and board games for little kids is how our society integrates it's constant and changing values from generation to generation. So now that our kids can see the gays aren't weird and are apart of a life everyone is trying to live, the stigma will lessen and hopefully just go the hell away. So get to playing and living LIFE!

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Wednesday, March 25


I haven't been this excited about a movie in a long time. Like, since Monsters Inc. Where The Wild Things Are is fucking being made into a film! Hayle yeah! That was one of my (and everyone else, I know) favorite books as a kid and some genius (Spike Jonze) is making this shit into a movie! For those of you who don't know, this is the classic tale of a kid who gets pissed at his mom because he wants to roam free in his tiger costume and she won't let him. Annoyed at her cuntery, he goes on a magnificent adventure to the land of the Wild Things. I don't know how they're going to pull 2 hours out of this bitch, but I'm willing to give it a shot. And yeah, ok, they made a movie version of this in the 70's, but... come on. It was the 70's. Even if they just filmed Jack Nicholson reading this book to a bunch of toddlers, it would be better than that. Actually, that could be fascinating to watch. I don't imagine he was ever a child. I digress. Anyway, trailer below. As my idol Michael K would say, it'll "warm the cock of your heart. I know it's cockels, but I like cock better. Always have."

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Rachel Maddow is SO GAY.

First off, this is our 101st post!!!!!!!! BADASS.

Now to business. My girl, Rachel Maddow, was on the Jimmy Fallon show last night and she couldn't have looked more gay, been more charming, or spilled more gin. She can make me a Bijou any day.

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Facebook Status of the Day

So, a joke?

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Tuesday, March 24

So that LiLo and SamRo pic from before...

Marc Malkin tipped me off on this bad boy. Well, not personally. I just google image searched "Lohan + Ronson" and found that fabulous take on American Gothic by Ben Tegel called American Sapphic.
This is another piece by Tegel called Rehab Nation. If you want more, hit up his Flickr photostream.

Name those celebs...Ready...GO!

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Downgrade: Lindsay Lohan

Down to one word sentences, are we Lindsay? I know we are all facing tough times these days, Linds. But, I think you were doing better with this:
At least you still get to have make-up sex with this:

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Clementine Ford Comes Out Only To Go Back In.

Remember this?

Well. Apparently the big bold title of “Clementine Ford Comes Out” is one big misquote.

In an interview with TV Guide Ford claims the reporter misquoted her and that she did not come out.

TV Guide Quote:

Q: Let’s discuss this Diva magazine cover story. You sorta kinda maybe came out as a lesbian. Um, right?
A: [Groaning] I’m sooo glad you asked. The first thing that really upset me was that the cover line said “Clementine Ford Comes Out” which, clearly if you read the article, I did not come out. It was really misleading and full of misquotes to sell the magazine. If someone’s buying it to see that I came out, well, get your money back.

I’m sorry. What? Let’s review what was said in the Diva Magazine article:

"I never want to put a label on myself — but knowing that not everyone comes from such a liberal place, when something like Prop. 8 [banning gay marriage in California] comes out, you realize it’s important to stand up and be counted. A little gay kid in a small town is more important than whether I want a label."

I know it doesn’t say “I LOVE PUSSY” anywhere in that quote, but the tone and the way it was presented, to me, says that this is Ford coming out publicly. But if you’re really interested you can read the whole article here. (Thanks uhhuhherfan.com & Ms. Snarker & the lovely Ms. Bendix from Afterellen.com and Girlfriend is a homo [.com])

Also, if you’ve seen Ford on Liz Feldman’s This Just Out, you see another moment of misquotation. Ford jokes that yes, the L Word is porn. The ladies are actually banging. Which of course is false, even though I think we all wish it wasn’t. The misquote occurs when the Diva Magazine article goes on to discuss the rumored relationship between Shane and Ford. Except, it's called sarcasm. And like, people you know, kind of use it to like, make jokes.

I think this is just a case of British humor and American humor clashing. Diva Magazine is Europe’s mainstream lesbian magazine. The UK’s answer to Bitch, if you will. This instance only proves that I am obviously not the only American who did not think Bridget Jones’ Diary was that funny.

Or maybe it’s just bad reporting.

But on a more serious note:

This is an unfortunate situation that the gay community does not need to see happen. Ford is obviously an avid supporter of the community. That is undeniable. But it this kind of flip-flopping, sketchy sexuality that allows people to perpetuate the rumors that the gay community is not a lasting, permanent fixture. That homosexuality is a choice. It is not. It is a journey and it is unfortunate that Clementine Ford has to make hers a public one. This is also the kind of thing that de-legitimizes bisexuality. So be bisexual, Clementine. Go for it. Just don't do it Katy Perry style.

Coming out so publicly and then rescinding that outing is a self-preservation act on the part of Ford. I think it is admirable to attempt a career without your sexuality preceding you, as she already has the challenge of defying the fact that Phyllis, I mean Sybill Shepard, is her mother. So I understand some reasons as to why she would deny the insinuations in the Diva article, but I feel like her recovery of the situation could have been handled better, without what I feel like is a tone of ashamed assumption.

Writing an angry letter? Really? That’s some strong wording that only makes Ford seem disgusted at the fact that a publication would take her sexuality and run with it in such a positive way. She is the one making her pending lesbianism negative. Maybe I’m also just making assumptions. I understand no one wants their sexual journey broadcasted like that, but don’t deny it so rudely. Unfortunate downgrade.

Fuck it. EYE CANDY!

P.S. Katie D's computer bit the dust hard, so you're stuck with just me for a while. Hopefully I can cover everything. Or at least the things that come across my radar... I do accept tips. Just FYI. It gets hard trying to find this shit all on your own.

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Monday, March 23

Things we missed while on Spring Break SLASH since we've started actually focusing on school.

Ellen and Portia!

Ellen had her wife, Portia on her show and it was just fabulous. Besides me vomiting glitter during the Newlywed Game segment, my favorite part was when Ellen just took Portia’s shoe off. It was just so personal and adorable and I know I’d want to be so close to someone that I could just take their shoes off on national TV. Why is it that people are so protective of their feet? I think I’ve just found a subject for a whole new blog post…


And then they sang to each other as part of Ellen's new segment "Bathroom Concerts." I need the punch bucket to catch my vomit this is so adorable. I can't physically stand it.

Ellen and Katy Perry!

Ellen makes “I Kissed A Girl” coy in an intelligent way instead of a drunken-belligerent way. Because kissing girls doesn’t just happen when straight girls get gaysted. But hey, that is when I have the most hook-up opportunities…


My favorite part is Ellen's little head flip around :52. I'm a fan of Ellen's shorter hair. Hell. I'm just a fan of Ellen.

Something I just want to tell you about:

Sophia Wallace.

I found this great photographer a few weeks ago and just decided that I really love what she’s doing. Check out her website. She does a lot of expository work documenting queer living on a day to day basis. She was up for a showcase opportunity on artslant.com and won! From the way it sounds, her work will be published on artslant from May 17th-April 16th. Her series Truer is amazing. Here's how Wallace describes it:

Truer is an autobiographical love story. The title is aimed at challenging the idea of a singular truth regarding love, sexuality, and gender. This body of work was inspired by the resplendence of an unfolding relationship. Through photographs of intensely private moments both joyful and in conflict, Truer seeks to engage the viewer in questioning pervasive visual depictions of truth in love, gender norms, and feminine beauty. Truer situates itself within a largely unseen history of photography of lesbian lives by lesbian photographers.

It just sounds great.

Here is my favorite 2 photos. I love the blatant intimacy of the first one and the casual familiarity of the second that allows the audience to feel as if they are intruding, giving the shot an air of interrupted intimacy. But not as if you just walked in on them banging, but the intimacy that comes with just hanging out with your girl in gym shorts and no bra. My favorite.

That’s basically it.

I’ve also recently come to the conclusion that Jon & Kate Plus 8 (Minus Maddy equals better show) is getting ridiculous. They get too much money and the fame seems to be tearing the family apart according to the churning rumor mill. And hot college girls…

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Saturday, March 7

If Katie D. Ran The Emmys, Part Last One

Most Perfect Koreans:

This show is comfusing and completely lacks logic, but it's fascinating (WHAT DO THE NUMBERS MEAN?) and the characters are great. The accents alone are worth the price of admission! But Jin and Sun, the Koreans, are the heart and soul of this masterpiece. When she found out she was pregs with Jin's baby, not her ex-lover's (Jin was in a bad place and she couldn't understand at the time, don't you dare judge!) and cried with joy, even though it was a death sentence (because women who get knocked up on the island die) - it's enough to warm Bill O'Reilly's no-heart area. Clip of love below.

Wednesdays at 8 central on ABC.

Most Morally Repugnant And Yet Flawless Showcase of Television Drama:
Breaking Bad

Thank the Lawd this show is coming back for a second season, because it is friggin magnificent. In one part of last season, the main characters killed a drug dealer who was forcing them to make meth by producing noxious fumes and locking him in a trailer with them. once dead, they put him in a bathtub and melted him with chemicals, which ate through the bathtub and splattered melted drug dealer all over the hall! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS SHOW? New season starts Sunday at 8 central on AMC.

Show That Should Still Be On The Air, No Matter What Kind Of Money The Actors Asked For / Show Whose Setting I Wish Actually Existed So I Could Live There In For Real Life:
Gilmore Girls

Lorelei: How is it out there?
Michel: It is cold and gray like a fat dead pigeon.

This show wasn't on in 2008. Actually, the last season ended in 2007. But it still wins a 2008 award! It's on every day on ABC Family and I Tivo it, so I get that shit every day and I eat it up. It's one of the smartest shows I've ever seen, the characters are hilarious and wonderful and make you fall in love with them, the references are brilliant, and DEAR GOD I want to live in Stars Hollow, CT! I cried during the last episode. Bawled. Absolutely lost it. I now have three of the seven seasons on DVD and am working on procuring the rest. When it was canceled, I was heartbroken. But this post will be my shrine to it, as will the love in my heart. On weekdays at 4 central on ABC Family.

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Friday, March 6

Real People are Awesome.

This made Hasselbitch bearable! She’s a person! A real one! Who can talk sanely to other real people!

Clearly real people rule.

Rachel Maddow is a real person.

And she made The View bearable.

They talked about her coming out and meeting her partner, which she described as a “gay Desperate Housewives.”

And then Bawbra Wahtlahs says something about Whoopi coming out, to which the most ambiguous one replies “please, that door’s been open for years.” I’m sorry, it has? What? Are you saying Whoopi is a Big Gay Homo? I totally didn't see that one coming. I might have to go reevaluate my belief system.

If you missed the most bearable episode of The View ever, you can watch Maddow's clip here. It’s worth it. Because besides all of the talk about Maddow’s coming out and how they make her wear makeup and what not, they actually talk about the economy and they do it without yelling. Hasslebitch kind of actually bows down. I think it’s because our hero Maddow referenced how freeze spending caused the first depression to be “Great.” She’s so clever. I see what she did there.

And then to top it all off is the shoulder tap Maddow gives Hasselbitch at the end. The Shoulder Tap That Launched 1,000 speculation.

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If Katie D. Ran The Emmys: Moar, Moar!

Continued, with extra clips this time! Spaghetti cat cat cat cat cat cat...

Best Fake News Show:
The Soup

Joel McHale seems to have distain for almost all things celebrity or pop-culture related (or at least anything to do with The Hills, La Lohan or Miley Cyrus), but also sort of fascinated with that which he finds disgusting. He also loves Spaghetti cat. All of this makes him highly amusing to me, and The Soup is a great 30 minute way to catch up with what the fuck happened in pop culture this week - that is, if you don't avidly read blogs. A little SC magic for you below.

Oh, and here's a song, written just for SC.

On Fridays at 9 central on E!

Best Actual News Show:
Countdown with Keith Olbermann

Yeah, Keith can be loud, abrasive, and insulting. So can Chatty Kathy. I'm over it! Because underneath their tough exteriors they're both softies. Don't believe me? Check the video (on Prop H8):

Now if you didn't get choked up or at least bust out an "aw" then you are the Tin Man and need to visit the fucking wizard. He's funny, articulate, well-read, clever, and sweet. And friends with Rachel Maddow. And a Unitarian Universalist! Check plus. On weekdays at 7 central on MSNBC.

Best "Reality" Show on VH1 or MTV / Best Use of Hair Products And Body Oil:
Tool Academy

I've stated before that I believe this show is television perfection. Well, we're now down to two tools and they actually don't suck that much (especially Josh, who to me will ALWAYS be Baby Bear), but up until this point we've had it all: douchey attitudes, surprise girlfriends, pigs, lie detectors, tutus, conjugal visits and panic attacks. The boys are definitely not angels but some of the girls are feisty too (and Krista can go to hayle!) so there's never a lack of drama. Trisha (the therapist) is useless and basically just eggs them on, and with each new episode you can see the host losing his will to live. And they're coming back for another season! Bravo, VH1. Bravo. Sundays at 7 central on VH1.

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Thursday, March 5

If Katie D. Ran The Emmys Part Deux

1. Here's hoping for great results in the California courts!
2. Part 2 (deux if you're fancy) of my Emmy Awards. Today's focus is on reality competitions!

Most Entertaining Showcase Of Tyra's Insanity:
America's Next Top Model

This was the first incarnation of Tyra's brilliance, and it is still some of the best shit I've ever seen. Days could fly by while I watch girls pose and get eliminated - fuck, we could go to (another) war and I wouldn't notice. My apartment could be invaded and I'd just pause that shit and tell the insurgents to quiet down! The best parts are the photo shoots, because they're so unbelievable and they're full of weird makeup and costumes (like the Mermaid photo shoot, one of my favorites - they hang the bitches upside down! With dead fish! God Danielle is fabulous. And Jade is a whore. Clip below). Oh, and the crazy models who talk to bushes when they've had a little too much drank!

New Season just started, Wednesdays at 7 central on UPN.

Best Judges (Including Impressive Guest Judges) With A Habit Of Choosing The Wrong Fucking People To Win The Competition But Who I Still Love Anyway:
Top Chef

While I am still not over Hosea fucking winning this season (1. Carla should've cooked her own food! And put the love in it! 2. If that angel didn't win, then Stefan should've at least fucking won, because he won like 49 challenges through the season and Hosea has been on the chopping block like 12 times! God dammit!) and Richard not winning last season, this show is still excellent and the judges are a big part of that. Padma is fabulous, but let me just say that Tom Colicchio is a sexy, sexy man. And that British guy from this season! He's such a bitch and I love it! Best guest judges: that French dude and Anthony Bourdain. Season just ended, but a reunion is on tonight at 8 central on Bravo.

Best Use Of Tim Gunn:
Project Runway

Aka Pwaject Wunway, because it is nearly impossible to say that title correctly. Anyway. Among insane contestants, bitchy judges (except of course Heidi, my world), and weird-ass challenges, there is one Messiah-like constant presence who keeps the runway in balance: Tim Gunn. I want to know him, I want him to be my friend. I want him to tell me to make it work! People who ignore Tim's advice inevitably fail. He is the One, the Seer; he is style itself. Praise him. No season showing currently.

To be continued...

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Prop 8 hearings in San Francisco

We could be referencing the case Strauss et al. v. Horton (Hollingsworth et al., Interveners)
(and two other cases, S168066 Tyler et al. v. State of California et al.
in the papers we write in senior year government classes. A whole AP test question might be all about what happens today in California Courts. These are the San Francisco hearings challenging Prop 8. Hit up the streaming video. It doesn't work on my computer, but hopefully it will on yours. I'll post the results soon. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. GAY IS OK!

We'll know the results in 90 days or so. But with our government, you know there is always some way to make it longer than the 90 days. This is one instance when I don't approve of taking advantage of loopholes.

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Wednesday, March 4

If Katie D. Ran The Emmys

Awards season has me all pensive about the important things in my life: my television shows. I decided (and my roommate agrees) that I'm the person who should actually decide what wins what awards, and my qualifications are that I watch TV all the fucking time. Here are my picks for the outstanding TV of 2008!

Update: Posting this shit all at once made the blog go fucking nuts, so I'm gonna split it up. Enjoy the suspense!

Show With Quirkiest, Most Lovable Characters:

One of my roommates hates this show but I cannot resist! They're funny, they solve crimes, they're very unique characters and Angel from Buffy is in it! Plus it looks at the scientific and the supernatural parts of life, not siding with either, particularly. It's also one of those things where you want the main characters to be together - because they're clearly perfect for each other - but the tension is great so you want it to last forever (like on the Office, how much suckier is that show now that Jim and Pam are together? God, just get married already and get a new gimick.) But anyway, Brennan + Booth = love forever! On weekdays at 5 central on TNT or Thursdays at 7 central on Fox.

Most Fascinating, Disturbing, And Addictive Show On Television:
Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories. DUN DUN. Be impressed: that was all from fucking memory, folks! This show is one (like ANTM, see above) that I can sit and watch for an entire day without accomplishing anything meaningful or important. I never feel more alive! I have no favorite characters when it comes to the main cast: Elliot and Olivia are infallible, Munch is hilarious, Ice T is a quality actor, the Captain is lovable and strangely sexy, Wong and the ME are brilliant. I yell at the screen when someone new comes on (remember that bitch who worked with Elliot when Mariska was pregs? I fucking hated that cunt! And the new DA is too model-y and not sassy enough for me) because I'm offended at the intrusion into my universe! You're not an actor til you've been a crazy and/or beaten person on SVU. Truth. On all the fucking time on USA. Seriously, whenever my Tivo is recording something, it's ALWAYS SVU. New episodes Tuesdays at 9 central on NBC.

Best Fucking Daytime Talk Show Ever:

Laugh. Dance. Watch Ellen. There's something so ultimately likable about her that I can't imagine anyone not appreciating her, even if they're not fans of the show. Oprah can go suck Gayle's dick when it comes to daytime TV! Plus, she's a big gay lady, and she stands up for shit she believes in. All while she plays fun games, sings in the bathroom, and makes DanRad speak in an American accent. Who could ask for anything more? Ellen and Dan below. It's on during the day, changes according to where you are.

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Tuesday, March 3


So, in typical Maury fashion, Alfie is taking a DNA test to prove that he is the father…

2 other boys came forward claiming they were the father, Chantelle says no Alfie is the father because she loves him and that he has to be because she loves him and that she loves him so he just has to. Fuck Love. WHAT ABOUT WHO YOU BANGED?!

A 16 year old says slept with Chantelle a number of times and the other a 14 year old who slept with her about 9 months ago.

The 14 year old:

The 16 year old:

Age upgrade!

But Chantelle’s mother Peggy says it’s all rubbish. Chantelle clearly lost her virginity to Alfie. Well good. Then this is all just one big mistake.

This is now causing arguments from the conservative leaders of Britain (Tory) that this is proof of a “Broken Britain.” I think this is just some family using their kids to make tabloid money off of them. Alfie’s dad is considering having the test opened on TV. WTF!?

Conclusions: Chantelle is a whore.

Side Note: So is Alfie.

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It Hurts More Than Kendra From Girls Next Door's Laugh

There's this wicked awesome (see: fucking annoying) noise that apparently only people under the age of 25 (generally) can hear. It supposedly sounds like a mosquito but I think it's more like if you turned up the "mute" sound (that buzzing or whatever) that you hear when the TV's on but the volume isn't. I heard about this concept a while ago, since it was created in 2005, but I'd never actually heard it. Having now done so, my professional opinion is that it's really fucking annoying. The site says that it's used to keep kids/teens from loitering in malls and shit, but I've also heard that you can buy this shit as a ringtone if you don't want the adults in your life to know when you're getting a call. It's sort of neat, so check it out if you're interested.


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The Bachelor: Bitch is a Ho

I don't typically watch The Bachelor because it's sappy and stupid, but my roommate, who has infinitely worse taste in television than I do, TiVos it and I've been sucked in once or twice. Then of course this shit blows the hell up last night when (SPOILER ALERT not that the whole world doesn't know it already) Jason, douche extraordinaire, dumps the chick he ALREADY PROPOSED TO ON TV (Melissa) and decided to hook back up with Molly, bitch he left in New Zealand. First off, I never really liked any of the parties involved because, you know, who goes on TV to find love except fucktards? But Melissa is infinitely more likable than the twat that dumped her or the shameless hussy who took him back. Jason was stone cold when he was breaking up with Melissa and she handled it a lot classier than I would've! He kept whining about how much he wished he could change how he felt and blah blah blah - man up and at least tell her off the fucking air! Ugh, watching Molly take him back, with her hand on his knee and acting all cutesy and precious? And then watching them make out in front of the nation? Even the host guy was pissing me off! "I don't think we could end on a better note. That's as good as it's gonna get." Sleazy sleazy sleazy! Video of Melissa not sucker punching a bitch below.

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