Tuesday, December 30

Another Palin

Bristol Palin and her fuckin' redneck Levi have finally welcomed the newest Palin into the world. His name is Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston (father's last name), which I personally think is a much better name than Zamboni.

To their credit, Palin's spokesbitches haven't said anything about the kid. Some relative said that the baby is healthy and Bristol is fine. I'm glad her mom isn't using this to get herself another few minutes of fame (yet). If I prayed, all my thoughts would be going towards this poor kid. His grandma is Sarah You Betcha Palin, and his poor parents were dragged into the spotlight right after they found out about the pregnancy - and obviously, since they're super-conservatives, this means that they had to declare their engagement and support of life and all that. His birth is a political statement, and that sucks. Bristol and Levi are still planning to get married, during the one month of light in Alaska. I kid, I kid. They're thinking summer wedding. Please, please let Sarah give a drunken toast!

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Saturday, December 27

Whether You're feeding 10 or 1,000.

It’s amazing the one thing small towns have in common is their advertising. Every town has that commercial. You know the one that everyone quotes in daily speech or will sing the jingle once and then have 8 other people singing it for the rest of the day, in between curses on the originator of the infectious jingle. Well, in Iowa City, it’s the commercial for Iowa Book. My friends and I sing it on the way to class, while sitting on our asses, while drunkenly stumbling home on Thursday nights. You sing it a little higher than you should “Iowa Book/ the one of a kind book store.” That’s right, it gets a forward slash to indicate phrasing and lines breaks. It’s poetry people. Pure poetry. It is unfortunate that I cannot find a video of this masterpiece of advertising that forces its way into the heads of college students of fly-over country. I scoured the interwebs and it is nowhere to be found. If you can do some sleuthing and find it, let me know. I’m also technology retarded in this case and can’t figure out how to DVR it or something and then upload it myself. So I’m at a brick wall. But here's a picture that pretty much sums up Iowa City.

Anyway. While sitting on my ass in this boring town and watching my umpteenth hour of television, the wing stop commercial came on AGAIN. Here is that video.

Oh the gem that is poorly phrased advertising. Here, I have found Katy’s answer to Iowa City’s Iowa Book. I hate it so much I have to love it.

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Wednesday, December 24


HEY OH!!!!!! Someone made OJAMAS! Obama Pajamas! Now you can sleep in change too!!!
Why didn't I know of these sooner? I would have bought them to flaunt the democratic victory in the faces of my conservative parents as my mother stands admiring her display of every Christmas card she has received from the Bushes.

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Is Love alive this Christmas?


Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles wrote a song for Hotel Cafe's Winter Songs collection that highlights female singer/songwriters (My FAVORITE). Now, the compilation has Katy Perry on it, but there is always a delete key and the proceeds go to charity. So you should buy it. I did this morning and coupled with my Sufjan Stevens Christmas CD, my day has been a little less Scroogey. Others on the cd include KT Tunstall, Meiko, Fiona Apple, Kate Havnevik, Priscilla Ahn, Colbie Caillait, Brandi Carlile, and others. Basically, it's the shit.

This is the making of:

This is the video:

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What does Dog the Bounty Hunter want for Christmas?

So it’s Christmas Eve. Holy Balls. When did that happen? I’m home form work relaxing before the family frenzy that is Christmas Eve. My mother puts on a sweater that I could wear to a party, my dad busts out his “nice polo” and I maybe put on deodorant as we canvas Houston making the Christmas Eve Party rounds. And no matter what, we always manage to be the first ones at the party. Even at the last stop. Hmm… Strange. But before all that happens and while my mother is doing penance for her sins at the local Catholic church, I’ve been watching the marathon of Dog The Bounty Hunter on A&E (the BEST CHANNEL EVER) and it got me thinking. What would Dog the Bounty Hunter want for Christmas? I know what I want for Christmas. You know, the usual: Some money, an iPhone, my rights, peace on earth, the banishment of Hasselbitch from daytime TV. But what about Dog? Being the Christian man that he is (he prays every time he and his team go in for the fugitive with more “motherfuckers” than drill sergeant) I’m sure his desires consist something of the following: Leland’s hair to be longer and oilier, Beth’s breasts to be larger, the Hawaiian meth addicts to make more labs, the prostitutes to not show up in court more often, for his son’s girlfriend to not be black. Again, the usual. I sure hope he gets what he wants. Let’s get Centro Santa on the job.

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Tuesday, December 23


I love the folks over at The Guardian over in the UK. Why you ask? Because of these beauties:

Misty... I didn't know you had a tattoo back there...

I'm sorry, can we move "approvz" in this picture, there seems to be a design flaw.

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Life is like tetris.

So I’ve decided life is like tetris. A bunch of multi colored blocks with certain shapes that fit together and when you complete a row, life goes “bwoopwbwoopbwoop”. The row flashes and disappears. But what if shit happens? What if your fingers slip on the arrow keys and that pesky green one covers that chute where you were actually waiting for the big long orange one? You know the one I’m talking about? That one empty chute you were saving and would make half the rows disappear? Sometimes, life looks like this:
No go waste your life away.

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Monday, December 22

Obsessive Much? Womanizer

So, Katie D. fucking loves the song "Womanizer" (WOOMANIZAH). Every time I get in the car, I pray that it will come on the radio. Every time I'm down, I sing the chorus softly while holding myself and everything is suddenly better. I've watched videos of her live performances of it, which are all exactly the same, but that doesn't stop me from watching them all the way through. I was that girl who talked about how AMAZING Britney looked naked in the video.

This said, I obviously love any take on the song that makes it something new (except this Lily Allen version, which was the less-electrical-sound-effects version, aka the less-what-makes-the-song-good version) - like the Joel McHale one on The Soup. God he's great. Anyway, just in time for Christmas, here's the Ebeneezer Scrouge version. Oh, do enjoy, good friends.

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Apparently This Is News

Robert Pattinson got a haircut. Whatever, he was probably tired of girls trying to grab it all the time! He's been very vocal about how creepy girls get around him, and how he's not used to it and thinks it's weird. Yeah, I would be too. That said, he's still super hot.

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Hey There, Mr. President

Man, I thought Michelle was the hot one! Ok, she still is. But Barack is pretty sexy! I'd Marilyn Monroe him. Well, no, that would be rude to Michelle, and she's my idol. But he's got some nice abs for a guy with a fucking hectic job. Guarantee you Dubya hasn't looked like this since his beer pong days in college (as opposed to his beer pong days in the Oval Office, you know he does it). Which brings me back to my frequent question: how good is Barack and Michelle's sex? And now I answer myself, more fervently than ever before, that it is awesome. And I think that's good for the entire country, really.

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You're Trying Too Hard

Looking at Pamela Anderson has been making me very sad recently (well, more than usual) because it's clear that she just has no idea what to do with herself. She's spent her entire life being a sex symbol and an object of desire, and not much else. Well, she's getting older, as people tend to do, and she's losing some of the vivacity and... elasticity of youth. She's fighting it, and losing.

She puts on too much makeup (she always did, but now she's doing it even more) and wearing highly inappropriate and unflattering clothes for a woman of her age with two children. Honestly, it has got to be fucking exhausting to try to beat your body into submission to fit into those outfits! Give it a rest and age with some grace, woman. But clearly, that's not on her agenda.

The thing that bothers me is that it really seems to stem from the fact that her entire identity is wrapped up in being sexy. Same with Carmen Electra, and a lot of women in Hollywood to a greater or lesser degree. Men too, but not as many. I mean, yeah, with age comes the loss of some looks, but is it worth it to fight this hard? Worth the time, energy, or the toll on your dignity? Sure, I can get covering the grays and using lotion to fight wrinkles. But at some point, you're gonna have to hang up the sparkle unitard before it cuts off the circulation in your vagina! She needs to find a fucking craft project or something, because the look she's rocking is doing no one good, least of all herself.

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What the...

Above is a picture of an Olsen twin (Mary Kate, if you care). I saw this picture for the first time and did a double take, confused. What was different? I wondered. What could have made her face take that contorted shape? Then I realized. Oh - she's smiling. Haven't seen that since It Takes Two. She's lookin' a little plastic-y to be honest, and I'd almost rather she go back to lovin' prunes and attempting to perfect the pout. Hey, it could be hormones - maybe she really is pregnant. God help us all.

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Obsessive Much? Fucking Vince

I fucking love Vince the infomercial guy. He trumps Billy Mays (the soft yeller) by a million. I first began my love affair when I saw the commercial for Sham Wow, which I am now convinced I must own. Every time I see this commercial on TV I will rewind my TiVo, call my roommate into the room and we will watch it at least once together, and then quote it to each other for the next hour. It sells itself!

Well, I thought this was Vince's only job, but I was mistaken my friends. He is now advertising the Slap Chop, which I also realize that I desperately need, even though all the food looks like crap when it comes out. Unfortunately this commercial doesn't have user testimonials, but I trust that Vince won't lead me wrong. "You're gonna love my nuts." Oh Vince, don't tease. And yeah, the Britney Spears microphone is back. Enjoy.

Update: One of the girls I live with got a Sham Wow for Christmas. Oh my God we won't even BUY paper towels anymore!

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Friday, December 19

Returning the favor...

To whom? Who is Obama returning the favor to by inviting the Evangelical right-wing pastor Rick Warren from Saddleback Church (does this conjure images of leather and gay men for anyone else…?) to administer the invocation at his inauguration? The same man who compared gay marriage to pedophilia and incest? Umm… ok. Those are totally the same. You win. Or, The millions of Americans who turned out to vote for a President standing for change in the extremely important election this year? Who deserves a return of favor more? WHO??? Oh yeah, that pastor who invited you to speak at his church. Once. A few years ago. Clearly that makes sense. Who needs to return the favor to Americans? Clearly not our president-elect. Some claim this as an attempt at being "inclusive." Is it really? Or does it just alienate everyone who voted? Obama, are you stupid? Or high? Please… at least be high. That’s legitimate.

Last night, while watching the gayest episode of the Rachel Maddow Show to date, a small fact that I try so hard to forget was brought back to my attention. Besides the obvious being Obama’s skin color, the small issue that Obama is anti-gay marriage. Yet FOR equality for gays and lesbians. Wait. What? Those aren’t the same? Or at least related? This video from big gay homo bear icon Anderson Cooper’s show on CNN covers all the bases.

It also brings to my attention that if the gays are not the same as everyone else and are actually less than a person here in America, why do you care so much what we think!?!?!? Oh right, because you can’t tell the difference between gay money and straight money, it’s money all the same. People also seem to watch what they say when addressing the issue of gay equality, probably because they don’t want to piss off the gays. Because if you piss off a gay, we aren’t afraid to call you out on the fact that you are denying an American citizen American rights. I would like some state, but hold the church please. Thanks.

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Thursday, December 18

Obsessive Much? Craigslist Missed Connections

Craigslist is, as we know, the place to buy shit for cheap - anything and everything. What you may not know is that it can also help you find people. You know that hot guy with glasses you see walking to class every day? Or that super cute chick with the tattoo on her wrist who works at a coffee shop? Yeah, now you can place an ad searching for them. Welcome to the beautiful world of Missed Connections.

A few favorites (Emphasis mine):
blue haired man... - w4m - 22
I saw you at Target, the 23rd, Saturday evening...I was the attractive cashier...you caught my eyes for a long time and I know you liked it. If you're reading this, you'll remember - if you're not with anyone, send me an email...you looked worth it.

Coralville Hy-Vee Gas Young Woman - 23
You are very beautiful. I think what you did with your hair a week or 2 ago looked great. I always choke when I want to talk to you about something other than the fact that I want my smokes. Maybe someday I'll grow the courage to ask you to some coffee, but somehow I doubt it. :-(

Bookstore - m4m - 24
You sucked me off I sucked you off then I blew in your mouth it was like late Nov. at like 5-6 in the morring! Loved that dick hit me up if you see this tell me something so I know it was you

lanky bike/musician boi w/skull cap at tobacco bowl - w4m - 24 (tobacco bowl)
Me-Pigtailed intellectual doing homework and sippin' my 'spresso and doing kegal excersizes underneath the table ;)

You-brut, slender but fit bike messenger type on a blue bike. You wear a skull cap above your ears and wrestling shoes and I have seen you play guitar at the mill. You make incredibly passionate faces admist your hyptnotic strumming which can only lead my mind to wonder what passion you'd have in bed.

For a moment our eyes met from across the smokey room. Could there be more to this?

Who says the world is cynical? These people have met their true loves and are doing everything possible to find them (or their dicks) again! I also looked under Missed Connections - Success Stories... but there were none. YET!

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WTF Happened To...


Don’t turn into Ellen and feel the pressure or be sick and not tell anyone…why are you so thin? Why are you such a cocky bastard? Why are you no longer jolly? Why are you hitting on MILFs? All because of a phone?!? REALLY??? What does this phone have that good old fashioned Christmas cheer does not? Video and picture messaging? A QWERTY keyboard? Email capabilities? Wireless sync option? Instant Facebook Access? Are those truly your priorities? I don't see a phone creating Peace on Earth. Or good will to all. If anything it must make Rudolf (or is he now Rudolfo, your wingman?) fly faster. Something, anything to that effect? And what's with this new, hip name? Claus? I'll give you a clause...my STFU clause.

If not, this is one thing I am not ok with technology changing. I want the good old fashion Coca-Cola Santa back. The one with an inviting smile and smells like what I would imagine to be cloves and cinnamon, not one that sounds like Owen Wilson and DJ’s like Samantha Ronson. This does not bring cheer to my Christmas. And sometimes I get a little Scroogy around Christmas time. So I need an extra dose of cheer. Especially this year. Because I’m pretty sure the only thing that is economically viable anymore is pure sex. The get what you pay for kind. So excuse me while I go sell my body on the street for gas money.

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Wednesday, December 17

Ellen, grrrl, watchu doin?

Ellen looks thin. Perez Hilton can suck it, I can’t find this picture without his defamation. But really. She should be fed. I thought Ellen was proving that you can be you and still be on the cover of magazines. Is she really feeling the pressure to be thin, since she’s started being the new Spokeswoman for Covergirl?

I hope she’s ok. She is an older woman. But with a hot wife like Portia, I’m sure she’s kept young. Ellen, please be ok.

Let’s indulge.
From the W Magazine interview:
"I also feel myself more of a person than a gender. When people show me clothing that seems very, very feminine, it's hard for me to embrace that, because it just doesn't feel like me. ... It was fun [for the W cover shoot] having somebody do that to my hair, and do that makeup. But would I want to do that every single day? No."

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In the battle of the century, Melissa Etheridge and Elisabeth Hasslebitch tackle Prop H8. Since we all know Etheridge is the shit, we all saw the defeat of Hasslebitch coming. But it was just great to watch her squirm under the condescending eye of Etheridge, who was “disappointed” in Hasselbitch. DISAPPOINTED?!?! That’s all you are?!?! Come on Melissa. At this point with Hasselbitch, I’m beyond being politically correct. Even though I’m so over being politically correct in general.

Let’s just address The View and all the trouble those ladies stir up. I mean, when you get a group of “diverse” women together, there’s bound to be disagreements and little cat fights. Even though the underlying agreement is that they’re all Jewish liberals, because in order to get a ticket on the Hollywood train they check for traces of Manischewitz in your blood stream, since those people directly inject that shit into their veins. So this diversity is all just an act. I personally don’t watch The View, I just wait to read about whoever disagreed with Hasslebitch and lived to tell the tale the next day. These batty old broads are worse than my grandmother and her card playing ladies. I’m surprised they don’t also talk about the upkeep of their bodies and which doctor they have to go see today, all while wearing their arch-supporting SAS old people shoes in a variety of colors; black or beige.

But, leave it to Etheridge to be able to intelligently talk about the issues of the gay community. Because (SHOCKER) this woman is a lesbian, one of those politically correct, activist lesbians who carry around a guitar and a message who make me feel lazy because when the Prop H8 rally in November happened in Iowa City, I was too hung over to get up and go. But with the passage of Prop H8, her family is at risk, her way of life is in jeopardy. She brings up a good point that it’s about the children. Isn’t it always about the children, Melissa? If you tell anyone that, there is no way they can argue with you, since clearly, if it’s not about the children you are a cold, heartless, shell of a human being. Dementor threshold reached. Here’s the video and Etheridge performs with her 12-string Ovation.

Did anyone else notice Obama's campaign logo on Etheridge's guitar strap? Yeah, she’s that much of a badass.

But with this whole gay marriage thing such an issue right now, I think we need to work on changing the culture before we tackle the laws. For example, TLC is only perpetuating the stereotype of what everyone thinks is a successful family with shows like Jon and Kate Plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show). Why not have a non-traditional family that is successful and loving and using up the kids we already have instead of making more that all look the same (damn Gosselin kids)?
I mean, I can’t say no to the Holiday marathons of Jon and Kate plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show) but the intelligent, analytical part of me wants to see something different, something new, something borrowed, something blue so that everyone can see that a family means love. Like Stitch said, Mahalo means family and family means no one gets left behind. Instead, I have to rent some edgy documentary about a gay couple going through the adoption process to even see what a non-traditional family looks like.

This is getting preachy, so I’ll end on the O’Donnell/Hasselbitch epic battle of ’07.

Side Note: I love how Joy turns into political moderator. Who died and turned her into Gwen Ifill? I also LOVE the split screen action around 3:26.

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Tuesday, December 16

Hear That Noise?

It's the sound of millions of fangirls screaming the name "Edward." Why? Well, because the date for the release of "New Moon" has been set, of course! Next November 20th insane people everywhere will be swarming the theaters at 12:01 so they can all scream at a fictional character on a screen together. And not in a "Rocky Horror" kind of way. And yeah, this is coming from someone who liked the Twilight movie, but I'll be seeing New Moon at least a week after its release (the 12 year olds will be on their fourth or fifth viewing by that time, and much less prone to screaming) and I will be quietly evaluating it/checking if they got the new Jacob right. Mmhmm, I'm pretty much the only female in the world who wishes Bella had done the fucking smart thing and hooked up with the sexy werewolf kid rather than the overprotective vamp. They're not bringing back the same guy (Taylor Lautner) to play Jacob because he looks too young - which is true, but a shame because I liked him - and they'd better not fuck Jacob up or I'll be pissed.

Shit, I just found out that Taylor Lautner was the little (shark)boy in the movie that taught me to imagine, The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl! (Yeah, I was 16 when I saw it, but it's never too late to reunite with the kid in you.) I dragged my boyfriend to see that (he said he wanted to) and loved every minute of that shit. He and his dad later mocked me. Fuck them, it was sweet.

Anyway. They're also getting rid of the director, Catherine Hardwicke. This is kind of a shame, because you almost never hear about female directors, but she didn't want to work with such a short schedule. (Plus that scene in the woods where the camera swirled around Edward and Bella made me a little pukey.) Instead they're bringing in the guy who did "The Golden Compass" (Chris Weitz) with Ice Face Kidman.

For those of you counting at home, Nov 20th is only 364 days after the release of this year's movie. I understand that the vampires aren't supposed to age or anything, but that's gonna be a tough schedule to keep. Especially since they still have to find a Jacob who is up to my (very high) standards. Good fucking luck, Weitz.

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A Gift for Chatty Kathy

The always dyketastic Rachel Maddow posed alongside some other bitches (Katie Couric and Campbell Brown) on the cover of Vogue! She talked about her job at MSNBC and other crap, but more importantly, she remained her adorable butchie self and refused to glam up for anyone. Hell yeah girl. She even kept her glasses. See? Women don't have to pose like sexual objects to get into magazines! You can do it by being quirky and bright and having a neat news show, too.

The other pictures are below if you care.

Chatty Kathy response: CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY!

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Ok, I'm a bit of a vampire-phile, and obviously that means that I worship Buffy the Vampire Slayer with all my heart and soul. Sadly, the show was killed a few years ago, so I can only meet my fix by borrowing my friend's copies of the seasons and watching them on repeat for hours when I should be having a life. Well, since a Scooby Doo movie isn't coming out anytime soon, Sarah Michelle Geller had to find something to do, so she decided to go on an episode of SVU.

Just kidding, it's her spread for Maxim! So what's up with the fact that she looks like a rape victim who was hit by a chandelier? I'm assuming we're supposed to think she's sexy, because she's not got many clothes on and she's wearing heels and stockings. But she also looks like the victim of a crime. So does crime against women = sexy to Maxim?

Ugh, that's depressing. To lighten you're spirits, here's SMG, as Buffy, with Spike (aka the original hot British vampire).

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Aw Now, It Didn't Even Nick Him

So current bad boy of the Middle East, Muntadar al-Zeidi, who tossed his hat (shoe) into the public arena by doing to Bush what so many have wanted to do before (throw things at him) has been arrested and apparently beaten in prison. The BBC (on a tip from al-Zeidi's brother) reported that he allegedly has a broken arm, some broken ribs, and internal bleeding. Someone from the Iraqi military claims this is lie-telling and he's fine.

In other news, people are willing to pay good money for the (in?)famous shoes. Some Saudi dude wants them for as much as $10 million. Aicha Gaddafi, daughter of a Libyan leader and apparently bigwig of some charity has said that her organization will award him a medal for his actions, which was a "victory for human rights."

Hell, I'd trade a couple broken bones for a medal and 10 million. All that AND he got to throw shoes at Dubya? Good deal!

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Lil' Gordon Ramsey

What is with people's obsession with cursing children? First we have that little girl talking about kicking monsters in the ask; then Lil' Bill O'Reilly, now this guy. If you're not familiar with Gordon Ramsey (the real one) all you need to know is he's a chef famous for yelling at people and, more recently, cheating on his wife - thought the kid didn't really address that aspect of his personality/career. I think the British accent adds something nice, though.

And here's some Lil' Bill O'Reilly for you, too (talking/yelling to Barney Frank). It's cute and amusing, but I almost wonder if the kid realizes it's sarcasm. Are we unwittingly actually breeding another Billo? Because WE DON'T NEED THAT!

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WTF Happened To...

Cookie Monster? Oh Yeah, he’s been changed to Veggie Monster. Well, not really, but the rumors on the interwebs are out of control. (At least they were a while ago before I was so plugged in, but thanks to AJ for the hat tip on this one!) But Cookie does make a valid claim when interviewed by Matt Lauer on the today show.

Cookie Monster: Me like fruit.

Matt Lauer: And there you have it. Cookie Monster likes fruit, and not cookies.

Monster: No! You members of the media blow story way out of proportion! Me still like cookies!

Lauer: Then why fruit?

Monster: Why not fruit? It delicious! And healthy. Me still eat cookies, like me world famous for doing, but now me eat other things, too.

And what else has the media blown out of proportion? A few things pop into my head:

Hurricane Rita. Conveniently a month after Hurricane Katrina, the media warned everyone to take every precaution necessary, little did they know, the panic they started caused an 8 hour traffic jam. See that sign? Mason Road? A block from house. We stayed. My mother is from New Orleans and my Dad moved the ax from the garage to the living room and I packed my books in zip-lock bags. We weren't that worried.

Star Jones’ weight loss. No one really cares about Star. Not like we care about Oprah. And just own it, you’ve had gastric bypass.

Janet Jackson’s Wardrobe Malfunction. I saw this happen live. Once was good enough for me, but little did I know that I’d be seeing it again and again and again and again…

And just because ‘C’ will always be for Cookie.

That’s good enough for me.

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Monday, December 15

Hell No SAG Strike

Possible Actors' Strike?

Ok, what is this crap about? Only last year we had to deal with this stupid writers' strike, and now the Screen Actors Guild is threatening a strike? What the hell?

My main issue with this has nothing to do with unions or the principle of striking. It has everything to do with something that is very special to me and near and dear to my heart: television. Now I'm all for some trashy reality shows (America's Next Top Model, Top Chef, Pwoject Wunway - TRY saying it correctly) but I need some scripted action. Am I the only one who remembers the lonely, sad winter caused by the lack of TV writers? Where was my Scrubs? The Office? Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, LOST? Lost isn't even coming back until JANUARY, which I blame on the strike (whether that's fair or not). Come on people. How much more of this can we bear?

Thank God for Tom Hanks (and others) for standing up against this crap. He and some other guys issued a statement saying that they "do not believe in all good conscience that now is the time to be putting people out of work." Me fucking too. We're in a recession, for Chrissakes (KATHLEEN). Don't fucking strike. People need their television right now. Think of the people!

And since I mentioned Lost, it's also worth mentioning that just because (SPOILER) Charlie died on the show doesn't mean that the hobbit man (aka Dominic Monaghan) is out of a job! No, he apparently will play a very lame super hero in the upcoming Wolverine movie with Hugh Jackman. He apparently will be able to... manipulate electricity? Doesn't Halle Berre have that power already - except better?

Anyway, here he is. Say it with me: Clayah! Chahlie!

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Yeah, It's Relevant

Well while talking about politics, why not see how the people in the White House are going to spend their last Christmas there? No, never mind - but let's see how their pets are going to spend it, yeah?

Barney the Dog, slayer of cheeky reporters and taker of no shit, made a video of himself, by himself, just for the holiday season. I mean, yeah, there are some people in there too, but Barney is the main event. Ok, Miss Beazley and Willard the Cat do play an impressive part as well. Oh, and everyone's favorite dolphin/Greek God/Butterface hybrid is in the video too. I think we alllll know who I'm talking about.

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I...I...I Just can't.

This speaks for itself. At least for me, a girl who thinks shoes are just fabulous.

Katie D., please take over this one...

Can do Kathy.
Hilarious. My favorite things about this:
1. Not in this clip, but in an article about the incident I got off cnn.com, was this gem: "Hurling shoes at someone... is considered an insult among Muslims." Really? Because in Unitarian circles, that's our way of showing affection. I love learning about the little quirks of other cultures!
2. Bush's quip on the shoe size. It's very important that we know it's a size 10 shoe. Is there a penis joke hidden there somewhere?
3. How fucking long did it take for Bush's security team to get this bitch down? Honestly, he not only launched one, but BOTH of his shoes at the most powerful(ish) man in the world - and nobody got to him for a good three or four seconds. The first guys to try to stop him weren't even Secret Service, they were other journalists. And Bush was standing up there without a guard for even longer than it took to take the dude down. What? How does that happen? I mean, I'm no Bush fan, but I'd like to have a little more confidence that they've got his bases covered, security-wise. This does not help that image!

This dude's career is done. The journalist, I mean, though I know how that could be confusing. But at least he offered us a little comic relief - and maybe some vindication? I mean, Bush ducked the shoe. Reflexes like a cat, that man. He plans to dodge all blame for the global recession and the fucked up war in the same manner.

Side Note From Chatty Kathy: being from the South, in fact, the same great state as President DumbFuck(I knew there was a reason I left...), I too am intrigued by the diversity of cultures the world has to offer. So, if I were in DumbFuck's shoes, or those being thrown at him, I think my face would look the same. And this isn't the only note on which I can relate to this other Texan. I cringe when people poke fun at his slight mispronunciation of the word "nuclear," as it is only a dialectic thing. Because I say "nucular" as well. Clearly the correct way to pronounce the word.

Response to Chatty Kathy's Side Note: Nucular? Really? I'm from the South as well, you know. That's no excuse! My town enriched the uranium for the atom bomb; it's a particular sensitivity of mine that he can't pronounce that word. Clearly the correct way to pronounce the word is nuclear - like how it's spelled! Should we rumble?

Acceptance of Katie D's rumble invitation: Belts or Knives?

Counteroffer to acceptance: Slap fight?

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Just So We're Covering All The Bases...

I despise Twilight. I’ve only read the first one and haven’t seen the movie. But, it is my strict belief that if the book can’t win me over, there is no way the movie will. But that could just be my literary snobbery coming through. However, I know a good thing when I see it and in this case that good thing is Kristen Stewart. Remember her in Panic Room with my girl Jodi?

Here’s some cool news about K Stew. She has been cast to play the most rocking of rocker chicks Joan Jett in “The Runaways,” the biopic of the all-girl rock-n-roll band of the 1970’s. Do you think this:
can rock hard enough to play this:
The Runaways will start filming sometime in 2009, depending on K Stew’s schedule with the next two Twilight movies (yes, there will be more… save us.) And she will be starring in K-11 as a man. Yep. A man. With her on screen (in drag) will be none other than Twilight’s Rosalie (Nikki Reed). The movie takes place in the sector of the Los Angeles County Jail that houses gay inmates, with K-11 being the official classification. Now, with all the Lockup: RAW I watch on MSNBC when I can’t sleep at night, I can only imagine what this movie is going to be like. I’m not much of a movie person and don’t go out of my way to find them, but I think I will be keeping tabs on this one because if there are three things I can’t resist it’s anything to do with prison, drugs, and gays. I know that doesn’t present a pleasant connotation for the latter, but I’m a gay, so I can make the jokes around here.

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Obsessive Much? Twilight and R Pattz

Ugh. Be sexier, Robert, honestly. The Hotness and the Glory that is Daniel Radcliffe made me think of my other one and only from across the Atlantic, namely Robert Pattinson. No, this isn't creative, but I never claimed it was. I can only say that my adoration for R Pattz stems from much too much wasted time looking up his interviews on YouTube and many too many hours of watching Twilight on my computer. And yes, I do actually like the movie - in my opinion it's much better than the book, because 1. It gets to the fucking point and doesn't mull over every insignificant detail and 2. I don't hate Bella in the movie. In the book she's a whiney bitch. In the movie she's kinda BA. R Pattz and Kristen Bell seemed like they were trying to make the best movie they could, and I thought it was acted it well. So that's my piece on it. Oh and by the way, I'm not even Team Edward - I was in love (do not judge) with Jacob from the second book til the very end. Maybe because Bella's obsessive love of Edward annoyed me? But Robert won me over, and it's to his credit.

But anyway. Robert is super charming because he is of course British, and so I'm giving you the gift of pictures of him. Oh, and a clip of him and Ellen chatting, because if there's anyone I love more than R Pattz it's Ellen DefuckingGeneres.

Although granted I would like it better if he washed his hair. And holy crap this is serendipity: I'm watching TV and for the first time in weeks I accidentally watched a commercial (thanks Tivo). Well, it happened to be that crappy Hillary Duff commercial for her perfume (who buys that shit?) and it has EMMET from Twilight in it! Mute the clip so your ears don't file a suit against you for reckless endangerment or something and enjoy.

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DanRad: Triple Threat

Actor. Singer. Lover. (of horses)
Could I be more in love with Daniel Radcliffe? No, and here's porque:
1. He's British
2. He's Harry Potter
3. This video.
So there's something called the "Gypsy of the Year Competition" that Broadway Cares puts on, and I don't know what it is but I do know that I love it. DanRad wrote/sang/danced to this lovely tune with some cast members from Equus (that horse play where he gets naked on stage), which is called "The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Neigh." If you don't know where this is going, don't worry, because it's not subtle. Daniel is the glowing fairy in the middle. And while Dan and his horsie friend are great, I do love watching the hot slinky stuff happening behind them!

And here's some more of DanRad being cheeky and British. This also shows that Dan is not quite the pocket person he appears to be, because the other guys on stage are wearing what looks to be some sort of wire hanger-platform shoe contraption. Which is comforting, I guess.

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