Nine People I'd Like To Go Away in 2009

Everybody makes lists about their favorite or least favorite people/movies/paint swatches of any given year. Here's my contribution, in no particular order, because I would like them ALL to disappear into oblivion.

Spencer Pratt

AKA Tooleslav Doucheski, Tsar of Fleshbeardsburg. Why is he famous? He was on that reality show about rich kids who talk about nothing but their annoying love lives and fashion/fame "ambitions," right? Why does anyone care? In addition to just being useless, I'm also told that he's borderline abusive to his horseface, Heidi, and generally a dick. Plus his beard looks stupid. I wish he'd just stayed in Mexico.

Rachel Zoe

It would be fucking bananas if Rachel Zoe would go away, and then eat a sandwich. I've unfortunately seen a few episodes of her show, and I don't understand the appeal. Every person on the show has the same accent/voice: Valley girl. Even the guys. Her poor husband needs to run screaming out of their overstuffed closet and she needs to remember how to chew real food. Plus her job - dressing celebrities? - yeah, it's dumb.

Bill O'Reilly

He's loud, he's annoying, he's a dick, he's a Republican. Why he has like four outlets for his ranting, I don't know. Keith Olbermann, love of my life, has an ongoing war against Billo the Clown (his pet name for him) and I find myself a soldier in his army. The dude cuts off his guests when they're talking and takes everything as a personal insult. And he's one of those delusional people who thinks this is a Christian nation. Check your history asshole, we were founded on the separation of church and state. I'd love for him to have a meth scandal or something so that he could go rant himself blue in rehab, where no one will be listening. Oh, and here's Lil Bill O.


Sean Hannity

The Manatee. He's loud, he's annoying, he's a dick, he's a Republican. He loved Sarah Palin - 'nuff said. Manatee is another Republican living in a delusional world in which what people do to their bodies or in their bedrooms or at their places of worship is EVERYBODY'S business, and can be governed by others. Here's a clip of him going on and on about the 2008 Boogieman William Ayers, then getting his ass kicked by Robert Gibbs and that funny thing liberals like to use sometimes - logic. By the way I love the poll going on at the bottom of the screen saying that McCain has 86 percent of voters on his side. Oh Faux News, you kill me!


Madonna

She's divorcing, she's roiding, she's A-Rodding. She's uninteresting is what she is. I'm bored with her antics and lists and Kabbalah and yoga. She pissed me off a few years ago when she ruined the song "American Pie" and she's not crawled back into my good graces yet. I'm tired of hearing about you, lady. Retire.

The Girls Next Door

Three cheers for self esteem! I know this is actually a group of people and not a single entity, but they might as well be. If I were to define them as the Slutty One, the Annoying One, and the Stupid One, which one would be which? I don't really know either. They're each a triple threat. One of my roommates Tivos this show, and I can't understand why. They're gross, and they're double gross for boinking Hugh Hefner. I hear he dumped all of them, so yeah, these girls may be going away, but it's the spirit of the Idiotic Bunny that I'd REALLY like to be done away with.

Sarah Palin

The only things good about Sarah Palin's bid for VP: 1. The Tina Fey impression, 2. My roommate's impression of the Tina Fey impression, 3. The documentary, Who's Nailin' Palin?. Otherwise, she often brought out the worst in the people who supported her, took about 23 steps back for women's rights, and generally made herself a laughingstock to other countries/intelligent people of the world. Here's a lovely video to remind you of the kind of America we COULD have been stuck with, just in case you still weren't sure if Obama was the better choice.


Ashlee/Jessica Simpson

I feel almost bad for those two, because they have to deal with Papa Joe and his ogling ways. But not bad enough to want to hear about them constantly in the news. Pete Wentz and Tony Romo are tainted (more than before) for associating with these skanks. Jessica is desperate and gross; Ashlee is clearly damaged (plastic surgery much? At 24?)and named her child BRONX MOWGLI. Go back to Texas with Bush!

And the obvious...

George W. Bush

Look, he's waving goodbye! Yes, it's finally that time, folks. After 8 long, long years, he will have to move his ten gallon hat out of the White House and back to his lone star estate. Sadly, we won't all have the chance to throw our shoes at him before he shuffles away. Well, we can on the internet, at least.