Rambling Katie D. Takes on the Grammy's

Written while I watched. Like live-blogging, but less technologically savvy and also not in real time because I Tivoed it and watched it without commercials. Enjoy my brilliant observations.

1. Lady Gaga continues to prove to me that she is perfect in every way. I loved the hands on the piano, I loved that Sir Elton John joined her, I loved that she had soot on her face, I loved it all. She is fucking amazing, her performance (like the concert, which we will write about eventually) was flawless, and I'm not sure how she didn't fall down in those shoes.
2. Stephen Colbert's opening speech was uncomfortable. I did like him telling his daughter to stay away from Katy Perry though. Who BY THE WAY is engaged to Russell Brand. WHAT? I mean, ok, when I think about it they're kind of perfect for each other. But it's still SO WEIRD.
3. I'M THRILLED "SINGLE LADIES" WON SONG OF THE YEAR. THE GLITTERY NYMPHS REJOICE.
4. Why did JLo almost cry when she introduced Green Day?
5. Also, on the Green Day thing: I'm not sure what I think about American Idiot being made into a musical. When that album came out my punk-rock friends liked it for long enough to gush about it to me and have me listen to it on repeat (YES LIBERTY SPIKE AND ARGUMENTATIVE GUY, THIS DID HAPPEN), but soon they got too punk for that shit and started listening to monsters and stuff and denied ever having liked the album and furthermore have now renounced Green Day's old stuff as well (I will never stop loving "Welcome to Paradise" or "Long View"). I, on the other hand, still think it had some pretty decent songs, though I want to kill myself every time I hear "Boulevard of Broken Dreams." Anyway, I don't know what to think about this musical. On the one hand, I love musical theater. On the other hand, Green Day seems to be going further and further away from their roots. On the other hand, I'm not sure that I care if they go away from their roots. On the other hand, I'm not sure that I care enough to form an opinion about this at all.
6. I cannot wait until that "When In Rome" movie is out of theaters so that I will STOP SEEING KRISTIN BELL AND MR. FERGIE PROMOTING IT. Also, was he high or something? He was not doing well with that teleprompter.
7. Taylor Swift's acceptance was super cute. I'm glad she won and accepted that "impossible dream." That was touching as fuck, and she looked fabulous.
8. Who knew Simon Baker was Australian? That makes him SO MUCH HOTTER.
9. Beyonce is fabulous and I will never stop loving her. I loved when she grabbed her crotch at "better man", her Alanis cover was great, it's fantastic that she has a girl drummer, and the bitch has great legs. Plus, that song gets me every time; it's one I listen to on repeat when I'm feeling soulful. It happens from time to time. Also LOVE that she's married to Jay Z. He was so cute when he clapped for her performance.
10. When did Pink decide to do every performance in the air? I mean, it was pretty and everything. And fucking impressive. It's just a very odd gimmick. Plus it's BOLD that she does it basically naked. I'm liking how strong women in music are right now - I mean, even Katy Perry and Taylor Swift, totally poppy as they are, are in control of themselves in a way that I don't think people like Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson ever were. So many strong ass bitches in popular music right now, and I LOVE IT.
11. I sort of like Miley Cyrus now. It really started when she dropped her Twitter, and continued when I heard about an interview she did where they asked her about "Party in the U.S.A." (which, for the record, I hate) and they asked what song she was thinking about when she wrote the line "The Jay Z song was on" and she basically said, "Dude, I didn't write that fucking song, I don't listen to pop music or Jay Z, I have no idea what that was about." Obviously this is not an exact quote, but the attitude I get from it is kind of the same as I got from the erasing Twitter move - she's not thrilled with being the pop star anymore, and she's starting to do things her own way when she can. I like it, Milers.
12. I really like that "I'ma Be" song and I LOVE Fergie, but I think Will.I.Am takes himself waaaaay too seriously (if you don't believe me, take a look at his NAME) and I'm confused as to what the other two members of the Black Eyed Peas actually do. As far as I can tell, the terrifying American Indian looking guy is there to look scary (it's the ridiculous cheek bones) and I kind of forget the other one is there. Fergie luv 4evr. (More strong women…)
13. I like middle Jonas' haircut and glasses.
14. Who is this Lady Antebellum band and why did nobody tell me about them before? I liked that performance.
15.That man who introduced the Best Comedy Album with Kayley Cuoko has a hot accent. Also Kathy Griffin should've won that shit.
16. I FUCKING LOVE RINGO. I like Norah Jones too but I LOVE RINGO. ("I hated the Philippines.")
17. I think that Kings of Leon guy was the first person to thank God tonight.
18. Robert Downey Junior is cool as shit.
19. Wait, that "Blame It on the Alcohol" song is Jamie Foxx? I had no idea Ray Charles sang that song. I sorta like his outfit though.
20. Oh hey Doug E. Fresh! Also I didn't know what T Payne looked like. I think I sort of assumed he looked exactly like T.I. Probably because they have the same first name.
21. SLASH?
22. Ke$ha looks like a prostitute and Justin Beber is a pocket person.
23. Why is McVet at the Grammy's?
24. LOVE YOU TAY. She's not awesome live, though. I feel like she is always super tone-deaf live. Still, she could not be cuter.
25. Lionel Ritchie has won 4 Grammy's? The 80's must've been weird.
26. Why on earth do they assume that people just have 3D glasses at their house? This Michael Jackson performance is pissing me off. Also Jennifer Hudson needs to re-think those bangs.
27. THE JACKSON KIDS ARE ONSTAGE. THIS IS SO WEIRD. WHICH ONE IS BLANKET? THIS IS SO WEIRD. WHICH ONE WAS DANGLED OVER A BALCONY?? THIS IS SO WEIRD!!! Oh God, those poor kids. Those cannot be his bio kids. That's so weird. Those children have been covered in blankets up until a couple months ago, no wonder they can't speak in public. SO WEIRD.
28. I don't care about Bon Jovi. Why are they pushing this vote on the song thing? Fast forward, TiVo.
29. Mos Def should enunciate.
30. Mm I LOVE the version of "Ego" with Kanye. But I like Rihanna and Jay Z too. And that kid they brought to the microphone is CUTE. He should announce all the rest of the awards!
31. Fast forward through Mary J. Blige, fast forward through old white guy talking, definitely watching Adam Sandler. Definitely watching Dave Matthews Band. Fantastic performance. Also, I loved him on that one episode of "House."
32. Ricky Martin and Lea Michele together? Gay man's wet dream like fuck. SHE'S GORGEOUS.
33. Beyonce's dress is made of beer tabs. That child sitting next to Jay Z is a STAR.
34. I love that his name legitimately stands for "Ladies Love" Cool J. We do, we do.
35. Fast forward fast forward fast forward - Quentin Tarantino? Popped collar? What is going on in front of me?
36. Hahaha Travis Barker is playing with Eminem and Lil Wayne? And they were intro'd by Quentin Tarantino? Whoever planned this is a GENIUS. Also I kind of like this song. And I like the shameless self-promotion that's happening on Lil Wayne's shirt. "Listen to Lil Wayne." Subtle!
37. Why do I love Eminem so much? I feel like this goes back to like 7th grade. But I do. I DO.
38. God these guys love grabbing their crotches. I don't know who Drake is. But I like that Jamie Foxx is singing in the audience.
39. OH MY GOD THEY'RE HUGGING. THEY'RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS!
40. Beyonce is the prom queen of the music world. In the best way possible.
41. Why did Taylor Swift win Album of the Year? I love the girl, I think she's talented, but 1. I preferred her first album (it was much less poppy) and 2. She was up against LADY GAGA. And Dave Matthews. And Beyonce. And even the Black Eyed Peas! Come on. Still super sweet and super cute, and adorably grateful, but I don't know that I agree that she should've won.

And that's the end of the night, my friends. I liked most of the performances, and definitely all the ones I watched all the way through (I got tired at the end. Sorry.) and I guess I agree with most of the winners. Now I'm going to go have pleasant dreams about the middle Jonas' new haircut and that one guy with the Spanish accent. I hope you do, too.