Thursday, January 7

Hogwarts Student in Tragic Accident

Burbery caught a tragedy on film recently. Hermione Granger was apparently late for a modeling job and, while Apparating into the photo shoot, she fucking splinched herself real fucking badly. It wasn't just half an eyebrow like Ron in book 6; no, she actually lost most of her right leg from the thigh down. She was rushed to St. Mungo's, and the missing part of her limb is being tracked down as we speak. She is pictured above, clearly choking back tears, holding on for balance to the boy in the shoot, who is the brother of someone named "Emma Watson," though I'm not entirely sure who that is. The Weasley family and Harry Potter have all visited her in the hospital, and reports are that Ron and Harry are refusing to leave her side. Her Muggle parents have not yet been informed of the accident, because they're just dentists and they would freak the fuck out.

Well done, Burbery Photoshop guys. Gotta trim the fat off those legs. Bipedalism is so 2009.

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