Thursday, March 5

If Katie D. Ran The Emmys Part Deux

1. Here's hoping for great results in the California courts!
2. Part 2 (deux if you're fancy) of my Emmy Awards. Today's focus is on reality competitions!

Most Entertaining Showcase Of Tyra's Insanity:
America's Next Top Model

This was the first incarnation of Tyra's brilliance, and it is still some of the best shit I've ever seen. Days could fly by while I watch girls pose and get eliminated - fuck, we could go to (another) war and I wouldn't notice. My apartment could be invaded and I'd just pause that shit and tell the insurgents to quiet down! The best parts are the photo shoots, because they're so unbelievable and they're full of weird makeup and costumes (like the Mermaid photo shoot, one of my favorites - they hang the bitches upside down! With dead fish! God Danielle is fabulous. And Jade is a whore. Clip below). Oh, and the crazy models who talk to bushes when they've had a little too much drank!

New Season just started, Wednesdays at 7 central on UPN.

Best Judges (Including Impressive Guest Judges) With A Habit Of Choosing The Wrong Fucking People To Win The Competition But Who I Still Love Anyway:
Top Chef

While I am still not over Hosea fucking winning this season (1. Carla should've cooked her own food! And put the love in it! 2. If that angel didn't win, then Stefan should've at least fucking won, because he won like 49 challenges through the season and Hosea has been on the chopping block like 12 times! God dammit!) and Richard not winning last season, this show is still excellent and the judges are a big part of that. Padma is fabulous, but let me just say that Tom Colicchio is a sexy, sexy man. And that British guy from this season! He's such a bitch and I love it! Best guest judges: that French dude and Anthony Bourdain. Season just ended, but a reunion is on tonight at 8 central on Bravo.

Best Use Of Tim Gunn:
Project Runway

Aka Pwaject Wunway, because it is nearly impossible to say that title correctly. Anyway. Among insane contestants, bitchy judges (except of course Heidi, my world), and weird-ass challenges, there is one Messiah-like constant presence who keeps the runway in balance: Tim Gunn. I want to know him, I want him to be my friend. I want him to tell me to make it work! People who ignore Tim's advice inevitably fail. He is the One, the Seer; he is style itself. Praise him. No season showing currently.

To be continued...

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