ALFIE UPDATE. FINAL!

ALFIE PATTEN IS NOT THE FATHER OF MAISIE.

CHANTELLE IS A WHORE.

GET THAT KID SOME CONDOMS.

AND CALL MAURY. Or MONTEL. Get RICKI LAKE out of retirement. Get SALLY JESSE RAPHAEL to put her big red glasses back on.

WTF happened to dignity!??!

I tried to find the UK magazine's article that stated this, but all I could find was Perez Hilton's. I found one article about how a judge ruled that the DNA results could not be made public... So I think the tabloids did and then got reprimanded and took the articles down. If that is even possible. Which I don't think it is. My googling skills could just be out of practice.


[props to my friend M.A. Ziems for tipping me off on this. As I was literally typing in "Alfie Paten + DNA" she sends me the Perez Hilton link on my FB wall. Mad props yo.] [And don't judge that I kind of stole Perez's jokes. He already took the good ones.]

ALFIE UPDATE.

So, in typical Maury fashion, Alfie is taking a DNA test to prove that he is the father…

2 other boys came forward claiming they were the father, Chantelle says no Alfie is the father because she loves him and that he has to be because she loves him and that she loves him so he just has to. Fuck Love. WHAT ABOUT WHO YOU BANGED?!

A 16 year old says slept with Chantelle a number of times and the other a 14 year old who slept with her about 9 months ago.

The 14 year old:

The 16 year old:

Age upgrade!


But Chantelle’s mother Peggy says it’s all rubbish. Chantelle clearly lost her virginity to Alfie. Well good. Then this is all just one big mistake.

This is now causing arguments from the conservative leaders of Britain (Tory) that this is proof of a “Broken Britain.” I think this is just some family using their kids to make tabloid money off of them. Alfie’s dad is considering having the test opened on TV. WTF!?

Conclusions: Chantelle is a whore.


Side Note: So is Alfie.