Sunday, February 1

Apparently This Is News

Above is a picture of Butterface Phelps at a party in November, taking a hit from a bong. Of what, you ask? What's so scandalous? Crack? Meth? A burnt American flag? No, dumbass, it's pot. The next question out of your mouth should be, "So fucking what?"

Who cares? And who didn't assume he smoked up regularly anyway? I mean, the dude is loaded, and the damn Olympics aren't for another 3 and a half years. If not smoke weed now, then when? He's still in better shape than 99.99999999% of the planet, give or take 1/100000 of a percentage point. It's not like he's less amazing a swimmer for occasionally smoking up. And what asshole friend leaked this picture to the media? Probably the same one who said this: "At one point someone asked him if he wanted to smoke some weed. Michael didn't hesitate and headed to a small back room, where he was immediately handed a big red bong. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and ripped a huge smelly bong rip. He knew exactly what he was doing. He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming the backstroke." Anyone else think that's kinda hot?

Phelps released this statement, because if he hadn't conservative America would've flipped a shit: "I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I'm 23 years old and despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again."

Whatever. I don't give a shit if he smokes every day until the 2012 Olympics as long as he keeps the muscles rippling - which I'm sure he will. I just hope he doesn't get caught again, because there are already so many things for tutting American adults to get their panties in a twist over.

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