Vince Slap (Chopped) a Hooker

The Smoking Gun has a tragic story about the downfall of one of the heroes of our time: Vince, the ShamWow guy. Apparently after a night at a club boozing with some prostitute, they went back to his snazzy-ass hotel ($750 bucks a night, TSG wants us to know) to... you know... watch a movie. Which he said he'd pay her $1000 for. Anyway, while they were watching a movie, somehow Vince's tongue found its way down her throat and she, well, didn't want it to get out again. Bitch bit down on his tongue and would not release. He had to punch her repeatedly in the face, resulting in several lacerations and fractures, to force her to let go, at which point he ran his poor bleeding ass down to the lobby to call the cops. They were both arrested for felony aggravated battery. He looks pissed, but she looks fucking proud of herself, doesn't she?

God dammit. I loved Vince, I really did. Now I find out that he not only has a pretty bad case of Meth Face, but he has to go to hookers to get his rocks off. Doesn't he know that almost any lady on the street would make sweet, tender love to him and then wipe his sweaty brow with a ShamWow? And if he had the microphone on, he'd get a Slap-Chop prepared meal along with the deal! By the way, if you were wondering (and for some reason this surprised me): Vince is 44. I know, through the skin that looks like it's been eaten by corrosive acid, he hardly looks a day over 30.