Dyxie Land: A Gay/Straight Take on Nothing: Guido, Guidette, Guid!

So typically I'm not particularly into reality television on MTV - the dating shows (Date My Mom or whatever?) and the Real World/Road Rules phenom - I've watched them occasionally but it's not like it's something I'd hunt down. Jersey Shore, though, is a beacon of light in a dreary world of the same character types that are always placed onto these shows. There's always the weird guy, the outspoken girl, the slutty girl, the loud, obnoxious guy, the beef head, the gay one, or some variation of the above mix - then they're put together to see how sparks fly when you have a group of strangers who are sooooo different living under one roof. It's crazy and unpredictable! But it's crazy and unpredictable in the same way every season. People fight, they have sex, they cry, they fight more, blah blah blah. It's all very one-note, and that note is drama for the sake of television. On Jersey Shore, though, they took a cast of the exact same type of people (the casting call was for "loud, proud Italian-Americans"), not wanting them to fight each other because of their differences, but wanting them to find reasons to fight because of their similarities. "This is what happens when you take 8 people who fit the same stereotype and put them under one roof; they never were particularly real in the first place but now they're living together!"

Everyone on the planet may disagree with me, but I see Jersey Shore as something that takes a step away from other MTV reality tv for one reason: they really embrace one stereotype. They're really clear about why they're on the show: they are Guidos who love being Guidos (THEIR WORD) and they're at the Shore to party. Roll film.

This Sunday (during which I believe some sort of sporting event is taking place. I know it's the Puppy Bowl but I think there's something else, too) MTV is running the entire season of Jersey Shore, all day long. Fist pumping; GTLing (Gym, Tan, Laundry - so you can look your burliest, brownest, bright-whitingest best at the bars!); drinking; fighting, all in one day - basically the livers of college students all over America will be fighting for their lives by like 3 pm. (See: the Jersey Shore Drinking game).

Let's break it down by character, shall we?
Angelina - the one I'm glad is gone.

Ronnie - the one who looks most like a bear.

Sammi ("Sweetheart") - the one I'd most like to slap.

Pauly D. ("DJ Pauly D. tearin it up on the ones and twos!") - the one with his penis pierced, who uses more hair gel in a day than I have in my entire life, even when I did dance recitals when I was little and tried to get rid of the little frizzies at the front of my head.

Jwoww - the one with the classiest-ass outfits.

Vinnie - the one I actually probably wouldn't mind dating because he seems like a normal person and at one point he said "Cheer up, Charlie" to a house-mate, which is a quote from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, which is a great movie.

Mike ("The Situation") - the one I find unattractive in pretty much every way, but who I think might actually be semi-intelligent -or at least self-aware - in real life (see the clip below for proof).

Snooki - the angel of my world.

Are they really all that different from each other? No. Are WE really all that different from all of them? Don't answer that. Do they make for great TV? Every minute. Every minute. Enjoy the clip.