Thursday, February 4

Arrived in Indiana a girl, left a Woman.

You GAYS! We saw Lady GaGa. We did it. Mission accomplished. Now, to tell you all about it. I don't even know where to begin. We saw her a while ago at the Purdue show she rescheduled. You can read about that disaster here. It's taken me this long to get my shit together because my mind was basically BLOWN. My brain once weighed 3 pounds and was the consistency of tofu, now, my friends, it's mashed potatoes and has lost some weight since I can't find the bits splattered on the floor of Elliot Hall of Music. Lady GaGa is the most dedicated, sincere, weird, creative, ballsy, sexual performer I have ever seen. And little do you know, Cher's first farewell tour (Living Proof.) was my very first concert. (I'm gay.)

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start, when you read you begin with A-B-C, when you sing you being with Do-Re-Mi, when you talk about Lady GaGa you begin with Ro-Ma-Ma. Her opening act was a band called Semi Precious Weapons. Their job was to basically get us "wet with excitement" for Lady GaGa. Yes, that is a direct quote from the lead singer who asked to see tits, then when that didn't work some cunt, then got naked on stage for a costume change. We were berated with demeaning names ("whores," "motherfuckers") we were constantly told to shut up. I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. And the best part is Jason Derulo was in Canada. One more reason Canada is under rated. Here's a picture of the Fairy Queen lead singer who is more of a man than you and more of a man than Katie Dee will ever get and one of the few men I'd probably sleep with.

So then it took her forever to get on stage. I was personally terrified it'd get cancelled again. The first time, it wasn't real until we were in the doors and our tickets weren't fakes we bought off eBay, but the real thing (that we bought off eBay). But this time, I wasn't going to believe it until she was on that stage. The stage is really basic and really industrial. It was so basic and there was so little going on that I didn't know what to expect. There was a scrim hanging in the front of stage area and that was really essential to the show because it all depended on lights and video/art installations. The stage was basically this:
Then, this video turned into this:Yep, that's the pure Lady GaGa with what I interpret as a dark, troubled version of herself straddling that then sticks its fingers down its throat and vomits blue puke on the pure angelic version of Lady GaGa. Thus, the introduction of the theme of inner-torment. I have never been to a show that was so cerebral yet so entertaining at the same time.

Minimal right? Well, the bitch had about 7 costume changes and in between these really intense video installations would play. The show never let up. It never stopped. It was relentless. Even when she wasn't on stage, these video portrait art things were so engaging. You were constantly bombarded with stimulation. Oh, backtrack, the show opened with this trippy projection of this tweaky grid on the scrim and a countdown. It was more exciting than New Year's Eve! There's smoke, there's flashing lights, then there she is. In a light up, skin tight body suit. She's all glowy and outlined in lights. It was fabulous. Oh, and P.S. I have not squeezed my butt cheeks harder or screamed louder at any show in my entire life. I think my flat ass gained a little donk, if you know what I mean. So these video installations were part photography, part video, part fashion show, part story telling, part stop-motion animation. She was real jerky and real weird.

Also, this show is not for children. I mean, yeah Britney and Christina and Justin and N*SYNC and Whitney (BOBBAY) all have shows with sexual themes. But I mean, it's one thing to take your tween to one of those shows and have the sex either go over their head or talk with them about vanilla hetero-sex. But it's a completely different car ride home when you've taken your tween to a Lady GaGa show and you have to explain gender fluidity, queerness, sexual freedom, and the utter loneliness of fame. That's some heavy shit. Most. Awkward. Car ride. Home. Ever.
Pictured above is one of my favorite parts of the show. You can't really see it here, but it was basically a big dagger-like silhouette that engulfed the stage's screens. It was just so cool.

My other favorite was the Monster set:

For such a minimalistic, industrial set, there was quite an intense nature theme throughout the whole thing. Here, her dancers are dressed like crows and you can see the band and she has this great feather thing on. When she sings "he ate my heart, he a-a-ate my heart" the dancers gather around her and her she screams and flips a shit (any excuse for a costume change Lady GaGa) and then emerges in a completely different outfit with a big blood spot on her chest. They literally ate her fucking heart.

Some of my other favorite things about the show were what GaGa was saying. We now quote her in my house all the damn time. You can occasionally hear us yelling from down the street: "Take my picture Purdue, I want to be a star!" or "Do you think I'm sexy? I don't believe you..." or "Sing that Dirty Word Purdue!" or "People say that I have a huge dick. Get your cocks out. I hear there's some huge cock at Purdue." She opened with that line and my immediate reaction was YES! YES I WILL GET MY HUGE COCK OUT. DON'T YOU FUCKING WORRY. I'm sure our boy roommate really appreciates us not letting him watch sports downstairs and constantly yelling dirty things. He's slowly learning what the GaGa is all about. (P.s. it is so weird living with a boy. I'm sure I'll post about that later.)

Anyway. I'm going to pass on the GaGa reviewing to Katie Dee. Get it grrrrl.

I'm still processing the show and will probably build off of Katie Dee's post. What I've mentioned above are the highlights of the show for me. I danced the whole time. I yelled "Oh My GAWD" several times. And my favorite outfit was her red latex bikini with a police hat.

Sidenote: Thanks J BEAR for taking pictures!!!!!!

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