Hey you gays. Yes, it's been a while. We all know this. I have zero good excuses. Just like there are ZERO degrees to be found anywhere in Iowa City. They weren't lying about that monster blizzard. I'm just thrilled I got my first experience with snowblowing.
Today, boys and girls and everything in between, we are going to discuss a very important group of people. Black Ladies. I've been discovering them via Def Jam poetry YouTube Videos. Let's meet some of them.
1. Floetry- Fantasize.
Floetry is a duo who got their start on the spoken word circuit. I discovered them one late night avoiding my homework and watching said Def Jam videos. Marsha Ambrosius is the Songstress and Natalie Stewart is the Floacist. They released 3 studio albums (Floetic, Floacism, Flo'Ology) before breaking up tragically in 2007. Ambrosius is releasing a solo album this March. In conclusion, Marsha Ambrosius's voice kills me every time Katie Dee and I watch this. Which has been a lot recently since we've gotten rid of cable.
2. Michelle Obama. No explanation needed. I just like to objectify The First Lady.On a sidenote, we recently had a discussion about what the husband of our first female president will be called. The First Gentleman? The First Sir? We couldn't decide, then hoped it wouldn't stay Mr. President because that's just like the 80cents to the dollar plight women suffer from now. But instead of coinage as currency, it's titles. What would the husband of the first lady president be called? Assuming she's married, which she doesn't have to be. Also assuming she's straight, which she doesn't have to be. Can of worms...
3. Queen Latifah. Cover Girl, just come out already. You and your live-in personal trainer aren't fooling anyone. Neither are your board shorts. I wish I could come up with some new material for Queen Latifah, but Perez took all the good shit. She's beginning to be the Ricky Martin of Lesbians. It'd be more effective for everyone if you came out sooner rather than later. Oh, and please don't write a memoir post-coming out that's some tired publicity, grrrl.
4. Nikki Giovanni
This is a poem called "Ego Tripping." I'm going to let it speak for itself. Black ladies, ya'll. Black Ladies.
5. Jennifer Holiday
Holy Crap. Unbelievable. Townie Bear has a thing for black ladies who belt (something we have in common) and he showed us this during a marathon YouTube sesh. Look past the over-exaggerated theater face she's got going on. It's the Tony's televised. Stage face is not going to translate into TV face just like that.
6. Jill Scott
Ok, so as you can see I may or may not be on a spokenwordlovepoem binge. J-Bear showed us this upon her return from India. ( To check out her time there, hit up her blog Curry Me Away). My favorite part of this is Jill's bit where it becomes staccato around 2:45. I just can't resist a piece where th wrods imitate the very sounds that they are trying to express. This is the remix with Mos Def from Jill's "Collaborations" Album. I also really love Family Reunion from her Beautifully Human: Words & Sounds Volume 2.
Boom. Black Ladies.
On a completely unrelated SIDE NOTE: Zach Wahls is a fellow student at the University of Iowa who gave a great speech about family. Marriage Equality is, of course, under fire here in Iowa but I'm not really worried about it because Country Homo has made the point that the only way the Iowa constitution is amended is if the vote goes through two consecutive senate sessions via a super majority-- not just the regular kind of majority-- and this session is almost over, then elections will happen, then it starts all over again. So we're safe for at least 2 more years. This is the reason Iowa is the shit and is the reason Iowa has the least amendedconstitution in the nation. This video was circulating around facebook and the Iowa City community, making it's way on to salon.com. Pretty cool shit, Zach. Thanks.
So as I get more and more pissed about this whole oil spill deal, I often turn to Keith for comfort - not that he has anything comforting to say, but I like seeing that someone is keeping up a count of how long it's been since the explosion and, I don't know, there's something nice about knowing that Keith is as angry as CK and I are. Anyway, so he has pretty much daily guests on talking about the oil spill from every angle, and one of last night's guests was the Co-Founder and Editor in Chief of the Huffington Post, Arianna Huffington. So not only do I like her because HuffPo publishes some cool shit, but I newly LOVE her because her voice sounds just like the mom from the Aristocats! In other words, she is the epitome of elegance and poise. Please watch and enjoy.
So BetseyBetsey showed me this interesting queer performer, Ivan Coyote, yesterday and I was too busy doing really important things at my really engaging job to give her feedback, so here it is, complete with a nickname.
Ivan Coyote is a Canadian storyteller. So what happens on stage isn't exactly spoken word, but stories told aloud to an audience. I'm not sure if Ivan Coyote identifies as transgender or as a butch lesbian, so out of respect I'm going to use gender-neutral pronouns. Look at how progressive I am.
Ivan writes about childhood in the Yukon territory and ideas circulating in the queer community. The stories don't really address the politics of being queer, but what it means to be butch and femme and queer: ideas of self-representation. JBear and GayBear and I were having an interesting conversation about what genre of the opposite gender we would be. Apparently, I'd be a beard-sporting, plaid-wearing, bio-diesel van driving, Birkenstock aficionado. So, basically me with a beard. Anyway I watched a bunch of performances of Ivan on YouTube and there's two great pieces, one thanking femmes and the other on "what it means to be butch." It's basically a "what I did last summer" for masculine women. Both videos are great. So great, I've posted them below.
First off, what a cutie little Canadian accent. I love that the definition of a femme enables the definition of a butch. And that being a feminine lesbian is, at times, harder than being a butch(ish) lesbian. It's playfully serious. Because when you decide to come out, you are going to have to learn how to laugh. Shit gets funny.
Now, let's compare and contrast. What basically sums this whole story up for me is when Ivan says "be the man you wish you'd slept with in high school." That makes a lot of sense to me. If you're going to be a butch, masculine lesbian don't be a man's man; Be a lesbian's man.
These two performances, and Ivan's ideology, are a testament that gender is socially constructed and that words can be what you choose to call yourself, or what you let people call you.
One of Ivan's short stories has been turned into a short film. It also is an exploration as to what gender is. Check it out, it's called "No Bikini."
This makes me want to parent my hypothetical children in the most unabashed new-age, montessori style. She wasn't trying to be a boy, it's just that no one asked and it didn't really make a difference.
Lady GaGa, my heart of hearts, my goddess, my queen, you've done it again.
If you're a consistant reader, I think you know how much we love Lady GaGa at Dyxieland. I mean, you can track my beginning doubt, thinking that she was just using sex to sell records. But now I realize she's not just using sex to sell records. She's using sex to CHANGE THE WORLD.
I was not a huge fan of Beyonce and Lady GaGa's Videophone collaboration. In fact, I still think they are a jankity collaboration team. I mean, Beyonce will never ever be as avante garde as Lady GaGa is and Lady GaGa will never ever be as cool and hip as Beyonce is. Even though she does deliver one of the sexiest adresses of Beyonce I have ever heard in...DUHN DUHN DUHN.... the new Telephone video.
This shit has been hyped online for months now. It finally premiered last night and everyone was trying to watch it online. Every site that posted it basically crashed. I'm going to go ahead and say it now, but nothing has been this anticipated or as big of a pop culture event since Michael Jackson's Thriller. So, here, for all of your viewing pleasure, is Lady GaGa's Telephone Video.
So I was scouring the interwebs to watch this thing and I want to personally thank Nawlins Luvah for sending me a link. It didn't work, as it was one of those sites crashing, but here I am to tell you what I think.
I watched it and at 1:11 the OMGOMGOMGs commenced. Thus, forcing J Bear, who was off galavanting with Boy Roommate to come running into the room. And guess what... it was her and not me who was the first to say "This is the queerest thing I have ever seen." Everything about this video is super queer. From the ultra feminine drag persona of GaGa herself to the butch prison guards, to that genderfuck inmmate she makes out with (hot) in the prison yard. The leather and studs. GaGa fronting the camera, challenging you to accuse her of having a dick again. ("I told you she didn't have a dick." "too bad...") Can we also talk about the cigarrette glasses? EPIC.
She doesn't even start singing until 3 minutes into the video. Hence, the Thriller comparison. Then, she continues her whole image, her whole gig, the whole IT thing, with the caution tape sequence. The style and video effect of that scene is exactly what the video montages in The Monster Ball looked like. I've also never thought a Honey Bun so sexy. And that makes me uncomfortable.
The only thing I really like about Beyonce in this video is that Lady GaGa refers to her as "Honey B." So don't hate me for not talking about Beyonce that much. To me, they just don't work together and Lady GaGa steals the show. Beyonce all jerky and remixed just does not work. However, if they could wear more American Flag outfits, I'd be ok with that. Also, I find it fascinating that Lady GaGa's use of the word "motherfucker" does not get bleeped out, but Beyonce's does. So, basically, you're telling me Beyonce doesn't curse, and therefore she obviously doens't poop or fart or eat. Thanks, everything makes sense to me now.
The product placement in this video also blows my mind. From Miracle Whip to Verizon Wireless. I was so annoyed at first becuase it is so obvious. But I think that's the point. GaGa realizes she is capable of crashing the internet by releasing this video and she realizes that companies want their shit to be a part of network-crashing video releases. So I think, I hope, that the blatant product placements are on purpose and are tounge-in-cheek and are completely self-concious. I freaked when I saw the coke-cans-in-the-hair-outfit. Then I realized oh, those really are Diet Coke cans. Oh man, I WANT A DIET COKE. Salon.com has a quick article labeling Telephone as one giant commerical, because shit won't pay for itself these days. But GaGa also endorsed a line of chic, designer condoms. Exactly. Using sex to change the world. (See how I brought that back?) Salon.com also has an article on this. So, I think she's aware of the power she has and the fame she has, and if you revisit some of the themes we talked about in our Monster Ball posts, I am of the opinion that the Telephone video as giant commerical is actually rather subversive and tounge-in-cheek because it is so blatant.
And closing remarks: "OMG. Are they going to drive off a cliff?"- J Bear.
If they do, I hope I'm packed in the trunk. Because I am still all about it.
Side Note by Katie Dee: So while I watched this video and took extremely detailed notes on it like a week and a half ago, I'm just now getting them up here. I'm sorry. I hope it's worth you checking the post every hour on the hour up until right now!
Thoughts on Telephone (this is sort of like what I did with the Grammy's, so if you want to follow my crazy thought train, having the video playing in a window next to the text would make that easier): 1. I feel that this is an inaccurate portrayal of prison - although, I notice, it is "Prison for Bitches." 2. Gaga is the most extreme Pink Lady ever with Coke cans in her hair. 3. Monster hands! 4. They are so channeling Michael Jackson. And Moulin Rouge. 5. Whatever brand of lipstick they use, I should buy it, because that shit doesn't move. 6. I love Beyonce. 7. Why "Let's Make a Sandwich?" Don't care, that dance is awesome. I love the bites. And claps. Claps and bites! 8. See, I don't think the bleep of B's "motherfucker" signifies that she's supposedly "pure." I just think it's a way t show their personalities. Gaga is so in-your-face in every way, and B is slightly more reserved. But will still poison your food if you fuck with her. 9. Why is this in German? 10. The american flag outfits are genius. How did Gaga get Beyonce to go along with this? 11. Any time Gaga sings "sippin that bub," I'm super amused. 12. Pussy Wagon? Hahaha! 13. And it exits with the female symbol. Be still, my feminist-ass heart!
So that's my flitting thoughts; over all, I liked the video, and I thought both women did well, and although I agree with CK that they're a jankity pairing, I don't know that I think that's a bad thing. I love Gaga's continued playfulness - the full-frontal at the beginning was very funny, and I really hope nobody still thinks she's a man, though I know as I type this that some people do - and I'm happy that she's just, as far as I see it, doing what she wants with her music and her videos. I didn't see the video as all that queer, per se, but I did see it as super-feminist. Of course, sometimes these ideas overlap, and Gaga is both, so it probably just depends on the perspective you come into it with. And my perspective is ALWAYS "So what does this say about women?" And this video says that women are, to quote someone who wrote on our wall, "Stone-cold badasses."
Also, because I'm currently obsessing over Pomplamoose (they have a new CD on iTunes which you should all buy which is just covers of famous songs. It's very fittingly called "Tribute to Famous People." BUY IT.) here is their video cover of "Telephone." I like it!
This week's Feminine Friday is Andrea Gibson. She is a spoken word poet based out of Denver, Colorado. I heard about her through a friend when we had an EPIC phone conversation that lasted about 10 hours. Not kidding. Gay ladies can talk.
At some point in my life I've questioned the validity of my creative endeavors, if being a writer is really what I want and if I'm talented enough. Whenever I feel like that I listen to Andrea Gibson's "Yellowbird." At some point in my life, I've struggled with parental acceptance. Whenever I feel like that I listen to Andrea Gibson's "Marble." At some point in my life, I've struggled with unrequited love. Whenever I feel like that I listen to Andrea Gibson's "Photograph" and "Anything."
This is an uncharacteristically un-funny post for Dyxieland (Sorry Dorothy Anne). But this woman is amazing. I'm going to let her spoken word speak for itself. Please watch the videos and leave your comments, becuase I'm fascinated to see what ya'll think. Unfortunately, "Marble" doesn't have a video nor is it posted on her website, so you'll just have to go buy her albums on iTunes: Bullets and Windchimes, Swarm, WHEN the BOUGH BREAKS, Yellowbird. Do I own them all? Yes. Should you? Yes.
And just a little bonus video:
Also, I just found out that next week, February 25th and 26th Andrea Gibson is going to be performing in Iowa City at the University of Iowa and holding a q&a workshop the next day at the Public Library. I could not BE more excited for this!
Side Note from Katie D.: Before seeing the videos CK posted (having only listened to her on Kathy's iPod) I definitely thought this was like a bohemian black woman with long black braids. False.
FromCK- I believe a direct quote is "butch as fuck." Oh Katie Dee, so loving.
Update 2/23/10: I realized I forgot to post "Yellowbird!" Oopsies.
For today's Feminine Friday we have a sad little note. Jean Simmons (not the Kiss guy) passed away at the age of 80 to lung cancer in her home Friday. She was one of those actresses who was in classic movie after classic movie, but to me she'll always be kissing Sky Masterson (Marlon Brando) in Guys and Dolls. I watched that movie I don't know how many times in 8th grade and it's still one of my favorite musicals, and still the only Brando movie I've ever seen. Farewell, Sarah Brown, I'm sure you'll continue to be a ringing bell in Heaven.
Below is a clip of Sky and Sarah serenading each other - and under that a bonus clip of Nathan (Frank Fucking Sinatra) and Adelaide (Viviane Blaine)! I love this movie. Go rent it, in Jean's honor.
So this was supposed to be an AMAZING POST-GAGA Feminine Friday. Yes, you read correctly. Katie Dee and myself, along with J Bear and our other friend Lil Sof Sof, bought tickets on eBay to go see The Monster Ball at Purdue University. I was ready to share my religious experience, to express how I was a changed woman, and to praise the brilliance that is The Lady.
Well, the bitch canceled on us. We drove 5 1/2 hours, got lost about 5,000 times, had Google Maps drop us off in the middle of a corn field to find our spirit guide to lead us the rest of the way, saw Jason DeRulo, and at 7:30 (showtime) to a packed house, a man comes out on stage with this HUGE cop and "regrets to inform us that the paramedics have advised Lady GaGa not to perform tonight." Like any respectable Big 10 college audience should do, we started the "BULL SHIT" chant. We kept telling ourselves this has got to be the prelude to the most amazing opening ever. This is part of the show. He kept regretfully informing us of things and that all of our tickets would be valid for a rescheduling of the show on Tuesday, January 26th.
I was numb with shock. Sometime in the near future I'm sure this is going to be a good story. For instance, that I've seen Lady GaGa twice. But for now, it just really fucking sucks.
Everyone is talking about how great she was on Oprah. I didn't see it. Because I was busy speeding down I-74 in a disappointed rage. She cancelled her last Chicago show due to exhaustion. Bitch needs to take care of herself. I hope she's ok, but I mean, if her heart didn't stop for at least 4 seconds, I'm blackballing this "exhaustion."
I think TFLN put it best: "(812) Even Lady GaGa hates Purdue."
An example of the map we were following:
Where it lead us:
Side Note: Stay tuned for more GaGa, however. We're going to try and make it back to Indiana (the ugliest state in America) on the 26th to see this show.
Update: Ok. So I just went and checked Lady GaGa's twitter page... I feel bad for the girl. I want her to get better and do amazing things. She's changing pop music. She's such an outspoken member of the queer community. I just. I'm so disappointed. I can't believe this happened. I just. I can't. UGH. Read the tweets below.
"I've been crying for hours, I feel like I let my fans down 2nite. An hour before the show, I was feeling dizzy and having trouble breathing"
"Paramedics came to take care of me, and told me my heart-rate was irregular-- a result of exhaustion and dehydration."
"can't apologize enough for how sorry I am. I could hear my fans cheering from my dressing room, I begged everyone to let me go onstage."
"My stage has complicated mechanical elements,everyone was concerned I'd be in danger during the 2hr show, since I had passed out earlier."
"I am so devastated. I have performed with the flu, a cold, strep throat: I would never cancel a show just based on discomfort."
"I hope you can forgive me. I love my little monsters more than anything, you are everything to me. I will make-up the performance on Jan 26."
SECOND UPDATE: I HAVE SUCH MIXED FEELINGS!!! Chicago-Sun Times Headline reads: Lady GaGa ok for Oprah, but not for Indiana.
Greetings Earthlings. (That has no context in this post, I just wanted to great you for what you are.)
Also, forgive me readers, for I have sinned. I did not stick to our New Year's resolution schedule and slacked major hard on Feminine Friday. But alas, here it is.
Let's view the subject under discussion:Now, I know I've said I don't care about The Gosselins as a family and I still don't. But Kate Gosselin's hair is a completely different Situation. Let's be real. She's quoted in this People Magazine article that: "It’s good to have hair again, I never thought I’d have short hair for as long as I did. I feel like this is a fresh start, a fresh me, a fresh life … I’ve got it. I am now Kate Clean Slate." DID THIS BITCH ALREADY RE-MARRY SOME OTHER AWKWARDLY MIXED RACE PERSON? Who is this "Clean Slate" character? Is it some code name for her body guard?
I find this Tabula Rasa Kate insanely annoying because not only am I over their failed, broken marriage TV show, the way she takes on this transformation is by changing her fucking hair. Since Kate Gosselin's hair is already a publicity stunt, it's unfortunate that "A New Woman" version of Kate is one with just an extreme reverse version of her previous haircut. YAWN. It's oddly short in the front, compared to the insanely long back, reverse of the signature Gosselin. Don't even get me started on those cheap ass extensions. Not original and still not cute. This will last for about a week. It's not like she pulled off a B-spears and really Tabula Rasa'd that shit up and went bald.
And just for old time's sake: Jon and Kate Plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show)!
In order to have the blog be updated at a more regular pace, we've come up with a sort of schedule. We're posting it here to make ourselves more accountable. When Katie D sees this, she'll probably edit it with her ideas as well. So let's start the new year off right together.
1. We've created Masculine Monday. This is sort of Katie D's day to talk about men. Sexy men, annoying men, smart men, cool men, gay men, straight men. And if I have any ideas I can write about those things too, but this is more her day.
2. My day is Feminine Friday. This is where I can talk about the same things. Sexy women, annoying women, smart women, cool women, gay women, straight women, feminism. That sort of thing. And again, if Katie D has any ideas, she can write about those things on this day as well.
3. Viral Video Wednesday. We're going to start posting videos that we like off the internet (because that's where we live) every Wednesday. Maybe even some Vlogging might occur. Who knows? The possibilities are endless because if you shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars. (Side note from Katie D.: I have always thought this was a stupid phrase. There are no stars between earth and the moon. Therefore, you will not land among the stars. You'll probably just end up orbiting the earth. This is nothing against CK, of course, because she didn't make it up, but I just wanted to express my incredible frustration at whoever the fuck came up with this saying.)(Side Note from CK: Did the sarcasm not translate well? I'm still trying to perfect that. My blubbering, spacey, can't connect step 1 and step 5 mind sometimes doesn't realize we don't share a brain. I almost typed "brian.")(Side note from Katie D.: Oh, I knew you were being sarcastic. I just wanted to state my vehement loathing for that phrase.)
4. We're going to continue with our "Obsessive Much" and "WTF Happened to...?" threads. Obviously. Because those are awesome.
Now, on to things we've failed to cover. Frankly, I stopped writing about Jon and Kate plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show) because I don't give a damn. Those poor kids. All 8 of them. Even Maddy. They are no longer protected by anything. Everything is raw. The transparency of that family is insane. It wasn't presented with any buffer, just as reality. When that happens, your perception of your actual reality and the producer's perception of the reality they've created for good television blurs and nothing is real anymore. Balloon Boy and his fucked up parents and family fall under the same category. Also, Tiger Woods is a douche bag. How did he hide 14 women? Why did he choose washed up reality stars? Is this why he hasn't been playing golf lately? Again, I don't care.
Katie D? Anything else we need to atone for?
Katie D. - I'm gonna go ahead and agree on the "I don't care about Tiger Woods, Balloon Boy, or the Gosselins" line of thinking. Other things I don't care about: anyone who has ever been on The Hills/those other shows that are associated with The Hills; any other sports player who does something scandalous; the Obama party crashers; 90210 or Gossip Girl; Brangelina (I think even Jennifer Aniston is over it. Why won't the rest of the world move on?); the Kardashians, Girls Next Door, or those Gotti people (still not sure who they are) - generally, any show on E! that is not The Soup or Chelsea Lately; and pretty much everything on MTV (EXCEPT JERSEY SHORE, THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO TELEVISION). So I atone for none of that. BUT if I'm going to atone for something it would be generally not posting much, especially about stuff I'm actually interested in - Health Care, the new Twilight movie (yes, I still have strong opinions about that stuff), John Mayer and his new CD - so I'm planning to post a whole lot in the next couple weeks, covering the stuff I just talked about as well as other things, to make up for not writing much. So to start things off well, here's something I really, really care about: the Geico Pothole Commercial.
I particularly like that it has a southern accent; makes me think of home. It always amazes me just how much stuff people actually take the time to put on YouTube - I mean, who found that video and uploaded it? - but I am so, so glad that they did.
I am also officially looking forward to our gendered days of the week, because I love nothing more than talking about people who I find interesting. This doesn't mean anyone else will find them interesting (this is your warning) BUT you will definitely, definitely learn.
Also, I know we missed our anniversary, but we're a little more than a year old now (Happy Birthday, Dorothy Anne the Dyxieland Cowgirl!) and I just want to say thanks very much to our readers. This is clearly not a particularly serious blog, but that doesn't mean we don't care about it, and we appreciate you coming back to read our stuff, ridiculous though it often is.
Posts
On a sidenote, we recently had a discussion about what the husband of our first female president will be called. The First Gentleman? The First Sir? We couldn't decide, then hoped it wouldn't stay Mr. President because that's just like the 80cents to the dollar plight women suffer from now. But instead of coinage as currency, it's titles. What would the husband of the first lady president be called? Assuming she's married, which she doesn't have to be. Also assuming she's straight, which she doesn't have to be. Can of worms...
Where it lead us:
