The Very First Feminine-Friday-On-Saturday-Sorry-Can't-Even-Keep-Up-With-Our-Own-Schedule Post

Greetings Earthlings. (That has no context in this post, I just wanted to great you for what you are.)

Also, forgive me readers, for I have sinned. I did not stick to our New Year's resolution schedule and slacked major hard on Feminine Friday. But alas, here it is.

Let's view the subject under discussion:Now, I know I've said I don't care about The Gosselins as a family and I still don't. But Kate Gosselin's hair is a completely different Situation. Let's be real. She's quoted in this People Magazine article that: "It’s good to have hair again, I never thought I’d have short hair for as long as I did. I feel like this is a fresh start, a fresh me, a fresh life … I’ve got it. I am now Kate Clean Slate." DID THIS BITCH ALREADY RE-MARRY SOME OTHER AWKWARDLY MIXED RACE PERSON? Who is this "Clean Slate" character? Is it some code name for her body guard?

I find this Tabula Rasa Kate insanely annoying because not only am I over their failed, broken marriage TV show, the way she takes on this transformation is by changing her fucking hair. Since Kate Gosselin's hair is already a publicity stunt, it's unfortunate that "A New Woman" version of Kate is one with just an extreme reverse version of her previous haircut. YAWN. It's oddly short in the front, compared to the insanely long back, reverse of the signature Gosselin. Don't even get me started on those cheap ass extensions. Not original and still not cute. This will last for about a week. It's not like she pulled off a B-spears and really Tabula Rasa'd that shit up and went bald.


And just for old time's sake: Jon and Kate Plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show)!

Dyxieland's Plan for a New Year

In order to have the blog be updated at a more regular pace, we've come up with a sort of schedule. We're posting it here to make ourselves more accountable. When Katie D sees this, she'll probably edit it with her ideas as well. So let's start the new year off right together.

1. We've created Masculine Monday. This is sort of Katie D's day to talk about men. Sexy men, annoying men, smart men, cool men, gay men, straight men. And if I have any ideas I can write about those things too, but this is more her day.

2. My day is Feminine Friday. This is where I can talk about the same things. Sexy women, annoying women, smart women, cool women, gay women, straight women, feminism. That sort of thing. And again, if Katie D has any ideas, she can write about those things on this day as well.

3. Viral Video Wednesday. We're going to start posting videos that we like off the internet (because that's where we live) every Wednesday. Maybe even some Vlogging might occur. Who knows? The possibilities are endless because if you shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars. (Side note from Katie D.: I have always thought this was a stupid phrase. There are no stars between earth and the moon. Therefore, you will not land among the stars. You'll probably just end up orbiting the earth. This is nothing against CK, of course, because she didn't make it up, but I just wanted to express my incredible frustration at whoever the fuck came up with this saying.)(Side Note from CK: Did the sarcasm not translate well? I'm still trying to perfect that. My blubbering, spacey, can't connect step 1 and step 5 mind sometimes doesn't realize we don't share a brain. I almost typed "brian.")(Side note from Katie D.: Oh, I knew you were being sarcastic. I just wanted to state my vehement loathing for that phrase.)

4. We're going to continue with our "Obsessive Much" and "WTF Happened to...?" threads. Obviously. Because those are awesome.

Now, on to things we've failed to cover. Frankly, I stopped writing about Jon and Kate plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show) because I don't give a damn. Those poor kids. All 8 of them. Even Maddy. They are no longer protected by anything. Everything is raw. The transparency of that family is insane. It wasn't presented with any buffer, just as reality. When that happens, your perception of your actual reality and the producer's perception of the reality they've created for good television blurs and nothing is real anymore. Balloon Boy and his fucked up parents and family fall under the same category. Also, Tiger Woods is a douche bag. How did he hide 14 women? Why did he choose washed up reality stars? Is this why he hasn't been playing golf lately? Again, I don't care.

Katie D? Anything else we need to atone for?

Katie D. - I'm gonna go ahead and agree on the "I don't care about Tiger Woods, Balloon Boy, or the Gosselins" line of thinking. Other things I don't care about: anyone who has ever been on The Hills/those other shows that are associated with The Hills; any other sports player who does something scandalous; the Obama party crashers; 90210 or Gossip Girl; Brangelina (I think even Jennifer Aniston is over it. Why won't the rest of the world move on?); the Kardashians, Girls Next Door, or those Gotti people (still not sure who they are) - generally, any show on E! that is not The Soup or Chelsea Lately; and pretty much everything on MTV (EXCEPT JERSEY SHORE, THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO TELEVISION). So I atone for none of that. BUT if I'm going to atone for something it would be generally not posting much, especially about stuff I'm actually interested in - Health Care, the new Twilight movie (yes, I still have strong opinions about that stuff), John Mayer and his new CD - so I'm planning to post a whole lot in the next couple weeks, covering the stuff I just talked about as well as other things, to make up for not writing much. So to start things off well, here's something I really, really care about: the Geico Pothole Commercial.



I particularly like that it has a southern accent; makes me think of home. It always amazes me just how much stuff people actually take the time to put on YouTube - I mean, who found that video and uploaded it? - but I am so, so glad that they did.

I am also officially looking forward to our gendered days of the week, because I love nothing more than talking about people who I find interesting. This doesn't mean anyone else will find them interesting (this is your warning) BUT you will definitely, definitely learn.

Also, I know we missed our anniversary, but we're a little more than a year old now (Happy Birthday, Dorothy Anne the Dyxieland Cowgirl!) and I just want to say thanks very much to our readers. This is clearly not a particularly serious blog, but that doesn't mean we don't care about it, and we appreciate you coming back to read our stuff, ridiculous though it often is.

Things we missed while on Spring Break SLASH since we've started actually focusing on school.

Ellen and Portia!

Ellen had her wife, Portia on her show and it was just fabulous. Besides me vomiting glitter during the Newlywed Game segment, my favorite part was when Ellen just took Portia’s shoe off. It was just so personal and adorable and I know I’d want to be so close to someone that I could just take their shoes off on national TV. Why is it that people are so protective of their feet? I think I’ve just found a subject for a whole new blog post…

CLIPS!!!





And then they sang to each other as part of Ellen's new segment "Bathroom Concerts." I need the punch bucket to catch my vomit this is so adorable. I can't physically stand it.




Ellen and Katy Perry!

Ellen makes “I Kissed A Girl” coy in an intelligent way instead of a drunken-belligerent way. Because kissing girls doesn’t just happen when straight girls get gaysted. But hey, that is when I have the most hook-up opportunities…

CLIPS!!!



My favorite part is Ellen's little head flip around :52. I'm a fan of Ellen's shorter hair. Hell. I'm just a fan of Ellen.

Something I just want to tell you about:

Sophia Wallace.

I found this great photographer a few weeks ago and just decided that I really love what she’s doing. Check out her website. She does a lot of expository work documenting queer living on a day to day basis. She was up for a showcase opportunity on artslant.com and won! From the way it sounds, her work will be published on artslant from May 17th-April 16th. Her series Truer is amazing. Here's how Wallace describes it:

Truer is an autobiographical love story. The title is aimed at challenging the idea of a singular truth regarding love, sexuality, and gender. This body of work was inspired by the resplendence of an unfolding relationship. Through photographs of intensely private moments both joyful and in conflict, Truer seeks to engage the viewer in questioning pervasive visual depictions of truth in love, gender norms, and feminine beauty. Truer situates itself within a largely unseen history of photography of lesbian lives by lesbian photographers.

It just sounds great.

Here is my favorite 2 photos. I love the blatant intimacy of the first one and the casual familiarity of the second that allows the audience to feel as if they are intruding, giving the shot an air of interrupted intimacy. But not as if you just walked in on them banging, but the intimacy that comes with just hanging out with your girl in gym shorts and no bra. My favorite.





That’s basically it.

I’ve also recently come to the conclusion that Jon & Kate Plus 8 (Minus Maddy equals better show) is getting ridiculous. They get too much money and the fame seems to be tearing the family apart according to the churning rumor mill. And hot college girls…

LET ME FINISH!

In the battle of the century, Melissa Etheridge and Elisabeth Hasslebitch tackle Prop H8. Since we all know Etheridge is the shit, we all saw the defeat of Hasslebitch coming. But it was just great to watch her squirm under the condescending eye of Etheridge, who was “disappointed” in Hasselbitch. DISAPPOINTED?!?! That’s all you are?!?! Come on Melissa. At this point with Hasselbitch, I’m beyond being politically correct. Even though I’m so over being politically correct in general.

Let’s just address The View and all the trouble those ladies stir up. I mean, when you get a group of “diverse” women together, there’s bound to be disagreements and little cat fights. Even though the underlying agreement is that they’re all Jewish liberals, because in order to get a ticket on the Hollywood train they check for traces of Manischewitz in your blood stream, since those people directly inject that shit into their veins. So this diversity is all just an act. I personally don’t watch The View, I just wait to read about whoever disagreed with Hasslebitch and lived to tell the tale the next day. These batty old broads are worse than my grandmother and her card playing ladies. I’m surprised they don’t also talk about the upkeep of their bodies and which doctor they have to go see today, all while wearing their arch-supporting SAS old people shoes in a variety of colors; black or beige.

But, leave it to Etheridge to be able to intelligently talk about the issues of the gay community. Because (SHOCKER) this woman is a lesbian, one of those politically correct, activist lesbians who carry around a guitar and a message who make me feel lazy because when the Prop H8 rally in November happened in Iowa City, I was too hung over to get up and go. But with the passage of Prop H8, her family is at risk, her way of life is in jeopardy. She brings up a good point that it’s about the children. Isn’t it always about the children, Melissa? If you tell anyone that, there is no way they can argue with you, since clearly, if it’s not about the children you are a cold, heartless, shell of a human being. Dementor threshold reached. Here’s the video and Etheridge performs with her 12-string Ovation.



Did anyone else notice Obama's campaign logo on Etheridge's guitar strap? Yeah, she’s that much of a badass.


But with this whole gay marriage thing such an issue right now, I think we need to work on changing the culture before we tackle the laws. For example, TLC is only perpetuating the stereotype of what everyone thinks is a successful family with shows like Jon and Kate Plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show). Why not have a non-traditional family that is successful and loving and using up the kids we already have instead of making more that all look the same (damn Gosselin kids)?
I mean, I can’t say no to the Holiday marathons of Jon and Kate plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show) but the intelligent, analytical part of me wants to see something different, something new, something borrowed, something blue so that everyone can see that a family means love. Like Stitch said, Mahalo means family and family means no one gets left behind. Instead, I have to rent some edgy documentary about a gay couple going through the adoption process to even see what a non-traditional family looks like.


This is getting preachy, so I’ll end on the O’Donnell/Hasselbitch epic battle of ’07.




Side Note: I love how Joy turns into political moderator. Who died and turned her into Gwen Ifill? I also LOVE the split screen action around 3:26.