I found this link on good ole Salon.com this morning while sitting at my really engaging job that does really important things for the world and has only one requirement: to answer the phone that doesn't ring.
And what I want to say to you people is this: SEE! SEE! I'm not the only one who queers everything! Look Mom! I'm not alone!
is "a video remix artist subverting the carefully constructed world of corporate content to work off [her] massive consumption of pop-culture and reverse the psycho-social toll it takes on [her] sense of self." So, basically, she's my soul mate. What I discovered on the ever-faithful Salon website was an article highlighting her most recent work, where she queers Sex and the City. Thank God. It's called the QueerCarrie Project.
Maybe it's because I never really understood the allure of Sex and the City, much like I don't understand how to make a decent "that's what she said" joke, in that the overt heterosexual gaze alienated my queer ass from relating to any of the content-- even the gay men on Sex and the City were acting according to the rules of an explicitly heterosexual society-- but I never really liked the show. I never watched it like I watched The L Word. (OMG The L Word.) That is, until now. I'm only sad that seasons 3-6 are all compacted together. And props to Elisa for most likely having to watch the whole series to construct the narrative she creates in the 3 video series.
Here's the Trailer:
Kreisinger has also created several other video remix projects, including one that queers The Real Housewives of New York City: "The Queer Housewives of New York City." It follows Bethenny through a queer storyline since she's obviously the most likable (?) and entertaining (?) of the housewives.
The work Kreisinger does, this includes several other political video remix projects that you can check out on the projects page of her website, toys with the audience's perception. Viewing and experiencing her work involves similar habits we exhibit while watching TV or YouTube videos. As these habits transfer to viewing her work, Kreisinger inverts the viewing gaze by using such familiar images. We've all seen Sex and The City and we all know how shrill Bethenny can be, whether we want to admit it or not. So, by taking these images and re-appropriating their meaning by creating these Political Remix Videos (PRV), Kreisinger makes the unfamiliar familiar. The viewer almost can't grasp that what they are looking at is a subversion of original content because it reads as original content itself, completely normalizing the queer positive imagery. Pretty fucking cool if you ask me.
It's a shame the guerrilla team of video remixers that Kreisinger highlights in her project "Remixed/Removed" have to tackle the legal teams of media corporations who remove their art from host sites like YouTube because it infringes copyright laws. This is the new digital graffiti.
Also, I would like all of you to know that Eva Mendes has a sex tape and Wyclef Jean is running for President of Haiti. A Fugee. Running a country. Why am I even in school?
So one of my friends here in England told me about a beautiful website, tvshack.net, where I could watch American TV in my spare time when I'm not exploring London or doing homework or having the batteries changed on my door (about to be the fourth time in almost as many weeks!). You see, even though in the U.S. you can watch network shows on the internet, evil evil television corporations make it so that the licensing whatchamacallits (by the way, that word was not flagged by my spell-check, which gets mad at me when I don't capitalize the word "TV") don't allow people who are abroad access to their online archives (FOR SHAME television people! How am I supposed to survive if I don't know that Jin and Sun live happily ever after?), so this tvshack thing is really, really wonderful.
She told me about this site so I could start my relationship with It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, about which I've heard only good things, but unfortunately I don't have enough time to devote to a new TV show right now - maybe next month. Anyway, I did use this miraculous God-send of a website to catch up on one of the shows I really loved in the U.S., but which I haven't been able to watch for a while: Community. This show is fucking funny - I think the characters are well-written and the casting of Chevy Chase was absolutely brilliant - but I'd be lying if I said that I started watching the show for any reason other than Joel McHale, who is, of course, today's Masculine Monday.
I've had major hots for Joel, who is a tree-like six feet four inches tall, since freshman year when I first discovered The Soup, the show he hosts on the E! Network, and when he started promoting his new sitcom I had to jump on board. And if you don't typically trust my taste in TV (although I'm not sure why you wouldn't; I have excellent taste), guess what? Ronfire likes it too! There's something for everybody! You all should watch it! Anyway, Joel is wonderful, and here are some clips of him.
This first clip was watched by me and JBear pretty much every day for about a month when we were freshmen.
This next one is Joel fighting a bully on Community, played by Anthony Michael Hall, continuing their string of John Hughes references. (He was the geek in The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, and Weird Science, but then a couple years later he bulked up and came back to play the bully in Edward Scissorhands (which of course was Tim Burton, not John Hughes, but my point is that he's the bully). Again, clever casting.)
And these next two are mostly because I really love Troy and Abed (Donald Glover and Danny Pudi).
So typically I'm not particularly into reality television on MTV - the dating shows (Date My Mom or whatever?) and the Real World/Road Rules phenom - I've watched them occasionally but it's not like it's something I'd hunt down. Jersey Shore, though, is a beacon of light in a dreary world of the same character types that are always placed onto these shows. There's always the weird guy, the outspoken girl, the slutty girl, the loud, obnoxious guy, the beef head, the gay one, or some variation of the above mix - then they're put together to see how sparks fly when you have a group of strangers who are sooooo different living under one roof. It's crazy and unpredictable! But it's crazy and unpredictable in the same way every season. People fight, they have sex, they cry, they fight more, blah blah blah. It's all very one-note, and that note is drama for the sake of television. On Jersey Shore, though, they took a cast of the exact same type of people (the casting call was for "loud, proud Italian-Americans"), not wanting them to fight each other because of their differences, but wanting them to find reasons to fight because of their similarities. "This is what happens when you take 8 people who fit the same stereotype and put them under one roof; they never were particularly real in the first place but now they're living together!"
Everyone on the planet may disagree with me, but I see Jersey Shore as something that takes a step away from other MTV reality tv for one reason: they really embrace one stereotype. They're really clear about why they're on the show: they are Guidos who love being Guidos (THEIR WORD) and they're at the Shore to party. Roll film.
This Sunday (during which I believe some sort of sporting event is taking place. I know it's the Puppy Bowl but I think there's something else, too) MTV is running the entire season of Jersey Shore, all day long. Fist pumping; GTLing (Gym, Tan, Laundry - so you can look your burliest, brownest, bright-whitingest best at the bars!); drinking; fighting, all in one day - basically the livers of college students all over America will be fighting for their lives by like 3 pm. (See: the Jersey Shore Drinking game).
Let's break it down by character, shall we? Angelina - the one I'm glad is gone.
Ronnie - the one who looks most like a bear.
Sammi ("Sweetheart") - the one I'd most like to slap.
Pauly D. ("DJ Pauly D. tearin it up on the ones and twos!") - the one with his penis pierced, who uses more hair gel in a day than I have in my entire life, even when I did dance recitals when I was little and tried to get rid of the little frizzies at the front of my head.
Vinnie - the one I actually probably wouldn't mind dating because he seems like a normal person and at one point he said "Cheer up, Charlie" to a house-mate, which is a quote from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, which is a great movie.
Mike ("The Situation") - the one I find unattractive in pretty much every way, but who I think might actually be semi-intelligent -or at least self-aware - in real life (see the clip below for proof).
Snooki - the angel of my world.
Are they really all that different from each other? No. Are WE really all that different from all of them? Don't answer that. Do they make for great TV? Every minute. Every minute. Enjoy the clip.
This is your warning: if you are a die-hard Glee fan, you may be pissed at this post. Happy New Year.
Ok so here's the thing about Glee - I loved it. When the pilot came out in May, I thought it was the most incredibly unique, brilliant, talent packed show of the season - I watched the pilot itself five times. When it came back on in the fall, we (of course) Tivo'd every episode, all of which I watched more than once (and the musical scenes even more). I even made a list, tentatively to go on the blog, about the "Top 11 Reasons I Am In Love with Glee," which I've posted here:
"TOP 11 REASONS I AM IN LOVE WITH GLEE:
11. The background music. I know it's a small thing, but it sets the mood for the show so much. 10. Vocal Adrenaline. Yes, I realize that they're the competition for the glorious New Directions Glee Club, but the two numbers we've seen from them have been impeccably choreographed and danced and had really interesting vocal arrangements. Don't tell me you don't love the partner work, because you know you fucking love the partner work. 9. Puck. YOWZA. 8. Any time Will Schuster sings. Or raps. Or dances. 7. Finn's awkwardness, and his short jeans (because he's poor! Such attention to detail!) 6. Emma. She is so cute, and so obsessive compulsive, and is the voice of reason on the show. She always talks Will into doing the right thing, but she's really messed up herself emotionally. For instance, she is a total germophobe, and is in love with a married man (I mean who can blame her? Schu is hot and his wife is craaaazy! But still, bad choice.) Plus, she is a hilarious guidance counselor. When talking to Rachel about bulemia: Rachel: "I guess I just don't have a gag reflex." Emma: "One day, when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift." How true. Then, later, "Rachel, bulemia is a very messy, serious disease," "messy" being the more important aspect of the disease. Hilarious. 5. Mercedes and her big girl voice, especially when she busted the fuckin windows out of Kurt's car (no, CK, I don't care if you don't like this song). She starts the season with an assertion of her Beyonce-ness ("I AIN'T no Kelly Rowland") and then proves it. She doesn't get too many solos, the first being in Showmance when she is the soul to Schuster's rap in "Gold Digger," but when she does she BRINGS IT. 4. Any time Sue Sylvester speaks. Jane Lynch deserves an Oscar. Yes, I know the Oscars are for movies. 3. Kurt Hummel and the football team dancing to Single Ladies. 2. Rachel Berry and the joy she clearly has every time she sings. Every time I replay "Don't Stop Believin'," I watch for the moment when she turns to Finn, absolute, pure happiness spread across her face, and sings to him about how "everybody wants a thrill." That's not acting, that's just Lea Michele being absolutely in love with what she's doing, and that's beautiful. 1. Every song they sing in practice, performance, tryouts, or as expressions of their teenage angst."
Ok, so I still believe everything in that list, but here's the thing - the show's gotten stagnant. It has. And that makes me very, very angry. Look, the show has all the potential in the world - it's an interesting idea, it's got a great cast, and it's got a bunch of good, solid characters who could potentially be taken in interesting directions. But the writers don't rely on what they have. They don't rely on their characters being interesting enough to drive the show; instead they use stupid, over-done, over-dramatic bullshit plot points that make people go "OHMYGAWD I NEED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!" rather than just letting the show move organically from one conflict to the next.
Example: Schuster was in a shitty marriage; Terry was already a fucking nut. And she was a nut who was actually pretty fun to watch. Then they had to go and make her pretend to be pregnant. Why? Who does that? Nobody - it's unrealistic, it doesn't give Schuster enough credit as a character, and frankly it's condescending to the audience. Why is it condescending to the audience? Because it says, "You, audience member, are not clever enough to watch Schuster go through some sort of realistic realization that he has fallen out of love with his wife, so we have to push it in your face that the marriage is doomed. Not only that, but we also know that you're not going to pay attention to the show unless things are exploding around you every four seconds, so we have to make the characters do something RiDiCuLoUss to make sure you keep watching. Oh, and we've set it up so that Emma and Schu will end up together at the end of the season, and because you are a stupid television viewer, you're not going to be satisfied if, like in real life, things don't end up with the guy you want with the girl you want, so we're going to cater to what we think you want and make them kiss at the end of the last episode of the season. Now sit quietly while we shock and amaze you."
Same thing for Quinn being pregnant. Same thing for Puck being the father. Same thing for Emma getting engaged to Ken, and him leaving her at the alter! This shit didn't need to happen! You know what? People are interesting. That's why we watch shows about them and read books about them and gossip about them all the time. The writers set up great characters, then didn't let them grow and learn - they forced them to stay one-dimensional. Don't agree? Then why, WHY do they keep learning the same lessons over, and over, and over again? Yes, in real life, sometimes we need to hear things more than once to make a real change. But they learn packaged, 7th Heaven, neatly wrapped up lessons in one episode, then learn them AGAIN the next episode and AGAIN the episode after that. Finn decided at the end of the PILOT that he was going to do football and Glee, because they both made him happy. What a fucking cool thing for him to do, and what an interesting way for that character to define himself. Except, oh wait, every other episode he decides AGAIN whether or not doing Glee is worth losing his reputation. Also, I don't believe that there is a single high school in the United States that is full of enough unimaginative dicks that there are consistently going to be groups of the same people (THE JOCKS) making other groups of people (THE GLEE KIDS) miserable over and over again without getting fucking tired of it. How many times can they have the same conversations about how the Jocks hate them, and how many times can the Jocks throw slushies in peoples' faces? Get a new bit. And how many times can Schu suspect Sue of something, and how many times can she plot against Glee club? And, by the way, how many times can people tell Rachel how much they hate her and only like her because of her voice? HAVEN'T WE GOTTEN OVER THAT YET? Treat your characters with respect, Glee writers. Don't make them repeat themselves ad nauseam, actions or words.
Ok. So all that being said, there are a few things that I found truly lovely in this season of Glee. For one thing, as CK wrote about before, the episode where Kurt comes out - particularly in that beautiful moment with Mercedes - was really well done. Similarly poignant, Sue's scene with her developmentally challenged sister was really great. I also liked the interaction between Artie and Tina. These little things make the show for me so much more than the over-blown dramatic twists, because they're grounded, and they allow the characters to be more than paper dolls strapped into one character trait. But even though these lovely moments do happen, they're 1. overshadowed by the drama, and 2. pretty much forgotten about as soon as the episode is over. It's like a different writer does every episode - no character learns any lessons that stick, and things that should be consistent episode to episode - lingering feelings from one character to another, stuff like that - are often ignored once they're brought up. Nothing builds from one episode to another.
But again, some of the quirks in the show - like (in the pilot) when Finn is walking and there is timpani music playing in the background, and then he walks in front of the timpani players? That's interesting and cool - really do make it worth watching. And while we're being complementary, the singing is great; "Don't Rain on My Parade" was just superb. Lea Michele deserves every bit of praise she gets. And I can never say enough good things about Jane Lynch.
Yes, I know TV isn't supposed to be realistic. I love TV, and I support it not being exactly like real life. But honestly, give me smart TV - don't just give me shit that you think will thrill and titillate me. Bring Glee back to where it was in the beginning, and build off what was, originally, a really solid foundation.
Oh and here are some of my favorite musical clips. I had to.
Yeah Mercedes, you bust those windows.
Joyful.
Will is HOT. Emma and Rachel's reactions are totally understandable.
Just remarkable. Personally I stop watching after "Don't Rain on My Parade" because, I mean, you can't beat it.
My time, as has been well established, is often wasted - and what better way to waste time than to discover new AMAZING TV to watch and then to tell you good people about it? No better way, I say. And so I bring you VH1's newest crack-baby of a production: Tough Love.
It's hosted by Steve, who is kind of an asshole and who I kind of want to date, and who, along with his mother, is apparently a matchmaker. Think Fiddler on the Roof. Anyway, so they picked these 8 women who are pathetic and fucked up and put them in a house together, vowing to teach them how to have healthy relationships and place them with good matches. Like Tool Academy, all these people are a little bit insane, but the women have many different varieties of crazy to delight us with - Arian doesn't know how to put on the breaks on her sexuality and not come across as a whore, Abiola (whose name makes me think of nipples EVERY TIME) wears a big piece of bling on her ring-finger because she "married herself," Taylor is a gold digger because at one point she was homeless with a baby she had to give up, and Jaquelyn (my personal favorite) at age 22 has already designed her wedding dress and wants to be tied down by 25. WOW, right? I know what you're thinking: how could this be better? Well they of course have to do challenges to teach them lessons, which include them going on lots of dates and doing all sorts of semi-embarrassing tasks. Also, Steve doesn't exactly mince words, and this causes the girls to tantrum quite a bit. Shouting, tears, hugging, love - I can't even go on. Sundays at 10 Eastern. Watch it. Love it.
If you are a proud, card carrying member of The Real World generation, you’ll know what this means.
If you aren’t, here’s a wake-up call. Pedro Zamora was a cast member on the very first season of MTV’s ground-breaking reality show, The Real World: San Francisco. It is responsible for all the annoyingly fabulous reality television spamming our airwaves these days. Pedro also happened to be gay. He also happened to be out. He also happened to be HIV positive.
In 1994, this was unheard of. There was no one proclaiming “I’M A BIG GAY HOMO WHO HAS AIDS. LOOK AT ME. I’M ALSO A PERSON.” Pedro did that, and this movie tells his story: How he decided to audition to be on The Real World, what happened after, and his life of activism.
I’m really excited for this to come on the air. I’m probably going to need Katie D. to TiVo it. Tune in on Wednesday, April 1st at 8pm EST on MTV to watch. His story needs to be told and you need to hear it.
Ellen had her wife, Portia on her show and it was just fabulous. Besides me vomiting glitter during the Newlywed Game segment, my favorite part was when Ellen just took Portia’s shoe off. It was just so personal and adorable and I know I’d want to be so close to someone that I could just take their shoes off on national TV. Why is it that people are so protective of their feet? I think I’ve just found a subject for a whole new blog post…
CLIPS!!!
And then they sang to each other as part of Ellen's new segment "Bathroom Concerts." I need the punch bucket to catch my vomit this is so adorable. I can't physically stand it.
Ellen and Katy Perry!
Ellen makes “I Kissed A Girl” coy in an intelligent way instead of a drunken-belligerent way. Because kissing girls doesn’t just happen when straight girls get gaysted. But hey, that is when I have the most hook-up opportunities…
CLIPS!!!
My favorite part is Ellen's little head flip around :52. I'm a fan of Ellen's shorter hair. Hell. I'm just a fan of Ellen.
Something I just want to tell you about:
Sophia Wallace.
I found this great photographer a few weeks ago and just decided that I really love what she’s doing. Check out herwebsite. She does a lot of expository work documenting queer living on a day to day basis. She was up for a showcase opportunity onartslant.comand won! From the way it sounds, her work will be published on artslant from May 17th-April 16th. Her series Truer is amazing. Here's how Wallace describes it:
Truer is an autobiographical love story. The title is aimed at challenging the idea of a singular truth regarding love, sexuality, and gender. This body of work was inspired by the resplendence of an unfolding relationship. Through photographs of intensely private moments both joyful and in conflict, Truer seeks to engage the viewer in questioning pervasive visual depictions of truth in love, gender norms, and feminine beauty. Truer situates itself within a largely unseen history of photography of lesbian lives by lesbian photographers.
It just sounds great.
Here is my favorite 2 photos. I love the blatant intimacy of the first one and the casual familiarity of the second that allows the audience to feel as if they are intruding, giving the shot an air of interrupted intimacy. But not as if you just walked in on them banging, but the intimacy that comes with just hanging out with your girl in gym shorts and no bra. My favorite.
That’s basically it.
I’ve also recently come to the conclusion that Jon & Kate Plus 8 (Minus Maddy equals better show) is getting ridiculous. They get too much money and the fame seems to be tearing the family apart according to the churning rumor mill. And hot college girls…
This show is comfusing and completely lacks logic, but it's fascinating (WHAT DO THE NUMBERS MEAN?) and the characters are great. The accents alone are worth the price of admission! But Jin and Sun, the Koreans, are the heart and soul of this masterpiece. When she found out she was pregs with Jin's baby, not her ex-lover's (Jin was in a bad place and she couldn't understand at the time, don't you dare judge!) and cried with joy, even though it was a death sentence (because women who get knocked up on the island die) - it's enough to warm Bill O'Reilly's no-heart area. Clip of love below.
Wednesdays at 8 central on ABC.
Most Morally Repugnant And Yet Flawless Showcase of Television Drama: Breaking Bad
Thank the Lawd this show is coming back for a second season, because it is friggin magnificent. In one part of last season, the main characters killed a drug dealer who was forcing them to make meth by producing noxious fumes and locking him in a trailer with them. once dead, they put him in a bathtub and melted him with chemicals, which ate through the bathtub and splattered melted drug dealer all over the hall! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS SHOW? New season starts Sunday at 8 central on AMC.
Show That Should Still Be On The Air, No Matter What Kind Of Money The Actors Asked For / Show Whose Setting I Wish Actually Existed So I Could Live There In For Real Life: Gilmore Girls
Lorelei: How is it out there? Michel: It is cold and gray like a fat dead pigeon.
This show wasn't on in 2008. Actually, the last season ended in 2007. But it still wins a 2008 award! It's on every day on ABC Family and I Tivo it, so I get that shit every day and I eat it up. It's one of the smartest shows I've ever seen, the characters are hilarious and wonderful and make you fall in love with them, the references are brilliant, and DEAR GOD I want to live in Stars Hollow, CT! I cried during the last episode. Bawled. Absolutely lost it. I now have three of the seven seasons on DVD and am working on procuring the rest. When it was canceled, I was heartbroken. But this post will be my shrine to it, as will the love in my heart. On weekdays at 4 central on ABC Family.
This made Hasselbitch bearable! She’s a person! A real one! Who can talk sanely to other real people!
Clearly real people rule.
Rachel Maddow is a real person.
And she made The View bearable.
They talked about her coming out and meeting her partner, which she described as a “gay Desperate Housewives.”
And then Bawbra Wahtlahs says something about Whoopi coming out, to which the most ambiguous one replies “please, that door’s been open for years.” I’m sorry, it has? What? Are you saying Whoopi is a Big Gay Homo? I totally didn't see that one coming. I might have to go reevaluate my belief system.
If you missed the most bearable episode of The View ever, you can watch Maddow's clip here. It’s worth it. Because besides all of the talk about Maddow’s coming out and how they make her wear makeup and what not, they actually talk about the economy and they do it without yelling. Hasslebitch kind of actually bows down. I think it’s because our hero Maddow referenced how freeze spending caused the first depression to be “Great.” She’s so clever. I see what she did there.
And then to top it all off is the shoulder tap Maddow gives Hasselbitch at the end. The Shoulder Tap That Launched 1,000 speculation.
Continued, with extra clips this time! Spaghetti cat cat cat cat cat cat...
Best Fake News Show: The Soup
Joel McHale seems to have distain for almost all things celebrity or pop-culture related (or at least anything to do with The Hills, La Lohan or Miley Cyrus), but also sort of fascinated with that which he finds disgusting. He also loves Spaghetti cat. All of this makes him highly amusing to me, and The Soup is a great 30 minute way to catch up with what the fuck happened in pop culture this week - that is, if you don't avidly read blogs. A little SC magic for you below.
Oh, and here's a song, written just for SC.
On Fridays at 9 central on E!
Best Actual News Show: Countdown with Keith Olbermann
Yeah, Keith can be loud, abrasive, and insulting. So can Chatty Kathy. I'm over it! Because underneath their tough exteriors they're both softies. Don't believe me? Check the video (on Prop H8):
Now if you didn't get choked up or at least bust out an "aw" then you are the Tin Man and need to visit the fucking wizard. He's funny, articulate, well-read, clever, and sweet. And friends with Rachel Maddow. And a Unitarian Universalist! Check plus. On weekdays at 7 central on MSNBC.
Best "Reality" Show on VH1 or MTV / Best Use of Hair Products And Body Oil: Tool Academy
I've stated before that I believe this show is television perfection. Well, we're now down to two tools and they actually don't suck that much (especially Josh, who to me will ALWAYS be Baby Bear), but up until this point we've had it all: douchey attitudes, surprise girlfriends, pigs, lie detectors, tutus, conjugal visits and panic attacks. The boys are definitely not angels but some of the girls are feisty too (and Krista can go to hayle!) so there's never a lack of drama. Trisha (the therapist) is useless and basically just eggs them on, and with each new episode you can see the host losing his will to live. And they're coming back for another season! Bravo, VH1. Bravo. Sundays at 7 central on VH1.
1. Here's hoping for great results in the California courts! 2. Part 2 (deux if you're fancy) of my Emmy Awards. Today's focus is on reality competitions!
Most Entertaining Showcase Of Tyra's Insanity: America's Next Top Model
This was the first incarnation of Tyra's brilliance, and it is still some of the best shit I've ever seen. Days could fly by while I watch girls pose and get eliminated - fuck, we could go to (another) war and I wouldn't notice. My apartment could be invaded and I'd just pause that shit and tell the insurgents to quiet down! The best parts are the photo shoots, because they're so unbelievable and they're full of weird makeup and costumes (like the Mermaid photo shoot, one of my favorites - they hang the bitches upside down! With dead fish! God Danielle is fabulous. And Jade is a whore. Clip below). Oh, and the crazy models who talk to bushes when they've had a little too much drank!
New Season just started, Wednesdays at 7 central on UPN.
Best Judges (Including Impressive Guest Judges) With A Habit Of Choosing The Wrong Fucking People To Win The Competition But Who I Still Love Anyway: Top Chef
While I am still not over Hosea fucking winning this season (1. Carla should've cooked her own food! And put the love in it! 2. If that angel didn't win, then Stefan should've at least fucking won, because he won like 49 challenges through the season and Hosea has been on the chopping block like 12 times! God dammit!) and Richard not winning last season, this show is still excellent and the judges are a big part of that. Padma is fabulous, but let me just say that Tom Colicchio is a sexy, sexy man. And that British guy from this season! He's such a bitch and I love it! Best guest judges: that French dude and Anthony Bourdain. Season just ended, but a reunion is on tonight at 8 central on Bravo.
Best Use Of Tim Gunn: Project Runway
Aka Pwaject Wunway, because it is nearly impossible to say that title correctly. Anyway. Among insane contestants, bitchy judges (except of course Heidi, my world), and weird-ass challenges, there is one Messiah-like constant presence who keeps the runway in balance: Tim Gunn. I want to know him, I want him to be my friend. I want him to tell me to make it work! People who ignore Tim's advice inevitably fail. He is the One, the Seer; he is style itself. Praise him. No season showing currently.
This is from late December but I just stumbled upon it and it's fabulous. If you've ever watched Ellen's show you know that she calls viewers and has conversations with them sometimes, and this time she got someone particularly... feisty. It's 88 year old Gladys from Austin, Texas, and she is just so happy to be talking to Ellen that she shares all sorts of fun things about herself. Gladys had called Ellen to have her move the "spiky plant" from behind her head (lest she look like Alfalfa) and Ellen called her to report the fact that she'd moved it, and they have a wonderful conversation. The woman is a philosopher. I wish this lady was my crazy aunt or something. I'd buy her ladybug broaches all the fucking time. And a little brandy, to thin the blood!
If you haven't yet watched Tool Academy, start now. We're three episodes in, and I'm addicted. The premise of the show is this: a bunch of guys who are bad boyfriends and generally idiotic (Tools, if you will) come onto the show thinking they are competing for the prize of "Mr. Awesome" - America's most macho man. If this by itself doesn't convince you of their toolitude, don't worry, because they will soon. Once they arrive at the house, they are confronted by their disgruntled girlfriends, and told that actually their behavior has earned them a place in the Tool Academy. They are given coats and ties and placed in group therapy sessions with their peers, their girlfriends, and an extremely unhelpful psychologist. They also have to go through tests with their girlfriends to try to improve themselves, like building a bed or learning to tango - and, by the way, they're competing for $100,000. It's a sick, weird, hilarious social experiment, and it's fucking addictive. Unlike "Rock of Love" or "Flavor of Love," it's not a bunch of people competing for one person's affection - it's a bunch of failing relationships fighting to save themselves. The men are obvious jerks and the women have obviously got their own problems for staying with such tools for so long - and clearly there's something wrong with me for loving it, but I do. Oh, I do.
Low point so far: When Ashley, Joey (the Cold-Hearted Tool's) girlfriend, stayed with him, even after he was kicked out of the Academy. Very sad, because he's emotionally abusive.
High point so far: When "Celebrity" (real name: Clarence - the Party Tool) got kicked out and his girlfriend, Cameron, cut him off from sweet-talking her into leaving with him. She went home on her own, and he looked like an idiot asking for the other girls' numbers and doing acrobatics on the fail stage.
Hey there Grey's Anatomy fans, guess what? Faye Dunaway is coming to play! Hopefully as Joan Crawford's ghost in need of eyebrow transplants or something. (Actually, she's supposed to be playing a doctor. Bummer.) In case you didn't know because it was almost 30 years ago, Faye famously scared the crap out of hanger owners everywhere as Christina Crawford's abusive Hollywood mother in Mommie Dearest. This movie creeped me the fuck out because the kid who plays Christina looks just like one of my cousins, and it was very disturbing to see her beaten by someone with the face and temperament of Cruella Deville. Faye has also been in about a billion other movies, none of which I have seen. All I know is that I hope she wears that hat instead of a scrub cap.
It’s amazing the one thing small towns have in common is their advertising. Every town has that commercial. You know the one that everyone quotes in daily speech or will sing the jingle once and then have 8 other people singing it for the rest of the day, in between curses on the originator of the infectious jingle. Well, in Iowa City, it’s the commercial for Iowa Book. My friends and I sing it on the way to class, while sitting on our asses, while drunkenly stumbling home on Thursday nights. You sing it a little higher than you should “Iowa Book/ the one of a kind book store.” That’s right, it gets a forward slash to indicate phrasing and lines breaks. It’s poetry people. Pure poetry. It is unfortunate that I cannot find a video of this masterpiece of advertising that forces its way into the heads of college students of fly-over country. I scoured the interwebs and it is nowhere to be found. If you can do some sleuthing and find it, let me know. I’m also technology retarded in this case and can’t figure out how to DVR it or something and then upload it myself. So I’m at a brick wall. But here's a picture that pretty much sums up Iowa City.
Anyway. While sitting on my ass in this boring town and watching my umpteenth hour of television, the wing stop commercial came on AGAIN. Here is that video.
Oh the gem that is poorly phrased advertising. Here, I have found Katy’s answer to Iowa City’s Iowa Book. I hate it so much I have to love it.
I fucking love Vince the infomercial guy. He trumps Billy Mays (the soft yeller) by a million. I first began my love affair when I saw the commercial for Sham Wow, which I am now convinced I must own. Every time I see this commercial on TV I will rewind my TiVo, call my roommate into the room and we will watch it at least once together, and then quote it to each other for the next hour. It sells itself!
Well, I thought this was Vince's only job, but I was mistaken my friends. He is now advertising the Slap Chop, which I also realize that I desperately need, even though all the food looks like crap when it comes out. Unfortunately this commercial doesn't have user testimonials, but I trust that Vince won't lead me wrong. "You're gonna love my nuts." Oh Vince, don't tease. And yeah, the Britney Spears microphone is back. Enjoy.
Update: One of the girls I live with got a Sham Wow for Christmas. Oh my God we won't even BUY paper towels anymore!
Ok, I'm a bit of a vampire-phile, and obviously that means that I worship Buffy the Vampire Slayer with all my heart and soul. Sadly, the show was killed a few years ago, so I can only meet my fix by borrowing my friend's copies of the seasons and watching them on repeat for hours when I should be having a life. Well, since a Scooby Doo movie isn't coming out anytime soon, Sarah Michelle Geller had to find something to do, so she decided to go on an episode of SVU.
Just kidding, it's her spread for Maxim! So what's up with the fact that she looks like a rape victim who was hit by a chandelier? I'm assuming we're supposed to think she's sexy, because she's not got many clothes on and she's wearing heels and stockings. But she also looks like the victim of a crime. So does crime against women = sexy to Maxim?
Ugh, that's depressing. To lighten you're spirits, here's SMG, as Buffy, with Spike (aka the original hot British vampire).
Ok, what is this crap about? Only last year we had to deal with this stupid writers' strike, and now the Screen Actors Guild is threatening a strike? What the hell?
My main issue with this has nothing to do with unions or the principle of striking. It has everything to do with something that is very special to me and near and dear to my heart: television. Now I'm all for some trashy reality shows (America's Next Top Model, Top Chef, Pwoject Wunway - TRY saying it correctly) but I need some scripted action. Am I the only one who remembers the lonely, sad winter caused by the lack of TV writers? Where was my Scrubs? The Office? Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, LOST? Lost isn't even coming back until JANUARY, which I blame on the strike (whether that's fair or not). Come on people. How much more of this can we bear?
Thank God for Tom Hanks (and others) for standing up against this crap. He and some other guys issued a statement saying that they "do not believe in all good conscience that now is the time to be putting people out of work." Me fucking too. We're in a recession, for Chrissakes (KATHLEEN). Don't fucking strike. People need their television right now. Think of the people!
And since I mentioned Lost, it's also worth mentioning that just because (SPOILER) Charlie died on the show doesn't mean that the hobbit man (aka Dominic Monaghan) is out of a job! No, he apparently will play a very lame super hero in the upcoming Wolverine movie with Hugh Jackman. He apparently will be able to... manipulate electricity? Doesn't Halle Berre have that power already - except better?
Anyway, here he is. Say it with me: Clayah! Chahlie!
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