Today's viral videos cover a whole plethora of subjects, these subjects being: gay marriage, masturbation, and Betty White. I know, it sounds like the topics normally covered over breakfast for me and CK. I promise, I have my reasons for choosing each.
1. Gay Marriage
Cynthia Nixon - sometimes known as Miranda from Sex in the City (let's face it, always known as that) - is actually a pretty great advocate for LGBT rights. We've posted a video of her speaking at a rally before, and I thought she was just as eloquent in this clip. I was only upset to not have access to the entire thing, because I would have loved to see that douchebag's rebuttal.
(If that video doesn't work, click on the "Watch FULL Program" at the bottom right of the little screen.)
2. Masturbation
Christine O'Donnell, if you haven't heard of her, is running for the Senate seat in Delaware. She's one of those tea-party people, and she's making me think less of the group of them (difficult) with every new video clip I see of her. Now, I'm not bothered by religious people in general, but I am bothered by people who, to quote one of my friends from high school, "think their beliefs should be legislated." She is one of those, and unfortunately she's also a complete twit. This woman has had videos floating around the internet about how she dabbled in witchcraft in college (?), how lying is so wrong that even if she were hiding Anne Frank in the attic and the Nazis came knocking she would not lie to them to save her (???), and now there's this lovely video floating around that she made for MTV in the 90's (note the hair). My favorite things about the video: the face she makes when she says "you can't masturbate without lust!"; the gothic chick with huge hair who tells us about being pure of heart; how great John Travolta looks with that goatee.
3. Betty White
All I can say about this video is if you thought I wasn't serious about stealing kids before... well, I still wouldn't because that's a felony but this kid is fucking cute. He had me at "Beggy Wide." And then when he started SINGING? From THE SOUND OF MUSIC? I think I popped an ovary.
Oh hey! So today, for a change of pace, I thought I'd blog. I know, it's unexpected, but we're wacky here at Dyxieland.
So I was scouring Facebook, as many college students do, when I'm sure I should've been doing something else, when I came across this terrifying/hilarious video on Argumentative Guy's wall. In it, a terrifying/hilarious preacher shares his terrifying/hilarious views on why women shouldn't wear pants and why neither gender should wear medium-length hair. Please enjoy/be sad about the state of our world.
To accompany this video, I'd like to share some thoughts. 1. I'm thrilled I'm not married to that man. 2. Some chicks can work short hair! 3. If I'm not supposed to wear pants, does that mean I can't wear sleep pants or sweat pants? Because there goes half my leg-wardrobe. Oh, and if we take out jeans, there goes another 49.5% of my leg-wardrobe. 4. I wonder what his thoughts are on kilts? Because as of recently, my thoughts on kilts are: they're hot. 5. Please stop saying "queer" like that, it makes me gasp every time. 6. I was absolutely not meant to be meek. I think he's right about how women want men who are strong, but I would change his idea of "Godly women want strong men" to "strong women want strong men (or other strong women, if that's their thing)." I would also argue that strong men want strong women (although again, they could also want a strong dude) because I think that people who are capable and confident search for these personality traits in others. I think that the only people who like weak people are also weak, if not physically then in some mental capacity. For instance, I'd say that this man considers himself to be strong, but from everything he's expressing - fear of "confusion," only wanting a "meek" woman, mocking people who are different from him, even the way he hides in the Bible - I see no strength. He probably does want a meek woman, because he couldn't handle anything else. Welcome to the 21st century, dude. Women are no longer valued for their silence, and we need people around us who can handle us having a voice - as Lorelai Gilmore once said, the meek shall not inherit the earth!
There is this great British comedian named Eddie Izzard who does a lot of weird-ass stand-up comedy, which I find very hilarious. Once YouTube brought his stand-up to the masses, one guy took it in a direction that I don't think Eddie expected, but which actually works very well: he made legos act out Eddie's sketches. In stop-motion. And put them on YouTube. Here are some of my favorites, and I'm sorry for being so cranky about Bristol Palin a minute ago but hopefully this will lift all of our spirits. Enjoy.
Death Star Canteen:
Do You Have a Flag?
Cake or Death?
And here's him just doing stand-up. You will especially appreciate this if you understand French.
For the record, I am totally not tipsy-blogging. TOTALLY NOT. And anyway, whatever the fuck if I am - it's my birthday.
Anyway, as someone who has had many, many gay friends in her life (more than admitted so at the time, for sure), I can appreciate the influence and love a "sassy gay friend" can bring to an otherwise dull and meaningless existence. My very own sassy gay friend, Chatty Kathy, shared with me a great video on my wall (KATIE DEE HAS A FACEBOOK, YOU SHOULD BE HER FRIEND) and I will now share it, as well as a video I found through its link (THANKS YOUTUBE), with all of you. You're welcoooome. The videos are a postulation of what would have happened in various literary classics if the heroines had had a "sassy gay friend" to talk them through some of their tougher moments. First, we have the video CK shared with me (of the SGF talking to Hamlet's Ophelia):
And as if that weren't great enough ("Ophelia, he stabbed your dad through a curtain.") we have the SGF talking to Juliet. I love this, because I have always thought Juliet was an idiot (and it's not just her - Romeo's a fickle asshole), and this is everything I ever wanted to say to her.
"I think you're 14, and an idiot. You took a roofie from a priest." SPEAK THE FUCKING TRUTH, SGF!
And on this holiest of days, I wish that all of you have SGF's to help you through all of life's turbulent moments.
In parting, I leave you with a spontaneous song, inspired by my birthday BECAUSE I'M TWENTY FUCKING ONE YEARS OLD:
Happy birthday to me, I know that I'm great, I haven't felt this good Since I turned the big one eight; Happy birthday to me, I'm awesome, I know And now I can buy alcohol Anywhere the fuck I go!
On this, the national holiday of my birth (and, all credit for this knowledge to a tip a friend gave me, the anniversary of the death of Queen Elizabeth I - RIP RIP), I bid you all a good night, and I wish you would all have a drink in my (and the Queen's!) honor. PIP. PIP.
Side Note From CK: And I was linked to this video by The Stranger in Acadiana! THANKS TSIA!!!
Today's viral video is based off of something I posted about earlier. Remember drunken reversing box-headed cat? Well, J Bear thought it was just to DIE FOR, so we made a human version. Here it is!
So at my job our supervisors have to give motivational pep talks to keep us working hard. These talks are sometimes extremely related to our task at hand, and sometimes extremely not. This is the video they showed us last Saturday, the message being that we should be "sneaky" in our jobs to succeed. The message I wish to convey to you is, "Hey, at least our alcoholism is something we came by honestly." Brought to you by the folks at the Big British Channel.
So Massachusetts just elected some new senator that's a Republican. Now the Democrats don't have the SUPER majority. Still a majority, just not the super kind. I acknowledge all the hard work Ted Kennedy did during his time in senate. But just because the Democrats don't have the Super Majority doesn't mean healthcare still can't change. Do I want it to change? On principle, yes, nationalized healthcare is a good thing. But in reality, I can see why it is so difficult. But it doesn't help when idiots like this are allowed to voice their opinion. We only need free speech if your speech is the same is my speech, ya dig?
Also, let's talk about the new Republican senator Scott Brown's centerfold spread in Cosmo magazine in 1982. He apparently won the title of "America's Sexiest Man." Gross. But my point is, WHAT A HUGE FUCKING DOUBLE STANDARD. If this were a female coyly hiding her balls behind a limp wrist, people would be calling her a slut and shaming her name all over the media. But all Senator Brown gets are blushing cheeks and praise for how confident he is. This article on Jezebel really spells it out. (Thanks for the tip MM.)
Rachel Maddow also talks about the lack of women politicos in the state of Massachusetts and different stereotypes the supposedly "liberal" state defied this week.
The fake pity in this man's voice and the subsequent blame on the cat makes this video so worth watching the whole thing. We all know that that giggling woman behind the camera is responsible for this humiliation. A cat would never get itself into such a stupid situation.
Here's to our first of what we hope to be regular posts on Viral Video Wednesday!
I found this video on a best-of list and not only is it really fun, they actually did some good with it. Oh, the powers of Youtube. The wedding procession of Kevin and Jill danced down the aisle to Chris Brown's "Forever," and in light of his recent heinous transgressions, they asked that people make donations to the Sheila Wellstone Institute. If you're still interested, you can visit their website.
Sidenote: This wedding party is HUGE. I mean, I think the first two guys were ushers. but MY GOD, have more people in your wedding.
In order to have the blog be updated at a more regular pace, we've come up with a sort of schedule. We're posting it here to make ourselves more accountable. When Katie D sees this, she'll probably edit it with her ideas as well. So let's start the new year off right together.
1. We've created Masculine Monday. This is sort of Katie D's day to talk about men. Sexy men, annoying men, smart men, cool men, gay men, straight men. And if I have any ideas I can write about those things too, but this is more her day.
2. My day is Feminine Friday. This is where I can talk about the same things. Sexy women, annoying women, smart women, cool women, gay women, straight women, feminism. That sort of thing. And again, if Katie D has any ideas, she can write about those things on this day as well.
3. Viral Video Wednesday. We're going to start posting videos that we like off the internet (because that's where we live) every Wednesday. Maybe even some Vlogging might occur. Who knows? The possibilities are endless because if you shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars. (Side note from Katie D.: I have always thought this was a stupid phrase. There are no stars between earth and the moon. Therefore, you will not land among the stars. You'll probably just end up orbiting the earth. This is nothing against CK, of course, because she didn't make it up, but I just wanted to express my incredible frustration at whoever the fuck came up with this saying.)(Side Note from CK: Did the sarcasm not translate well? I'm still trying to perfect that. My blubbering, spacey, can't connect step 1 and step 5 mind sometimes doesn't realize we don't share a brain. I almost typed "brian.")(Side note from Katie D.: Oh, I knew you were being sarcastic. I just wanted to state my vehement loathing for that phrase.)
4. We're going to continue with our "Obsessive Much" and "WTF Happened to...?" threads. Obviously. Because those are awesome.
Now, on to things we've failed to cover. Frankly, I stopped writing about Jon and Kate plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show) because I don't give a damn. Those poor kids. All 8 of them. Even Maddy. They are no longer protected by anything. Everything is raw. The transparency of that family is insane. It wasn't presented with any buffer, just as reality. When that happens, your perception of your actual reality and the producer's perception of the reality they've created for good television blurs and nothing is real anymore. Balloon Boy and his fucked up parents and family fall under the same category. Also, Tiger Woods is a douche bag. How did he hide 14 women? Why did he choose washed up reality stars? Is this why he hasn't been playing golf lately? Again, I don't care.
Katie D? Anything else we need to atone for?
Katie D. - I'm gonna go ahead and agree on the "I don't care about Tiger Woods, Balloon Boy, or the Gosselins" line of thinking. Other things I don't care about: anyone who has ever been on The Hills/those other shows that are associated with The Hills; any other sports player who does something scandalous; the Obama party crashers; 90210 or Gossip Girl; Brangelina (I think even Jennifer Aniston is over it. Why won't the rest of the world move on?); the Kardashians, Girls Next Door, or those Gotti people (still not sure who they are) - generally, any show on E! that is not The Soup or Chelsea Lately; and pretty much everything on MTV (EXCEPT JERSEY SHORE, THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO TELEVISION). So I atone for none of that. BUT if I'm going to atone for something it would be generally not posting much, especially about stuff I'm actually interested in - Health Care, the new Twilight movie (yes, I still have strong opinions about that stuff), John Mayer and his new CD - so I'm planning to post a whole lot in the next couple weeks, covering the stuff I just talked about as well as other things, to make up for not writing much. So to start things off well, here's something I really, really care about: the Geico Pothole Commercial.
I particularly like that it has a southern accent; makes me think of home. It always amazes me just how much stuff people actually take the time to put on YouTube - I mean, who found that video and uploaded it? - but I am so, so glad that they did.
I am also officially looking forward to our gendered days of the week, because I love nothing more than talking about people who I find interesting. This doesn't mean anyone else will find them interesting (this is your warning) BUT you will definitely, definitely learn.
Also, I know we missed our anniversary, but we're a little more than a year old now (Happy Birthday, Dorothy Anne the Dyxieland Cowgirl!) and I just want to say thanks very much to our readers. This is clearly not a particularly serious blog, but that doesn't mean we don't care about it, and we appreciate you coming back to read our stuff, ridiculous though it often is.
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