Fuck Roman Polanski

As far as I'm concerned, the answer to this whole controversy couldn't be simpler. He committed a crime - the rape of a thirteen year old girl. He ran from that crime, and lived for like 3 decades as a free man (continuing in his chosen profession and even winning some fucking Oscars, by the way). Now, he should go to fucking prison. The end.

I honestly don't get what Hollywood is trying to play at with this whole "Free Roman Polanski" thing. I mean, did they hear what he did? The victim's statement from 1977 has been released, and that shit is disturbing! He convinced her that he was taking her picture for French Vogue, and so got her to take off her shirt, then all of her clothes. He gave her glass after glass of champagne. He gave her a Quaalude, which made her even more susceptible to him. He ignored her when she told him to stop, to go away, to take her home. Then he went down on her (which, in a sad, almost-funny-until-you-realize-that-it-is-tragic turn, she called "cuddliness," meaning "cunnilingus" because she was fucking THIRTEEN and did not know what the real term was), then raped her vaginally, and, upon finding out that she was not on birth control, sodomized her.

She was raped - yes, Whoopi Goldberg, RAPE raped - and the man who raped her went free. It's not just a "she wanted it but was a little too young" thing, because 1. She is way more than a little too young, and 2. SHE SAID NO. If someone says no, the other person stops, OR IT IS RAPE. Who the fuck thinks that he should not serve time for this shit? This is not hard. He belongs in jail. Done.

Vince Slap (Chopped) a Hooker

The Smoking Gun has a tragic story about the downfall of one of the heroes of our time: Vince, the ShamWow guy. Apparently after a night at a club boozing with some prostitute, they went back to his snazzy-ass hotel ($750 bucks a night, TSG wants us to know) to... you know... watch a movie. Which he said he'd pay her $1000 for. Anyway, while they were watching a movie, somehow Vince's tongue found its way down her throat and she, well, didn't want it to get out again. Bitch bit down on his tongue and would not release. He had to punch her repeatedly in the face, resulting in several lacerations and fractures, to force her to let go, at which point he ran his poor bleeding ass down to the lobby to call the cops. They were both arrested for felony aggravated battery. He looks pissed, but she looks fucking proud of herself, doesn't she?

God dammit. I loved Vince, I really did. Now I find out that he not only has a pretty bad case of Meth Face, but he has to go to hookers to get his rocks off. Doesn't he know that almost any lady on the street would make sweet, tender love to him and then wipe his sweaty brow with a ShamWow? And if he had the microphone on, he'd get a Slap-Chop prepared meal along with the deal! By the way, if you were wondering (and for some reason this surprised me): Vince is 44. I know, through the skin that looks like it's been eaten by corrosive acid, he hardly looks a day over 30.