WTF Happened To...

SANTA!??!?!?!?!

Don’t turn into Ellen and feel the pressure or be sick and not tell anyone…why are you so thin? Why are you such a cocky bastard? Why are you no longer jolly? Why are you hitting on MILFs? All because of a phone?!? REALLY??? What does this phone have that good old fashioned Christmas cheer does not? Video and picture messaging? A QWERTY keyboard? Email capabilities? Wireless sync option? Instant Facebook Access? Are those truly your priorities? I don't see a phone creating Peace on Earth. Or good will to all. If anything it must make Rudolf (or is he now Rudolfo, your wingman?) fly faster. Something, anything to that effect? And what's with this new, hip name? Claus? I'll give you a clause...my STFU clause.



If not, this is one thing I am not ok with technology changing. I want the good old fashion Coca-Cola Santa back. The one with an inviting smile and smells like what I would imagine to be cloves and cinnamon, not one that sounds like Owen Wilson and DJ’s like Samantha Ronson. This does not bring cheer to my Christmas. And sometimes I get a little Scroogy around Christmas time. So I need an extra dose of cheer. Especially this year. Because I’m pretty sure the only thing that is economically viable anymore is pure sex. The get what you pay for kind. So excuse me while I go sell my body on the street for gas money.