Dyxie Land: A Gay/Straight Take on Nothing

Grannies for Gays

2011-02-16T16:28:00.000-08:00

So on the last Feminine Friday post, Chatty Kathy included the video of Zack Walls speaking (eloquently and bravely and oh-my-God-date-me-ly) about preserving our new marriage equality laws here in Iowa. He speaks about his mothers and their ability to parent, and judging from the way he speaks and carries himself and the obvious respect he has for them, I'd say (and he says) they did a pretty damn good job. It's been just about everywhere on the internet - good job Zack! (date me date me) - and it's been inspiring people to respond.

One such responder is this lovely lady, Jean Argus. Jean is also an Iowa native, and she was so moved by Zack's speech that she shared her own story about her gay son and his family. She acknowledges that it was a struggle to accept him, but in the end, he's still her son, and the fact that he's gay doesn't make him a bad person or her a bad mother. If I were gay, this is what I would want my mother to say on my behalf.

Feminine Friday: Black Ladies

2011-02-04T09:01:00.001-08:00

Hey you gays. Yes, it's been a while. We all know this. I have zero good excuses. Just like there are ZERO degrees to be found anywhere in Iowa City. They weren't lying about that monster blizzard. I'm just thrilled I got my first experience with snowblowing.

Today, boys and girls and everything in between, we are going to discuss a very important group of people. Black Ladies. I've been discovering them via Def Jam poetry YouTube Videos. Let's meet some of them.

1. Floetry- Fantasize.

Floetry is a duo who got their start on the spoken word circuit. I discovered them one late night avoiding my homework and watching said Def Jam videos. Marsha Ambrosius is the Songstress and Natalie Stewart is the Floacist. They released 3 studio albums (Floetic, Floacism, Flo'Ology) before breaking up tragically in 2007. Ambrosius is releasing a solo album this March. In conclusion, Marsha Ambrosius's voice kills me every time Katie Dee and I watch this. Which has been a lot recently since we've gotten rid of cable.

2. Michelle Obama. No explanation needed. I just like to objectify The First Lady.On a sidenote, we recently had a discussion about what the husband of our first female president will be called. The First Gentleman? The First Sir? We couldn't decide, then hoped it wouldn't stay Mr. President because that's just like the 80cents to the dollar plight women suffer from now. But instead of coinage as currency, it's titles. What would the husband of the first lady president be called? Assuming she's married, which she doesn't have to be. Also assuming she's straight, which she doesn't have to be. Can of worms...

3. Queen Latifah.
Cover Girl, just come out already. You and your live-in personal trainer aren't fooling anyone. Neither are your board shorts. I wish I could come up with some new material for Queen Latifah, but Perez took all the good shit. She's beginning to be the Ricky Martin of Lesbians. It'd be more effective for everyone if you came out sooner rather than later. Oh, and please don't write a memoir post-coming out that's some tired publicity, grrrl.

4. Nikki Giovanni

This is a poem called "Ego Tripping." I'm going to let it speak for itself. Black ladies, ya'll. Black Ladies.

5. Jennifer Holiday

Holy Crap. Unbelievable. Townie Bear has a thing for black ladies who belt (something we have in common) and he showed us this during a marathon YouTube sesh. Look past the over-exaggerated theater face she's got going on. It's the Tony's televised. Stage face is not going to translate into TV face just like that.

6. Jill Scott

Ok, so as you can see I may or may not be on a spokenwordlovepoem binge. J-Bear showed us this upon her return from India. ( To check out her time there, hit up her blog Curry Me Away). My favorite part of this is Jill's bit where it becomes staccato around 2:45. I just can't resist a piece where th wrods imitate the very sounds that they are trying to express. This is the remix with Mos Def from Jill's "Collaborations" Album. I also really love Family Reunion from her Beautifully Human: Words & Sounds Volume 2.

Boom. Black Ladies.

On a completely unrelated SIDE NOTE: Zach Wahls is a fellow student at the University of Iowa who gave a great speech about family. Marriage Equality is, of course, under fire here in Iowa but I'm not really worried about it because Country Homo has made the point that the only way the Iowa constitution is amended is if the vote goes through two consecutive senate sessions via a super majority-- not just the regular kind of majority-- and this session is almost over, then elections will happen, then it starts all over again. So we're safe for at least 2 more years. This is the reason Iowa is the shit and is the reason Iowa has the least amended constitution in the nation. This video was circulating around facebook and the Iowa City community, making it's way on to salon.com. Pretty cool shit, Zach. Thanks.

The Internet Offers You Two Gifts

2010-11-08T07:08:00.000-08:00

Good morning. A couple things that should be brought to everyone's attention:

1. Dancing Boyd

So if you haven't heard Willow Smith (that would be Will Smith's daughter) singing her song about whipping her hair back and forth, I don't know where you've been for the past month. It's very irritating but sort of catchy, and it has spawned some pretty great videos - this is one of them. I like when he gets his wings into it.

2. This is funny, Alot

It may not be surprising, since I'm an English kid and I love to be right, that I am very easily irritated by idiots who make stupid grammatical mistakes on the internet. This website is trying to help me lower my blood pressure by giving me psychological coping mechanisms to deal with idiocy. And I have to tell you, I like it. I like it, Alot. Read it, cheer up, it's almost Thanksgiving! (AND THEN THAT MEANS IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS!)

P.S. I think my favorite is the Alot of Mist. Or the Alot of Fire.

Viral Video Wednesday!

2010-10-06T21:19:00.000-07:00

Today's viral videos cover a whole plethora of subjects, these subjects being: gay marriage, masturbation, and Betty White. I know, it sounds like the topics normally covered over breakfast for me and CK. I promise, I have my reasons for choosing each.

1. Gay Marriage

Cynthia Nixon - sometimes known as Miranda from Sex in the City (let's face it, always known as that) - is actually a pretty great advocate for LGBT rights. We've posted a video of her speaking at a rally before, and I thought she was just as eloquent in this clip. I was only upset to not have access to the entire thing, because I would have loved to see that douchebag's rebuttal.

(If that video doesn't work, click on the "Watch FULL Program" at the bottom right of the little screen.)

2. Masturbation

Christine O'Donnell, if you haven't heard of her, is running for the Senate seat in Delaware. She's one of those tea-party people, and she's making me think less of the group of them (difficult) with every new video clip I see of her. Now, I'm not bothered by religious people in general, but I am bothered by people who, to quote one of my friends from high school, "think their beliefs should be legislated." She is one of those, and unfortunately she's also a complete twit. This woman has had videos floating around the internet about how she dabbled in witchcraft in college (?), how lying is so wrong that even if she were hiding Anne Frank in the attic and the Nazis came knocking she would not lie to them to save her (???), and now there's this lovely video floating around that she made for MTV in the 90's (note the hair). My favorite things about the video: the face she makes when she says "you can't masturbate without lust!"; the gothic chick with huge hair who tells us about being pure of heart; how great John Travolta looks with that goatee.

3. Betty White

All I can say about this video is if you thought I wasn't serious about stealing kids before... well, I still wouldn't because that's a felony but this kid is fucking cute. He had me at "Beggy Wide." And then when he started SINGING? From THE SOUND OF MUSIC? I think I popped an ovary.

Sunday Funday

2010-09-05T17:05:00.000-07:00

So I'm busy in Peoria, IL, with the only friend I made in London, Emster (don't feel sad for me, she's really great and everyone else was really not), working really hard on my homework and then also fixing the world's problems via the phone with Obama. While working hard, a demon took over my body and forced me to go on the internet to find fun things and then share them with you kind people. The first is a blog everyone should read, the second and third are great videos. Here they are.

1. New Blog - The Man Repeller
Emster led me to this, and I am eternally grateful. The girl who writes it whose name I can't immediately remember defines "Man Repeller" thusly:

"man·re·pell·er [mahn-ree-peller]
–noun

outfitting oneself in a sartorially offensive way that will result in repelling members of the opposite sex. Such garments include but are not limited to harem pants, boyfriend jeans, overalls (see: human repelling), shoulder pads, full length jumpsuits, jewelry that resembles violent weaponry and clogs.

–verb (used without object),-pell·ing, -pell·ed.
to commit the act of repelling men:
Girl 1: What are you wearing tonight?
Girl 2: My sweet lime green drop crotch utility pants
Girl 1: Oh, so we're man repelling tonight?

*DISCLAIMER: the above conversation took place in this room 5 minutes ago.

Origin:
2009-10; < repellius (ptp. of repellia to eliminate male attention), equiv. to L repel- (s. of repellix) unattractive, celibate, paris fashion week, M.C. Hammer + -repel -ler1

—Related forms
man·re·pell·ant, noun"

So it's pretty clear, I think, why I like her. Basically, she's funny as shit and clever to boot. Plus, she's creative with her language. She sometimes refers to herself as a "fancy flamingo" and her readers as "mangoes," and in one of her posts she used the phrase "whoopsie Daisy Dukes." I REST MY CASE. I feel like we could be good friends, despite the fact that we have exactly the opposite fashion sense. This is not to say that I don't sometimes repel men with my outfits - for instance, right now I am wearing gray sweatpants, some really sweet foam-type sandals, a high necked t-shirt (this is the least comfortable part of my outfit as I hate collars and often just cut them out of my t-shirts entirely) and a zip-up hoodie that is plaid in blue and the-same-gray-as-my-sweatpants, so it matches and makes the outfit like the work-out-clothes answer to the suit - but I'm not a big fan of spending lots of money on clothes or wearing things that aren't extremely comfortable. Yes, I do own hot stilettos, but on average I wear them 2 times per year. Still, though, I can look at her clothing choices and think to myself, boy, if I had limitless funds and no nerve endings I would absolutely wear that. Or sometimes I can think that she looks absolutely ridiculous. Either way, she's fucking funny.

2. Hilarious video - Clitter
So this video is just adding on to the new trend of decorating vaginas (why is spell check flagging this word? Oh, apparently the real way to pluralize "vagina" is "vaginae." That sounds stupid.) that was brought to the attention of the public by Jennifer Love Hewitt, the loony tune who glued Swarovski crystals to her vagina as a pick-me-up, but on a smaller-budgeted level. It's called Clitter, and it means what you think it means. Don't watch this video if you find vagina-decorating offensive. Do watch it if you find vagina-decorating stupid.

3. Hilarious video: Marcel the Shell with Shoes On
This video is adding to no trends other than the trend of funny videos on the internet. It is a work of genius and art. Again, thanks to Emster for posting it on my wall.

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

The Generation Gap Part II

2010-08-24T12:40:00.000-07:00

It's still the first week of classes: they don't start actually repeating until tomorrow, when your Wednesday schedule matches your Monday schedule and if you're smart don't have a Friday schedule. But since people actually do read Dyxieland, I was tipped off by The Country Homo to this really great article from Beloit College in Wisconsin called "The Beloit College Mindset List." They publish a list each year of the things that are inherently true to the incoming freshmen class, "providing a look at the cultural touchstones that shapes the lives of students entering college this fall."

Cool, right? Answer: NO. It is merely another tool to make Chatty Kathy feel like old balls. Rude.

I read the class of 2014 list and then the class of 2011 (GO HAWKS.) to compare and contrast the differences and honestly, with the ones that were listed for 2011, I didn't have a shocking connection with them. Because they've always been true for me. The shock came from reading the 2014 list because when it's pointed out to you what is different for them, it is insane. I then read the first list available from 2002 and had even less of a reaction to anything they were saying. They're right I don't care who J.R is, but I do know who shot him. This guy:

Right?

Anyway, here are the links to the lists: 2014, 2011, 2002.

What are the ones that shock you most from those lists, or from your incoming freshman class? Don't worry, no ageists here, date yourself away.

The Generation Gap and it's Astounding Ability to Make Itself Known Even in Your (really) Early 20's

2010-08-23T08:36:00.001-07:00

The Generation Gap, as defined by urbandicationary.com, doesn't actually exist yet, but these definitions are similar: The MTV Generation, hide the wingtip, CUCAMONGA. If that doesn't clue you in to what I'm talking about then you're obviously an idiot.

But no, really. I'm just sitting here at my really engaging job thinking about things. Thinking thoughts. Big thoughts. I took a bathroom break during the middle of this really great sit-and-think-about-things session and encountered the first batch of babies trying to find room 318 in McBride Hall at the University of Iowa. Freshmen. Put down the iPhone. It will not help you read the map. Actually read the map. Look at it and read it. Put the smartphone away. While witnessing this complete dependence on technology, I realized that the longer I'm in this world, the older I get. I know, I know, stop me now, this is really uncovering something huge. HUGE. Sarcasm aside, I did realize something during my pee break: that even though these kids (heh, "these kids," GET OFF MY LAWN.) are only 18 and I a mere near 22, I feel so much older, so much more experienced than they. Which I guess with time is true, as it is with everything. But still. They have no idea what they just got themselves into. No clue. Not ready at all. Why is this not a section of some kind of prep thing? Why is the fact that you have no fucking clue what you are doing a topic tested on the SAT?

What I'm saying may be obvious. But have you ever had that moment when you realize it's real? Like really real? Like this is fucking it? Like taking one more step is you actually taking one more step and your Achilles tendon pops in a strange way but you keep taking that one more step because it'll be ok it's only your Achilles tendon?

Nope? Just me?

Well today is the beginning of a very busy semester filled with applying for The Next Step, making a documentary which you will undoubtedly hear more about in the upcoming year, working at the lit mag, being Madame du 508, trying my damnedest to stick to the blog schedule, many more opportunities to get the last word, but the idea of This Is It smacked me just as hard as the overwhelming feeling that unfortunately there isn't an app for that.

As this sappy post comes to an end, I am overwhelmingly aware of the fact that this, right now, this right here, right there, is the best time of my life.

So live well interwebz. Live well and prosper.

Elisa Kreisinger is a Smart Lady and I Hope She Wears Glasses

2010-08-04T08:45:00.001-07:00

I found this link on good ole Salon.com this morning while sitting at my really engaging job that does really important things for the world and has only one requirement: to answer the phone that doesn't ring.

And what I want to say to you people is this: SEE! SEE! I'm not the only one who queers everything! Look Mom! I'm not alone!

According to her website popculturepirate.com, Elisa Kreisinger

is "a video remix artist subverting the carefully constructed world of corporate content to work off [her] massive consumption of pop-culture and reverse the psycho-social toll it takes on [her] sense of self." So, basically, she's my soul mate. What I discovered on the ever-faithful Salon website was an article highlighting her most recent work, where she queers Sex and the City. Thank God. It's called the QueerCarrie Project.

Maybe it's because I never really understood the allure of Sex and the City, much like I don't understand how to make a decent "that's what she said" joke, in that the overt heterosexual gaze alienated my queer ass from relating to any of the content-- even the gay men on Sex and the City were acting according to the rules of an explicitly heterosexual society-- but I never really liked the show. I never watched it like I watched The L Word. (OMG The L Word.) That is, until now. I'm only sad that seasons 3-6 are all compacted together. And props to Elisa for most likely having to watch the whole series to construct the narrative she creates in the 3 video series.

Here's the Trailer:

Kreisinger has also created several other video remix projects, including one that queers The Real Housewives of New York City: "The Queer Housewives of New York City." It follows Bethenny through a queer storyline since she's obviously the most likable (?) and entertaining (?) of the housewives.

The work Kreisinger does, this includes several other political video remix projects that you can check out on the projects page of her website, toys with the audience's perception. Viewing and experiencing her work involves similar habits we exhibit while watching TV or YouTube videos. As these habits transfer to viewing her work, Kreisinger inverts the viewing gaze by using such familiar images. We've all seen Sex and The City and we all know how shrill Bethenny can be, whether we want to admit it or not. So, by taking these images and re-appropriating their meaning by creating these Political Remix Videos (PRV), Kreisinger makes the unfamiliar familiar. The viewer almost can't grasp that what they are looking at is a subversion of original content because it reads as original content itself, completely normalizing the queer positive imagery. Pretty fucking cool if you ask me.

It's a shame the guerrilla team of video remixers that Kreisinger highlights in her project "Remixed/Removed" have to tackle the legal teams of media corporations who remove their art from host sites like YouTube because it infringes copyright laws. This is the new digital graffiti.

Also, I would like all of you to know that Eva Mendes has a sex tape and Wyclef Jean is running for President of Haiti. A Fugee. Running a country. Why am I even in school?

Saturday Morning Porcupine

2010-07-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

So it's Saturday and I'm hungover; don't worry, I've already had wings and watched an episode of Dexter (SO GOOD) so we're on the way to recovery. Here's a porcupine who thinks he's a puppy.

VIRAL VIDEO BLUTH WEDNESDAY

2010-07-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

If Michael Bay did the Arrested Development movie. For JBear and Ronfire.

AMERICA

2010-07-04T16:01:00.000-07:00

... Fuck yeah. Happy 4th of July, from us at Dyxieland and the Founding Fathers. Please remind yourself of how awesome they were with this clip from a documentary on George Washington.

By the way: 1. This is not really from a documentary. 2. This clip was by the same guy who did Wizard People, Dear Readers: Brad Neely! Good job Brad.

MASCULINE MONDAY: Neil Patrick Harris

2010-06-21T18:48:00.000-07:00

I feel like this MM should have happened a long time ago. But now that I'm doing it, I'm doing it right, with an extremely excessive amount of videos.

The thing about Neil Patrick Harris is this: there's just so much to love about him! He is comedically wonderful. He sings beautifully. He's gay and out and completely normal about it. AND he takes on great roles, and does them so well that it's just... I mean... he... I love him.

About two and a half months ago I started watching How I Met Your Mother (I'd seen a couple episodes but really dedicated myself to it in April). Since then, I've finished all five seasons. A lot of this was driven by my love for NPH. The thing about him that I love most on this show is something that I think is very WRONGLY ignored: his knack for physical comedy. Everyone's always focused on him being gay but playing this womanizing (hilarious) asshole, and while he does this very well what I think he's really great at is using his body, his face, his entire persona to react to situations. For instance (and it took me FOREVER to find a clip that wasn't just him saying "LEGENDARY" over and over again. Come on guys, it's funny on the show, but who wants to watch 3 solid minutes of that?), here is a clip of him as Barney Stinson eating Chinese food:

Please, if you don't watch the show, I am begging you out of selfishness because I want it to be on the air forever: watch it. Watch it now. And, because he's not the only funny guy on the show and I want to give some credit to my second favorite character, here he is with his castmate Jason Segel (Marshall) being AWESOME. And singing. Les Mis. (This one goes out to my sister):

But the real reason he's my Masculine Monday today is because of this gem of the internet that I just saw for the first time on Friday and have since watched three more times: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. It is a gorgeous glorious musical masterpiece (written/directed by Joss Whedon, of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame and beloved by me) that Joss and friends did during the writers' strike a few years back (LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THAT). Joss has previous musical experience only with the Buffy musical episode (great TV), and in my opinion he did a tremendous job. And of course NPH was the gem-surrounded-diamond-encrusted-platinum-lined tragicomic hero, Dr. Horrible. Basically, the story is that Dr. Horrible (Billy) is an evil scientist who is trying to break his way into being a true Super Villain and at the same time muster up the courage to talk to the pretty girl at the laundromat, Penny, all while facing constant irritation by his arch-nemesis, Captain Hammer. And it's a musical. I now give you the gift of the first seven and a half minutes of this masterpiece.

Oh, and here's another song, just because I like it:

Other reasons to include in my list of "Why You Should Love Neil Patrick Harris" are shown in video form below.

1. He's totally cool with his sexuality, and he thinks other people should be as well, but he balances it by not being a crusader and not wanting to push people to do things they don't want to do. I love this attitude. Please to watch:

2. He was Mark Cohen in Rent for a while (my favorite character. I love Mark so much!). That's reason enough to like anyone, in my opinion. Here's him singing "What You Own" (one of my favorite songs from the show):

3-6. He's friends with Ellen! He helps raise money for cancer! He prank calls celebrities! Did I mention that he's funny?

I guess that the point I want to leave you with, at the end of all this, is that while I'm happy to be an ally to any gay, I would really prefer that NPH not be gay. I'd like him to be at LEAST bi. Because, really, at this point, the chances of us getting married are not very high. That makes me sad. To cheer me up, here's a clip of him doing an Old Spice commercial in which he references his Dougie Houser days (aka the show I'm about to watch all 97 episodes of before August). Enjoy enjoy!

The Newest Weird-Ass Craze in China...

2010-06-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

So here's the new It Thing in China: custom-dying your dog to look like a wild animal. Like, for instance, a tiger:

Or a panda:

I don't really have a lot to say about this. I've never really understood dressing up or fur-dying dogs. That stuff aside, though, in this case my stance on the subject is PUPPIES! CUTE CUTE PUPPIES!! AWWWW, LOOK AT THE PUPPIES!!!!

Feminine Friday: Arianna Huffington

2010-06-11T04:56:00.000-07:00

So as I get more and more pissed about this whole oil spill deal, I often turn to Keith for comfort - not that he has anything comforting to say, but I like seeing that someone is keeping up a count of how long it's been since the explosion and, I don't know, there's something nice about knowing that Keith is as angry as CK and I are. Anyway, so he has pretty much daily guests on talking about the oil spill from every angle, and one of last night's guests was the Co-Founder and Editor in Chief of the Huffington Post, Arianna Huffington. So not only do I like her because HuffPo publishes some cool shit, but I newly LOVE her because her voice sounds just like the mom from the Aristocats! In other words, she is the epitome of elegance and poise. Please watch and enjoy.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Ivan Coyote

2010-05-26T12:58:00.000-07:00

So BetseyBetsey showed me this interesting queer performer, Ivan Coyote, yesterday and I was too busy doing really important things at my really engaging job to give her feedback, so here it is, complete with a nickname.

Ivan Coyote is a Canadian storyteller. So what happens on stage isn't exactly spoken word, but stories told aloud to an audience. I'm not sure if Ivan Coyote identifies as transgender or as a butch lesbian, so out of respect I'm going to use gender-neutral pronouns. Look at how progressive I am.

Ivan writes about childhood in the Yukon territory and ideas circulating in the queer community. The stories don't really address the politics of being queer, but what it means to be butch and femme and queer: ideas of self-representation. JBear and GayBear and I were having an interesting conversation about what genre of the opposite gender we would be. Apparently, I'd be a beard-sporting, plaid-wearing, bio-diesel van driving, Birkenstock aficionado. So, basically me with a beard. Anyway I watched a bunch of performances of Ivan on YouTube and there's two great pieces, one thanking femmes and the other on "what it means to be butch." It's basically a "what I did last summer" for masculine women. Both videos are great. So great, I've posted them below.

First off, what a cutie little Canadian accent. I love that the definition of a femme enables the definition of a butch. And that being a feminine lesbian is, at times, harder than being a butch(ish) lesbian. It's playfully serious. Because when you decide to come out, you are going to have to learn how to laugh. Shit gets funny.

Now, let's compare and contrast. What basically sums this whole story up for me is when Ivan says "be the man you wish you'd slept with in high school." That makes a lot of sense to me. If you're going to be a butch, masculine lesbian don't be a man's man; Be a lesbian's man.

These two performances, and Ivan's ideology, are a testament that gender is socially constructed and that words can be what you choose to call yourself, or what you let people call you.

One of Ivan's short stories has been turned into a short film. It also is an exploration as to what gender is. Check it out, it's called "No Bikini."

This makes me want to parent my hypothetical children in the most unabashed new-age, montessori style. She wasn't trying to be a boy, it's just that no one asked and it didn't really make a difference.

Check out the website here to learn more.

Glee & GaGa: So Happy I Could Die.

2010-05-26T09:09:00.001-07:00

Hi. I'm alive. That is all.

Spoilers ahead, because I'm assuming you've already watched.

Last night was Glee's Lady GaGa episode. We all know it was amazing. That's not what I want to talk about. First off, let's recap the fact that the week before last Idina Menzel and Lea Michele sang "Dream the Impossible Dream" which is like Susan Boyle inspirational type shit and I cried and came all at the same time. My broadway dreams fulfilled! So here's that video.

Then, last night, my perfect storm hit shore with Idina and Lea singing Lady Gaga. It made me think, what if at some kid's choice award show, all three of them sang this song and then got slimed. That'd be just epic. So fantasize about that with this fantastic duet of "Pokerface." My favorite part of this video is Brad.

Whew. So, I wanted to share this not just becuase it's two crazy talented ladies singing together, but what it means for [duhn duhn duhn] Pop Culture. I mean, what do you think it feels like to be Lea Michele and sing with Idina Menzel, the queen of broadway. In my mind Lea Michele (p.s. stage name or real name? Is Michele her last name? Anyone, anyone? Beuller?) has always been the princess of broadway and now she's singing with what outwardly seems to be a mentor-figure. That just has to be epic. I revel in it. So I assume you do as well.

But my main point of this post is to talk about how Glee has captured such a current part of our culture. By having a Lady GaGa episode, Glee has solidified her cultural influence by recording it in television history. For a show that's already pretty groundbreaking and taking America by storm (granted, not to the level of Bieber Fever), but to have them then incorporate another element of high-pop culture is really interesting to think about. If Lady GaGa makes it to a level of importance that her personal cultural phenomenon is recorded for the masses by another cultural phenomenon, you know you're legit. Just like if you get parodied on SNL, you know you're hot shit. I'm not a regular watcher, so I don't know if they've parodied Glee or GaGa, but still, you get my point/joke. For me, it solidified the lasting impact Lady GaGa has had on society because, as Kurt said so well "She's only the biggest pop act to come along in decades. She's boundary pushing. The most theatrical performer of our generation. And she changes her look faster than Britt changes sexual partners."

Then, there's the scene where Kurt's dad stands up for him in a way never before seen on network television. No one has ever said the things Kurt's dad says. And never before has it been in front of such a huge viewing audience. This episode reflected more than just pop cuture, but the politics of our society. I'm going to let the video speak for itself. So listen up, and pay attention to Mike O'Malley from GUTS as he sends it out to you, Moira:

Thank you, Glee. Thank you. This is why you're such a great show. I had lost hope and became kind of a doubter when Rachel Berry belted "Total Eclipse of the Heart" a few weeks ago. In my mind, you jumped the shark then and there. But you've reeled me back in. Some episodes are hit or miss. Some of the characters are pretty one dimensional cardboard cut outs that you could do more with, but instead you opt to make jokes about stereotypes. But it's moments like these, when you take a current political issue and humanize it. I hope the parents of the kids watching this show, see this and realize something about themselves. Kurt's dad recognizes that it took him a long time to get to where he is with his son's sexuality. That he used to use the word "faggot" just how Finn used it. I wish there were more men, more fathers, like Mr. Hummel in the world. Kurt isn't all flamboyance and fabulousity. He struggles everyday, not because of some self-imposed "choice." But because people don't take the time to see him, a person. They see Kurt, the homo. How much would you bet Kurt thinks about trading who he is so that he doesn't have to deal with the shit Finn just dealt out to him? An insurmountable sum of money. But when it comes down to it. It's not Kurt's fault. I mean, it'd probably be easier. Yeah, easier for everyone else. It's the mindset of everyone around him that's a problem. Not that I'm blaming all of life's hardship on the people around you. But we've somehow learned to not see people anymore but to just see a gay person or a black person or a dumb person or a poor person or a cleaning lady or a banker. Not a person who's family has never supported them or a person who's been in chains because of the way they look or a person who has dyslexia and needs to be taught differently or a person who works two jobs to get dinner on the table or a woman cleaning your house because she sends money back to her parents in Mexico or a man who counts money all day and goes home to an empty house filled with pictures of his wife and kids who left him 2 months ago. We have to stop seeing just gay, black, stupid, poor, and profession. We have to start seeing people.

Prodigy Video Wednesday!

2010-05-12T16:56:00.000-07:00

So since Lady Gaga became the world's new obsession (and won Dyxie hearts), everyone on YouTube has done their best to channel her, or at least to do videos in her honor. For instance, you may have seen the video posted by our soldiers in Afghanistan:

... which is just, you know, beyond words great.

But as fun as that is, there's a new kid in town named Greyson Michael Chance, and he is RIDICULOUS. He is 12 and there is a video of him singing Paparazzi and accompanying himself on the piano at his 6th grade talent show, causing the girls sitting behind him to gape at him in awe. He's also quickly becoming the sixth grader I'm most jealous of in the world because he is GOING ON ELLEN TOMORROW. Greyson Michael, say hi for me. Anyway, here's the video which has been burning holes in the internet and converting Justin Bieber fans everywhere:

Can you fucking imagine if this were to happen at your middle school talent show? What 12 year old can do this? Oh, and in case you thought this was just a fluke, here are the two songs he posted on YouTube which he WROTE HIMSELF. If your jaw doesn't drop automatically, may I just remind you that he's 12? I've been around my fair share of 12 year olds and let me tell you, many of them can barely form a coherent sentence. When I was twelve I was too busy battling my hormones and terrorizing everyone to think about anything as productive as writing music. But apparently Greyson is above all that shit! Go ahead and be stunned by the videos below.

I Have Ridiculously High Self-Esteem

2010-05-09T06:30:00.000-07:00

I believe that I generally come across as a highly confident person. I think that this, in part, has to do with the fact that I constantly reassure people that I am, in fact, really awesome (true). While my egotism is partly fueled by sarcasm, the fact of the matter is that I think I'm pretty great (and hey, I'm sure that anyone reading this is pretty great as well).

This is not to say that I'm without flaws, because I have them and am acutely aware of this fact. I can be irritating, stubborn, extremely loud, argumentative, overly-sarcastic, and when I'm not extremely careful I can come across as condescending, though this is never my intention and I swear to God I don't know how it happens (which, of course, would be another flaw). But despite the my keen understanding of my own downfalls, I still tend to think I'm a pretty good person, and I can accept them because I think that I'm ok, overall. Sadly though, every once in a while I meet someone who is not completely and utterly thrilled with themselves, and I wonder, why not? And as I was pondering this one day it dawned on me that a lot of my own self-confidence has to do with my mom.

I don't have a lot of memories of my childhood that stand out distinctly, but there are a few moments that I remember that, I think, are implicative of my mom's parenting skills, and that made a huge impact on my life. For one thing, I remember always being allowed to dress however I wanted - and even if that meant I was wearing a giant dolphin shirt, leggings, and my favorite handsome blue socks, that was fine. Maybe this was because my mom got tired of getting me dressed every day after several years and was thus more than happy to let me pick out my own outfits once I decided I wanted to do so, but the fact of it is that I didn't have any sort of self-consciousness about my appearance until the fourth grade when a boy pointed out there was a small hole in the shoulder of my t-shirt (after which I still wore ridiculous outfits, just ones that were intact). I had clearly not noticed this small flaw, and it hadn't dawned on me to worry about something like that before. I also have several tee-ball and school pictures from my elementary years in which my hair makes me look like a mom from an 80's sitcom (I'm thinking Growing Pains). I know J Bear also grew up looking like an extra from the cast of Annie, and while we've developed the ability to put ourselves together a bit more if we like, I think the fact that we weren't always primped and preened before leaving the house instilled in us not the idea that we were only as valuable as how we were dressed, but that it didn't really matter how we looked, as long as we were happy with what we were wearing. Which I think is a good thing.

My second mom memory is of a couple similar conversations that my mom and I had when I was about 8. In the first, I was trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life (something I still haven't figured out) and I asked her if it was ok for me to have two jobs. She said yes, some people do have two jobs, so I could do that if I wanted. I then told her that I thought I would be a doctor AND a lawyer. Instead of laughing and telling me that I would not have time to do both of these things, since doctors and lawyers are individually overworked as it is, she just told me that I could do that if I wanted.

In the second conversation, having just read A Wrinkle in Time (great book) in which the main character's mother is a double-PhD., I told her that I, too, wanted to earn two PhD.'s. Again, without laughing or acting like this was at all a difficult feat for someone who was not-yet-a-decade-old to be contemplating, she told me that if I wanted to, I definitely could do it. Again, I got a lesson from this beyond just the impression that she just wanted to stop these inane conversations: she believed in me, 100%. No matter what ridiculous dream I had (even that silly one about being a writer) I knew that my mom would always have my back, and more importantly, I knew that someone believed that I could be and do anything I wanted. Which made it easier for me to believe it, too.

These stories may not mean much to anyone else, but I think the messages they sent to me, the messages I've been hearing my whole life, have made a huge impact on my upbringing; they've made me the strong, obnoxious person I am. They've also helped me choose my great group of friends, by looking for characteristics in others that I've come to value in myself. I'm drawn to people with self-confidence, and have trouble dealing with people or characters who lack it. This is why I dislike characters like Bella Swan (of Twilight), who constantly wonders why the guy she's in love with loves her back. Shouldn't girls have a role model who knows just how much of a catch she is, rather than one who needs constant reassurance and validation? Shouldn't guys be taught to look for a woman who doesn't need a knight in shining armor, and on whom they can rely as a partner, rather than someone to constantly worry about and prop up? I think so, and for all the reasons above and so many more, I'm really happy that I have an amazing mom who has been a great role model, and who has taught me to love myself and others and to always strive for anything I really want. This one goes out to all the strong mothers out there, especially mine. I love you mom; happy Mother's Day.

Gulf Coast Oil Spill

2010-05-04T05:45:00.000-07:00

So a couple weeks ago, President Obama was my MM because of all that he's gotten accomplished in the past few weeks (healthcare, nuclear talks with Russia, raising emission requirements, etc.). My only real problem, I said then, was his stance on drilling off the Gulf Coast - which was, of course, "pro-drilling," a remarkably conservative view for someone who is supposedly a "progressive" and a "socialist". I'm hoping that his viewpoint will change now, though, what with the huge amounts of crude oil that are currently spewing forth from the BP rig that exploded last month, killing 11 workers and starting an ecological disaster that is posited to surpass the Exxon Valdez oil tanker that ran aground on the exact day of my birth, March 24, 1989, which was, at the time, the worst maritime spill in history.

As someone who loves when oil isn't gushing into the ocean and destroying the fragile marine ecosystem, I'm having a lot of trouble with this spill. Maybe it's my irrational guilt for my connection to the Exxon Valdez, or maybe it's my love of Gulf Shores, AL (the MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE ON EARTH) but the idea the of hundreds of thousands of gallons PER DAY that are pouring forth from the underwater well are making me physically ill. While the disaster in Alaska was horrible in its devastating effects on the landscape and the wildlife, this spill will not only be a blight on the environment, but it could cripple our economy in a number of ways. For one thing, the cleanup will cost billions. For another thing, the tourism industry that's just getting the season started along the Gulf will undoubtedly take a major hit, as people are less than keen to let their kids float on water-wings into an ocean full of black sludge. Another sector that could be hit, the AP is saying, is the shipping industry, as the oil slick moves dangerously closer to the Southwest Pass of the (MIGHTY) Mississippi, and if the shipping industry is hit, so could everything it moves from the Southeast up into the middle of the country and vice versa. Not to mention the fact that the fishing and shrimping and crabbing industries off the Gulf will be halted until - and who knows how long this could be? - the waters are cleaned and the seafood there is, once again, edible. And finally on a personal level - it's not like Alaska, the (I'm sure lovely) barren land where about 4 people live. No, the Gulf is full of people - retirees, families with small kids, small business owners and everyone in between - who love the land they live on, who love their homes, who don't want to have their gorgeous coastline coated in the real-life equivalent of Fern Gully's muck monster.

If President Obama doesn't make the decision to take back his earlier stance on drilling off the coast, I think this could do major, major damage to his stance in the environmental community. Come on, man. The EV should've been the one and only disastrous oil spill we needed to make a change in our policy. This is an opportunity to let the American people see how devastating our dependence on oil can be to the environment. Do not drill off the coast again, please. The risks are too high and the rewards are too few. And by the way, even if we DO drill off the coast, the oil we get there won't just be set aside for U.S. interests - it'll be sold on the global market. So it wouldn't be like we're lessening our dependence on foreign oil; we'd just be another competitor in the global game, but with such few resources as to make it almost not matter - and in my opinion, not worth it. Obama, the Republicans are calling you a socialist anyway; you might as well live up to their name-calling and do something great for our country's - and the world's - future. I didn't vote for a President who would ignore this kind of disaster and push forward on plans to drill off the coast because of pride or some almost pathological need to try to win Republicans over to his side, despite overwhelming evidence that THEY AREN'T GOING TO SUPPORT ANYTHING THAT HE DOES BECAUSE ALL THEY CARE ABOUT IS PANDERING TO THEIR (WIDELY UNINFORMED AND OVER-PROPAGANDIZED BY FOX NEWS) BASE. (Sorry for the caps attack.) Look at the big picture, and realize that the future of the planet - which, in large part, is riding on the future of the oceans, which cover a whopping 71% of the Earth - is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than budging the Republicans over to our side, and making huge concessions in doing so.

Baptist Video Wednesday

2010-04-28T12:12:00.000-07:00

Oh hey! So today, for a change of pace, I thought I'd blog. I know, it's unexpected, but we're wacky here at Dyxieland.

So I was scouring Facebook, as many college students do, when I'm sure I should've been doing something else, when I came across this terrifying/hilarious video on Argumentative Guy's wall. In it, a terrifying/hilarious preacher shares his terrifying/hilarious views on why women shouldn't wear pants and why neither gender should wear medium-length hair. Please enjoy/be sad about the state of our world.

To accompany this video, I'd like to share some thoughts.
1. I'm thrilled I'm not married to that man.
2. Some chicks can work short hair!
3. If I'm not supposed to wear pants, does that mean I can't wear sleep pants or sweat pants? Because there goes half my leg-wardrobe. Oh, and if we take out jeans, there goes another 49.5% of my leg-wardrobe.
4. I wonder what his thoughts are on kilts? Because as of recently, my thoughts on kilts are: they're hot.
5. Please stop saying "queer" like that, it makes me gasp every time.
6. I was absolutely not meant to be meek. I think he's right about how women want men who are strong, but I would change his idea of "Godly women want strong men" to "strong women want strong men (or other strong women, if that's their thing)." I would also argue that strong men want strong women (although again, they could also want a strong dude) because I think that people who are capable and confident search for these personality traits in others. I think that the only people who like weak people are also weak, if not physically then in some mental capacity. For instance, I'd say that this man considers himself to be strong, but from everything he's expressing - fear of "confusion," only wanting a "meek" woman, mocking people who are different from him, even the way he hides in the Bible - I see no strength. He probably does want a meek woman, because he couldn't handle anything else. Welcome to the 21st century, dude. Women are no longer valued for their silence, and we need people around us who can handle us having a voice - as Lorelai Gilmore once said, the meek shall not inherit the earth!

A Very Tall Masculine Monday

2010-04-12T15:45:00.000-07:00

So one of my friends here in England told me about a beautiful website, tvshack.net, where I could watch American TV in my spare time when I'm not exploring London or doing homework or having the batteries changed on my door (about to be the fourth time in almost as many weeks!). You see, even though in the U.S. you can watch network shows on the internet, evil evil television corporations make it so that the licensing whatchamacallits (by the way, that word was not flagged by my spell-check, which gets mad at me when I don't capitalize the word "TV") don't allow people who are abroad access to their online archives (FOR SHAME television people! How am I supposed to survive if I don't know that Jin and Sun live happily ever after?), so this tvshack thing is really, really wonderful.

She told me about this site so I could start my relationship with It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, about which I've heard only good things, but unfortunately I don't have enough time to devote to a new TV show right now - maybe next month. Anyway, I did use this miraculous God-send of a website to catch up on one of the shows I really loved in the U.S., but which I haven't been able to watch for a while: Community. This show is fucking funny - I think the characters are well-written and the casting of Chevy Chase was absolutely brilliant - but I'd be lying if I said that I started watching the show for any reason other than Joel McHale, who is, of course, today's Masculine Monday.

I've had major hots for Joel, who is a tree-like six feet four inches tall, since freshman year when I first discovered The Soup, the show he hosts on the E! Network, and when he started promoting his new sitcom I had to jump on board. And if you don't typically trust my taste in TV (although I'm not sure why you wouldn't; I have excellent taste), guess what? Ronfire likes it too! There's something for everybody! You all should watch it! Anyway, Joel is wonderful, and here are some clips of him.

This first clip was watched by me and JBear pretty much every day for about a month when we were freshmen.

This next one is Joel fighting a bully on Community, played by Anthony Michael Hall, continuing their string of John Hughes references. (He was the geek in The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, and Weird Science, but then a couple years later he bulked up and came back to play the bully in Edward Scissorhands (which of course was Tim Burton, not John Hughes, but my point is that he's the bully). Again, clever casting.)

And these next two are mostly because I really love Troy and Abed (Donald Glover and Danny Pudi).

In the Spirit of England

2010-04-07T12:56:00.000-07:00

So this one will be familiar to my family.

There is this great British comedian named Eddie Izzard who does a lot of weird-ass stand-up comedy, which I find very hilarious. Once YouTube brought his stand-up to the masses, one guy took it in a direction that I don't think Eddie expected, but which actually works very well: he made legos act out Eddie's sketches. In stop-motion. And put them on YouTube. Here are some of my favorites, and I'm sorry for being so cranky about Bristol Palin a minute ago but hopefully this will lift all of our spirits. Enjoy.

Death Star Canteen:

Do You Have a Flag?

Cake or Death?

And here's him just doing stand-up. You will especially appreciate this if you understand French.

Bristol Palin Is an Asshole

2010-04-07T12:25:00.000-07:00

So Bristol Palin is out with a new ad for the Candie's Foundation talking about how if she weren't so rich and popular, her life would really suck because she was a pregnant teenager. I'm not sure what pisses me off most about this ad - the fact that she's now going against her former (and let's be frank, more honest) statements about how abstinence-only education is "not realistic," or the fact that she is essentially flaunting her luck of being born into a prominent family and simultaneously judging other people who aren't fortunate enough to have the money and fame that she has - who, you know, if they made poor decisions and got pregnant at 17, might actually have to face those poor decisions and figure out what to do with their lives.

"Oh you rubes, living in states that don't pay you to stay there, without famous mothers who campaign for the world's worst causes - your lives are going to be so awful, now that you're forced to take responsibility for your actions! You other poor people, you'd better not act out - only we privileged, lucky people get to make bad choices (which are then taken care of for us). Better not have sex, because there's nothing worse than being poor and having a baby - not that I would know, because I'm rich." Plus Bristol Palin telling people not to have sex is totally going to work. Oh, unless they're teenagers who have heard "abstinence only" their entire lives, but who decide to make their own choices. But that's totally not likely, right? Because God wants us to wait until marriage. Unless we're rich enough to pay for a nanny, in which case we can fuck whoever we want. Here's the ad, I hope the condescension doesn't burn.

Bristol Palin's teenage pregnancy PSA @ Yahoo! Video

Sidenote from CK: There's also some weird subliminal shit happening here that really makes Sarah Palin look like a really great human being. Honestly, with her 5 kids (and I'm convinced that that down-syndrome baby was never actually in her womb) she's just one step above the octomom. Good thing I'm rich because having sex with women is really dangerous. I'm so glad I paid to be gay so that I didn't become a teenage mom or be able to marry someone in order to have sex. I'm so rich an abstinence only lifestyle is written in fine print in the contract for my Trust Fund.

Re-Side Note by Katie Dee: Upon watching it again, though, I can't help but point out that THAT is a really cute baby. YES I KNOW THIS IS A WEIRD THING TO NOTICE. I CAN'T HELP IT, I LOVE CHILDREN.

Palo Alto Highschool Peacefully Fights that fucker Phelps.

2010-04-06T09:36:00.000-07:00

I blogged about Constance McMillen and her school's cancelling of a her prom all because she wanted to bring her girlfriend and wear a tuxedo. Well, her school and community duped her. They told her there was a prom happening at a local country club and McMillen and date and tuxedo showed up ready to party. Well, they walked in to 7 other prom-goers, 2 of which were mentally handicapped. The only reason I'm including the mentally handicapped thing is because every article I've read includes and I find that hilarious. So they're basically saying, not only are you GAY but you get to party with RETARDS. Let's be real, that's discriminatory and politically incorrect TWICE. Whatever. People can be cruel sometimes. This shows that even being on the Ellen Degeneres show doesn't guarantee you anything. Shit's RAW.

But across the country, at Gunn High school in Palo Alto, CA, something amazing happened. Westboro Baptist Church, The "God hates Fags" people, (p.s. I can't believe I googled that to get the URL and it really is godhatesfags.com. I feel dirty linking you to it, and I can't even bring myself to explore the website because I'm greeted as a"deplorable son or daughter of Adam and Eve.") decided to protest the school because in the past 6 months 4 teens have committed suicide. Apparently, this is god smiting them for their liberal thoughts and the community's acceptance of all people. OMG THAT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE. I know that the events in the past semester at Gunn High school are tragic, but they are not the beginning of the second coming and they have nothing to do with Fred Phelps and his deranged followers. In order to retaliate and show the Westboro Fools that they have no business in the Palo Alto community, the school, lead by administration leaders and teachers, discussed a plan of action. They considered not showing up, so that the Westboro Fools protested a barren school campus; but finally settled on a peaceful display of acceptance and campfire songs. As a soul born into the wrong generation (I should have been a tree hugging hippie who ran way to San Francisco instead of Iowa who still reads Beat Poets and listens to Janis Joplin) I have a soft spot for campfire songs and peaceful demonstrations. Watch the video below to see what I'm talking about:

Daisy Renazco and Noreen Likins you're pretty ok. High Schools need more teachers and principles like you. Teachers with a social conscience. So in a time of cultural set back for Human Rights in Mississippi, we can always count on California (even though I secretly hate Palo Alto because of James Franco) to have their shit together. Now if only they shit can be together in a de jure sense instead of a de facto one.

Masculine Monday: Presidential Edition

2010-04-05T16:36:00.001-07:00

So while deciding today's MM, I briefly considered making it the 1980 Olympic Hockey team because I just watched the movie Miracle today, but then I realized that I haven't yet given big O his due for finally getting shit done this week! It seems like, since he first got sworn in (actually, since he first got voted in) Obama has been working constantly but not making any particular amount of progress. Then, BOOM, this week he comes out getting done not only health care, but also signing legislation that helps college students get loans and puts some checks on the banks, and signing off on new off-shore drilling, AND putting in much more stringent regulations on fuel efficiency in new vehicles, AND going into nuclear arms agreements with Russia.

Now, I'm not super pleased about the off-shore drilling because, I mean, I'm just not particularly in favor of more drilling, particularly in fragile underwater ecosystems (I'm a tree-hugging liberal), but at the moment I'm willing to trust that he knows what he's doing and is using the drilling to distract Republicans into voting for better environmental legislation in the long run (because from everything I've read/seen about this off-shore drilling, it's a very short-term fix and won't even be a viable source of energy for a few years. So it's like, dude, what's the point? I mean, it has to be a chess move. It has to be). But all the other stuff? Reducing arms in two major nuclear powers, helping our population become more educated with less debt, helping the ill afford aid, and decreasing the U.S.'s impact on the environment on a major way? Not a bad freaking week. PLUS there was actually an increase of a few hundred thousand jobs in March, which shows that we might slowly be climbing our way out of this recession.

Obama, it took you a year for us to see some of the change you promised us, but at this point, I like what you're giving me. Keep up the good work. (I like your railway idea too - let's do that after you put some major restrictions on banks and credit card companies. Ok?) So in what I hope will be the first of many Masculine Monday: Presidential Editions, I say kudos and keep going, and for God's sake let's keep a Democratic Congress this fall so the progress doesn't get backtracked, because the Republicans are being nothing if not unhelpful. And on THAT ridiculously partisan note, goodnight.

Hoppy Easter!

2010-04-04T02:51:00.001-07:00

It's Easter... soo... here are some cute animals. That's the spirit of this holiday, correct? This goes out to J Bear and my sister.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!

2010-04-03T17:54:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! I just wanted to let you know that I've started hosting a Literary/Creative Writing themed radio show targeted at undergraduates at the University of Iowa. It's on from 11-Noon and you can stream it online here! So, you can listen from anywhere. If you are in the Iowa City area, turn the dial to 89.7. This week, me and Ronfire99 are having a special guest on the show, our friend The Hobbit Extra, to talk about music with literary lyrics, book references, and music we write to. We're taking it easy this week since it's easter weekend. Our songs choices should lead to some really fascinating discussion, since Ronfire, The Hobbit Extra, and I are all lil Chatty Kathys (Kathies?) and it makes me proud.

Be sure to listen as I slowly become a media mogul.

Man... I'd Cry Too.

2010-04-02T06:46:00.001-07:00

So since the video that CK and I were talking about posting on VVW was taken off the internet (hate crime?) - CK found it (or possibly J Bear?) and it was of a fabulous, glittery gay dancing and doing sign language to Lady Gaga songs - we were sort of at a loss for what to do on Wednesday. But I saw this video on Countdown, and I thought you all should see it as well. Don't ever tell your sons they aren't Single Ladies.

Sidenote from CK: I wanted to post this yesterday when I found it and before it went viral on HuffPost, but alas, my MAJOR HUGE LACK OF MOTIVIATION OF ANY KIND hindered me from doing so. But everytime I watch this my heart breaks. EVERYONE CAN BE A SINGLE LADY. KAtie Dee said something about how I should at least be happy that the dad is ok with allowing his son to create his own gender boundaries. Harrumph. I mean, when you see the kid's face drop how can you not give in to allowing him to be a single lady? I am no where near over how attached I feel to this small asian child.

In other Bizarro news...

2010-03-30T09:29:00.000-07:00

I'm a writer. I write for Dyxieland. I write my own stories/poems/essays. I'm in workshops. I'm majoring in creative writing. I take classes. I plan on going to grad school for this. I read. A lot.

And yet James Franco thinks he can just do everything creative. He has a short story published in Esquire Magazine. I feel like James Franco is stomping on my life with this. Because if you read it, and I couldn't even make it through the whole thing, it reads like some stoner High School senior's creative writing final paper, or some left wing liberal arts college freshman's Intro to Creative Writing thesis. And he has a short story collection called Palo Alto (SO WEST COAST) coming out in October. Thanks, Scribner for bringing this to us. It's something I really want to read. I feel like I'm going to read it and just hear that weird James Franco voice where he focuses a lot of his syllables' stresses on the back molars and doesn't use his tongue enough when he talks so the result is this weird throaty gravely lispy thing. He also won't open his mouth enough.

No, I'm not bitter. Thanks for asking. The one thing that makes this all better is that the University of Iowa's Writers Workshop (THE Graduate Program for Creative Writing) rejected his poetry application so he settled for General Hospital. SUCK ON THAT FRANCO!

Side Note from Katie Dee, because my stupid computer won't let me just make a comment: It's so "Jewel's book of poetry" from the 90's.

From CK: IT IS SO JEWEL'S BOOK OF POETRY. Which I may or may not own... she talks about her boobs a lot...

In other glorious gay news...

2010-03-29T19:17:00.001-07:00

Hey you gays! We've got another one on board to count as one of our own. I didn't see it coming. I had never expected this one. It's such a shock to society that I'm pretty sure the world as we know it is going to implode.

Ricky Martin is gay.

Who's next to shock the world with their sexual orientation, Anderson Cooper?

Update 3/30/10: After thinking about this a bit more, I've decided I'm dissapointed in Ricky. I mean, way to come out now, after your intense period of relevancy in the 90's, instead of being out and unapologetic the whole time. You still would have been successful and your song choice would have been different instead of just signing "She bang" over and over again. This feels like a publicity stunt to get work again, Ricky. Unless you have some hidden nonprofit up your Latin sleeve or you were the silent partner in the production of "Milk," I'm dissapointed that you didn't come out when it would have meant something. Instead of now, when all anyone has to say is "duh" and moves on with their thoughts. Dare I say a bit cowardly?

Change, While Never Easy, is Always Possible

2010-03-29T16:43:00.000-07:00

President Barack Obama visited Thursday to give a speech pertaining to the newly signed healthcare bill. I attended, not because I am an avid supporter who acts like John Lennon just walked into the room, but because here in Iowa City, American history was made. Right at my feet. Right in front of my eyes. Why WOULDN'T you go see your country's leader speak? Now I know we aren't famous for unbiased political opinions here on Dyxieland. But what can I say? Dorothy Anne's a feisty little cowgirl. So I want to focus on the importance that March 25, 2010 has in the context of American history, not political beliefs. I've sort of come to the conclusion that my political beliefs are so all over the place that I'm almost off the charts, almost an anarchist who prefers to be labeled as an "individualist," almost still stuck in this apathetic thing our generation has going on, but definitely someone who will never stop advocating for anyone's right to think or feel or say what they want as long as it is not a detrement to their fellow living being.

So with that, Iowa City was buzzing with protesters, with supporters, with press, with secret service (who have been here for 3 weeks without a majority of people knowing and that makes me uncomfortable.), with organizers. It was like Game Day at Iowa. The hotdog stand on Burlington that is generally packed with people in Black and Gold but instead was packed with red and blue and signs, has a banner that read "US Presidents eat 4 free." It normally has the perenneial I-O-W-A written on it. I managed to get a ticket to the speech. One with a red stripe on it. I was volunteering for Roxanne Conlin and am now an official Roxstar. Well, this red stripe got me into the official fenced off area that was about 20 feet (ish) (i dunno) closer to the stage where Obama was speaking. So that was super awesome. The ticket looks like this and is going to either go into my folder of things I want to keep and remember forever, or framed because I think it's just that cool:

It was so damn hot in the fieldhouse. That's one thing I don't ever understand about venues that KNOW there are going to be lots of people. They STILL won't turn the air on. Maybe Iowa's filedhouse isn't airconditioned. It is a possibility, I mean, my house doesn't have A/C and I'm kind of nervous about this summer... But let's be real. Some air would have prevented the man standing about 4 feet away from me from collapsing. Aaaaaaand segue into one of my favorite moments of the speech: Upon noticing this man who fainted, President Obama calmly points it out so the paramedics can help him, says "It happens, he'll be ok" and moves on. I thought this was really classy of him and exactly like the leader of a nation should act, as if he is watching out for his people. This is one of the first presidents that I've experienced in my short life that seems like just a dude. Just a person. I could see him walking down the street and it'd be totally normal. It's a relief that he isn't this weird "othered" politician-man-boy-thing. He's just a dude. With a wife. And some kids.

What I got out of his actual speech was that he recognizes that the bill is imperfect. He took into account some reasons why and the big one was that people (republicans) are unwilling to work with him. But my favorite quote of the whole thing was this: "Change, while never easy, is always possible." WHAT A DAMN GOOD SPEECH WRITER HE HAS. This bill takes America in a historically new direction. And that's exciting. My friend, Southern Gentleman, linked me to this really great chart that sort of explains everything about this new direction. I can't post it here, becuase the quality is pretty shitty, but here's the link to the article from the LA Times. I'm surprised Southern Gentleman came through with this link, I was expecting Dinosaur Comics or something equally as silly and nonsensical.

Anyway. History. I had friends on stage behind Obama. Those pictures will most likely be in history books. I ill know those people. So if your kids ever need any help with research papers or have to do an interview or something, tell them to call Gay Aunt Chatty. Because in my 3 years in Iowa, it's been the place to be. From gay marriage, to the caucus, to Obama. I've totally got the first hand goods. The protesters were also a very interesting part of the whole day. I also knew some of them. While obnoxious, they were fascinating. My favorite was this chick with an Obama shirt on and a sign that said "This Lesbian is for liberty." FASCINATING. And SO contradictory. But hey, you go protest your contradictory political views and entertain me for 5 minutes.

Then my highlight of the day was finding out that after name-dropping Prairie Lights Bookstore (our awesome local, independent bookseller where I've seen the likes of Tom Piazza, Junot Diaz, and Francine Prose and read.) he visited and bought books. I am no where near over that yet.

I think I've got everything covered. Thanks for putting up with my inability to stick to a schedule. I promise to be back on track this week.

Masculine Monday: Joshua Radin!

2010-03-29T14:23:00.000-07:00

So I've recently, thanks to My Sister, become a big Joshua Radin fan. I think his voice is nice and his songs are pretty and mostly I think he's really bold for writing consistently sweet, unapologetically romantic love songs. Yeah, you can call it sappy, you can say that he's not particularly "masculine" for being so in touch with his feelings - but I say that for him to over and over again say, "I'm going to write a song that puts my fucking heart on the line, and I'm doing it with pride, and I'm doing it well," takes guts. So kudos, dude.

The thing about Joshua Radin, though, is that while I like his voice ok on its own, I am not a huge fan of his solo songs. I mean, they're fine. They just lack some oomph. If you want oomph, though, look no further than one of his many couples songs. Not since Damien Rice have I loved guy/girl duets so much, but Joshua Radin does it in a much less want-to-slit-your-wrists sort of way. So while of course this is a MM and I do want to give Josh his due, I also tip my hat to the lovely ladies he sings with in these videos: Ingrid Michaelson, Priscilla Ahn, and Schuyler Fisk. You should probably buy all of their albums. Enjoy some of the videos; my favorite song is "Paperweight." (BTW the video quality is crappy - they were taken by people at concerts. Apparently Josh doesn't believe in music videos. Luckily they don't do much on stage, and you can still hear the songs just fine!)

And this is just the cutest thing ever. Not his song, though.

VIRAL VIDEO GAY FRIEND WEDNESDAY

2010-03-24T18:48:00.000-07:00

For the record, I am totally not tipsy-blogging. TOTALLY NOT. And anyway, whatever the fuck if I am - it's my birthday.

Anyway, as someone who has had many, many gay friends in her life (more than admitted so at the time, for sure), I can appreciate the influence and love a "sassy gay friend" can bring to an otherwise dull and meaningless existence. My very own sassy gay friend, Chatty Kathy, shared with me a great video on my wall (KATIE DEE HAS A FACEBOOK, YOU SHOULD BE HER FRIEND) and I will now share it, as well as a video I found through its link (THANKS YOUTUBE), with all of you. You're welcoooome. The videos are a postulation of what would have happened in various literary classics if the heroines had had a "sassy gay friend" to talk them through some of their tougher moments. First, we have the video CK shared with me (of the SGF talking to Hamlet's Ophelia):

And as if that weren't great enough ("Ophelia, he stabbed your dad through a curtain.") we have the SGF talking to Juliet. I love this, because I have always thought Juliet was an idiot (and it's not just her - Romeo's a fickle asshole), and this is everything I ever wanted to say to her.

"I think you're 14, and an idiot. You took a roofie from a priest." SPEAK THE FUCKING TRUTH, SGF!

And on this holiest of days, I wish that all of you have SGF's to help you through all of life's turbulent moments.

In parting, I leave you with a spontaneous song, inspired by my birthday BECAUSE I'M TWENTY FUCKING ONE YEARS OLD:

Happy birthday to me,
I know that I'm great,
I haven't felt this good
Since I turned the big one eight;
Happy birthday to me,
I'm awesome, I know
And now I can buy alcohol
Anywhere the fuck I go!

On this, the national holiday of my birth (and, all credit for this knowledge to a tip a friend gave me, the anniversary of the death of Queen Elizabeth I - RIP RIP), I bid you all a good night, and I wish you would all have a drink in my (and the Queen's!) honor. PIP. PIP.

Side Note From CK: And I was linked to this video by The Stranger in Acadiana! THANKS TSIA!!!

WTF Happened To... EDUCATION!?

2010-03-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

This also doubles as a Tuesday... COMICS! feature. Thanks Entertainment, etc. for coming up with the idea so that I can steal it and revamp it for my own political agenda. (P.S. Ronfire99's blog moved from a blogspot host to a wordpress host. So if you've started following him because we talk about him all the time, the link above is the new URL.)

I'm a big fan of politcal comics. HUGE. Some of them have changed the way America thinks. It's amazing what a little bit of humor can do. Well, since I'm highly caffeinated and at my boring-ass campus job where I answer a phone that doesn't ring and pretend to half-listen to my boss (who is a lovely lady that sends me cat videos via email) I've been reading Salon.com. Tom Tomorrow does a comic that's posted there called "This Modern World." I love it so much that some of his comics have made the facebook profile picture cut for my real-life profile. Not my internet-life Chatty Kathy facebook profile. (Which exists!) Today there is one posted called "You Can't Make This Stuff Up." It makes fun of the Texas Board of Education and Glenn Beck (ALWAYS FUNNY) and how they've changed the Texas social studies curriculum to remove Thomas Jefferson from the list of world thinkers who inspired 18th and 19th century revolutions. So says a New York Times article “Why Is Texas Afraid of Thomas Jefferson?” the History News Network asked, referring to the board’s recommendation that Jefferson, who coined the expression “separation of church and state,” be struck from the list of world thinkers who inspired 18th- and 19th-century revolutions."

So Texas OBVIOUSLY has it's shit together and is OBVIOUSLY the BEST STATE IN THE UNION and I am SO PROUD to be a Native Texan and carry around the state's driver's license so that when I drown myself in alcohol people know half the reason just by checking my ID. Which, the local corner grocery does not do anymore because they know me and I buy beer from them too often.

But that's a different blog post. On to the comic!

When read with a Texas accent, which is hard not to do, this comic gets about one billion times better. It's also no wonder people are shocked when they learn I hail from this state.

Also, Obama is coming to talk about Health Care at the University of Iowa on Thursday and there are helicopters and suits EVERYWHERE. It's rather terrifying. Big Brother is watching.

Masculine Monday: Lawrence O'Donnell

2010-03-22T17:25:00.000-07:00

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

So recently, as you may have noticed, I have been attempting to educate myself on the Health Care Bill, which Yahoo!News informs me has just been passed yesterday. So well done on that, Democrats in Congress, you actually got something done. Anyway, in doing this I've been spending a lot of time on the MSNBC website (don't worry, I'm also getting out and enjoying London. This is just when I'm crashing from exhaustion at the end of a day of walking EVERYWHERE with our astounding tour guide/cultural activities coordinator, Tony, who is a walking British encyclopedia of everything from London history to the medicinal properties of moss. You know what? Tony gets an MM too!)watching recent (since March 3rd) episodes of Countdown with Sadly Not Keith Olbermann because of his Dad's Recent Illness and Passing, and standing in for Keith is the stalwart Lawrence O'Donnell. Now, my immediate reaction to anyone hosting Countdown who is not Keith is "YOU'RE NOT KEITH," followed by pouting, but Lawrence has wormed his way into my heart. This speaks to his journalistic abilities, his excessive liberalism, and of course his affection for Jon Stewart. While there is no one who could replace Keith, Lawrence doesn't try to - he has his own style, which, while somewhat more reserved, is actually quite fiery and something that I can truly appreciate. He's going on my list of Older Dudes I'd Tap, I think. Congratulations, Lawrence! Oh, and the above clip is Lawrence giving some love and tenderness to Jon Stewart as he mocks the truly mockable Glenn Beck.

Whiny, Whiny, Why?

2010-03-22T14:59:00.000-07:00

The title and contents of this post are taken from my friend, Argumentative Guy, in what was a Facebook Status but what he changed (THANKS TO ME, IT WAS MY IDEA, HE MENTIONS ME) to a Facebook note. You'll see where he gets his nickname in a minute, but you'll also see a well-thought-out and well-researched, if foul-mouthed, argument for why people should NOT just assume that the government will fix all their problems immediately OR just assume that the government will ruin their lives - that maybe people should just sit their asses down for a bit and wait for change, which can be a slow process, to come about. This is not to say that action is never necessary - for instance, when it comes to voting - but it is to say that not everything takes one of two properties of a Big Mac: either apocalyptically bad for you on the one hand, or ready in five minutes on the other. SOMETIMES THE CHOICE IS NOT A BIG MAC AT ALL, IT'S A SALAD. Below is his post.

"This began as a status update, but I was advised to turn it into a note for better future reference so I am:

I am sure I must be out of my fucking mind given some of the crackpot arguments about "socialism" and "liberty" I have heard today. Guess what? John Locke said health was an inalienable natural right alongside liberty and property, and that a person's liberty to accumulate wealth was limited to only that which does not harm others or leave others with insufficient ability to prosper themselves. So to all you "conservatives" who think that the Constitution gives you the right to become rich off the backs of the poor and then refuse to pay your fair share can go choke on your own privilege while masturbating to Ayn Rand.

You will only have credibility to talk to me about personal and community responsibility for the poor and uninsured only when you can show me that you and your community/church/etc. actually have taken care of all of their members, and sorry assholes, even the churches and groups who spend the most on charitable works have still left 45 million people in this country uninsured [1]. Furthermore, for people who identify themselves as Christians to say that we should leave a situation which allows 45,000 people to DIE every year from LACK OF MONEY [2] up to charity is diametrically opposed to everything I was taught about Christ. Jesus engaged in and advocated charity because government was abusing the poor and leaving them to die in the streets, he was not against government helping them.

And finally, to those of you with confused notions about history and economics... first, last night's bill has absolutely nothing to do with socialism. We should be so lucky. Second, please read a book or two not authored by Rush Limbaugh or Glen Beck before you talk about "central economic planning" or "Communism" or (especially) "numbers." Government run, single-payer, not-for-profit healthcare has not led to the decline of Canada, France, the UK, Switzerland, nor any of the 36 countries that have better healthcare than we do [3].

And since this is facebook and no fun without some good ol' invective...seriously you racist [4] teabagging fuck-sticks, I have spent a lot of time delving the depths of the internet for some of the most vile and offensive people and their creations and I have still not found anything which offends me as much as your ignorant [5] hate-filled rants. We liked you better when you were wearing your white hoods.

Sources:
1) CBSNews.com
2) Harvard Journal of Medicine
3) Photius.com
4) Washingtonindependent.com
5) Forbes"

Sidenote from CK: My personal favorite line in this whole thing is "go choke on your own privilege while masturbating to Ayn Rand." I knew I always liked Argumentative Guy.

So, I spent my Spring Break in the ICU.

2010-03-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been MIA. I was on spring break. One of the most emotional Spring Breaks of my life. And since Katie Dee set the tone with her impeccable trans-Atlantic blogging, I wanted to continue to focus on what our government is trying to change this weekend. The health care system. I know it needs a change. I think everyone knows that. Even the people it took forever to convince. Maybe Obama's plan isn't the perfect one. Yeah I get that. But I do know, especially after this weekend, especially after watching Keith's rant (Praise Keith), that our health care system needs some kind of change. And since that's what got Obama elected, his promise for change, let's let the man do what him and his team have been trying to do since he was elected. It's not my fault republicans can't handle change. And again, I know this isn't the pinnacle of impartial journalism. Did we ever claim we were impartial, Dorothy Anne, did we? No.

This is in part a rant on how the hospital system works, how the doctors are unavailable when you need them, how pharmacies make pills to fix a system and make money; and, part a Feminine Friday Tribute to Intensive Care nurses slash my favorite nurses from this week. Background info: My BFFAEAE was hospitalized for going on 12 days. 6 of those spent in the ICU. She's basically a mutant and all you need to know is if you ever see her fall and cut herself, call an ambulance right away. The girl is going to be on some kind of blood thinner for the rest of her life. Coumadin. Which Boy Roommate's Momma called "rat poison." The phrase "major bummer" cannot begin to describe the situation but is the only one I can think of because it's concise enough.

The ICU staff at the hospital was amazing. They allowed us to break every rule except for the small child and animal rule. Team BFFAEAE consisted of about 6 people rotating their presence with one constant, SuperBoyfriend. Nurse Tara was outstanding. She worked around us taking up too much space in the room, but understood that the 20 year old with tubes all over her body needed and wanted her crew there. She complained not once about how needy we were, even though I'm sure we weren't that needy. Just emotional. We owned that ICU to the point of planning a cout de etat.

It's this sensitivity of the nursing staff that the current health care system does not incorporate. It does not take into account the people it serves, just the people who serve. If we needed a doctor, we would have to wait until their schedule was free and that generally happened at the end of the day, because when they came by to actually talk to the patient, it was at 8am while she was just waking up and loopy and alone and realizing she was still in the ICU with a tube up her nose. Try and ask questions and absorb information in that state. The nurses however, took the time to find out information for us, to translate what the doctor was saying into words we could actually understand, and really took into account what the patient needed.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I may not be the most educated on the details of Obama's health care bill, and my response to the hospital may be highly emotional and biased. But, I do know that the way the system works now, the fact that the "minions" for the doctor, the people the patient and family most see are so under-appreciated and that the system currently encourages that. The pills BFFAEAE are going to be on for the rest of her life, and the people who make them do not take into account that there is a life being lived attached to this pill. So yeah, the medicine fixes the system, the mechanics of the human body, but the side effects on the life the system lives are unreal. And they are not taken into account.

The change we need is to flip the system so that it works for the people and not for the doctors and insurance companies who currently run it. Why does the medical community operate under the Capitalism Oath instead of the Hippocratic Oath?

Health Care Reform, Keith Style

2010-03-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Hey all from London town where I have finally settled for my study abroad. Despite my distance from "The States," I know there's big political shit going down, and even though it's not about gay people I wanted to stay informed because health care affects everybody. With that in mind, I went over to msnbc.com to watch Countdown. Keith Olbermann wasn't in the most recent episode, but they did talk health care, and Dennis Kucinich, Argumentative Guy's favorite person, was a big headline because he finally agreed to vote yes on the health care reform bill (he previously was going to vote no because he didn't think the bill did enough). Anyway, after I watched that I went over to the Special Comment part of the site, where I found the above video clip. It's not particularly easy to watch; in fact, it made me cry. But it's worth seeing. It's a discussion of Olbermann's father and his recent health care struggles, "death panels," and insurance companies. It's from quite a while ago - February 24 - but with the vote so close I thought I'd post it. Also below is the hour-long Special Comment on health care that was replayed in memory of his father, Theodore Olbermann, who passed away on Sunday. I know these videos aren't examples of impartial journalism, but I love Keith's passion and I agree with a lot of what he says.

Also, on a personal note, my Great-Aunt Ruth died about a week ago, while my sister and I were abroad. I hope very much that her end-of-life care was as good as Keith's dad's.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Masculine Monday: Jay Z!

2010-03-16T04:39:00.001-07:00

Man, my MM's are all over the place recently. And you're correct in guessing that I know almost nothing about rap. But I've still got something to say!

So this MM I'm still gallivanting across Europe with my good friend The Bro (My Sister just went home, very sad) and maybe, just maybe, I'm a little bit homesick for the dear, sweet company of CK, J Bear, and Boy Roommate. I think that's where this MM comes from. See, after watching the video CK posted of Lady Gaga and Beyonce's Telephone 5 times (that is a 9.5 minute video. That is a lot of minutes.) I decided I should compare and contrast it with the artists' former work, to see any patterns or interesting differences, so I then watched Video Phone (their other collaboration) and what I considered to be the pinnacles of their personal video-making forays: Single Ladies (ONE OF THE BEST MUSIC VIDEOS OF ALL TIME YELLS KANYE) and Bad Romance, which made everyone's (ok, my) fingers curl up like monsters in delight when they saw it. All three videos are posted below.

Beyonce - Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It) [Official Video]
Cargado por Yannicklord. - Videos de música, entrevistas a los artistas, conciertos y más.

(Sorry the video quality isn't great. Beyonce is apparently into disabling embedding on her videos, and I'm not savvy enough to figure out a way around that. Go to YouTube and watch the official ones if you want better quality.)

So then on my video hunt I got super nostalgic for the old days (11 days ago) when my roommates and I would sit in our living room for hours, drinking Franzia, watching videos, talking, and listening to the same songs over and over and over forever and ever amen. And recently we'd been watching/listening to a lot of Jay Z. So obviously I had to pull up and watch four times On to the Next One. Here it is.

Right before my trip I was getting Jay Z'd at from every angle - both from the fact that everyone in my house decided to listen to it and it was played at my work - and I was upset because fucking homeshare wouldn't work (stupid Apple products) so I couldn't take any before I went. I mean, I could solve this problem by buying some of his songs. But who does that? Anyway, Jay Z seems like a nice enough guy and he is very in love with Beyonce, plus I feel like they're both brilliant business people and I think they're a cute power couple, and it doesn't hurt that his songs are pretty great too. So for all of the above reasons, whether they make sense to anyone else or not, this Masculine Monday goes out to a guy who has never had a problem with a bitch, 99 other problems though he may have had, and who is from the Empire State of New York, and who would like you to bring him back some money, please. Kudos!

Oh and then obviously because I'm crazy and love YouTube I found this video of him talking about Beyonce. He has a really dry sense of humor, which made me like him even more (because I communicate mostly using sarcasm). PLUS his interviewer is British! What could be better?

In Other Great Re-thinkings of Music Video News...

2010-03-14T16:26:00.000-07:00

So I thought that gayed out version of "You Belong With Me" from last VVW was pretty great. I'm sure Tay (Taylor Swift to her not-as-close friends) would love that video as well. I feel like when YouTube videos are done in fun and with a fair amount of respect to the original, the artist would probably appreciate the people doing the re-make, rather than being pissed about it. This is, I'm sure, how Ke$ha feels about the video I'm about to share with you.

I have a love/hate relationship with Tik Tok, the virus of a song that Ke$ha released into the unsuspecting world. On the one hand, it has a catchy chorus. On the other hand, I hate every other part of the song, and I get it stuck in my head all the time. But this video rethinking is a work of pure genius.

This child is a badass; Sleeping Kitty Productions 4 lyfe.

On Body Image

2010-03-14T14:29:00.000-07:00

Hola from Espana! Get ready for a rant.

So whilst abroad, many "pop culture" things have escaped my notice, but one of the Yahoo! articles from yesterday caught my eye. The title was, "Thin Is Not In at Paris Fashion Week." I thought to myself, what's this? The models on the runway at Paris fashion week might show different body types? They might not be emaciated? They might look like real people? I'll give you an excerpt.

"After many years of international criticism over the apparent unhealthiness of the skinny models chosen to walk the runways at the fashion world's most elite shows in New York, Milan, and Paris, designers seem to finally be coming around to the idea of diversity in who models their clothes. While the ethnic diversity barrier has been eroding for some time now, it seems a diversity of body types has had an even tougher time making it into the modeling world.

This week, several models known for their Victoria's Secret modeling -- most of whom have curvier figures than traditional catwalk models -- were welcome on the Paris Fashion Week runway for the first time."

Oh, Victoria's Secret models were allowed on the runway? This is the major change in the modeling world? These are the "fuller-figured" women we're reading about?

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

Alessandra Ambrosio and Adriana Lima, the two VS models who were featured in the shows, are many things. They are lovely women, they are great models, and I'm sure they're very nice people. You know what they're not, though? They're not fucking CURVY. Let's do show and tell, shall we?

In the above pictures are the models in question. They look very pretty. They also look very thin. These women cannot be larger than, say, a size 2. I'm saying nothing negative about their personal eating habits or health; for all I know, this is all genetics. But I know curvy women - hell, I know normal-sized women - and these ladies do not fall into either of these categories. If I can see your well-defined abs, you're not curvy. Sorry. Yes, Adriana has bigger boobs than the average supermodel. She's still a tiny, tiny woman.

Maybe I'm complaining too much - maybe it should be enough for me that these slightly-less-emaciated women are allowed the right to be praised as goddesses of style and beauty along with the other bone-thin women - you know, as I write this, no. I'm not complaining too much. This is ridiculous. Fuck you, Paris fashion week ready-to-wear designers. Fuck you, industry that supports eating disorders over any sign of normal human proportions. And fuck you any man or woman who expects that normal women look like this, or else decides that they are "fat."

I've been having issues recently with the media decision - not that this was a recent decision, I've just been thinking about it lately - that any sort of body fat is 1. ugly and 2. undesirable, and that anyone who has any sort of body fat is 1. ugly and 2. undesirable. I see ads all the time telling me diet tricks, telling me how to get a beach body, telling me how to get rid of my belly. You know what? Maybe women (and I realize that men have issues with this too) wouldn't have so much of a problem with their bellies - maybe I wouldn't have obsessively counted calories in high school - if I wasn't being told from commercials, internet ads, magazines, films, basically all media, that it was something to be ashamed of. When did we decide that curvy women should try their hardest to lose their natural curves? Biologically, we need fat, we need hips, we need breasts, to be able to support the children we've been designed to carry, deliver, and feed. Why are we constantly encouraged to fight our body's natural design in exchange for a six-pack?

Examples of internet ads telling me to get rid of my fat:

Ok, and then as if that isn't bad enough, there's the other side of the coin - push up bras, breast augmentations as high school graduation presents, and now this commercial for a new ridiculous idea:

Great. So I'm allowed to have fat on my boobs and my ass, but not on my thighs, sides, stomach, or anywhere else. Good to know, I'll tell that to my metabolism. Oh, how I wish there were just a giant mold I could lie in that would shape my body to the exact specifications that were desirable by men and fashion alike.

Maybe I wouldn't have so much of a problem with this modeling article - which, granted, admits that Adriana and Alessandra aren't exactly heifers - if it had a different title. The title implies that they are not thin, and if we "unpack that" (shout-out to CK, TRL style) we're saying that women who look like Adriana and Alessandra are also not thin, and that women any bigger than that are basically obese. I'm very happy that these ladies are allowed to walk in fashion week, because (pitiful though it is) this is improvement. I'd be even happier if some ladies with fuller figures were allowed to do so, as well.

Let's face it, fashion and the media show us what's supposedly "normal." That's why we here at Dyxieland go nuts when a gay couple is featured in a commercial or on a game show - because the more you see something, the less it is "othered," and the easier it is for people to accept it. We're not seeing full-figured women in magazines anywhere (very few exceptions. Very few, and none come to mind.), and even less in high fashion. You know what? Looking this thin ISN'T normal for most people. That's why models get paid so much to keep their bodies so svelte - it's hard work. It's their job to look that good, and most people don't have the time or the energy to do that. It's the best that most people can do to stay healthy, and that doesn't always mean model-skinny (in fact I'd wager that to be really healthy, most models could stand to put on a little weight).

Oh, if only we could photograph healthiness, so that we could encourage that instead. Or joy. Or if only I could live in a rainbow, surrounded by puppies. Or if I could be a mermaid! Or if I could have wings that extended from my back when I wanted them! Or if Lady Gaga were president! Or if Fox News could be Fair and Balanced!

Impossible dreams...

Once You Kill a Cow, You Gotta Make A Burger.

2010-03-12T08:47:00.001-08:00

Lady GaGa, my heart of hearts, my goddess, my queen, you've done it again.

If you're a consistant reader, I think you know how much we love Lady GaGa at Dyxieland. I mean, you can track my beginning doubt, thinking that she was just using sex to sell records. But now I realize she's not just using sex to sell records. She's using sex to CHANGE THE WORLD.

I was not a huge fan of Beyonce and Lady GaGa's Videophone collaboration. In fact, I still think they are a jankity collaboration team. I mean, Beyonce will never ever be as avante garde as Lady GaGa is and Lady GaGa will never ever be as cool and hip as Beyonce is. Even though she does deliver one of the sexiest adresses of Beyonce I have ever heard in...DUHN DUHN DUHN.... the new Telephone video.

This shit has been hyped online for months now. It finally premiered last night and everyone was trying to watch it online. Every site that posted it basically crashed. I'm going to go ahead and say it now, but nothing has been this anticipated or as big of a pop culture event since Michael Jackson's Thriller. So, here, for all of your viewing pleasure, is Lady GaGa's Telephone Video.

So I was scouring the interwebs to watch this thing and I want to personally thank Nawlins Luvah for sending me a link. It didn't work, as it was one of those sites crashing, but here I am to tell you what I think.

I watched it and at 1:11 the OMGOMGOMGs commenced. Thus, forcing J Bear, who was off galavanting with Boy Roommate to come running into the room. And guess what... it was her and not me who was the first to say "This is the queerest thing I have ever seen." Everything about this video is super queer. From the ultra feminine drag persona of GaGa herself to the butch prison guards, to that genderfuck inmmate she makes out with (hot) in the prison yard. The leather and studs. GaGa fronting the camera, challenging you to accuse her of having a dick again. ("I told you she didn't have a dick." "too bad...") Can we also talk about the cigarrette glasses? EPIC.

She doesn't even start singing until 3 minutes into the video. Hence, the Thriller comparison. Then, she continues her whole image, her whole gig, the whole IT thing, with the caution tape sequence. The style and video effect of that scene is exactly what the video montages in The Monster Ball looked like. I've also never thought a Honey Bun so sexy. And that makes me uncomfortable.

The only thing I really like about Beyonce in this video is that Lady GaGa refers to her as "Honey B." So don't hate me for not talking about Beyonce that much. To me, they just don't work together and Lady GaGa steals the show. Beyonce all jerky and remixed just does not work. However, if they could wear more American Flag outfits, I'd be ok with that. Also, I find it fascinating that Lady GaGa's use of the word "motherfucker" does not get bleeped out, but Beyonce's does. So, basically, you're telling me Beyonce doesn't curse, and therefore she obviously doens't poop or fart or eat. Thanks, everything makes sense to me now.

The product placement in this video also blows my mind. From Miracle Whip to Verizon Wireless. I was so annoyed at first becuase it is so obvious. But I think that's the point. GaGa realizes she is capable of crashing the internet by releasing this video and she realizes that companies want their shit to be a part of network-crashing video releases. So I think, I hope, that the blatant product placements are on purpose and are tounge-in-cheek and are completely self-concious. I freaked when I saw the coke-cans-in-the-hair-outfit. Then I realized oh, those really are Diet Coke cans. Oh man, I WANT A DIET COKE. Salon.com has a quick article labeling Telephone as one giant commerical, because shit won't pay for itself these days. But GaGa also endorsed a line of chic, designer condoms. Exactly. Using sex to change the world. (See how I brought that back?) Salon.com also has an article on this. So, I think she's aware of the power she has and the fame she has, and if you revisit some of the themes we talked about in our Monster Ball posts, I am of the opinion that the Telephone video as giant commerical is actually rather subversive and tounge-in-cheek because it is so blatant.

And closing remarks: "OMG. Are they going to drive off a cliff?"- J Bear.

If they do, I hope I'm packed in the trunk. Because I am still all about it.

Side Note by Katie Dee:
So while I watched this video and took extremely detailed notes on it like a week and a half ago, I'm just now getting them up here. I'm sorry. I hope it's worth you checking the post every hour on the hour up until right now!

Thoughts on Telephone (this is sort of like what I did with the Grammy's, so if you want to follow my crazy thought train, having the video playing in a window next to the text would make that easier):
1. I feel that this is an inaccurate portrayal of prison - although, I notice, it is "Prison for Bitches."
2. Gaga is the most extreme Pink Lady ever with Coke cans in her hair.
3. Monster hands!
4. They are so channeling Michael Jackson. And Moulin Rouge.
5. Whatever brand of lipstick they use, I should buy it, because that shit doesn't move.
6. I love Beyonce.
7. Why "Let's Make a Sandwich?" Don't care, that dance is awesome. I love the bites. And claps. Claps and bites!
8. See, I don't think the bleep of B's "motherfucker" signifies that she's supposedly "pure." I just think it's a way t show their personalities. Gaga is so in-your-face in every way, and B is slightly more reserved. But will still poison your food if you fuck with her.
9. Why is this in German?
10. The american flag outfits are genius. How did Gaga get Beyonce to go along with this?
11. Any time Gaga sings "sippin that bub," I'm super amused.
12. Pussy Wagon? Hahaha!
13. And it exits with the female symbol. Be still, my feminist-ass heart!

So that's my flitting thoughts; over all, I liked the video, and I thought both women did well, and although I agree with CK that they're a jankity pairing, I don't know that I think that's a bad thing. I love Gaga's continued playfulness - the full-frontal at the beginning was very funny, and I really hope nobody still thinks she's a man, though I know as I type this that some people do - and I'm happy that she's just, as far as I see it, doing what she wants with her music and her videos. I didn't see the video as all that queer, per se, but I did see it as super-feminist. Of course, sometimes these ideas overlap, and Gaga is both, so it probably just depends on the perspective you come into it with. And my perspective is ALWAYS "So what does this say about women?" And this video says that women are, to quote someone who wrote on our wall, "Stone-cold badasses."

Also, because I'm currently obsessing over Pomplamoose (they have a new CD on iTunes which you should all buy which is just covers of famous songs. It's very fittingly called "Tribute to Famous People." BUY IT.) here is their video cover of "Telephone." I like it!

WTF Happened to... PROM!?

2010-03-11T08:30:00.000-08:00

After yesterday's Viral Video Vendsday hingeing on the content of The Huffington Post, I began reading again. I was perusing today at work and found this article headline: "Mississippi Prom Canceled After Lesbian Date Request." Ok. So. That still happens. Ok. Alright. Reality Check.

Apparently, Constance McMillen, an 18 year old student at Itawamba County Agricultural Highschool in Fulton, MS (p.s. that sounds like the most terrifying place ever.) requested from school officials for the ability to bring her girlfriend to their prom, who is also a student at the school, and wear a tuxedo. She did this just before the school issued guidelines for prom attendance and dress code. One of those guidelines was that dates must be of the opposite sex. The ACLU is involved and students seem to be rather apathetic about the issue, according to this HuffPost article. One student is quoted as saying "I am a little bummed out about it. I guess it's a decision that had to be made. Either way someone was going to get disappointed-- either Constance was or we were... I don't agree with homosexuality, but I can't change what another person thinks or does." Honestly, this sounds like someone who just wants a damn prom. Now, all of the students at ICAHS are banned from an American rite of passage. Prom is a milestone. Why? I don't really know. Big gay homo over here didn't have a date and wore tennis shoes under my dress. But I looked fabulous. But for some people, senior prom is a culmination of 4 years of social climbing. Or, the culmination of 4 years of social subversion. Talk to John Hughes (RIP RIP) and I think he'd be able to fill you in.

First off, isn't what Constance requested a basic right of humanity? Not a privilege or special treatment to bring the person you are in a relationship with to an event? I have a general problem with authority, it brings out the bully in me and my stubborn side and my subversive opinions and a major attitude problem (wait... that's always...). But this is really unfortunate. My knee-jerk reaction was to use the word "obscene" but when I really think about it, it's not obscene for a collective of people to rally for something they believe in, but let's be real, when the administration of a school's main goal is to have the best educational interests of it's students in mind, canceling prom is not one of them. The administration is quoted as saying "We feel that it is in the best interest of the Itawamba County School District, after taking into consideration the education, safety and well being of students" for the reasons why they canceled prom after reviewing Constance's request.

They could have dealt with this problem in a much more understanding, level-headed, LAW ABIDING manner than flat out canceling the prom. For example, they could have just let Ms. Constance McMillen wear the damn tuxedo and take her girlfriend to prom. Because, honestly, what other education on self-identity are those kids going to actually get?

In conclusion, Dorothy Anne the Dyxieland Cowgirl, will you go to prom with me?

Let's queer things!

2010-03-10T16:33:00.001-08:00

OK so it's time for me to do my favorite thing ever. QUEER SOME STRAIGHT MEDIA BITCHEZ!

I ~~do not~~ like Taylor Swift.

Huffington Post, in all it's glory, posted today a video that the University of Rochester acapella group The Yellow Jackets created. It's an all-male acapella group and they parodied the video, making T-Swift's "You Belong With Me" a same-sex love story. THIS IS HOW IT ALWAYS PLAYS IN MY HEAD.

After some clicking around, I found this video that is the original performance instead of the one on HuffPost, which plays Taylor Swift's original track over the video.

ENJOY!

First International Post! And It's Masculine Monday!

2010-03-09T01:48:00.000-08:00

Buongiorno de Italie! Or however you would say that in a grammatically correct fashion; I am not Italian and I only took French in school. My sister and I are doing our best, though, and usually when we try our pitiful (PITIFUL) Italian, the nice locals will respond in English to make us feel less stupid, and to help us buy their products. Good business sense! Anyway, I'm currently in an Internet Café, and it's our second day in Florence. On our first day, we got lost looking for the fancy restaurant we had reservations at, and ended up in this tiny pizza place. At first, we were disappointed. Then we tried the food and swore off all American pizza forever and always. IT WAS AWESOME. Apparently in Italy, even the tiny, 5 Euro pizza joints serve AMAZING FOOD. If you ever find yourself in Florence, stop by La Ghiotta (Via Pietrapiana, 7r. I don't know what that means; I believe it's an address. It's on their card.). (Also, my favorite moment of the evening was when my sister got her food like 10 minutes before me, then finished it, and I still didn't have my pizza. Then our waiter walks by like four times. On the fifth time, he stops, looks at the order that he had written out and placed on our table, and shouts "He forgot your pizza!" I DIED.)

Anyway, so the first MMer is a guy we met on the plane: Matteo. He is an Italian guy who had just lived for a year in London "to improve his English," but also because after that he got a job working as an internet marketing person. He talked to us for the whole plane ride and taught us how to pronounce basic Italian words, and he wrote down the names of foods we needed to try. He was very adorable and he had a straw hat on that said Mad(rid) About You! and he was wearing an inexplicable fanny pack and was super nice. We taught him about the American education system and he taught us that Italians value cars so much that sometimes they will spend all their savings on them. He also said that it was strange, to an Italian, that we didn't live at home anymore, because for them it's difficult to leave their mamas' good cooking. We said it was difficult for us too, but that was just how American culture worked. He seemed a little sad for us.

So to sum up, Thanks Matteo, we would be much more pathetic without you!

Ok. So to have a second MMer that goes with the theme of past ones (aka is not just some dude I met), but because I am not tied into pop culture right now, as the hotel I'm staying at is, let's say, quaint (cute and cozy, but not so much with the technology) I'm going to pull out an old favorite and give him some new credit: Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd is Joogly Bear's favorite person; she is in love with Mike, Phoebe's husband from friends. Paul is the star of many great movies, including Clueless, I Love You Man, Role Models, and the movie he was in with Jennifer Aniston which no one has ever heard of except me, The Object of My Affection, in which he plays a gay dude who Jenny is in love with. GREAT FILMS. In Paul's honor, please go rent or buy or steal one of his movies. And here's a clip of him on Jon Stewart for your viewing pleasure. Ciao!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Paul Rudd

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Reform

Oh and fun extra treat I found on the daily show website: Paul's back, and he has a NEW DANCE!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Paul Rudd

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Reform

Viral Video Vendsay: Hoomans take ovah.

2010-03-03T12:30:00.000-08:00

Today's viral video is based off of something I posted about earlier. Remember drunken reversing box-headed cat? Well, J Bear thought it was just to DIE FOR, so we made a human version. Here it is!

FIRST SPORTS MASCULINE MONDAY EVER

2010-03-02T18:57:00.000-08:00

So I realize that it is no longer Monday but I am no longer in Iowa City; yesterday I made a 9 hour drive back into the humid comfort of the South and Thursday - which is far too soon, given everything I have to finish up - I will be leaving the country to "study" abroad. Basically, Katie D.'s taking a three month field trip to Europe! I'm very excited, and I plan to continue writing from the other side of the pond, but this is my long-winded explanation for why I didn't post yesterday. In short, shit was nuts. But I'm here now, and I'm going to talk about sports. Prepare yourselves.

Now if you know me anything better than as a stranger, you'll know that my knowledge of sports is, let's say, "not extensive." When Boy Roommate told me that I'd be missing March Madness by going abroad, he needed to explain what sport that meant (basketball). My ex, who is from Chicago, used to get angry at me when I could never remember who Mike Ditka was (I believe he has something to do with football). I'm not sure what "bracket" means. The only basketball players I know by name are retired (aka I only know them because they were in Space Jam). I think you get my point.

Anyway, in a burst of roommately affection and tenderness (and because it was Boy Roommate's birthday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY! TAKE A SHOT!), last week I decided to watch the U.S. team play hockey in the Olympics with BR and CK. Of all the sports I could watch, I actually enjoyed the hockey. For one thing, it reminds me of the Disney movie Miracle, which I like very much. For another thing, it's not ridiculously complex, or at least I could still understand the gist of what was going on even if I don't know the actual technical rules. (Puck in net = goal. No puck in net = no goal. Plus they have a big buzzer that goes off when you score, just in case you missed it!) Also, it's sort of pretty. They move very gracefully in a big, burly, knock-people's-teeth-out way. And finally, it moves at a very fast pace and there aren't a lot of breaks, which means I'm much less likely to be bored than with some other sports (I'm looking at you, baseball, football, and golf!).

So while we were watching these Olympic games, I noticed one player in particular, who I can ACTUALLY NAME OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD WITHOUT LOOKING IT UP: Ryan Miller. He was the goalie (goal keeper? Keeper?) for the U.S. team, and he was a BADASS. In the first game against Canada he faced 45 goals and blocked 42 (ok, so I looked up the stats. I'm not a machine. I'm still proud I knew his name). That's a lot of shots on goal to face - in comparison, he only faced 11 against Norway and 18 against both Switzerland and Finland. Clearly Canada's offense was also full of badasses, but even in the face of this Miller blocked 93% of their shots. THAT'S RIDICULOUS. This impressed me. I was more impressed when he continued to kick ass and take names in the following games that we watched, even though we didn't ultimately end up victorious. He, though, was named MVP for the tournament. For this badassery, Ryan Miller, even though you guys didn't get the gold, in addition to your MVP status I award you one of the coveted spots as a Masculine Mondayer. Congrats on being the first sports-person here. You may not find yourself in good sports company. Now excuse me while I go watch a musical.

Strong Black Lesbian Women.

2010-02-28T08:49:00.000-08:00

As a lesbian and a student of writing (mutually inclusive), I process and metaphorically unpack beyond the healthy amount, which requires a lot of time. And a lot of wine. So, sorry for this week’s Feminine Friday delay.

After seeing Salt Lines, I needed a lot of “me” time. Katie Dee, J Bear, our other friend Radio Guy, along with most of the gay community of Iowa City and the greater surrounding area, had our worlds rocked by Denise Jolly, Sonya Renee, and Andrea Gibson. Salt Lines is a traveling troupe of female spoken word poets, all of whom have appeared on final stage or won International Slam Poetry competitions. There is also a fourth member that, for some reason, was not in Iowa. Tara Hardy. You can check them out on facebook individually or as a group, and they have a myspace. I’m so dedicated to making sure they know we’ve blogged about our experience, I’ve had to dig up my old myspace account password and username, and after locking myself out of my own account twice, I got my shit together enough to post a comment on their page. LOOK AT IT HERE. IT TOOK A LOT OF WORK.

Ok so now for my attempt at translating my experience into words. I do not want to reduce these women to just Strong, Black and Lesbian, but for the sake of preserving the novelty of inside jokes, I'll use the phrase as a spring board to take you through the show.

First, STRONG. Denise Jolly was the least in-your-face of the three women. But my goodness was she poignant, intent, determined, honest. "Small never was my size." Sing it sister. There is a delicate quality about this woman that is intimidating.

Second, BLACK. Sonye Renee's opening remark "you need to be as loud as my boobs are big" immediately stole my heart. Then she performed poems about fathers and abortion (two seperate poems, that might be a little too intense if both were mentioned in the same piece in connection with the other... wow now my mind is just racing.) which put Katie Dee and J Bear over the edge.

Apparently, they were crying for the majority of the performance. I didn't even notice. But then again, they didn't even notice me reciting verses along with Andrea Gibson. The old fashioned English Major in me still values the ability to spew verses of poetry. If you ever want the prologue to Romeo and Juliet, I, along with Ronfire99, have got you covered. If you want it in a Christopher Walken voice, just call Ronfire. I was so plugged in, I was so engaged, I was so with it, feeling it, all about it, that the last thing on my brain was crying. I didn't even think that that's what I could have done in this situation. I was so all about every woman on that stage that all I could do was watch and be present. I brought my camera and again, didn't use it. I stick to my principle that it only detaches the viewer from their experience and I'd rather have memories in my heart and in my brain than on an SD card. But again, that's a different blog post.

Third, LESBIAN. I can't begin to tell you how great it was to see Andrea Gibson perform live. And how lame of a way to say that? "How great." I met her and was the most awkward a person can be. I'll just keep telling myself it's part of my charm... She performed "I Do" and the fact that she was in Iowa, where she can, was really quite special. I do love Iowa as a state. They really have their shit together and believe in what America stands for and what it can be. At least, the Iowans I know do. Maybe I just have good taste. Also, her girlfriend is an Iowan and her mother was in the audience so it was twice as precious.

The show was such a rollercoast of emotions. I was laughing then crying then laughing AND crying, then I was pissed, then I was ashamed, then I was determined, then it was over. TOO SOON, TOO SOON.

Sonya and Andrea also did a period poem by a guy named Christian Drake. They introduced it by telling a story about picking a poem that would be inappropriate to do in front of Andrea's GF's momma, and this was the worst they could come up with, so they obviously did it. LOVE THAT. I couldn't find a youtube clip of him doing the poem or Sonya and Andrea, but I found one of Andrea and Katie Wirsing performing "Bloodbath." It's very "Blood in the Board Room." And AWESOME. It's even better that this was originally written by a man. All of us left thinking "I want someone to love me so much they'd have period sex with me."

The video is cut off a bit at the beginning, but I'm over it.

I now want to TiVo Def Jam poetry.

Update 3/23/10: Here is the video of Sonya Renee and Andrea Gibson performing "Bloodbath" at the University of Iowa. You cna probably hear me clapping.

Side Note by Katie Dee: So in preparation for writing this Side Note I went back through and watched all these videos again, to remind myself of the live experience. And damned if I didn't start fucking crying - in the library. CK talked about how she was so focused on the performance that the last thing on her mind was crying but I see it differently - I couldn't help it. From Andrea Gibson's first poem (which was like the 2nd poem they did. I literally cried for the whole damn thing), I was just so entirely filled with their passion and their words that I couldn't help my tears. It was involuntary and automatic to cry, as much as it was to laugh at "Bloodbath." These women - especially live - were so extraordinary. They were all such different kinds of strong, different kinds of poetic - Denise had delicate language, Andrea was the most playful with her words, and Sonya was just strength personified. So yeah, the summary of my experience was that I was so blown away by them that I couldn't contain my emotion. If you have the chance to see them, please do so. You will absolutely not regret it.

Ok, and to make myself less weepy before my next class, I'm sharing with you a new Denise Jolly poem that shows a different side of her - a side I like. Also, HOW GREAT is that bloodbath video? Seriously, I would LOVE to have someone who loved me that much. "This blood on my skin is the photograph I take when I visit your heart." HOLY SHIT. Ok here's the Denise Jolly poem.

Salt Lines

2010-02-27T11:13:00.000-08:00

So Chatty Kathy and I are both dealing with our feelings about the upcoming FF topic. Which we realized should've been posted yesterday. But seriously, we have a lot of emotions about this topic. So look forward to an intense, if belated, Feminine Friday about the lovely women of Salt Lines: Sonya Renee, Andrea Gibson, and Denise Jolly.

WILD KINGDOM Wideo Wednesday!

2010-02-24T22:35:00.000-08:00

So at my job our supervisors have to give motivational pep talks to keep us working hard. These talks are sometimes extremely related to our task at hand, and sometimes extremely not. This is the video they showed us last Saturday, the message being that we should be "sneaky" in our jobs to succeed. The message I wish to convey to you is, "Hey, at least our alcoholism is something we came by honestly." Brought to you by the folks at the Big British Channel.

MASCULINE MONDAY: Mike from the Real World

2010-02-22T22:19:00.000-08:00

So I don't usually watch the Real World but for some reason this season I'm hooked. I think I can place some blame on CK for this one, because she enables me by watching it with me and then talking about it like it's the most fascinating thing that was ever created (let's face it, we enable each other). Anyway most of the people on it are forgettable (there's the musician chick who I hate the more she speaks, the one brunette who's kind of stupid and the one brunette who's super abrasive, the blonde one, the douchebag dude, the douchebag black dude, and Panda) but my favorite by far and the focus of today's Msquared is Mike, the bi/possibly gay guy from Colorado. He is super cute in an Abercrombie sort of way (I think he looks like Matt Damon) and he works with HRC (Human Rights Campaign for the non-gay) and he LOVES his boyfriend Connor (I believe this is his name. I don't pay enough attention. It's not like it's Jersey Shore. AKA something REALLY IMPORTANT). Anyway Mike's been grappling with his sexuality for a few years now and, in my opinion, seems to be pretty together on the show, though his roommates are constantly bugging him about how he's GAY and not BI and they can't deal with him being bi - but he sticks up for himself, and I think is fairly confident in his sexuality. Personally, I don't give a fuck if he's gay or bi, and I don't see why they're pushing it so hard. Just let him be. If he likes boys, cool. If he likes girls, cool. If he wants to make out with me, so be it.

Anyway, the reason I love him particularly today is because CK and I just watched the new episode, in which his family comes to visit and he really comes out to them in a new way - particularly his mom. Apparently his parents had been kind of encouraging Mike to keep quiet about his sexuality, which obviously made him feel like they didn't approve of/understand/accept it. So he brings his mom to meet his boss at HRC and they have lunch and talk about all the issues in the LGBT community (she didn't even know what this meant, which to me was just amusing and shocking because I can't even conceive of not knowing what LGBT means. Again for the non-gay: LGBT = Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender) including marriage and adoption, among other things. It was so sweet how hard she was trying to understand him and his new world-view, especially when they were talking about adoption. He said something about how it was illegal in many states for gay people to adopt, and her response was, "Well I still want grandchildren, so we'd better change some laws." CK and I exploded.

Mike just seems grounded, sure of himself, sweet, thoughtful, and not a character-type like many of his RW peers. PLUS he still is religious, which is not exactly my thing, but you know, he's standing up for what he believes in and isn't sacrificing his sexuality or religion one for the other. Good on you, Mike. I encourage you to make out with as many dudes as will make you (and Jesus) happy. I will watch.

Sidenote: CK- Mike's BF's name is Tanner. I know this because unlike Jersey Shore, this is important.

Who has a Marauder's Map to My Soul?

2010-02-18T09:23:00.000-08:00

This week's Feminine Friday is Andrea Gibson. She is a spoken word poet based out of Denver, Colorado. I heard about her through a friend when we had an EPIC phone conversation that lasted about 10 hours. Not kidding. Gay ladies can talk.

At some point in my life I've questioned the validity of my creative endeavors, if being a writer is really what I want and if I'm talented enough. Whenever I feel like that I listen to Andrea Gibson's "Yellowbird." At some point in my life, I've struggled with parental acceptance. Whenever I feel like that I listen to Andrea Gibson's "Marble." At some point in my life, I've struggled with unrequited love. Whenever I feel like that I listen to Andrea Gibson's "Photograph" and "Anything."

This is an uncharacteristically un-funny post for Dyxieland (Sorry Dorothy Anne). But this woman is amazing. I'm going to let her spoken word speak for itself. Please watch the videos and leave your comments, becuase I'm fascinated to see what ya'll think. Unfortunately, "Marble" doesn't have a video nor is it posted on her website, so you'll just have to go buy her albums on iTunes: Bullets and Windchimes, Swarm, WHEN the BOUGH BREAKS, Yellowbird. Do I own them all? Yes. Should you? Yes.

And just a little bonus video:

Also, I just found out that next week, February 25th and 26th Andrea Gibson is going to be performing in Iowa City at the University of Iowa and holding a q&a workshop the next day at the Public Library. I could not BE more excited for this!

Side Note from Katie D.: Before seeing the videos CK posted (having only listened to her on Kathy's iPod) I definitely thought this was like a bohemian black woman with long black braids. False.

From CK- I believe a direct quote is "butch as fuck." Oh Katie Dee, so loving.

Update 2/23/10: I realized I forgot to post "Yellowbird!" Oopsies.

Wizard Wednesday

2010-02-18T00:35:00.000-08:00

I apologize in advance for not having actual videos on the site; you'll have to toddle over to YouTube to really see what I'm talking about. But I do have links!

So it's not really a secret that I enjoy things of a, shall we say, "Harry Potter" nature. This includes but is not limited to Harry Potter books, Harry Potter movies (some of them), Harry Potter jokes, Harry Potter adventures, Harry Potter discussions, Harry Potter trivia, and Harry Potter spin-offs. The videos I am about to share with you take two of my passions - Harry Potter and weird shit - and combine them. So Brad Neely decided to take the ENTIRE first HP movie and narrate it, as a "book on tape," which he called "Wizard People, Dear Reader." The idea is to watch the movie on mute and play Neely's narration over it, for a new take on the story (FUCKIN META). The result is hilarity. Obviously, some people put it up on YouTube, and thank God for them. It takes a little bit to get into it, but once I got to Chapter Three I was hooked and had to watch the whole thing. The nicknames are one of my favorite aspects of the videos - "Ronnie the Bear" - "Catface Meowmers" - "Snake" (who is a woman) - "Hardcastle McCormick" - but what really makes it funny is this guy's voice. He must be insane. But in the BEST way. I can't get the video to work (embedding has been disabled and my computer knowledge is less than extensive) so PLEASE use the links below to travel to your friendly neighborhood YouTube and watch Wizard People, Dear Reader!

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3

Masculine Monday BONUS MATERIAL!!!!

2010-02-16T08:57:00.000-08:00

Place: The Huffington Post.

Hilarity Level: Out of Control.

Pertinence to Males: Of Course.

The article says it all:

"The joke's been done to death, but when it comes out of the mouth of a middle schooler and he gets detention for it, we can't help but applaud. Sure detention sucks, but it was totally worth it. Well done, Dalton, well done."

I am so bad at making this joke (because I don't understand heterosexuality, it's the Jack McFarland syndrome) but this kid nailed it. That's what she said.

You're Welcome. Amen.

For Nora: A Boy AND a Video! Alternate Post Title: Masculine Monday - Sorry J Bear

2010-02-15T23:50:00.000-08:00

So I told Joogly Bear that I wouldn't make John Mayer my Masculine Monday for at least a little while, but I couldn’t help myself. I've been listening to "Battle Studies," his new album and the subject of much debate at my house, over and over again recently, trying to develop a real opinion on it; plus he was recently on Storytellers on Vh1 and I really enjoyed that. Oh AND you may or may not have heard about this on every media outlet for the past few days (or, for the people who still read magazines and in particular those who read Playboy, though why you would be on our blog if you read Playboy is beyond me) but he also recently did this REALLY REALLY EPICLY STUPID interview with Playboy in which he said, just, SHOCKINGLY dumb shit. Here are some highlights (which have been highlighted all over the place but here you go again)!

On how he hasn't dated lots of black girls: My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fuckin' David Duke cock.

On the fact that black people like him (apparently): Someone asked me the other day, 'What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?' And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass?

On Jessica Simpson: Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just fucking snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.'

On the media and his relationship with Jennifer Aniston: There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, 'These are the new rules.'

Ok. So. Yes, there was more to the interview. And personally, I think the stuff that's been over-quoted has also, in some cases, been taken out of context. For instance, I don't think he means anything against Jennifer Aniston with the 1998 comment; he was talking about celebrities' relationship with the media, and how she wished it were simpler (read: no Twitter) like in 1998, and he's just accepting that it is what it is. I think he genuinely has a lot of love for her. For instance, after he started talking about how great Jessica Simpson was in bed, he interrupted his interviewer to say:

Pardon me for interrupting. I love Jen so much that I’m now thinking about how bad I would feel if she read this and was like, “Why are you putting me in an article where you’re talking about someone else? I don’t want to be in your lineage of kiss-and-tells.”

So I mean, obviously the guy lets his mouth run away with him, but he did try to reign it back in for the sake of her feelings. Which of course nobody notices, because nobody bothers to read the whole article (it's very long - here's the link if you want to read it yourself). Other than the stuff that is so obviously and blatantly inappropriate or over-the-top, basically what I get from the interview - and all I've ever gotten from any John Mayer interview I've ever read or seen - is that this guy knows he's talented, and he really just wants to be liked, but he's trying too fucking hard to be liked/appreciated/accepted. And what I honestly believe is his earnest determination to be liked and to be funny ("My Stupid Mouth" anyone? Third song on his first studio album and he's already saying, "Just wanna be liked, just wanna be funny/looks like the joke's on me) comes across, to many people, as being a huuuuuuuge douchebag. Which is understandable.

But I have to confess something to you. I still love him, and I feel like I always will. I care too much about his music to give up on him.

My affection for John Mayer started, as so many things did, back in 7th grade. "Room For Squares" was his only studio album at the time, and I wore that CD out TWICE. I loved his voice, I loved the way he wrote, I loved that he wrote about stuff that wasn't just love songs - though his love songs were really excellent, too. At this point, I've seen him in concert three times (he gets better every time and he was really good to begin with) and I own all his CD's, including the pre-Room for Squares "Inside Wants Out." Even though "Room For Squares" and "Continuum" are my faves, I still have songs I love from both "Heavier Things" and "Battle Studies," and I will continue to listen to his music as long as he writes it. And his personal life… I mean, it makes for good music. But here's my point: he is crazy talented. He knows he's crazy talented. But his songs - "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room," "No Such Thing," "Split-Screen Sadness" - they speak more than some douchey interviews - or a thousand douchey Tweets - ever could.

The fact is, he's apologized profusely for the interview, both through his Twitter:

"Re: using the 'N word' in an interview: I am sorry that I used the word. And it's such a shame that I did because the point I was trying to make was in the exact opposite spirit of the word itself. It was arrogant of me to think I could intellectualize using it, because I realize that there's no intellectualizing a word that is so emotionally charged.
And while I'm using today for looking at myself under harsh light, I think it's time to stop trying to be so raw in interviews. It started as an attempt to not let the waves of criticism get to me, but it's gotten out of hand and I've created somewhat of a monster. I wanted to be a blues guitar player. And a singer. And a songwriter. Not a shock jock. I don't have the stomach for it. Again, because I don't want anyone to think I'm equivocating: I should have never said the word and I will never say it again.I just wanted to play the guitar for people. Everything else just sort of popped up and I improvised, and kept doubling down on it..."

and at a concert in Nashville, where he was basically in tears and said "I just want to play my guitar."

Personally, I take his apologies at face value and I think, in context, a lot of the things he said make more sense and are slightly less inflammatory. I'm not supporting any sort of racism, I don't believe he meant the racial remarks he made (and I agree, he shouldn't have used that word) and I also think it's less-than-classy that he went on about his and Jessica's sex life, but in the context of the entire interview those two things were not the point. And yeah, he's a bit of a douchebag. Well, I'm sort of obnoxious. Chatty Kathy can sometimes be abrasive. People are allowed to have flaws.

But for the love of God, John. Take your own advice, pick up your guitar, and stop fucking talking.

Feminine Friday: Dyke Comics.

2010-02-12T08:58:00.001-08:00

My friend Ronfire99, over at Entertainment, Etc. lent me his copy of Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel and I lent him my copy of the redesigned Wizard of Oz comic. Yep, you heard right, we traded comics. EPIC NERD FTW. And to continue this trend, it's about to get real English Major-y up in here.

This graphic novel was one of the best things I've read in a while. It tells the story of Bechdel's growing up, coming out, and her father's death in the context of Camus metaphors and Ulysses parallels and The Importance of Being Earnest references. Her father was gay and it's a story of both their self-discvoeries: one embraces who they are, the other denies it.

I really related to Bechdel's personal journey. The panels when she's at college are my favorite. They are explicit and real. She discovered herself and her identity through reading, which is something I've slowly started to do.

I also re-discovered her strip "Dykes to Watch Out For." I mean, I'd heard about it and recognized the name when Ronfire99 gave me the book, but I'd never really read the strip. Well, I've been going through the archives and holy balls it is HILARIOUS. I've been trying to explain this to my straight roommates, since I know about 2 actual lesbians in Iowa City, and I just can't get the humor right. My favorite panel is the main group of friends over dinner and as Mo takes her leave, she turns back and says "Thanks for the lentils." I JUST THINK THAT'S SO FUNNY. I mean LENTILS. The gayest grain on the face of the planet. I think it might have been funny because I read it when I was making lentil soup from a can and I looked at my self and in my head I said "awwwww shit." If you want to send me something special, buy me The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For Collection before I do it myself. I now hate myself for not reading this since its inception in 1987. I could totally read from the moment of conception. Screw my birthdate in 1988. Wow. I just dated myself.

What's so great about this comic is that it shows a range of gay culture. There are so many different genres of gays that you can't count out or discredit anyone. Who knew cowboys from Iowa marched on Washington? Not these liberal, idealistic lesbians. It has subtlety. It isn't in your face gay, it's real gay. And tempering the need to tell everyone and declare your self to everyone is really freaking hard. It's hard to not want to just let everyone know in hopes that the one other gay in the room will see you and hear you and hit on you or at least just show you some attention I mean geeze, you're cool and funny and smart why do women not want to talk to you...and.... SCENE.

Check out the website here!

Guido, Guidette, Guid!

2010-02-06T12:53:00.000-08:00

So typically I'm not particularly into reality television on MTV - the dating shows (Date My Mom or whatever?) and the Real World/Road Rules phenom - I've watched them occasionally but it's not like it's something I'd hunt down. Jersey Shore, though, is a beacon of light in a dreary world of the same character types that are always placed onto these shows. There's always the weird guy, the outspoken girl, the slutty girl, the loud, obnoxious guy, the beef head, the gay one, or some variation of the above mix - then they're put together to see how sparks fly when you have a group of strangers who are sooooo different living under one roof. It's crazy and unpredictable! But it's crazy and unpredictable in the same way every season. People fight, they have sex, they cry, they fight more, blah blah blah. It's all very one-note, and that note is drama for the sake of television. On Jersey Shore, though, they took a cast of the exact same type of people (the casting call was for "loud, proud Italian-Americans"), not wanting them to fight each other because of their differences, but wanting them to find reasons to fight because of their similarities. "This is what happens when you take 8 people who fit the same stereotype and put them under one roof; they never were particularly real in the first place but now they're living together!"

Everyone on the planet may disagree with me, but I see Jersey Shore as something that takes a step away from other MTV reality tv for one reason: they really embrace one stereotype. They're really clear about why they're on the show: they are Guidos who love being Guidos (THEIR WORD) and they're at the Shore to party. Roll film.

This Sunday (during which I believe some sort of sporting event is taking place. I know it's the Puppy Bowl but I think there's something else, too) MTV is running the entire season of Jersey Shore, all day long. Fist pumping; GTLing (Gym, Tan, Laundry - so you can look your burliest, brownest, bright-whitingest best at the bars!); drinking; fighting, all in one day - basically the livers of college students all over America will be fighting for their lives by like 3 pm. (See: the Jersey Shore Drinking game).

Let's break it down by character, shall we?
Angelina - the one I'm glad is gone.

Ronnie - the one who looks most like a bear.

Sammi ("Sweetheart") - the one I'd most like to slap.

Pauly D. ("DJ Pauly D. tearin it up on the ones and twos!") - the one with his penis pierced, who uses more hair gel in a day than I have in my entire life, even when I did dance recitals when I was little and tried to get rid of the little frizzies at the front of my head.

Jwoww - the one with the classiest-ass outfits.

Vinnie - the one I actually probably wouldn't mind dating because he seems like a normal person and at one point he said "Cheer up, Charlie" to a house-mate, which is a quote from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, which is a great movie.

Mike ("The Situation") - the one I find unattractive in pretty much every way, but who I think might actually be semi-intelligent -or at least self-aware - in real life (see the clip below for proof).

Snooki - the angel of my world.

Are they really all that different from each other? No. Are WE really all that different from all of them? Don't answer that. Do they make for great TV? Every minute. Every minute. Enjoy the clip.

The REAL Situation (Feat. MTV Jersey Shore's The Situation, Snooki, and Pauly D) - watch more funny videos

She Ate My Heart

2010-02-06T12:17:00.000-08:00

So here's the thing about the Lady Gaga concert. It was immaculate. It was well-thought-out from the opener (Semi-Precious Weapons) to the Michael Jackson that she played while the stage was set up (people - read: me and Lil Sof Sof - were singing and dancing to "The Way You Make Me Feel" and "Thriller" in a lit auditorium with a whole bunch of other singing strangers) to the dancers - who were characters more than anything - to the finale. The woman IS musical theater. This is what people don't understand. Any time I hear someone say "I don't get Lady Gaga," I think two things: 1. "I hate you," and 2. "That's because you aren't gay enough." I, however, am a gay man, so I get her just fine.

So CK covered basically the first half of the concert, and I'll do my bit mostly on the last half. My thing about the concert is that it was all so ENJOYABLE - even songs that I didn't like when listening to them on the CD (See: Alejandro or Dance in the Dark) were so well done and so entertaining that I sang along and cheered, and left the stadium liking them. Basically the whole concert was me and my friends singing along, cheering, and dancing. I don't know how she did it, but the whole time, even though I was in an auditorium full of people (Side note: kids at Purdue would not last two hours in the bars in Iowa City. Their "going all out" for the concert is like wearing stuff that I would seriously consider wearing to the bars. Neither LSS or Jbear were wearing pants, and my skirt was so short I basically wasn't either. It's ok though, we all had tights on, so it doesn't count.) I felt like it was a very personal experience. She talked to us as if we were a group of people who had come together not for a concert, but for some sort of social movement. This was particularly true when she shouted "ARE YOU LISTENING?" to the audience, echoing her moving speech that she gave at the Gay Pride rally in D.C. Like I said, if you don't get gay culture, you won't get Gaga - the experience was just her embracing who she is and who her fans are and giving them a show made especially for them.

Ok, to be less vague, I'll break it down by songs. "Monster" was one of my favorites and is a new obsession of mine, but CK's spoken about it already so I'll just agree that it's wonderful. "Just Dance" (aka The Ballad of the IC Bars at 1:00 am) was so much fun, and was well-placed at the beginning of the show;"Teeth" was fucking sexy and I'm thrilled she included it because that song is raw and animalistic (like the screens she was dancing in front of); "Boys Boys Boys" allowed her male dancers to dance shirtless in pants and suspenders, and that was just, you know, awesome. In between all these songs were her speeches and calls for cheers - "I'm a little like Tinkerbelle - if people don't clap for me, I die" - and, my favorite part, the story about seeing fans hail each other in Boston. Apparently she was riding in a car, and next to her was a car full of fans, singing Gaga music at the top of their lungs. She rolled down her window and looked out at them, waiting for them to see her, but they didn't. Then, from another car going by, as they heard the Gaga music pouring out of the first car, more fans acknowledged mutual Gaga love by sticking hands, curled into claws, out of their window as they passed; and thus, the claw, and the "Little Monster" greeting was born. We cheered and showed her our claws, in appreciation of the story. The moral of which, by the way, is ALWAYS BE ALERT, BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN LADY GAGA IS JUST GOING TO SHOW UP IN THE CAR NEXT TO YOU.

Just Dance

"Speechless" was probably my favorite song of the evening. She came out with a huge, busted-ass looking piano, and the performance was just emotional and gorgeous. I think the most amazing part of being a performer would be to have your audience sing parts of a song back to you, and she had us do that with this song. I mean, the song is already about her dad, and convincing him to get life-saving surgery, so hearing thousands of people sing back your words about such a heartbreaking/heartwarming subject - it must've been ridiculous and moving. She did "Paparazzi" and we decided that there must've been some sort of technical difficulty, because we assumed that she was supposed to end up hanging from the top of the stage (she was in the process of being lifted up there and then they kind of chickened out) but she didn't; so she just went offstage and we stood there for a few minutes, cheering, ready for the encore. I mean, she hadn't sung "Bad Romance" yet, so the show couldn't be over. So then finally the woman comes out IN A GLOWING ORB (like Glenda the Good Witch in Wicked - like I said, she IS musical theater) and says, "You didn't think I'd leave you like that, did you?" No Gaga, we didn't.

Glowing ORB

So then we're expecting "Bad Romance," and she jumps into "Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)," probably the poppiest song she's done and one of my favorites. I definitely wasn't expecting it, because it's not like it was a single or anything, but it was great to hear it - at the end of the night, we said that she had sung every song we'd wanted to hear. After that, of course, was the money. She sang "Caught in a bad romance," and as if we weren't nuts enough already, we froke the fuck out. She said something to the effect of, "I'm going to give you what you deserve, Purdue" and the "Ra Ra Ah Ah Ah's" started, dancers cavorting around her, sky-high heels on, orb gone, just fucking performing. Disregarding the incredibly annoying tall guy who was standing in front of me taking pictures of him and his pocket-sized girlfriend in front of the stage, the performance was, as always, flawless. I may be able to put up video clips later, if I can get them from J Bear when I get back in town (I'm currently in CA.)

Bad Romance

At the end, like the theater kid she is, she came out with the entire "cast" of dancers and took a stage bow. You know, people think she's ridiculous, but really, I think she just really understands what she's doing. Her whole persona is about fame and spectacle, and it's like her life is a fucking piece of literature because of the ties she makes from performance to performance to CD to music video to speech to her fucking outfits- her life, her performances, have themes, which she cultivates and encourages. How many times has she used a burned piano? Masks? That monster claw (models of which, by the way, were covering her burned piano when she sang at the Grammy's with Elton John)? The lines about needing applause, about how she wants to be a star? She knows what she's fucking doing. She doesn't just want attention; she's building her outrageous persona for a purpose. I can't wait to see what she does next; the music industry had better catch up.

Final bow

Side note: Like Chatty Kathy, I too have a new boy roommate. This is because we live in the same house. And I'd like to state officially that I think having a boy roommate is SO FUN. I don't have a whole lot of experience living with boys - my mom didn't remarry til I was 17 and I don't have brothers - but (and of course this is in no way meant to insult the lovely women I've lived with before, including L Dubs who Boy Roommate has replaced while she studies in Australia) I am truly truly enjoying the experience. Boy Roommate and I do all sorts of fun things together - he makes me watch basketball and I cheer when they score touchdowns, I make him watch Real World: D.C. and he cheers when it is over. And we watch Jersey Shore together and shush anyone who dares speak while it is on. We are both looking forward to the Puppy Bowl, and he encourages me to drink copiously on Fridays even though he knows I work on Saturday mornings. Plus he knows I am up for cuddles and/or hugs whenever, though oddly he almost never takes advantage of these offers. It's a lovely relationship. Of course, I don't share a bathroom with him, and CK does, so that's a whole nother story. I bet it smells like boy products. Nice!

Arrived in Indiana a girl, left a Woman.

2010-02-04T09:21:00.000-08:00

You GAYS! We saw Lady GaGa. We did it. Mission accomplished. Now, to tell you all about it. I don't even know where to begin. We saw her a while ago at the Purdue show she rescheduled. You can read about that disaster here. It's taken me this long to get my shit together because my mind was basically BLOWN. My brain once weighed 3 pounds and was the consistency of tofu, now, my friends, it's mashed potatoes and has lost some weight since I can't find the bits splattered on the floor of Elliot Hall of Music. Lady GaGa is the most dedicated, sincere, weird, creative, ballsy, sexual performer I have ever seen. And little do you know, Cher's first farewell tour (Living Proof.) was my very first concert. (I'm gay.)

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start, when you read you begin with A-B-C, when you sing you being with Do-Re-Mi, when you talk about Lady GaGa you begin with Ro-Ma-Ma. Her opening act was a band called Semi Precious Weapons. Their job was to basically get us "wet with excitement" for Lady GaGa. Yes, that is a direct quote from the lead singer who asked to see tits, then when that didn't work some cunt, then got naked on stage for a costume change. We were berated with demeaning names ("whores," "motherfuckers") we were constantly told to shut up. I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. And the best part is Jason Derulo was in Canada. One more reason Canada is under rated. Here's a picture of the Fairy Queen lead singer who is more of a man than you and more of a man than Katie Dee will ever get and one of the few men I'd probably sleep with.

So then it took her forever to get on stage. I was personally terrified it'd get cancelled again. The first time, it wasn't real until we were in the doors and our tickets weren't fakes we bought off eBay, but the real thing (that we bought off eBay). But this time, I wasn't going to believe it until she was on that stage. The stage is really basic and really industrial. It was so basic and there was so little going on that I didn't know what to expect. There was a scrim hanging in the front of stage area and that was really essential to the show because it all depended on lights and video/art installations. The stage was basically this:
Then, this video turned into this:Yep, that's the pure Lady GaGa with what I interpret as a dark, troubled version of herself straddling that then sticks its fingers down its throat and vomits blue puke on the pure angelic version of Lady GaGa. Thus, the introduction of the theme of inner-torment. I have never been to a show that was so cerebral yet so entertaining at the same time.

Minimal right? Well, the bitch had about 7 costume changes and in between these really intense video installations would play. The show never let up. It never stopped. It was relentless. Even when she wasn't on stage, these video portrait art things were so engaging. You were constantly bombarded with stimulation. Oh, backtrack, the show opened with this trippy projection of this tweaky grid on the scrim and a countdown. It was more exciting than New Year's Eve! There's smoke, there's flashing lights, then there she is. In a light up, skin tight body suit. She's all glowy and outlined in lights. It was fabulous. Oh, and P.S. I have not squeezed my butt cheeks harder or screamed louder at any show in my entire life. I think my flat ass gained a little donk, if you know what I mean. So these video installations were part photography, part video, part fashion show, part story telling, part stop-motion animation. She was real jerky and real weird.

Also, this show is not for children. I mean, yeah Britney and Christina and Justin and N*SYNC and Whitney (BOBBAY) all have shows with sexual themes. But I mean, it's one thing to take your tween to one of those shows and have the sex either go over their head or talk with them about vanilla hetero-sex. But it's a completely different car ride home when you've taken your tween to a Lady GaGa show and you have to explain gender fluidity, queerness, sexual freedom, and the utter loneliness of fame. That's some heavy shit. Most. Awkward. Car ride. Home. Ever.
Pictured above is one of my favorite parts of the show. You can't really see it here, but it was basically a big dagger-like silhouette that engulfed the stage's screens. It was just so cool.

My other favorite was the Monster set:

For such a minimalistic, industrial set, there was quite an intense nature theme throughout the whole thing. Here, her dancers are dressed like crows and you can see the band and she has this great feather thing on. When she sings "he ate my heart, he a-a-ate my heart" the dancers gather around her and her she screams and flips a shit (any excuse for a costume change Lady GaGa) and then emerges in a completely different outfit with a big blood spot on her chest. They literally ate her fucking heart.

Some of my other favorite things about the show were what GaGa was saying. We now quote her in my house all the damn time. You can occasionally hear us yelling from down the street: "Take my picture Purdue, I want to be a star!" or "Do you think I'm sexy? I don't believe you..." or "Sing that Dirty Word Purdue!" or "People say that I have a huge dick. Get your cocks out. I hear there's some huge cock at Purdue." She opened with that line and my immediate reaction was YES! YES I WILL GET MY HUGE COCK OUT. DON'T YOU FUCKING WORRY. I'm sure our boy roommate really appreciates us not letting him watch sports downstairs and constantly yelling dirty things. He's slowly learning what the GaGa is all about. (P.s. it is so weird living with a boy. I'm sure I'll post about that later.)

Anyway. I'm going to pass on the GaGa reviewing to Katie Dee. Get it grrrrl.

I'm still processing the show and will probably build off of Katie Dee's post. What I've mentioned above are the highlights of the show for me. I danced the whole time. I yelled "Oh My GAWD" several times. And my favorite outfit was her red latex bikini with a police hat.

Sidenote: Thanks J BEAR for taking pictures!!!!!!

Celebrity Doppelgänger

2010-02-02T09:35:00.000-08:00

What's the deal with Celebrity Doppleganger (I'm pissed I can't get the umlaut to work on this computer) week on Facebook? I don't really get it. I think it's a sign that people are just getting bored with everything that facebook is. People are finding who they look like via websites and friends' opinions through status comments. It's like the institution that is facebook is stimulating discussion becuase we can't do that for ourselves anymore. How sad is that? People take facebook incredibly way too seriously. Plus, I already know who I look like, so I changed my profile picture, obviously, to my Doppleganger: Bald John Travolta.

Sidenote: Chatty Kathy and Katie Dee are now on Facebook! Friend us! And become a fan of the blog!

Rambling Katie D. Takes on the Grammy's

2010-01-31T22:16:00.000-08:00

Written while I watched. Like live-blogging, but less technologically savvy and also not in real time because I Tivoed it and watched it without commercials. Enjoy my brilliant observations.

1. Lady Gaga continues to prove to me that she is perfect in every way. I loved the hands on the piano, I loved that Sir Elton John joined her, I loved that she had soot on her face, I loved it all. She is fucking amazing, her performance (like the concert, which we will write about eventually) was flawless, and I'm not sure how she didn't fall down in those shoes.
2. Stephen Colbert's opening speech was uncomfortable. I did like him telling his daughter to stay away from Katy Perry though. Who BY THE WAY is engaged to Russell Brand. WHAT? I mean, ok, when I think about it they're kind of perfect for each other. But it's still SO WEIRD.
3. I'M THRILLED "SINGLE LADIES" WON SONG OF THE YEAR. THE GLITTERY NYMPHS REJOICE.
4. Why did JLo almost cry when she introduced Green Day?
5. Also, on the Green Day thing: I'm not sure what I think about American Idiot being made into a musical. When that album came out my punk-rock friends liked it for long enough to gush about it to me and have me listen to it on repeat (YES LIBERTY SPIKE AND ARGUMENTATIVE GUY, THIS DID HAPPEN), but soon they got too punk for that shit and started listening to monsters and stuff and denied ever having liked the album and furthermore have now renounced Green Day's old stuff as well (I will never stop loving "Welcome to Paradise" or "Long View"). I, on the other hand, still think it had some pretty decent songs, though I want to kill myself every time I hear "Boulevard of Broken Dreams." Anyway, I don't know what to think about this musical. On the one hand, I love musical theater. On the other hand, Green Day seems to be going further and further away from their roots. On the other hand, I'm not sure that I care if they go away from their roots. On the other hand, I'm not sure that I care enough to form an opinion about this at all.
6. I cannot wait until that "When In Rome" movie is out of theaters so that I will STOP SEEING KRISTIN BELL AND MR. FERGIE PROMOTING IT. Also, was he high or something? He was not doing well with that teleprompter.
7. Taylor Swift's acceptance was super cute. I'm glad she won and accepted that "impossible dream." That was touching as fuck, and she looked fabulous.
8. Who knew Simon Baker was Australian? That makes him SO MUCH HOTTER.
9. Beyonce is fabulous and I will never stop loving her. I loved when she grabbed her crotch at "better man", her Alanis cover was great, it's fantastic that she has a girl drummer, and the bitch has great legs. Plus, that song gets me every time; it's one I listen to on repeat when I'm feeling soulful. It happens from time to time. Also LOVE that she's married to Jay Z. He was so cute when he clapped for her performance.
10. When did Pink decide to do every performance in the air? I mean, it was pretty and everything. And fucking impressive. It's just a very odd gimmick. Plus it's BOLD that she does it basically naked. I'm liking how strong women in music are right now - I mean, even Katy Perry and Taylor Swift, totally poppy as they are, are in control of themselves in a way that I don't think people like Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson ever were. So many strong ass bitches in popular music right now, and I LOVE IT.
11. I sort of like Miley Cyrus now. It really started when she dropped her Twitter, and continued when I heard about an interview she did where they asked her about "Party in the U.S.A." (which, for the record, I hate) and they asked what song she was thinking about when she wrote the line "The Jay Z song was on" and she basically said, "Dude, I didn't write that fucking song, I don't listen to pop music or Jay Z, I have no idea what that was about." Obviously this is not an exact quote, but the attitude I get from it is kind of the same as I got from the erasing Twitter move - she's not thrilled with being the pop star anymore, and she's starting to do things her own way when she can. I like it, Milers.
12. I really like that "I'ma Be" song and I LOVE Fergie, but I think Will.I.Am takes himself waaaaay too seriously (if you don't believe me, take a look at his NAME) and I'm confused as to what the other two members of the Black Eyed Peas actually do. As far as I can tell, the terrifying American Indian looking guy is there to look scary (it's the ridiculous cheek bones) and I kind of forget the other one is there. Fergie luv 4evr. (More strong women…)
13. I like middle Jonas' haircut and glasses.
14. Who is this Lady Antebellum band and why did nobody tell me about them before? I liked that performance.
15.That man who introduced the Best Comedy Album with Kayley Cuoko has a hot accent. Also Kathy Griffin should've won that shit.
16. I FUCKING LOVE RINGO. I like Norah Jones too but I LOVE RINGO. ("I hated the Philippines.")
17. I think that Kings of Leon guy was the first person to thank God tonight.
18. Robert Downey Junior is cool as shit.
19. Wait, that "Blame It on the Alcohol" song is Jamie Foxx? I had no idea Ray Charles sang that song. I sorta like his outfit though.
20. Oh hey Doug E. Fresh! Also I didn't know what T Payne looked like. I think I sort of assumed he looked exactly like T.I. Probably because they have the same first name.
21. SLASH?
22. Ke$ha looks like a prostitute and Justin Beber is a pocket person.
23. Why is McVet at the Grammy's?
24. LOVE YOU TAY. She's not awesome live, though. I feel like she is always super tone-deaf live. Still, she could not be cuter.
25. Lionel Ritchie has won 4 Grammy's? The 80's must've been weird.
26. Why on earth do they assume that people just have 3D glasses at their house? This Michael Jackson performance is pissing me off. Also Jennifer Hudson needs to re-think those bangs.
27. THE JACKSON KIDS ARE ONSTAGE. THIS IS SO WEIRD. WHICH ONE IS BLANKET? THIS IS SO WEIRD. WHICH ONE WAS DANGLED OVER A BALCONY?? THIS IS SO WEIRD!!! Oh God, those poor kids. Those cannot be his bio kids. That's so weird. Those children have been covered in blankets up until a couple months ago, no wonder they can't speak in public. SO WEIRD.
28. I don't care about Bon Jovi. Why are they pushing this vote on the song thing? Fast forward, TiVo.
29. Mos Def should enunciate.
30. Mm I LOVE the version of "Ego" with Kanye. But I like Rihanna and Jay Z too. And that kid they brought to the microphone is CUTE. He should announce all the rest of the awards!
31. Fast forward through Mary J. Blige, fast forward through old white guy talking, definitely watching Adam Sandler. Definitely watching Dave Matthews Band. Fantastic performance. Also, I loved him on that one episode of "House."
32. Ricky Martin and Lea Michele together? Gay man's wet dream like fuck. SHE'S GORGEOUS.
33. Beyonce's dress is made of beer tabs. That child sitting next to Jay Z is a STAR.
34. I love that his name legitimately stands for "Ladies Love" Cool J. We do, we do.
35. Fast forward fast forward fast forward - Quentin Tarantino? Popped collar? What is going on in front of me?
36. Hahaha Travis Barker is playing with Eminem and Lil Wayne? And they were intro'd by Quentin Tarantino? Whoever planned this is a GENIUS. Also I kind of like this song. And I like the shameless self-promotion that's happening on Lil Wayne's shirt. "Listen to Lil Wayne." Subtle!
37. Why do I love Eminem so much? I feel like this goes back to like 7th grade. But I do. I DO.
38. God these guys love grabbing their crotches. I don't know who Drake is. But I like that Jamie Foxx is singing in the audience.
39. OH MY GOD THEY'RE HUGGING. THEY'RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS!
40. Beyonce is the prom queen of the music world. In the best way possible.
41. Why did Taylor Swift win Album of the Year? I love the girl, I think she's talented, but 1. I preferred her first album (it was much less poppy) and 2. She was up against LADY GAGA. And Dave Matthews. And Beyonce. And even the Black Eyed Peas! Come on. Still super sweet and super cute, and adorably grateful, but I don't know that I agree that she should've won.

And that's the end of the night, my friends. I liked most of the performances, and definitely all the ones I watched all the way through (I got tired at the end. Sorry.) and I guess I agree with most of the winners. Now I'm going to go have pleasant dreams about the middle Jonas' new haircut and that one guy with the Spanish accent. I hope you do, too.

Our Mission to See Lady Gaga In Concert

2010-01-26T08:01:00.000-08:00

... continues tonight. Stay tuned.

Feminine Friday Farewell

2010-01-24T23:37:00.000-08:00

For today's Feminine Friday we have a sad little note. Jean Simmons (not the Kiss guy) passed away at the age of 80 to lung cancer in her home Friday. She was one of those actresses who was in classic movie after classic movie, but to me she'll always be kissing Sky Masterson (Marlon Brando) in Guys and Dolls. I watched that movie I don't know how many times in 8th grade and it's still one of my favorite musicals, and still the only Brando movie I've ever seen. Farewell, Sarah Brown, I'm sure you'll continue to be a ringing bell in Heaven.

Below is a clip of Sky and Sarah serenading each other - and under that a bonus clip of Nathan (Frank Fucking Sinatra) and Adelaide (Viviane Blaine)! I love this movie. Go rent it, in Jean's honor.

I'm Attracted, and That Makes Me Uncomfortable

2010-01-24T22:27:00.001-08:00

So good Masculine Monday morning to everyone. The above picture is the reason for my being turned on and simultaneously creeped out. So I'm a big, big fan of Christopher Walken, because he is an incredible actor and, furthermore, he's fuckin nuts. I have not, however, ever had a crush on him because, well, it's Christopher Walken - he's, you know, a little on the creepy side. But then Joogly Bear pointed me to this really... (write it!) hot picture of him from DListed. We're basically in agreement: he was definitely very very attractive, but that also makes us very very uncomfortable because while he looks very different he also looks EXACTLY THE SAME.

And to show you why I am not attracted to him as he is now but why I still love him with all my heart, here he is doing a dramatic reading of Lady Gaga's "Pokerface."

Viral Video Vendsday.

2010-01-21T09:05:00.000-08:00

So Massachusetts just elected some new senator that's a Republican. Now the Democrats don't have the SUPER majority. Still a majority, just not the super kind. I acknowledge all the hard work Ted Kennedy did during his time in senate. But just because the Democrats don't have the Super Majority doesn't mean healthcare still can't change. Do I want it to change? On principle, yes, nationalized healthcare is a good thing. But in reality, I can see why it is so difficult. But it doesn't help when idiots like this are allowed to voice their opinion. We only need free speech if your speech is the same is my speech, ya dig?

Also, let's talk about the new Republican senator Scott Brown's centerfold spread in Cosmo magazine in 1982. He apparently won the title of "America's Sexiest Man." Gross. But my point is, WHAT A HUGE FUCKING DOUBLE STANDARD. If this were a female coyly hiding her balls behind a limp wrist, people would be calling her a slut and shaming her name all over the media. But all Senator Brown gets are blushing cheeks and praise for how confident he is. This article on Jezebel really spells it out. (Thanks for the tip MM.)

Rachel Maddow also talks about the lack of women politicos in the state of Massachusetts and different stereotypes the supposedly "liberal" state defied this week.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Garfield Was Right About Mondays

2010-01-18T15:56:00.000-08:00

So it's Masculine Monday and to be quite frank I'm not in the greatest mood today. No, I don't want to talk about it. But I realize that everyone gets in these funks and so for this MM I want to pay homage to two men (in a manner of speaking) who always make my day better in one way or another. One is an old friend, one is a new friend.

OLD FRIEND: J.J. ABRAMS

I know what you're thinking. "You only like him because he's Jewish!" No, that is only about 56% of why I like him. The other reasons I like him are because of LOST, one of my favorite TV shows ever which I am currently and obsessively re-watching in our attic while doing a Santa puzzle (SUPER NORMAL) and because of the new Star Trek movie, which I also have also been watching on repeat since I got it for Christmas (THANKS MOM!). I love that movie so much I watched the director's commentary - that's right, I did, and it was fucking fascinating. It was a whole bunch of tech guys talking about shaking the camera and what was on green screen and what was animated and I was RIVETED. Anyway, J.J.'s "writerly obsessions" (as my writing teacher Jenny Bagel referred to them), as far as I can tell from these pieces of fucking art, are 1. Sci-fi, particularly Time Travel (I went with obvious first) and 2. Outcasts, people who feel alone; people who are looking for a reason to matter. Well I like Sci-Fi and I like interesting characters, so J.J.'s ok with me.

NEW FRIEND: THE T-REX FROM QWANTZ: DINOSAUR COMICS!

I am currently reading the entire Qwantz archives. It's a great project. I always like finding comics that prove that some people out there have just as fucking weird a sense of humor as I do. This T-Rex is hilarious. The comics are always in the same format - like, the same pictures every day, but with different words - and the T-Rex's expressions are always hilarious. It always seems like he's yelling the final panel, and I'm a generally loud person so I find that yelling something can make it even funnier than speaking something does. Also, when you mouse over the comic itself, a little box of text pops up that makes the comic even MORE amusing because it's just the author saying something self-referential and his self-reference is usually pretty spot-on. I'm currently on comic 153 and only have about a bajillion left to get through. If you follow us on Facebook, I'm sure you'll see some of them in our album in the near future.

Anyway, if you're having a bad day, take part in one of our two MM's work, it'll make you feel better. If you're having a good day, go fuck yourself. "I'M HOSTILE TODAY" yelled the Katiesaurus Rex.

Hey Females. Take Care of Yourself!

2010-01-15T16:23:00.000-08:00

So this was supposed to be an AMAZING POST-GAGA Feminine Friday. Yes, you read correctly. Katie Dee and myself, along with J Bear and our other friend Lil Sof Sof, bought tickets on eBay to go see The Monster Ball at Purdue University. I was ready to share my religious experience, to express how I was a changed woman, and to praise the brilliance that is The Lady.

Well, the bitch canceled on us. We drove 5 1/2 hours, got lost about 5,000 times, had Google Maps drop us off in the middle of a corn field to find our spirit guide to lead us the rest of the way, saw Jason DeRulo, and at 7:30 (showtime) to a packed house, a man comes out on stage with this HUGE cop and "regrets to inform us that the paramedics have advised Lady GaGa not to perform tonight." Like any respectable Big 10 college audience should do, we started the "BULL SHIT" chant. We kept telling ourselves this has got to be the prelude to the most amazing opening ever. This is part of the show. He kept regretfully informing us of things and that all of our tickets would be valid for a rescheduling of the show on Tuesday, January 26th.

I was numb with shock. Sometime in the near future I'm sure this is going to be a good story. For instance, that I've seen Lady GaGa twice. But for now, it just really fucking sucks.

Everyone is talking about how great she was on Oprah. I didn't see it. Because I was busy speeding down I-74 in a disappointed rage. She cancelled her last Chicago show due to exhaustion. Bitch needs to take care of herself. I hope she's ok, but I mean, if her heart didn't stop for at least 4 seconds, I'm blackballing this "exhaustion."

I think TFLN put it best: "(812) Even Lady GaGa hates Purdue."

An example of the map we were following:

Where it lead us:

Side Note: Stay tuned for more GaGa, however. We're going to try and make it back to Indiana (the ugliest state in America) on the 26th to see this show.

Update: Ok. So I just went and checked Lady GaGa's twitter page... I feel bad for the girl. I want her to get better and do amazing things. She's changing pop music. She's such an outspoken member of the queer community. I just. I'm so disappointed. I can't believe this happened. I just. I can't. UGH. Read the tweets below.

"I've been crying for hours, I feel like I let my fans down 2nite. An hour before the show, I was feeling dizzy and having trouble breathing"

"Paramedics came to take care of me, and told me my heart-rate was irregular-- a result of exhaustion and dehydration."

"can't apologize enough for how sorry I am. I could hear my fans cheering from my dressing room, I begged everyone to let me go onstage."

"My stage has complicated mechanical elements,everyone was concerned I'd be in danger during the 2hr show, since I had passed out earlier."

"I am so devastated. I have performed with the flu, a cold, strep throat: I would never cancel a show just based on discomfort."

"I hope you can forgive me. I love my little monsters more than anything, you are everything to me. I will make-up the performance on Jan 26."

SECOND UPDATE: I HAVE SUCH MIXED FEELINGS!!! Chicago-Sun Times Headline reads: Lady GaGa ok for Oprah, but not for Indiana.

Survivor of Splinching, Hermione Granger Takes Teaching Position at Inner-City School

2010-01-13T16:36:00.000-08:00

This Wednesday's video is thanks to my roommate J Bear, who obviously knows me extremely well, and who showed me this preview for the should-be-made movie, Dangerous Wands. It stars a whole bunch of people who are not in Harry Potter. I cannot stress enough how badly I want this to be a real movie. Please, if anyone has the power, make it happen.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Rap it with me: Wingardium - Leviosa - Wingardium - Leviosa!

But it Does...

2010-01-12T15:53:00.000-08:00

Alright ladies and that other gender I refuse to acknowledge on the internet, the webseries Anyone But Me that I blogged about in August is back for season 2! Now, today they ~~aired~~ ~~streamed~~ premiered episode 3 and it's taken me this long to blog about the premiere because I was unfortunately underwhelmed by the first 2 episodes. I'm sorry ladies, but I didn't want to badmouth you since we're linked to your press page (we're famous). I mean, the first episodes were a little sketchy. ENOUGH with crazy lesbian fantasies. JENNY SCHECTER IS DEAD. We still don't know by whose hand, mind you, but she's dead. I'm over it. Next thing you know there will be an Anyone But Me reality show.

But episode 3, "Identity Crisis," redeemed everything for me and made me excited for the rest of the season. On to the positives, people!

1. Acting: Upgrade.
2. Production quality: Upgrade.
3. Streaming Free on Hulu.com: Upgrade.
4. Storylines: Upgrade.

Watch the episode via point 3 and you can just see for yourself points 1 and 2. Now to address point 4. The storyline in "Identity Crisis" revolves around Vivian and her childhood friend, Sophie, who just found out she was gay. I won't give away how, because I want you to watch the series. What was so great about this particular episode and what reinvigorated my faith in the series is that it did what it does best and took a very real, often overlooked aspect of teen life and chose to tell that story instead of the omg gay characters! omg black kids in suburbia! omg at some point not even the hot cheerleader fits in! bullshit story lines that I am so tired of seeing told over and over again. It viewed Vivian's coming out through the eyes of Sophie. I've never even thought about coming out in terms of a straight peer. Of it being awkward for them. As an out lesbian, I come out over and over again to different people almost on a daily basis. Believe me, it gets old. Vivian makes that clear and then tells Sophie that it "doesn't change who I am." Sophie brilliantly retorts with "but it does." And I guess it does.

Shame on me for not thinking about the act of coming out this way, but good on you for pointing it out? I'm going to answer my own poorly structured question and say yes. Because I guess it does, in fact, change who you are. I mean all of a sudden just because a person comes out as gay if they before hadn't really enjoyed mustard but then all of a sudden they love it isn't really what I'm talking about. But I think coming out to a peer, or a person of the post-9/11 generation that this web series focuses on, isn't about telling them "hey, I'm what the society major views as a sexual deviant." We're over that. But it's implying a different world view that requires a different set of rules in order to exist and navigate. Viewing the world through queer eyes versus straight eyes is a completely different experience. I get shit all the time for queering everything; however, for me, it's never a stretch. It's my first go-to facet of my argument and is what I naturally see, and how I naturally feel and it is always really difficult for me to understand how other people don't see how incredibly gay the whole entire world is. This is what I think happens when Sophie suggests Vivian put up Twilight (ick) posters in her room and then Aster suggests putting up P!nk posters (yay). Interests are different, the appeal of certain things are different, explanations are different. Sophie says she doesn't have a problem with Vivian's homosexuality and I honestly believe her. I think Sophie is just experiencing gay culture clash. And it's this culture clash that I've never really taken into account when I have to come out to a straight peer. I never realized that, even for a fleeting second, they ask themselves "What is ok or not ok for me to talk about now?"

The acting in this episode really gets my point across much clearer and it's this improvement in the acting that I love so much. Season 1 was great because there were teen lesbians being portrayed as people and not as suicidal depressives. And my goodness that Nicole Pacent (Aster) is one attractive girl. Also, Rachael Hip-Flores (Vivian) and I are real friends. And by real friends I mean twitter friends who I often get @ replies from that support me listening to Ani Difranco over and over again. What else do I need in a friendship? NOTHING.

It'd be really great if this show took the Exes and Oh's fast track from it's original form as a short film to a commercial length cable television series. I wouldn't mind watching the whole ABM story unfold over again during a 30 minute period with regular commercial breaks just to get more of these characters.

Also, I'd like to thank Tina Cesa Ward and Susan Miller for keeping this series free. Since the end of The L Word, lesbian media is nowhere to be found, unless you want them in scrubs. I used to watch We Have to Stop Now, starring Cathy Debuono, Jill Bennett, and Suzanne Westenhoffer. Those are some big names in the lesbian entertainment world. They also apparently like to make money. The series now requires a $25 subscription to watch. I'm sorry. I have to pay rent.

In conclusion, I like this webseries.

Sidenote: I also really like how all of the characters are good at something. Archibald draws, Elisabeth wants to act, Sophie (and Vivian) are into journalism, Jonathan is an athlete, and Aster is just so comfortable in her own skin I don't even know if she has a talent besides her confidence.

Still Monday on the West Coast. Barely.

2010-01-11T23:56:00.000-08:00

I was already planning to do the Taylor Lautner post, but earlier today I reminded myself of my love for this other M Squared. So I returned from Christmas break yesterday and today one of my first orders of business was to go to my favorite falafel restaurant. Upon receiving my falafel, I responded with a satisfied growl that, when I heard it come out of my mouth, reminded me of one of my sitcom favorites: Tim the Tool Man Taylor. Et voila, I decided Tim Allen would be my second macho macho man who I would pay tribute to.

Tim Allen is most famous (according to me) for three roles: Tim the Tool Man Taylor, Buzz Lightyear, and Santa Claus (ONLY THE FIRST MOVIE. IT IS A CLASSIC.). They are pictured beneath. In his honor, please do an impression of one of these characters now. My love for him goes to infinity… and beyond!

It's Still Monday in California

2010-01-11T23:28:00.000-08:00

My first Masculine Monday post is dedicated to my sister, and will double as my way-after-the-fact review of New Moon.

Our first M Squared is Taylor Lautner, who recently broke up with Taylor Swift and who (sources say) will in the next few years become my brother-in-law. Welcome to the family, Tay. And here are a few reasons why he's welcome to the family:
1. Arms

2. Smile

3. General boyish charm

4. Seriously, just look at him

5. No really, look at how he's holding that football

6. He knows Robert Pattinson and presumably can introduce me

7. Same for Kellan Lutz (also I find this picture oddly hot. But then I'm strange.)

I mean, does Taylor look a little cheesy in some of these pics? Yeah, sure. Am I doubting his taste in women after he dated Selena Gomez? Of course, but I still love Zefron even though he's dating the disgusting V Hudge. Is he the greatest actor? I'm honestly not sure, because there's a lot about the movies that can be blamed on bad writing, but I mean, sure, he's fine. I thought the SNL skit where he was a Team Edward fan was semi-amusing, and I was very impressed with his ninja moves where he decapitated Kanye in the intro/monologue thing. So really I guess my stance on his "skill" level is that we'll have to wait until he does real movies to see how the acting progresses.

And that's my seamless way of moving into talking about New Moon: it was exactly what I expected. My opinion is generally the same as it was for the first one - the protagonists are very nice to look at, the movie is better than the book because the book is poorly written, and I still like stories about vampires because they remind me of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (three cheers for Joss Whedon). If you like fairly predictable stories with a couple interesting ideas, or particularly if you like hot guys running around shirtless, you should probably see this movie. Personally this isn't something I'd ever drag a guy to, but hey, I'm fucking nice.

The Very First Feminine-Friday-On-Saturday-Sorry-Can't-Even-Keep-Up-With-Our-Own-Schedule Post

2010-01-09T16:05:00.000-08:00

Greetings Earthlings. (That has no context in this post, I just wanted to great you for what you are.)

Also, forgive me readers, for I have sinned. I did not stick to our New Year's resolution schedule and slacked major hard on Feminine Friday. But alas, here it is.

Let's view the subject under discussion:Now, I know I've said I don't care about The Gosselins as a family and I still don't. But Kate Gosselin's hair is a completely different Situation. Let's be real. She's quoted in this People Magazine article that: "It’s good to have hair again, I never thought I’d have short hair for as long as I did. I feel like this is a fresh start, a fresh me, a fresh life … I’ve got it. I am now Kate Clean Slate." DID THIS BITCH ALREADY RE-MARRY SOME OTHER AWKWARDLY MIXED RACE PERSON? Who is this "Clean Slate" character? Is it some code name for her body guard?

I find this Tabula Rasa Kate insanely annoying because not only am I over their failed, broken ~~marriage~~ TV show, the way she takes on this transformation is by changing her fucking hair. Since Kate Gosselin's hair is already a publicity stunt, it's unfortunate that "A New Woman" version of Kate is one with just an extreme reverse version of her previous haircut. YAWN. It's oddly short in the front, compared to the insanely long back, reverse of the signature Gosselin. Don't even get me started on those cheap ass extensions. Not original and still not cute. This will last for about a week. It's not like she pulled off a B-spears and really Tabula Rasa'd that shit up and went bald.

And just for old time's sake: Jon and Kate Plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show)!

Hogwarts Student in Tragic Accident

2010-01-07T11:58:00.001-08:00

Burbery caught a tragedy on film recently. Hermione Granger was apparently late for a modeling job and, while Apparating into the photo shoot, she fucking splinched herself real fucking badly. It wasn't just half an eyebrow like Ron in book 6; no, she actually lost most of her right leg from the thigh down. She was rushed to St. Mungo's, and the missing part of her limb is being tracked down as we speak. She is pictured above, clearly choking back tears, holding on for balance to the boy in the shoot, who is the brother of someone named "Emma Watson," though I'm not entirely sure who that is. The Weasley family and Harry Potter have all visited her in the hospital, and reports are that Ron and Harry are refusing to leave her side. Her Muggle parents have not yet been informed of the accident, because they're just dentists and they would freak the fuck out.

Well done, Burbery Photoshop guys. Gotta trim the fat off those legs. Bipedalism is so 2009.

Drunken Reversing Box-Headed Cat.

2010-01-06T16:11:00.000-08:00

It's still Wednesday so...

The fake pity in this man's voice and the subsequent blame on the cat makes this video so worth watching the whole thing. We all know that that giggling woman behind the camera is responsible for this humiliation. A cat would never get itself into such a stupid situation.

Viral Video Wednesday!

2010-01-06T09:03:00.000-08:00

Here's to our first of what we hope to be regular posts on Viral Video Wednesday!

I found this video on a best-of list and not only is it really fun, they actually did some good with it. Oh, the powers of Youtube. The wedding procession of Kevin and Jill danced down the aisle to Chris Brown's "Forever," and in light of his recent heinous transgressions, they asked that people make donations to the Sheila Wellstone Institute. If you're still interested, you can visit their website.

Sidenote: This wedding party is HUGE. I mean, I think the first two guys were ushers. but MY GOD, have more people in your wedding.

Dyxieland's Plan for a New Year

2010-01-05T11:33:00.000-08:00

In order to have the blog be updated at a more regular pace, we've come up with a sort of schedule. We're posting it here to make ourselves more accountable. When Katie D sees this, she'll probably edit it with her ideas as well. So let's start the new year off right together.

1. We've created Masculine Monday. This is sort of Katie D's day to talk about men. Sexy men, annoying men, smart men, cool men, gay men, straight men. And if I have any ideas I can write about those things too, but this is more her day.

2. My day is Feminine Friday. This is where I can talk about the same things. Sexy women, annoying women, smart women, cool women, gay women, straight women, feminism. That sort of thing. And again, if Katie D has any ideas, she can write about those things on this day as well.

3. Viral Video Wednesday. We're going to start posting videos that we like off the internet (because that's where we live) every Wednesday. Maybe even some Vlogging might occur. Who knows? The possibilities are endless because if you shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars. (Side note from Katie D.: I have always thought this was a stupid phrase. There are no stars between earth and the moon. Therefore, you will not land among the stars. You'll probably just end up orbiting the earth. This is nothing against CK, of course, because she didn't make it up, but I just wanted to express my incredible frustration at whoever the fuck came up with this saying.)(Side Note from CK: Did the sarcasm not translate well? I'm still trying to perfect that. My blubbering, spacey, can't connect step 1 and step 5 mind sometimes doesn't realize we don't share a brain. I almost typed "brian.")(Side note from Katie D.: Oh, I knew you were being sarcastic. I just wanted to state my vehement loathing for that phrase.)

4. We're going to continue with our "Obsessive Much" and "WTF Happened to...?" threads. Obviously. Because those are awesome.

Now, on to things we've failed to cover. Frankly, I stopped writing about Jon and Kate plus 8 (minus Maddy equals better show) because I don't give a damn. Those poor kids. All 8 of them. Even Maddy. They are no longer protected by anything. Everything is raw. The transparency of that family is insane. It wasn't presented with any buffer, just as reality. When that happens, your perception of your actual reality and the producer's perception of the reality they've created for good television blurs and nothing is real anymore. Balloon Boy and his fucked up parents and family fall under the same category. Also, Tiger Woods is a douche bag. How did he hide 14 women? Why did he choose washed up reality stars? Is this why he hasn't been playing golf lately? Again, I don't care.

Katie D? Anything else we need to atone for?

Katie D. - I'm gonna go ahead and agree on the "I don't care about Tiger Woods, Balloon Boy, or the Gosselins" line of thinking. Other things I don't care about: anyone who has ever been on The Hills/those other shows that are associated with The Hills; any other sports player who does something scandalous; the Obama party crashers; 90210 or Gossip Girl; Brangelina (I think even Jennifer Aniston is over it. Why won't the rest of the world move on?); the Kardashians, Girls Next Door, or those Gotti people (still not sure who they are) - generally, any show on E! that is not The Soup or Chelsea Lately; and pretty much everything on MTV (EXCEPT JERSEY SHORE, THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO TELEVISION). So I atone for none of that. BUT if I'm going to atone for something it would be generally not posting much, especially about stuff I'm actually interested in - Health Care, the new Twilight movie (yes, I still have strong opinions about that stuff), John Mayer and his new CD - so I'm planning to post a whole lot in the next couple weeks, covering the stuff I just talked about as well as other things, to make up for not writing much. So to start things off well, here's something I really, really care about: the Geico Pothole Commercial.

I particularly like that it has a southern accent; makes me think of home. It always amazes me just how much stuff people actually take the time to put on YouTube - I mean, who found that video and uploaded it? - but I am so, so glad that they did.

I am also officially looking forward to our gendered days of the week, because I love nothing more than talking about people who I find interesting. This doesn't mean anyone else will find them interesting (this is your warning) BUT you will definitely, definitely learn.

Also, I know we missed our anniversary, but we're a little more than a year old now (Happy Birthday, Dorothy Anne the Dyxieland Cowgirl!) and I just want to say thanks very much to our readers. This is clearly not a particularly serious blog, but that doesn't mean we don't care about it, and we appreciate you coming back to read our stuff, ridiculous though it often is.

Chatty Kathy's Most Listened to Songs of 2009

2010-01-04T18:41:00.000-08:00

So I had this fabulous idea for an end-of-the-year-countdown-post. I made a smart playlist in my iTunes to quickly sort my top listened to songs of 2009. I was hoping to get some that were released in 2009 and ones that you hadn't heard of so that I could show you how much cooler I am than you. Well, it backfired. Because the majority of the songs that Chatty Kathy listened to are embarrassing as fuck. So, for you, and at the urging of Katie D's conniving, vindictive, wicked words, here are Chatty Kathy's top 20 most listened to songs of 2009. I did 20 because this is the only "best of"-esque list we have. Double your pleasure, double your fun, ya know?

1. Somebody to Love-- Glee Cast. Play Count? 249. Reason? We left my iPod on overnight after we had some people over for a calm gathering that did not involve alcohol or the inevitable making of grilled cheese sandwiches (with tomato) or ordering of pizza. Without this incident, the play count would probably be around 200.

2. Walking on Broken Glass-- Annie Lennox. Play Count? 172. Reason? ANNIE FUCKING LENNOX.

I Put up a live version because I hate playing "Spot Doctor House" in the terribly drab actual music video.

3. Umbrella-- Rihanna. Play Count? 111. Reason? Ella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh.

4. Don't Stop the Music-- Rhianna. Play Count? 111. Reason? Nobody knows she sampled Michael Jackson for this song.

5. Distrubia-- Rihanna. Play Count? 107. Reason? BOM BOM BEDOM BOM BOM BEDOM DOM

6. Paper Planes-- M.I.A. Play Count? 46. Reason? Did you see this pregnant bitch perform at the Grammy's wit dem thugz?

7. Just Dance-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 44. Reason? This was when I was still closeted about my love for The Lady.

8. Starch & Carbohydrates-- Rosa. Play Count? 44. Reason? OMG! A band you probably haven't heard of? My indie-kid street cred is still intact!! This is a small band from Houston, TX (Da 281. Da place I'm from.) they put out one record in 2003 (I, Mississippi, You) and then broke up. It's a little country, punk, acoustic, folk tune. There's only one website that mentions them, and other than that it's a fan myspace. Hit them up on iTunes.

9. I Kissed a Girl-- Katy Perry. Play Count? 44. Reason? Trashy, exploitive, mainstream lesbianism that encourages more straight girls to drunkenly make-out with other straight girls that may give me a chance to maybe get in on the action? YES PLEASE.

My thoughts, exactly, Ellen.

10. Those Anarcho Punks are Mysterious...-- Against Me! Play Count? 38. Reason? Reminds me of a friend.

11. Lovegame-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 38. Reason? I don't have one.

12. Eh Eh (Nothing Else I can Say)-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 38. Reason? Cherry Cherry Boom Boom...

13. Beatiful Dirty Rich-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 37. Reason? ...

14. Poker Face-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 37. Reason? How do you wake Lady GaGa up? You Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pokerface.

15.Boys Boys Boys-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 37. Reason? I pretend I'm a drag queen.

16. Everybody-- Ingrid Michaelson. Play Count? 36. Reason? Finally, some legitimacy to this list. This is from Michaelson's new Album that she independently released (as always) called, well, "Everybody." It's got a studio version of "The Chain." I wish that song had made this list.

17. The Fame-- Lady GaGa. Play Count? 36. Reason? We're doing it for the Fame (Fame) I want to LIVE FOREVER!!!!

18. Cavelier Eternal-- Against Me! Play Count? 35. Reason? Reminds me of that same friend.

19. Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger-- Daft Punk. Play Count? 35. Reason? Kanye never upgrades anything.

20. Fell in Love with a Boy--Joss Stone. Play Count? 35. Reason? This song puts me right into the French Quarter in New Orleans where I am magically really thin and really hot and really genderqueer with this really raspy voice and this guy backing me on drums. I don't even know if he plays drums, but I want to play the guitar and match my voice to those bends in the chorus. Don't judge me.

So there it is. The most embarassing, most listened to list of 2009. It's really just embarassing because it reveals how many times I listened to Lady GaGa's The Fame Album and that I'm really quite obsessive.

Here's something slowly making it's way into my most played. It's started my 2010 off right, that's for sure.

Obsessive Much? Shrink Talk and Love on Wheelz

2010-01-04T17:48:00.000-08:00

Ok so more than a few of you may have heard of Tucker Max, well known (and self-proclaimed) asshole, rich kid, and writer. Actually, I personally find him pretty funny, or at least I like his writing. (The movie, not so much, but that's not the point of this post.) Anyway, so he has his site and along with that his company, Rudius Media, owned/sponsored several other blogs by various interesting people, most of which I checked out at one point or another and two of which I actually love very much - Shrink Talk and Love on Wheelz. Then Rudius Media died. These two really solid blogs, though, survived on their own, but now have much much less automatic readership than they used to because they're not listed under Tucker's list of friends on his site, which I'm sure has a shit ton (technical term) of visitors every day. Well I'm selfish and I don't want these blogs to go under, so if any of Chatty Kathy's and my readers want to check out some really interesting stuff on both their blogs, I would appreciate it (and so would they). I've read every post both of these guys has ever done, and I plan to continue to do the same (I told you I have obsessive tendencies - but only with good stuff.) Here's what they're all about.

Love on Wheelz - Raul is a kid (and by "kid" I mean "my age") who has Muscular Dystrophy, which makes it so that he has to use a wheel chair to get around and he also has a lot of other medical issues, so he needs a nurse a lot of the time and generally doesn't live the same type of life that most of us take for granted. Not that he asks for pity; in fact, he'd probably be really pissed off if you pitied him. He's funny, he's a good writer, and he has a really interesting perspective. Honestly I just like the guy and I like reading what he has to say. He's really honest and seems to have a really great grasp on his feelings and his goals, all of which I find refreshing. Definitely worth a read. http://loveonwheelz.net/

Shrink Talk - This is probably my new favorite blog. It's written by Dr. Rob Dobrenski, who is brilliant. And here's what's brilliant about him: he's flawed, he doesn't always have the answers to his own problems, and he is really hard on himself - but all this is inserted into his posts which are consistently educational and… buoying. In other words, he's saying really great stuff, giving really good advice, and not ruining it by pretending to be flawless and omniscient. His main point, I think, is that we're all "flawed and neurotic," (INCLUDING SHRINKS) and that's ok, and once we can accept that about ourselves and about others we can start moving towards being psychologically healthy. I don't have a shrink, and I don't know if I ever could now because I'm afraid they wouldn't live up to my standards, as set by Dr. Rob. I read the site religiously. It never fails to make me feel better, and to make me re-evaluate things, in a positive way. He's got a book coming out, and I want him to have as much success as possible if it means that I get to read more of his advice. Please check out the site. http://shrinktalk.net/

Seriously, they're both excellent, and they deserve all the publicity they can get, even from our dumbass little blog. Obviously I've got links to both of them, but I also linked them on the side in case you come back in months and are like "what was that psychology thing she talked about in that one post?" (I'm thinking wishfully). Now go learn.

Glee Rant

2010-01-04T16:34:00.000-08:00

This is your warning: if you are a die-hard Glee fan, you may be pissed at this post. Happy New Year.

Ok so here's the thing about Glee - I loved it. When the pilot came out in May, I thought it was the most incredibly unique, brilliant, talent packed show of the season - I watched the pilot itself five times. When it came back on in the fall, we (of course) Tivo'd every episode, all of which I watched more than once (and the musical scenes even more). I even made a list, tentatively to go on the blog, about the "Top 11 Reasons I Am In Love with Glee," which I've posted here:

"TOP 11 REASONS I AM IN LOVE WITH GLEE:

11. The background music. I know it's a small thing, but it sets the mood for the show so much.
10. Vocal Adrenaline. Yes, I realize that they're the competition for the glorious New Directions Glee Club, but the two numbers we've seen from them have been impeccably choreographed and danced and had really interesting vocal arrangements. Don't tell me you don't love the partner work, because you know you fucking love the partner work.
9. Puck. YOWZA.
8. Any time Will Schuster sings. Or raps. Or dances.
7. Finn's awkwardness, and his short jeans (because he's poor! Such attention to detail!)
6. Emma. She is so cute, and so obsessive compulsive, and is the voice of reason on the show. She always talks Will into doing the right thing, but she's really messed up herself emotionally. For instance, she is a total germophobe, and is in love with a married man (I mean who can blame her? Schu is hot and his wife is craaaazy! But still, bad choice.) Plus, she is a hilarious guidance counselor. When talking to Rachel about bulemia: Rachel: "I guess I just don't have a gag reflex." Emma: "One day, when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift." How true. Then, later, "Rachel, bulemia is a very messy, serious disease," "messy" being the more important aspect of the disease. Hilarious.
5. Mercedes and her big girl voice, especially when she busted the fuckin windows out of Kurt's car (no, CK, I don't care if you don't like this song). She starts the season with an assertion of her Beyonce-ness ("I AIN'T no Kelly Rowland") and then proves it. She doesn't get too many solos, the first being in Showmance when she is the soul to Schuster's rap in "Gold Digger," but when she does she BRINGS IT.
4. Any time Sue Sylvester speaks. Jane Lynch deserves an Oscar. Yes, I know the Oscars are for movies.
3. Kurt Hummel and the football team dancing to Single Ladies.
2. Rachel Berry and the joy she clearly has every time she sings. Every time I replay "Don't Stop Believin'," I watch for the moment when she turns to Finn, absolute, pure happiness spread across her face, and sings to him about how "everybody wants a thrill." That's not acting, that's just Lea Michele being absolutely in love with what she's doing, and that's beautiful.
1. Every song they sing in practice, performance, tryouts, or as expressions of their teenage angst."

Ok, so I still believe everything in that list, but here's the thing - the show's gotten stagnant. It has. And that makes me very, very angry. Look, the show has all the potential in the world - it's an interesting idea, it's got a great cast, and it's got a bunch of good, solid characters who could potentially be taken in interesting directions. But the writers don't rely on what they have. They don't rely on their characters being interesting enough to drive the show; instead they use stupid, over-done, over-dramatic bullshit plot points that make people go "OHMYGAWD I NEED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!" rather than just letting the show move organically from one conflict to the next.

Example: Schuster was in a shitty marriage; Terry was already a fucking nut. And she was a nut who was actually pretty fun to watch. Then they had to go and make her pretend to be pregnant. Why? Who does that? Nobody - it's unrealistic, it doesn't give Schuster enough credit as a character, and frankly it's condescending to the audience. Why is it condescending to the audience? Because it says, "You, audience member, are not clever enough to watch Schuster go through some sort of realistic realization that he has fallen out of love with his wife, so we have to push it in your face that the marriage is doomed. Not only that, but we also know that you're not going to pay attention to the show unless things are exploding around you every four seconds, so we have to make the characters do something RiDiCuLoUss to make sure you keep watching. Oh, and we've set it up so that Emma and Schu will end up together at the end of the season, and because you are a stupid television viewer, you're not going to be satisfied if, like in real life, things don't end up with the guy you want with the girl you want, so we're going to cater to what we think you want and make them kiss at the end of the last episode of the season. Now sit quietly while we shock and amaze you."

Same thing for Quinn being pregnant. Same thing for Puck being the father. Same thing for Emma getting engaged to Ken, and him leaving her at the alter! This shit didn't need to happen! You know what? People are interesting. That's why we watch shows about them and read books about them and gossip about them all the time. The writers set up great characters, then didn't let them grow and learn - they forced them to stay one-dimensional. Don't agree? Then why, WHY do they keep learning the same lessons over, and over, and over again? Yes, in real life, sometimes we need to hear things more than once to make a real change. But they learn packaged, 7th Heaven, neatly wrapped up lessons in one episode, then learn them AGAIN the next episode and AGAIN the episode after that. Finn decided at the end of the PILOT that he was going to do football and Glee, because they both made him happy. What a fucking cool thing for him to do, and what an interesting way for that character to define himself. Except, oh wait, every other episode he decides AGAIN whether or not doing Glee is worth losing his reputation. Also, I don't believe that there is a single high school in the United States that is full of enough unimaginative dicks that there are consistently going to be groups of the same people (THE JOCKS) making other groups of people (THE GLEE KIDS) miserable over and over again without getting fucking tired of it. How many times can they have the same conversations about how the Jocks hate them, and how many times can the Jocks throw slushies in peoples' faces? Get a new bit. And how many times can Schu suspect Sue of something, and how many times can she plot against Glee club? And, by the way, how many times can people tell Rachel how much they hate her and only like her because of her voice? HAVEN'T WE GOTTEN OVER THAT YET? Treat your characters with respect, Glee writers. Don't make them repeat themselves ad nauseam, actions or words.

Ok. So all that being said, there are a few things that I found truly lovely in this season of Glee. For one thing, as CK wrote about before, the episode where Kurt comes out - particularly in that beautiful moment with Mercedes - was really well done. Similarly poignant, Sue's scene with her developmentally challenged sister was really great. I also liked the interaction between Artie and Tina. These little things make the show for me so much more than the over-blown dramatic twists, because they're grounded, and they allow the characters to be more than paper dolls strapped into one character trait. But even though these lovely moments do happen, they're 1. overshadowed by the drama, and 2. pretty much forgotten about as soon as the episode is over. It's like a different writer does every episode - no character learns any lessons that stick, and things that should be consistent episode to episode - lingering feelings from one character to another, stuff like that - are often ignored once they're brought up. Nothing builds from one episode to another.

But again, some of the quirks in the show - like (in the pilot) when Finn is walking and there is timpani music playing in the background, and then he walks in front of the timpani players? That's interesting and cool - really do make it worth watching. And while we're being complementary, the singing is great; "Don't Rain on My Parade" was just superb. Lea Michele deserves every bit of praise she gets. And I can never say enough good things about Jane Lynch.

Yes, I know TV isn't supposed to be realistic. I love TV, and I support it not being exactly like real life. But honestly, give me smart TV - don't just give me shit that you think will thrill and titillate me. Bring Glee back to where it was in the beginning, and build off what was, originally, a really solid foundation.

Oh and here are some of my favorite musical clips. I had to.

Yeah Mercedes, you bust those windows.

Joyful.

Will is HOT. Emma and Rachel's reactions are totally understandable.

Just remarkable. Personally I stop watching after "Don't Rain on My Parade" because, I mean, you can't beat it.